Thoughts that Cement Why I May Be Considered a B

1. do ugly people know they are ugly or do they think they look normal?

2. for real, why do Africans yell their phone conversations? you don't have to yell across the Atlantic, 'talk normal' in the phone.

3. i secretly think my dad sent me to this Ghanian wedding ("as a representative of the Ks of So.Fla") to catch somebody's eye. let it be known, i don't do straight off the plane.

4. i am so in love with the color purple now. can i let you in on a secret? the color of my bridesmaid dress? the one i was hemming and hawing about? yeah, i dig it. i got it on my nails (OPI*s 'planks. a lot') and i found a wisteria scarf. and i bought an eggplant colored dress from the G A P, and then a v-neck tee.

5. i can really go for some mango salsa right now. i think i will make some this morning and tear it up this evening.

6. this guy wanted to dance with me last night. sir, i won't dance with you and let me let you know why.

a) we're at a underground karaoke bar.

b) you have on a 'VIP' tag at said bar.

c) if i look closely, i really think you're wearing a linen 'fit'.

and this was NOT the man missing a front tooth! this was someone else!

Lastly,

Yesterday, i mentioned to someone that i hadn't gotten a perm since the beginning of april and that i may skip relaxers for the whole summer. whatever the case, i talked abt a product a mostly natural friend of mine uses* and you would NOT believe the heat i got! like, i really should've ignored the person but she got me on the wrong day at the wrong time and i went in on her!

first of all, she felt the need to let me know that #TeamNatural rules state you don't advocate a product unless you've used it yourself.

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*record scratch*

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*blink, blink*

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pause.

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hold the press.

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stop the bus, i want off.

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WAIT ONE FUTHERMUCKING MINUTE.

di-?

Did yo-?

DID YOU JUST START A SENTENCE WITH "THE TEAM NATURAL RULES...

BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH, TAKE AND HAVE ALLLLLLLLLLLL THE SEATS!

after i told her where she can put those raggedy ass rules made by i guess the Boss Queen and COO of Natural People (see: some random with a u-tube channel), SHE TRIED TO DEFEND HERSELF BY SAYING, "Well maybe not rules, but there are guidelines. You know how relaxed people know to wrap their hair at night? well, there are guidelines for natural people too."

*logs off*

*she's not transitioning on purpose, she just has been working the flat iron and saw how east it was to be chemical free. it wasn't a CONSCIOUS decision, it was more a money/time crunch

hoe, siddown

i'm in a mood. send your thanks to the headache that slowly moves behind my eyes. and your neighborly early 20-something year old. they're all a bunch of hipsters.

early 20s suck.

you reeeeeeaaaally think you got it going on; you this bad bitch, thinking you got your head on your shoulders, you're so "fierce" and "fancy", got your lil degree and can't be told NOTHIN.

20s are a hazing, humbling decade. you start it off as this "rawr, hear me roar!" being and then you fade when you realize:

1. you're not invincible

2. you come a dime a dozen

3. God laughs at your well made plans

you know how many people want or need your job? how many people want or need that spot in grad school? you know how many people have that same dress, that same hairstyle? you know how many people knew about that artist BEFORE you?

YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN 20 BEFORE?

i feel like somebody's auntie when i say this but... calm down, chill out, slow down. no need to be the baddest, fiercest, most natural, most eccentric, the wittiest, cattiest, most anything. be yourself and everything will work out fine.

i think.

Surreal/So Real

if there's one thing I can say about 2011, it is a hell of a year. Literally starting from Day 1 when I was standing in below zero temperatures and having the time of my life in Denver to today, the past 6 months have been nothing less than eventful. But when I'd exclaim, "This can't be life!" it so really is.

january, i skipped the first two days of school to party and recoup in Denver. it was then I considered moving to a place colder than I've ever been. but ya'll know me, I want to move everywhere i visit.

february, things started getting fuzzy in my personal life. I moved out of the house and had two guy roommates. it was cool but when word got out I was living with two guys (and totally innocent BTW)...

march, I lost my fiancee and best friend in one fell swoop. we've been together half each other lives, since i was 14 and he was 15. do you know what that is like? to lose someone you love? i didn't want to die but i wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there for a very long time. every time i got sad, i wanted to call him but that wouldn't work cause i hurt him to his soul. i was stuck. school was getting tough b/c of the foolishness in administration. i was crying at the drop of a dime any and everywhere. as much as i tried to shield my children from my pain, I couldn't even do that and that in itself made me even more sad. I'd cry and their dispositions would change. their little hands would rub my back or write me notes in their journals. I still have them and will probably frame them. if i didn't have this class this year, who knows where i'd be. they are amazing children who I will never forget and love dearly.

also in march, i found my for real teacher voice. i stood up to the powers that be and honestly thought i would lose my job. i didn't, i got on her bad side, but i held my head high in the hallways and became that BITCH. I became the teacher who worked wonders with children who were deemed failures. i also became the teacher who was not the one to fuck with. no more taking backward compliments with a giggle, no more stopping what I was doing cause you think your task is more important. this school year deserves the title "Good Girl Gone Bad". No more smiling, no more fakeness. When a guy acts this way, he's assertive, he's a BOSS. When a woman acts this way, she's a B. I'll be that. The baddest one, too.

april, i moved back home *hangs head*. a friend of mine had a baby boy. my sister graduated from college. so many things about our family came out during this month... i've said it in much earlier posts; i really don't know who the good side is. i can only justify it by saying 'no man chooses evil because it is such, he only mistakes it for the good he seeks.'. not saying there are dastardly deeds going on but people aren't thinking, just doing and that doesn't work when a family is involved.

one of my oldest friends lets me know she's going thru a divorce, 6 months after her nuptials. she tells me the first 4 months were cool and after that, it became night and day. I couldn't wrap my mind around the beautiful wedding and the couple that dated for 5 years before finally wedding. then it hit me: that could've been me. I feel blessed that she shared something so painful and honestly quite embarassing with me. We talked, cried, and laughed over our eerily similar situations. She reassured me that i did the right thing by listening to my little voice. It's better to have an ex-fiance than an ex-husband. ain't that the truth.

may, i turned 29 and wish i could've just skipped to 30. my actual birthday was one of the less favorites... i shared it with mother's day and my sister's pageant. the next day was ruined by my overly concerned father. then the day after that was ruined by a sub at my school who got upset i decided not to take two days off. i get upset thinking about the big deal she made out of it...

it's been a year since my godfather passed and i wished he was here even more than ever with this past school year. his son, my godbrother is getting married in the DR. I was supposed to go with D but that pre-honeymoon wasn't going to happen. so weird telling godfamily why I can't make it. i'm still getting emails and text messages... i really thought i cancelled my MSWedding account but is see Desy dresses didn't get the memo and DB keeps reminding me my wedding is in less than 2 months so i need to get my dress NOW. *buries head in pillows, tosses phone against wall*

another friend of mine had a baby boy. two babies in 10 days. they don't even speak the other's name and they used to be tighter than might. it's weird holding one baby and wanting to talk abt the other.

june, school's out. hanging with a friend who's been dating a guy less than 6 months and they are already talking babies. Yes, he's that guy who La was talking about. They really do exist. He has names picked out for the boy and girl they are going to have. I hopped in the car and JR is telling him the important friends he's needs to know cause they'll be her bridesmaids... umm? i so missed a memo. more weddings are on deck for the year and I'm finally in a place where I can talk about them with true joy. i'm excited for my friends, i know that marriage is a beautiful thing, it's just not a beautiful thing for me right now and as of June 5, 2011, i'm deliciously okay with that.

Paranoid

this is what I'm feeling today. and when I say, "I'm feeling..." I mean if i could be in his head, I think this is what he'd say to me.

Terra Hades

it all started this morning. I had that familiar contraction feeling and looked at my biological clock app. It has NOT been 32 days, you have got to be kidding me. Grrrrr... whatever the case I also remembered the outfit Cardo picked out for me and was thinking how those pants would work today. I already wanted to veto either the top or the bottom but, it's a challenge, gotta take the good with the bad.

I showered, dressed, and hit the road. i left earlier than usual so the lights were in my favor. Cool, park in my spot and thought to tidy up a bit. If I take one thing out of the car, it will be that much cleaner. Let me take this sweet tea outta here. Reach for the cup and *SWOOOOOOSH!* SWEET FUTHERMUCKING TEA ALL OVER MY ABS AND DEFINITELY IN MY LAP!!! I can't believe this! I step out of the car in hopes some of the liquid will drain into the street and I know I hollered "Fcuk my futhermucking life!" (but the real words). This can't be life right now. Now i'm standing and looking at the sweet tea soak into the drivers seat... OMG, Not cool. Okay, calm down, you have a whole closet in your trunk. I pop the trunk and get a beach towel, some yoga pants and a white tee. I try and soak up some tea from my seat but realize my clothes aren't getting any drier. Leave the towel in the seat and head to campus. My feet are slipping and sliding in the patent leather wedges Cardo picked out. Gotta get out of these too, they def won't go with yoga pants.

I change, slip into my crocs, and the day begins. It's okaaaay aside from my-uterine-region-letting-me-know-it's-still-here-and-would-like-something-to-occupy-its time and me wearing-the-clothes-I-tease-other-teachers-about *sarcasm*... then I remember pre-k is coming to visit. OMG, I have to bring out totally different centers that are age appropriate! My children are reading and writing novels! They do puzzles of dinosaur scenes! let me find some ABC puzzles and two word sentence books for their visit *grumble, grumble*

As you can imagine, the babies coming in reminded me of the WORST time of the school year... I ALWAYS forget how they come to us!!! I ALWAYS for get that they have to learn how to do EVERYTHING!!! I ALWAYS forget they don't know how to read or write! They were in a center for 5 minutes and wanted to move onto the next thing, one started crying cause the group she was paired with didn't do to library center, another one was determined to do spiderman... LAAAAAWWWWDDDD!!!

They left and my uterus REALLY started showing it's ass! Normally, the out of controlness is every other month. I have one bout it ovary who spits out eggs I'm sure will be HELLIONS once they are fertilized and I have the other one who is cool. Not this time. Cool Side wanted to be rebellious. She wanted to let me know, "Hey! I'm not going to be ignored anymore! Take THAT!" *JUDO CHOP* "and THIS!" *KAH-RAH-TAY KICK* "annnnnnnnnd FINISH HERRRRRR!" *NON-STOP RAPID FIRE PUNCHES*

Yeah, I had to take a knee. Then two knees. Then I just fell over. Some child brought me a pillow and I was laid out on the reading rug. I was moaning, I was whimpering, I was trying to find a comfortable position. I got into the fetal position "Ms. K I can see your back tattoo!!" I laid on my back, "Ms. K, I can see your star tattoo!! My mommy has a tattoo on her stomach!" The 600 mg of advil I took an hour earlier meant NOTHIIIIING. I told the children they can go to any center they want to but I should've known better. PAN.DE.MO.NI.UM.I couldn't take it. magic school bus video kept them quiet for 20 mins as I writhed in pain and thought of how I could get home cause there are more symptoms to the monthly than just cramps and I HAD to be ONLY home for them!

Silent snack time, pack your bags, y'all are going to other teachers classrooms. Then a reading coach comes in the room and sees my suffering. She helps me to the clinic where I actually start to cry from pain. As the contractions subside, I realize it's getting closer and closer for me to be getting home. That feeling is not going away. She walks me to my car and my push start doesn't work. MY PUSH START DOESN'T WORK! I CAN'T START MY CAR TO GO HOME! I take the metal key out and realize I don't know where the physical ignition is!!! OMFG, I just want to go home before I make a mess :-( She didn't drive her car today so now we're back in the clinic trying to find someone to take me home. The science lab teacher is all about it. I hobble to her car and we getting home. I'm moaning and she really wants to take me to the hospital but I tell her I've been here and done this before, I just need to go home. Of course we catch all the lights and as we turn down a side street I beg her to stop and pull over. Anything that wasn't digested due to all the attention down below comes up. I wonder if I even chew my food based on what was now in the grass on the side of the road. No wonder my metabolism is so high, my body works HARD to digest food! *yes these are thoughts between heaves*

We sit and get some fresh air. I feel 50% better. I get home and hit the bathroom for the other symptom. Not awesome. I change into looser pants and a loose fitting tee and pass out in my brother's bedroom, dreaming of who I can get to knock me up and rid me of this monthly curse.

My Father is Dressing Me!

Check out the Record Dish for the fashion challenge post! Day 1 has begun!

Knock and the door shall be opened unto thee

Right now, at THIS very moment right here, I wish I was getting married this July. At this moment early on this Monday morning, I wish I have a shared bank account and someone to wake up to everyday. For the longest time, marriage seemed to be the stability I've been craving. In marriage, I won't be here, there, worrying about tomorrow, thinking about what I'm going to do with myself. In my head, marriage solved all that. Yes, I'm sure marriage came with its own set of issues that I don't know about but at least, you have someone to share them with; you don't have to tackle life alone...

Oh well, ask and ye shall receive.

Saturday with Sis

Sharlotte York, meet Avril Levign.


The world knows were 8 years apart but it still surprises me how different we are. Well, it doesn't but it's amazing how totally different from me she's growing up to be.

Yesterday, after a drama filled morning with Lyds, my sister and I spent the afternoon scouring the internets for tats. We both like tats. No surprise there. What I didn't know about my sister is that if she was white could, she'd be a tatted up rocker chick. Not neccessarily Kat Von D tatted, but lots, and lots of tats. Specifically, a tatted up pin-up girl. she's a 50s girl with edge. So maybe KVD afterall! Inside of the biceps, a message. exotic scene on the hip up to the underarm. wrists and ribcage. Not only does she want lots of tats, but she wants those roses, skull and crossbones, deadly cupcake, rocker chick tats. The only thing stopping her is the image she'd portray. If "they" get tats, they're rocker, punk chicks. If she gets tats, she's a ghetto boo.

Tis true. Black girls who are tatted up look ghetto as hell. Most of the time, they are tatted up with portraits, baby feet, panthers, paw prints, and names. If Sis were to get two black pin up girls, I can't see Quandalisha in that. Anyhoo...


After I designed my next tat (words in a certain font) and she found the pin-up girls she wanted, we started looking up makeup.

She is a MAKE-UP FIEND. I am not. Although I appreciate and adore a full face of make-up (I think Monica and Eva Long. are my make-up heroes), I can't see myself doing it AND, I'm not vigilant enough with my face to make sure I scrub off everything and therefore prevent breakouts. I know myself. I keep a bottle of waterless cetaphil cleanser next to the bed and that's how I wash my face at night. That will NOT work with foundation, bronzer, et al. Sis though? After years of doing pageants, she's only getting better. And she's not afraid to try new things. She got inspired so we decided to go to the mall. You should've seen the colors she had me trying on. Yeah, I complained about 'oh baby' but I wasn't ready to jump into 80s chic. (she got that by the way. you should see it in person). I ended up getting a berry-colored glass with little blue glitter flecks. A step up from the frosty look of years past. Oh Baby, I do thank you for your years of dedicated service to my lips. You have no idea how many men I've transfixed with you by my side. *deep bow*

Now that make-up is out the way, we started wandering aimlessly and ended up in Ebeb. Yeah, no. That store gets on my nerves more and more. Way too expensive for harlot looking crap. But, I always stop by just in case that gem some hootchie thought was too conservative is still there. That's how I scored on my NYE in ATL dress. Nope, not yesterday. And surprisingly, Sis plopped down and waited for me to justify a boucle suit. (i love boucle). That store seemed right up her alley!

We left and went into R-Den B.

Is it that I'm getting older or are the clothes getting cheaper (and not price-wise)? Almost everything in there looked like something you can get at a flea market. It has to be that I'm getting older; what was cute at 21 better not be cute at 29, I'm just saying, let's show some growth please.

As we looked and touched, something caught both our eyes. Add'tl 50% of select dresses. Ain't gotta ask us twice! we look and we both find coral dresses. I pick mine up and she says, "Ew". She picks hers up and I roll my eyes. Time for the dressing room.

We both step out and admire the other's dress. "Wow, Steph! Your's looks so good on you!" "Aww, Stace, you're rocking it!" Then we look in the huge 3-fold mirror and bust out laughing. My blousy belted shirt dress, her body hugging bandage dress. My bobbed wrap, her big curly fro. My berry stained pout, her glitterfied kisser. Then we look at each other like long lost twins do in the movies when they reunite and realize how different their lives are. Like, "Brrr, are we even related!?"

Got our dresses and walked some more. I oohed and ahhhed at the LP windows, she fawned over the tribal funky patterns in XXI. We talked and walked right into B.Johnson where she was head over heels about some cardigan with guns on it and i was loving a tiered organza dress.

When you're that far apart from a sibling, I thought you kinda grow up admiring and wanting to follow in their footsteps a little. Or not! I guess leaving for college when she started 5th grade allowed her to form her own little personality that couldn't be anymore opposite that mine.

Why Not?

I definitely just asked Raheem DeVaughn out to dinner via twitter. LMMFAO!!!! I can only hope he sifts thru all his followers, sees my tweet, and takes me up on the offer!!!

Let's say he does... where would we go?
Hopefully, he likes sushi... yeah!
and then we can get drinks... yeah!
and then we can get ice cream... yeah!

wait, no. Sometimes, my body likes dairy. sometimes, I get extra African and reject it. #NotAGoodLook

It's Saturday! I LOVE Saturdays!

United Stace of America

Why is it so hard for people to let me do me? I understand wanting the best for someone and caring so deeply that you want to shield them from any harm but damn! When can I make a decision and it's okay? Good or bad, I'm going to make decisions and I will need to learn from them.

I'm really upset my dad called me with that bullshit. I planned on spending a nice two days down here in the Grove and now all that's in my head is "you're going to get fired! You can't do things like that!" Why not? Why can't I do things like this? Why can't I take a day off for my birthday? "You took last Friday off for your sister's graduation and now this Monday? You can't do things like that!"

I'm so on edge right now. Everyone has stacey's well-being in mind. Move here, stay here, I bought a house here, you should go to school here, nevermind go to school here, major in this, no you can't major in that here, come back home, no for real, let your parents be your parents and come home, etc.


They say no man is an island. I had no idea I was an entire nation.

Day 1 of 29

Wakes up, look at the clock... "6:56am. I slept in!"
Irons linen shirt dress.
Showers, brushes teeth, dresses.
Sits on chaise, enjoying the quiet bustling of Grand Street in Coconut Grove.


*ring ring*

Where are you?

In Miami?

Why? It's Monday, you're supposed to be at work!

I took the day off for my birthday.

Your birthday was yesterday, teachers are expected to be at work on Monday!

Mother's Day was yesterday.

You're going to get fired! You can't just be taking days off whenever you want to!

*dead silence* Presses end call.




Gee dad, thanks for ruining my day off.

i feel like i'm falling. i just want to hurry up and hit the ground already. where am i going? how will i get there? how will i live? do i belong there or am i just running away? running away from what?

how come senior year in high school, the prospect of going anywhere was the best thing in the world? but as someone knocking on 30s door, the possibility of shucking corn in iowa, or lobbying in dc, or teaching english in japan, or free-loading in denver is scaring the utter fcuk out of me?

I WANT STABILITY.
SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT TO DO SO I CAN DO IT CAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING AND IT'S DEPRESSING ME.

woe

is me.

the dr will see you

We had ltm yesterday and principal also used that time to do student reviews and discuss retention. Althoug all my children are on or passed grade level, I have one who I worry will crumble in 1st grade b/c he can barely keep up in kinder. Yes, he's reading on grade level but there's so much more to it even though her ass bases it solely on reading levels (yet when I wanted to retain a child who didn't even know all his letters, let alone words on a page, it was a big deal. This is what I'm talking about.)

We do student reviews and then she hits me with the "how do you feel abt another grade?"
"Hmm, I'll do 1st or 2nd"
"No, intermediate."
"Ew, no thanks. I won't be comfortable there"
"Why, cause of your size?"
*FACE* followed by the most piercing look I've ever delivered
"Um, we are BOTH petite women. Size has nothing to do with ANYTHING."
"Then what's the problem?"
"I'm a primary teacher. It's what I've done and I love."
"Well, what did you teach at the school you wanted to get back to?"
"The one you wouldn't release me to? 2nd grade, 3rd grade for 11 days."
"Ok, just throwing it out there."

Mind you, we're having a staring contest and neither one of us has blinked or looked away. Icy italian blue, meet African Pride black. (Yeah, that was a bit corny but it sounded good in my head)

While holding my glare, I get up and say, "well reviews are done. Thank you." and I walk out.

Then I go to my classroom and throw anyything I can get my hands on.

thoughts

i don 't think i'm the marrying type.



i'm the "beautiful dress, fabulous cocktail party, glamorous pics, and lots of gifts to open" type person. (GHoGH)

i think i will end up being a serial monogamist and I am okay with that.

i think i will go half on a baby, not purposefully but if it happens, no worries.

i think there are two of my friends who are on board with me on this path.



if it's just not right, i don't think i can do it.

timing
temperament
taste

put on a happy face

While I was going thru my personal turmoil, honestly for WEEKS now, never once did anyone say, "Hey Ms. K, you seem off. Are you okay?" Not that I was looking for that cause I really don't want people all in my business but, Dani said it plainly one day on GChat. "You're too put together." Being a woman, I think we feel like we have to keep it moving, put on that happy face and pretend like everything is okay when in fact it is not. I def don't want my class to suffer as a result of what's going on in her personal life but is Ms. K suffering?

Something like Katrina had to happen for my gates to finally come crashing down. I.broke.down.in the school elevator yesterday. I was tired of pretending everything was ok or was going to be okay. I crumpled up in the corner and bawled. Luckily, no one needed the elevator at the time so I had a few precious moments of cleansing cry before the second floor beckoned. The door opened and a parent walked in. "Oh Ms. K, are you alright? I've never seen you like this, you're always so happy!" I wiped my tears only to start crying again when I replied, "no I'm not ok. I'm very unhappy right now. My personal life is a mess but you know what? I will be ok. I have to be."

It all stems from her. Every issue an complex.
She is here at school telling me what to do.

the unhealthy way

Those of you that know me know I don't deal with issues. I avoid them in hopes that they will go away. In highschool, instead of breaking up with someone, i'd ignore them and eventually they got the point. The issue with his parents was one that I didn't ignore but did at the same time. I ignored it when I realized progress in whatever form was not going to happen. But then I brought it up only to pseudo ignore it again.

Just this past week, not even a full week since an exposing of intentions and feelings, I THOUGHT we made some headway. I got excited and felt a little flutter of excitement. Ignored the blatant fact and realized yet again, I've been assuaged. Oh, but I tried to make it seem like we have a resolution when in fact we didn't. We had a better, and honestly unchallengeable excuse. I say excuse b/c it could've been easily shared and these years of limbo could've been saved. The physical reason, meh. The reason why you kept that, no way.

Yesterday was what happens when you avoid something for too long, when you deal in an unhealthy way. It doesn't go away, it waits for the right moment to rear its ugly head.

fin

it's finally over. not how i wanted but over nonetheless.

i def created the biggest mess of my young life. messier than trying to get myself out of academic suspension. that was nothing compared to the pain i put someone i considered my best friend thru. what happened? i stopped feeling. i got numb. you may even say i stopped caring. i cant help that that was how i felt but i couldve and shouldve handled how i dealt with it.

I didn't tell him I've moved on. Why? I thought that deeeeeeeeeep inside, we better yet, I could feel the love again. Not love, I do love him but PASSION again. I simply just wanted to be his friend. I've felt this way for some time. Now I don't think we'll ever be friends. The love wasn't what it used to be and passion was gone but the respect should've stayed the same. And THAT'S where I went wrong. For that, I am truly sorry beyond words.

possible new diggs

check me out over here. it's like twitter with more toys. thanks, Kisses & Cupcakes for putting me on.

http://erudioergo.tumblr.com/

"No, you don't understand...

...I neeeeeeeeeeeed to meet your parents."

It's common knowledge that as soon as my sister graduates from college (possibly grad school), my parents will be on the next thing smoking to Ghana. Okay, not IMMEDIATELY afterwards but as close as possible. Seeing how she's graduating a year early and jumping right into grad school, I can see them being in Ghana Sum 2013.

(they'll be the equiv of snowbirds... 3/4 of the year there, 3 months here)

It is for this reason (and a few others) that I've been wanting to meet DFB's parents. My parents won't be here in a few years. I'm a totally okay with that cause we've known forever they will retire "back home". But I what about my new set of parents that live two exits away from me? Can I see them from time to time? If not, let me know STRAIGHT UP.

And there in lies the REAL problem. For as long as I've been with DFB, I know I've addressed meeting his people. His response is always, "Yeah, ok." or "Soon." or something "safe" that leads me to believe I will one day meet his parents SOON. It's been four years dating and eons as friends. WTF, dude? I sooooo would've rather you told me, "They are not comfortable with my decision to not be with a Jewish girl so until they come around, don't plan on meeting them." DONE! No speculation, no limbo, I would've known where I stand and why I stand there! How you found yourself...protecting me...(?) didn't work cause now I'm more upset WITH THIS RING ON MY HAND. Do you know how foolish I feel never meeting the family of the person I am going to marry? Especially when he has been telling me I will meet them?

As friends? I guess.

As a dating couple? I let you push it under the rug.

As an engaged couple? No mas.

I canNOT go any further. Your definition/perception of soon and mine don't meet. I cannot and will not set myself or our future children for failure. I grew up with no grandparents. Not fun. They might as well not even exist to me. I can google my grandfather; great, the whole world knows what I know abt him, FACTS and STATS. No personal stories or ties to any of them. Is that going to happen in the next generation? A set of grandparents who are nothing but ghost stories told by Dad? Do they even exist? Can we see them?

"Soon."

i'm still alive

i love being in the black.

i haven't had to dip into my saings acct (see: other checking acct) since before christmas break. i am very happy abt that and can't wait for my savings acct to grow as a result.

i moved out. the utter foolishness that resulted towards the end of my trip to denver just pushed me over the edge. more on that later.

seeing my sister's natural hair has me considering going natural again. yeah, no. it's not my thing. but i would like to go longer between re-touches so I will figure something out in 5-6 weeks.

y'all, make sure you're ready to get married. it's not just getting a ring, having a ceremony and then everything is hunky-dory. I thought I was ready but I realized I wasn't. and there is the HUGE issue of family that DFB and I have YET to tackle. I can't believe it's this hard. As usual, I waver between not giving a fluck and losing my ever living mind abt it. but really, I just need some closure on the subject, either way will be fine.

I need to start planning next school year NOW. No more waiting till summer. If only I know where I want to be in 7 months, grrrrr.

so i'm an aries now? Psssssch. that's the last sign I want to be.

I'm getting back into cooking. I've very excited about it

last but not least, I do miss DFB. very, very much.

He usually comes over in some basketball shorts and shower shoes.
Has on one of his thousands tall tees that foote locker should be fined for "inventing".
He usually doesn't do anything for Christmas, no matter how I feel about the day .


On Christmas night, he came rocking a long-sleeve Polo similar to one I got him last year.
Some dark rinsed jeans that weren't skinny and def not baggy, just right.
Some COGNAC colored meve stadden dress shoes that look AMAZING on his size 14 foot
And he brought 12 gifts for the 12 days of Christmas.












Why I gotta be out of your life for you to get right?

Here's to a year of "get right". For both of us.

Christmas Menu

When Lyds sprung the menu decision on me, I had no idea where to even begin. I turned on the tv and Robin Miller was making a quick fix meal of turkey tenderloin.

Hmmmm, so we can have turkey without the big bird to-do? I'm there! She had hers with a mango lime dressing which I will be making as well.

Now we love us some ham so a brown sugar glazed one is on deck.

then the sides

green beans sauteed in garlic, EVOO, and butter
shallot smashed potatoes
cornbread stuffing
yellow rice (Africans gotta have their rice!)
fresh shucked white corn with orange and red bell peppers
spring mix salad

I's excited!

Cray-Cray

Why does the season bring out the crazy in people?

Why did someone I'm related to get so far out of pocket, all I could do was blink?
Then when I called my bestie to vent, I didn't even have words.

Raise your hand if you own a house? *hands in pocket* Raise a hand if you WANT to be your own landlord right now right now? *sits on hands*

I'm not ready to be responsible for ANYONE but myself right now.

How come the Christmas dinner menu was just sprung on me and my sister? So in other words, me? I'm not sure if she's improved since she left for college, but last I checked *MICROWAVING*... *TURKEY* bacon... (yes, that awful combination) doesn't count as cooking. *shudder*

Why is someone else I'm related to PRESSURING me to call DFB over so we can "talk things out"? All the talking has been done; don't you get too far out of your pocket now...

All I want for Christmas is... semblance.

Holiday!

Today was the last day of school before winter break! Much needed rest and relaxation on deck! Well, starting after tomorrow cause unfortunately, I have a funeral to attend.

The woman we called Grandma (b/c ours are, you know, in Ghana... and don't speak english.) passed away last week and her service is tomorrow morning. When I got the news, I asked my mom if she told my brother. He doesn't take bad news very well and of course, I was feeling for him. In addition, he took to Grandma Mc more than my sister or I did. During his turbulent middle and high school years, he would go to her house and decompress. Then that Sunday, she'd wag her fingers at the family and tell us "not to mess with [her] Stanley". *sigh* I'll be fine, I hope he will be, too.

Now the next thing I'm going to share with you canNOT, CANNOT be shared with anyone else! Do not come on my FB page and mention it, don't tweet, don't drum, don't pass no notes, NADA! It is a surprise and I am beyond excited about it and I will be sooooo mad if one of y'all hoes ruin it! How? I don't know the world is small.

I'm going to Denver for New Years.

Yes, I will be in COLOfuthermuckingRADO at the end of this year and the beginning of next year! How outrageous is that?! And how random?! If you know me, you'd know I have moments of impulsiveness and buying a plane ticket last Sunday was a moment! I text a homie, "what are y'all doing for NY?" and he said, "drinking." "Can I join you?" "... ... HELL FUCK YEAH!"

I bought my ticket and that was that!

Now here's where the surpise comes in. Homie is married to my friend. She was a kinder teacher who up and moved two years ago. She.has.no.idea. she thinks HIS friend is coming to town! She will PISS herself when he sends her into DEN to get Phil but I'm standing there with the biggest poop eating grin!! OMFG, I soooooo can't wait!

Now you see why you can't say isht on FB? I'm at the point where I'm ignoring her calls cause honestly, I'm not good with secrets. I love sharing what's going on with my life with y'all! And this is def shareworthy! But don't say NUFFIN till the 31st :-)

This year, I have most of my presents done. I have a feeling Jameil will get hers before the New Year! HAHAHAHAHA! Now I just need to physically get mom and dad's. Half the battle was done when I figured out what to get them. Yaaaaay!

Is that it? I really don't have anything else to share! Happy Holidays!

Dear Santa

Hey Homie!

How you been? Tis your season! Don't work to hard but please see that I get something from my list. I've been very good. At least at work, I've been. Personal life? Don't hold "heartbreaking" against me :-(
So here's my list!

A pair of flat brown boots. Steve Madden has a pair called Internn that I think I like. 7.5 please.

Headbands. I don't like flowers/blossoms. I like bows and stones. Feathers are cool, too. Big band, skinny band, doesn't matter.

Books. Off the top of my head, I want 'Rosencr.antz and Guildenstern are Dead'. That play was so hilarious to me! I can also go for 'Death of a Sales.man', 'Christ Stopped at Eboli', 'The Meta.morphosis', (hardcover preferrably)and any Eric Carle book you like to add to my classroom library.

Thank-you for sending your elf, Jameil, to get me every season of SATC and the movie! OMG, some of the best times in my condo were spent watching hours of that show at a time. You're never alone when Carrie, Miranda, Sam, and Charlotte are around!
Now even though I heard it was hor-ree-blay, I would like SATC 2, just to complete the collection.

While on DVDs, I need MJ's "This is It", all seasons of Gossip Gurl, and seasons 2+ of NipTuck. Oooooooh! GON HEAD AND THROW...damn, what's that vampire show I got sucked into watching this summer...? TRUE BLOOD!!i I WANT TRUE BLOOD ON DVD!

J-Zee's catalog, 808 & <3breaks, Nee-Yo's catalog.

Anything from VSPink that's FAMU or Dallas Cowboys related :-)

What I Learned from Him (1)

i just went to the laundry room to start my second load of laundry and I saw some camo peeking from under a basket. I bent down and saw it was the 'hot weather cap' from PVC C. L. WHITE.

Wow.

he was my first boyfriend at FAMU. He was my (equivalent of a student leader) tour guide during TOPS (total orientation for parents and students) who caught my eye. 6 foot, 230? I'm there. We started dating at the end of the first football game. Yes, he asked me out old school style at the end of a football game. LOL, it was actually cute.

What led to our demise was another woman. I think I was actually "the other woman". I remember that spring 2003 day, I was truly heartbroken cause I couldn't believe that someone would NOT treat me the way I had been treating them. I take the "Golden Rule" very seriously!!

Whatever the case, he was Army reserve and activated in Feb 2003. Went to iraq and everything. made it back in one piece only to die on the operating table.

Yes, he is dead.

I have an ex who is no longer with us.

When he got back from Iraq, he went back to school, crossed Que and was seemingly back to normal. With a combination of not (having to) tak[ing] care of himself and medication many of our vets are put on to re-acclimate them to civilian life, C. L. was a candidate for gastric bypass surgery. It was on the table the world lost him. Not on the front lines, not from an IED or suicide bomber. Here in the States.

Holding his hat for the first time in some years, I was flooded with the memories we shared. They were good at first and I only wish we ended on a good foot cause I really liked his family and they loved me. We talked about the future (I believed him) and I saw a future with him. What shook me as I put on his hat like I used to do Fall 2002 was "What If...?"

What if we jumped on that marriage before war bandwagon and wedded before he was deployed. I'd be a widow.

What if I was still in the picture, even as a friend to tell him, "C Dub, let's go for a run."

What if...

I told you this story cause there is someone I love DEEEEEEEAAAAARLY who is overweight. Yes, it's Drew. He's beyond the range I like. By 20+ pounds. I don't want him to be on someone's table and not make it. During our time apart (yes, we're taking break) I told him what I'm going to do and he asked, "Well what should I do?"

Work out. Not just for you, for me.

the unspoken rift

we're at a standstill.

ummm, i really don't know what is going on. i know i've expressed how much fun i'm NOT having and the feeling is getting stronger. things have changed. what was not awesome before seems to be magnified. such a weird dynamic.

and it's beyond the reality of a day hitting. the reality of forever is what's getting me.

on one hand, you say, "everything in due time"

but something in the back of my head is SCREAMING, "it took too long"

*hangs head*

Random Thoughts

The one thing I like abt my cycle is how my cup size goes up. I'm like a good A.5 right now. Looks hot in the v-necks. Too bad I don't feel that way.

While on the topic, is it safe to leave "artillery" (what I call fem products) in the car? The heat won't denature anything? I don't want asbestosis on my lady parts.

And STILL on the topic, why did I go to the master bathroom and find a box of liners from 1982!?!?!?! Kanye said it best, "put that p^$$* in a sarcophagus"

So one of my fave homies works for NAS.CAR and got me and Drew access to the last race in the series (Homestead). I have no idea what we got ourselves into. I do want to go and check it off my hypothetical list of things done in life. (Attend a NASCAR race). I do wonder what Craig Mack would do in my case...

The commericals with a random man (dos xx and oldspi.ce) are too funny! We need more anonymous people.

My class makes me want to have children. Seriously, when I work one-on-one with the babes, I marvel at their little brains working and making connections. the lightbulb makes everything worth it :-)

Guess who's the sponsor of the new and improved Cooking Club??? Yeah, another teacher pestered the hell out of the principal and she brought them back. Yesterday, we made carrot-banana bread. Yep, me and 24 2nd-5th graders! Nope, I've never made it before that day. They came out ok!! Possibly too much stirring but you can't ask children not to stir!

I had a talk with Lyds. I think everything should... *fingers crossed* be ok planning wise. All my favorite girls are on board and I'm chipping away at ceremony/reception sites! I's getting excited! Esp when Jam decides to come down! Aaaaaaaah!

Drew said his parents will prob be at our wedding. You have no idea how happy I was when he said that! Now let's schedule a meeting between now and June... Baby steps?

My hair has lost its mind. But, it's getting done tomorrow. I can't wait. No more depending on bobby pins to hold together my self esteem.

Yo, that dress I wore this past Saturday? Straight up disrespectful. It mocked me. I felt like sophomore year after spring break when ALL my jeans and underwear happened to shrink in the dryer... bastards. I swore up and down it was the super hot dryers fault... till my roomie pointed out my face did the opposite of shrink, Texas bitch. I'm kidding (abt calling her a b!. She was one of the nicest people at HU!)

Football was good to me this week. Cowboys won, Giants lost, steelers lost, Vick/Eagles (mostly Vick) won. Dude straight up solo gang banged the Skins. How do you want it? I'll run it, I'll pass it, I'll hail mary it, how you want it? I got it. Gimme dat.

Even though I have two different dress styles in mind, I'm going for the fun party look. Sheath says, "demure". It doesn't say "fun". My brother likes the one I like too! He's so cute, he told me about a nice wedding he saw where I'm thinking of wedding... awwww!

Whyyyyyyy, is there a lady at school who prints out everything she's doing for her daughter's wedding (april 2011) for me? And she asked what size I am in case I was close in size to her daughter who got married last October. Ummmm, thanks but no thanks?!

Who can't wait for Thanksgiving break??? I can't wait for T-Break! even though I know it's going to be some madness...

I'm out!

What am I 'posed to be doing right now?

Again, I thought I'd be having more fun at this time...

I DO however, have a renewed vigor in planning b/c Ricardo is back! I get it from my daddy! His energy is what I need right now, not Lyds faux martyr approach of "not wanting to get in the way"... really? You usually are very imposing ANY OTHER TIME...

Dani Colored Glasses helped me find some dresses online. I LOVE her immensely for that cause in case you don't know I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!!! And the MSW checklist said I'm behind on EVERYTHING! Makes me not want to go back and see what a failure I am :-(

This weekend, I'm going to a jewelry party and possibly a bridal store with the 10-10-10 bride whose BMs were everything I wanted. Their dresses and jewels made me so excited! Lyds was like, "Calm down!" I think I was jumping up and down a little bit, while you playing...

So Drew's neighbor is a photog; an AWESOME one with whom I've spent HOURS talking to abt the art and can spend hours not talking at all, just admiring his work in albums and on his walls, right? I'm going to ask him to take our e-photos. I'm hoping... *fingers crossed* he will find it in his heart to gift us e-party and wedding day shoots!!!!! HAHAHA!

MSW says I need my website up and running. I asked DCG's lil sis who did hers and it's the same person who did their photos... can I just get her to be my web mistress? I mean, the photos were great but I want to ask Drew's neighbor for photos and Chelsea for web techniness. Drew's neighbor JUST got a cell phone... and JUST got a digital SLR. I don't think he's doing websites.

Another photo op, a teacher I used to work with is married to this guy... ummm, HELLLLL YEAH!!!! I am a fan of his wedding port, but not the biggest fan of his e-photos... how does that work? Whatever the case, photos are a big deal so I'm doing my research on that!

Speaking of e-photos, I asked the boy if he wanted to do them,

D: (hesitantly) "Do you want to?"

Me: (matter-of-factly) "Don't answer a question with a question. Yes or No?"

D: (whiny) "Daaah, I don't want to do anything! But if you want to, we will."

Me: (terse) "Whatever."

So I thought having free reign would be fun... it's not.

Tricks or Treats

Next year, I'm finding someone's party to be at! Halloween could've been "funner" if there weren't so many gosh darn people in one place! OMG, I PROMISE all of WPB and half of PBC was Downtown last night for MoonFest! It was LITERALLY shoulder to shoulder EVERYWHERE! Is it really looking like the club on NYE right now?!?! Wow.

So we spent most of the time standing on a bench looking for RJ. Of course with a quarter million people in one place, your phone doesn't know what to do with itself... the only saving grace was I'm okay with being a people watcher and there were people to watch!

There's this one guy I SWORE was Trick Double but one of the girls Tish and I were with said, "Naw, that's his look." I still think he was TDD. I love Trick so that was a treat!

White people love Halloween like no other. They come up with some costumes!! Someone was a polaroid and taking pictures with people! when you saw it on your camera, it was plain genius! Treat!

I saw a beer pong table. I saw jerzey shore cast, I saw Dexter and various super heros. I saw a Spartan ARMY... yes, a legion of guys with skirts, breastplates, and different weapons/helmets. Sexy! Treat, Treat, Treat!

Every time I saw a good looking firefighter, I asked if the chick behind him was his girlfriend and if he said no, we took a picture. Treat!

Then there were the non-dressing scrubs who were like, "Ay! I'm on fire! Put me out!"

*blink*

You're so clever.

Or not.

Most black guys did NOT dress; and if they had something, it was a scream mask. really? Scream? from 1996? Not even jigsaw?? Waaaack.

And if our sistas felt festive, they put on some cat ears with a bodysuit. Why does it have to be the sloppiest looking chick in the onesie? Whyyyyyyyyyy?? I saw leopards, cheetahs, and panthers that should just be put down.

That's a quote for the books.

I think we would've had more fun if there was liq in our system. I'm just not a drinker like that and I had horrible drinks the night before. I can't believe I attacked Halloween sober but you live and you learn! I hope everyone had fun night, whether it was hanging at home or on somebody's street! Trick or Treat!

Randoms

I know you guys think I'm kidding, but I really do wonder what Craig Mack is doing right now and like I did on Twitter, I do wonder, "What Would Craig Mack Do?". It's soooooo random but he was the first victim of Diddie so I worry about him :-(

i've taken up to running. I would rather do conditioning (the whole nine; weights, sprints, balance, agility, etc) but seeing how I don't play an organized sport for a university, that's out. I do miss the gym and having a trainer...

speaking of working out, someone said we're going to play tennis this weekend. If not, I'll continue to get my solo run on.

i've started waxing again. It's amazing to not have to worry about unwanted hair for 3 or more weeks at a time!

we've narrowed it down. Summertime. LAWD, be a cold front!

who here knows how I feel about deadlines?? Planning a wedding doesn't mesh with me... all I know is I want dark pink fabulousness. oh yeah, and a gray dress.

School isn't fun right now. I don't like pressure... I'ma flip out one day...

the political ads that simply DOG the opponent piss me off. I tweeted about one that was simply, "If you like Barack, you'll LOVE (gov candidate)." are you freaking serious?!?! THAT'S what we've come to!?!? and you know there are STUPID people out there who don't know what the fluck is going on but now know NOT to vote for someone cause an ad used psychology on they dumb asses!!!

woosah.

when a person pisses me off to no end, I call them a ninja and I qualify it with their race. "I know this white ninja did NOT ignore my question!!!!!!!!" yes, I've called DFB that a few times. One time, to his face.

I have a grown up costume for Halloween this year!!! I thiiiink, you can click my 'pix' tag and see what i wore 4 years ago. It was not a game!

My favorite ex and I keep in contact. We are the only other person each other knows who loves MJ as much as the other does (did that make sense?). I was thinking about him this morning and guess who sent me a text? Fave ex! I then told him, "I wish we lived closer! We'd be awesome friends and couples!" He replies, "Hell yeah! More ig'nant than 50 Tyson! Y'all should move!" #ChileBoo. The next place I'm moving is to a tower overlooking somebody's water! wait, that can apply where he is... okay, next place I'm moving is the M-I-Yayo!

Art Ba.sel Miami Beach is coming! I's so excited! I LOOOOOOVE visual art!! and my last issue of W mag had a ginormous article on America's most important art show!! woo hoo, can't wait! We haven't been since 2007; that needs to be fixed asap-edly!

speaking of art, I think that adds to my LOVE of Kan. He can do no wrong in my book. People like to ride on him cause he's wearing a red v-neck with hella chains but who else would have the guts to wear that? I LOVE him for that!!! Just cause you're in "hip hop" doesn't mean it has to be jeans and timbs/af1s, stop with the pigeonholing. although I didn't like the song he did on SNL, i LOVED the performance. so simple!

nevermind, people just think you drank the Ye kool-aid if you like what he does. real talk, he's up there with Barack. DON'T TALK ABOUT MY PREZ OR MY 'YE!!

I plan on getting WBW this weekend. We know what happened last time I did that... I found myself an(other) WB admirer. a marine one. BTW, we google chat once in a while... bless his crazy heart. I told him I was engaged before I put it on FB and he said I broke his heart. *snickering*. You're doing the most right now. THEE.most.

I'm ready for my hair to be long again. It was growing like wildfire when I was in the salon every 10 days... but i can't be spending money on frivolity anymore! I gots to put some away for you know, that thing I'm having sometime in the summer... LOL!

Is it too soon to try on dresses? Jam and I are ready to fly to NY and stop by kleinfelds. Anitra, we'll layover in DC and you're coming with. Dani, meet us at 133rd and White Plains. *BREAK!*

Chic-fil- a made me feel better after my trying afternoon that included ig WW, data entry, unsupervised children, and CRYING.

I don't do crying.

Today should've been Friday.

Another Page in K.I.R.

Keeping It Real

I thought this time would be filled with me tasting cakes, playing in chiffon, and comparing shantung fabrics.

It's not.

I'm in a funny place. From my previous post, you know "we" have some family issues that have been discussed but not really resolved. Now that a wedding is in the future, the topic of them is sure to send someone off the deep end. I already feel like I'm walking on eggshells with him.

But then there's my side. My side who came out in surprising DROVES for my brother's wedding. My side, who when I called with the news of my engagement, was already planning for a trip to south florida (and that's without a date). My mom's sister in Strong Island, her sister in UK... my dad's brothers in BX, VA, and So. Fla who are THEE most excited.

THEEEEEE.most.

I'm the oldest grandchild on my mom's side so I really think my grandfather will make an appearance (from Ghana)... and my British cousins on both sides.

Then there's friends, family, classmates. I'm not having fun trying to figure out how to pull off something both of us will appreciate and keep my sanity.

The wedding websites overwhelm me. So much to do!

I'm over bridal mags. The last two I bought were underwhelming (Brides and MSW). I found a couple dresses I like, (two silhouettes, ball gown or sheath) so I just have to try them on and keep it moving.

and then of course there's life. You know, bills, work, immediate family... *sigh*

She's cool one minute, not awesome the next. Where's my daddy?

How do bride-to-bes do this? Life has to go one while you plan this ONCE IN A LIFETIME event!

The Un-Fun Side

I went to church for an event and talked to the priest about my engagement. It wasn't a formal thing, just he was sitting beside me asking why I wasn't in church on Sunday and I showed him my ring. He beamed and excused me but expected me next week. Happy, Happy Joy Joy. he asked for a date and of course I don't have one yet but then Lyds (on my other side) said, "Well they won't be getting married in church, he's a Jew."

Damn.

Drew told me 'jew' isn't necessarily bad, but saying someone is 'Jewish' is better than calling them a Jew.

Father said, "That's not a problem. I've co-officiated a Jewish-Christian wedding. But you do know his parents have probably disowned him right? And what are you going to do about your children? How will they be raised? Are you converting? Is he converting?"

"We've talked about his parents and Drew has made his decision a long time ago. Children will be raised in an Episcopalian church b/c he doesn't go to temple, he was just born Jewish."

"Okay! As long as you know!"

Yeah, I do. Thanks for bringing it up.


Thursday, I spent the afternoon and evening at my brother's house. We all were excited about my engagement but of course, the tone turned serious when his family came up.

"So how are his parents taking it?"
"They aren't."
"So they won't be at your wedding?"
"Probably not"
"And what about the engagement? What family will he have there?"
"Maaaybe his sister who lives down here, but he says she's crazy and I think she's a little upset Drew made his decision whereas she listened to their parents and stopped dating her non-Jewish guy"
"Damn. That will be weird not to have your parents at your wedding. They've known about you so what's the problem?"
"I'm not and never will be Jewish. *shoulder shrug*"

It's like I'm so excited and floating but then reality SMACKS me in the face.

Drew and I have addressed the family issue. Of course I haven't shared our convos with everyone else but it always takes me for a loop when people bring it up. And because people don't even know he's NOT black and damn sure don't know he's Jewish, when they find out, the questions I myself had to finally ask, re-hash the feelings of deserted-ness.

How weird will that be to have a beautiful ceremony followed by a wonderful reception and his family is noticeably absent? I'm feeling for DFB right now. I have my ginormous family in full support and he has no-one.

First Day

Due to all the excitement, i didn't go to bed till 4am. And in true to Adei fashion, I woke up sometime before 8a. caught up on twitter, emails, sent out more emails and texts, watched MikeNMike. Drew was knocked out after two shows and the nerves of proposing. He finally woke up around 9am and we decided we'll get breakfast on the water after running a few errands. Errands done, we take the long way to get to Hollywood Beach by driving thru the neighborhoods. I felt like we were little kids dreaming of the day when we could live in a "mansion".

We had breakfast on the water and decided the nap we were going to take was going to be epic. Go home, nap, wake up and decide I need a case for my new iTuch. To the aventura mall it is! Apul store is of course bananas so we just walk around. I tried on a couple dresses Drew saw in window displays at maxStudio and Barney's... DVF has a leather jacket i NEED in my life!! We pass wet seal and the window display has a racer girl costume! OMG, I wanted it but saw they had female prisoner, two kinds of Ms. Officer, french maid (how original), firefighter, bar wench, etc. I try on the racer girl, the prisoner, and the firefighter. Drew LOVED the same one I did so I got it! I'm wearing it to a Halloween party this Friday!!!!! Pics coming soon!

We walked some more, decided Bebe is more miss than hit, there are a lot of high end latino shops in the mall, and we should look at apartments...

!!!!!!!!!!!

We check out a couple towers that look absolutely amazing!! When I say check out, I mean drive-by, lol. We also decided to get oysters in Brickell for happy hour so we weren't trying to do any tours. Who wants to live here!?!?!??! *RAISES HAND!!*

We make it to HH and are debating on half off sushi rolls or half off bar food at a high end bar. Oysters trump toro so we go to the River. The bartender gets Drew a Toddington and I order a white russian, mine was AWESOME! We then get the oyster po boy sliders to start...






heaven







on





earth.




Soooooo cementing my want for an apps only reception!!! O.M.GAWSH those things were amazing!!! We contemplated ordering another plate (there were only 3) but decided to start on the oysters.

We've already had fanny bay and kumamoto so one to the next ones. We like east coast (bigger, saltier) more than west coast (smaller, sweeter) but are open to anything. We order three kinds, 4 each. First time down, just raw. We want to know how they taste unadorned. Cotuits from MA were SALTY as the fluck. I cringed and had to drown the next one in this cucumber wasabi dressing that is only at River. AWESOME dressing for oysters!! The cucumber is so mild and absorbent of whatever quality can be harsh.
Dabob oysters from WA were very good by themselves and even better with mingonette sauce. We converted to west coast off of that one! The lesbian couple next to us reccommended them and I thanked them profusely. On my side of the bar was a lady who Drew thinks is a high end gypsy. She was def European so I deduced Spaniard. She only eats oysters.

her explanation was fried food doesn't do her body well and it has grown accustomed to raw food so that's what she feeds it. and she drinks mingionette sauce. Yes, champagne vinegar and diced red onion is what she takes shots of. Wow.

I don't remember the names of the 3rd one or the other 3 we tried the second dozen Drew ordered. And they change daily so looking on the menu today will do me no good. I do know I got another drink, this time a Greyhound (grapefruit and vodka). That hoe bartender squeezed the liquid equivalent of a supreme into my cup and the rest was vodka. I was drunk. I was nice off the russian but by the time it was time to leave, I was wobbly. and giggly.

Drew and I make it home and I change into the gray nightgown he got me!!! Woo hoo!!! I love my gray nighty and I'm SOOOOOOOO wearing a gray wedding dress!!! He finds the aux cable and we listen to kanye's goodfriday releases from my itoones. I fall off the bed trying to rewind a line in Power remix. Yes, I was that chick who fell off the bed after two drinks. We laugh our asses off and I take to tweeting my engagement. I'm just glad I didn't make it onto FB that day cause I'd still be fielding phone calls!! Before I wrote "All my old guys know I'm the one who got away", I asked Drew if he thinks he's the one who got away from all his exes. he says, "Hell yeah! I'm a good guy!" We high five cause i think i'm a good girl for all my exes and THEN I tweet.

I'm in the silliest mood and I'm tripping myself out about the past 24 hours. Then I fall asleep! HAHAHA!

Recap- breakfast on the water, nap, window-shopping at mall, apt gazing, happy hour oysters + drinks, kanye, sleep!

Stace, Wake Up!

Drew and I went to Bonita Springs for a Caribbean Fest he was playing in. It was cool, the city itself wasn't all that but we went and came right back. We got back in time to watch the rest of the Cowboys game and we were both watching, on edge. OMG, as you may or may not know, we lost and lost STUPIDLY. One of the announcers said it perfectly, "The Cowboys have been beaten again, by the Cowboys."

I was so upset at the last play that I literally put myself to sleep. Some 3 hours later, Drew starts fidgeting around, hugging me, kissing my un-wrapped head, and telling me how much he loves me, asks if I love him, who loves who more... mind you, I'm still asleep for the most part; head under the covers, fetal position. "Do you love me, babe?" "Yes, darling you know I do." "Ok, good, cause I love you too." "That's nice." I'm trying to sleep and he shakes me, "Hey, hey, turn around." "What? I'm sleeping!" "Wake up, turn around" I turn my head to face him, squinting cause i'm not awake yet, "What?????" "I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

He puts the ring on my finger and I start laughing uncontrollably! Like, rolling around on the bed, wiping tears out of my eyes LAUGHING OUT LOUD. "ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!??! ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!??! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" "So is that a yes??" "YESSSSSS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA YOU ARE TOO MUCH! THIS IS TOO FUNNY!! DAMN, I'M AWAKE NOW! Awww babe, you're too cute!!! HAHAHAHA!!"

When all the laughing was done, he told me all the different ways he thought about proposing. He thought about using other people's children, putting inside of a cake, putting it on my finger while I was sleeping... then he realized the time was right (me sleeping?????) and he went with it. I'm play-play mad my hair was all un-wrapped, nails weren't done and I was half asleep but he said that it was perfect cause I went from zero to 100 in 5 seconds flat and he actually liked that I was drowsy. Weirdo!

Then we ordered sushi as usual and ate, he left for his show on SoBe, I called my mom and Jameil, chatted with Dani and decided to blog about it!

Now what's "weird" is that I thought I'd be on every social network screaming from the rooftops, "I's engaged!! FINALLY, IT HAS HAPPENED TO ME, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE AND I JUST CANNOT HIDE IT! (I loved CeCe Pen). But I called 2 people, chatted with one, and sent out a few emails to a couple more. No tweets, no FB status update or profile picture of a left hand. I think I'm scared of EVERYONE being all in my business and I've heard the stories of people assuming/inviting themselves to your big day... no, not I.

What's also funny is that Mommy and I pored over my T&C Wedding mag yesterday morning over tea, pancakes and turkey sausage. I showed her all the pages I tabbed and we commented on likes and dislikes of every page. I've only done that with Jam and only felt comfy doing that with her yesterday. Then 24 hours later...!!!

So yeah, now the planning begins!! OW!!

I Don't Understand

I don't know what's wrong. I am very happy right now. Believe it or not, I thank the Lord daily for not sending me to DC. Yeah, I was devastated when the school started but I honestly feel like this year is going better than any I could imagine. From a professional point of view, I am elated.

From a personal p.o.v., I go back and forth. I'm pretty much cool with being at home cause it allows me to take care of bills with ease. I can do whatever I want when I want to. I have a car I love and I'm doing well with, my credit score gets higher as I finish off little remnants of college, and my peoples are better (I think) than they have been in the past.

I think I'm in a good place. I appreciate where I am cause I'm sure it's where I should be.

So whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy isn't anyone else happy but me? I am comfortable in my own skin and situation, why are you "embarassed" (her words)? What haven't I done that is crushing your soul? I didn't buy a house. But I don't want a house. I really don't want to own a house right now. I don't want a lawn, I don't want HOA fees, I don't want any of the things that come with homeownership RIGHT NOW.

I don't have an advanced degree yet. Lord. Why doesn't anyone listen to me when I say I would give myself 3 years to get my tenure and then go from there? It took me 2 schools, 2 majors, 7 years to come out with something I was happy with. I didn't want to be a pharmacist. I'm sorry I disappointed you by changing my major but deal with it. I am happy doing what I do. Why can't you be happy for me?

Last but not least... fuck it. I don't even want to talk abt it anymore.

Cheaters

Have you ever watched that show? Why is it so hilarious? But at the same time so sad? I'm wondering if I could've been on an episode...

So you know I have a crusher. That's my term for someone who crushes. Yes, TM really likes me after one incident of dancing the night away and a couple games of bowling. And me being me, I don't encourage crushers but I def don't crush them either... am I an enabler??

Whatever the case, for week 3 of partying with the WBs, RJ, Tish, and I were supposed to go karaoke-ing. What ended up happening was me and TM playing pool. Yep, just us two.

Now in MY head, I don't like him like that. He's a bit off from various injuries, he's a vet, he smokes his medicine pretty much all day, he's just visiting for a month or two, etc. No reason to start anything even if I was single. Oh yeah, he has an ex-fiance and an ex-wife. Sir.

I regress. I don't like him. I don't want him. I do appreciate the attention b/c of what's going on in my personal life (will talk abt later) and I honestly just have fun with him. I see it as the beginning of a cool friendship with the opposite sex. But, I know TM doesn't see it that way and I can only imagine how DFB would see it if he was watching me on video from an unmarked van.

We shot a couple games of pool, of course he whooped my arse cause he's good at everything, he drank a mug of beer, I had water... I started getting hungry so we went to a nearby bbq restaurant. We ordered and ate and left. Then went to DD for a chocolate craving he needed to fix. Oh yeah, your boy LOOOOOOOVES chocolate. More than any guy I've ever seen. All kinds of chocolate too. o_O

We sat outside of DD while he talked abt some Marine stuff, things he did his freshman year at WVU before he joined the Corp, the fact you can give him ANY weapon whether he was trained on it or not, from bow n arrow to rocket launcher, and he can hit the target in 3 or less shots, from its MAXIMUM range (I thought that was a scary cool piece of info), talked about how he spent a whole month stalking, hunting, and trapping a top 10 villian so that was 30 he did not shower...his italian mother and his german father, etc. He found it remarkable I called him an "Axis baby" and thought I was even better cause I'm cute and smart. The whole time he's talking and stuffing his face with coffee and dough, I'm thinking, "I hope nobody I know happens to show up... that'll be fcuked up." Because I started feeling guilty abt what I was doing even though on the other side of that coin, I knew I wasn't doing anything, I got up and said, "okay, I have to go now."

My question to you readers, was I wrong? I'm on the fence with myself. My definition of cheating is surprisingly liberal and I will def talk abt that in another post cause the TM issue is far from over. But talk to me abt opposite sex friendships, can you make new ones or is someone getting set-up for the okie-doke?

Lord, Lordy, Lord

Y'all thought it was over, didn't you?

So he calls to make sure I got home, I tell him I got in by the skin of my teeth and that's all I remember. No, I remember thinking, "I'm never going to be able to fall asleep, the ringing in my ears won't stop."

I fall asleep and wake up and hour later than usual (8a). I text Dani to find out when exactly Ash's shower is and I really think I was on the verge of tears when she told me it was in about 3 hours. Aww man, might don't make it. I was clearly drunk when I woke up. And I had a slight headache. back to sleep.

Woke up at 1030 and told myself I have to start getting ready for the shower. My hair was a mess cause I think TM was running his fingers thru it...? and I of course didn't wrap that ish the night before. I check my phone and see a text from TM.

"Hey gorgeous! Just want to let you know I had the most fun in a long time! You are awesome! I hope we can hang out again!"

Lord.

I eventually make it to the shower; Dani directs me straight to the OJ... I think she told me to bypass all guests and just keep walking... that OJ was the best thing that ever happened to me that day!

I get another text from TM,

"How's your day going? I hope you don't have a hangover! You were stumbling a bit but don't worry, I had you! And no-one was going to mess with you!"

"I'm barely at a bridal shower, drinking orange juice. I'll talk to you later."

I don't know when I text him but I do know the 5 of us who were at SkyBar decided we would go bowling the next Friday.

Friday rolls around, TM and I have been texting general ass texts that would NOT be awesome if I didn't have unlimited everything...

TM: hope you have a good day!

Me: thanks, you too

Friday night, RJ and I are on the phone on our ways to the alley. We're thinking, "It bets not be date night at the bowling alley... I'm sure they'd like that but yeah, no."

We walk in and it's AWESOME! Better than the alley we girls went to when Kitty was here last! The side we're bowling on had black lights and music and ish... DAMN! This looks like it'll be fun!

Matt and TM show us the lane and we get started! Apparently, Matt used to work there and is a bowling genius. Do you know what a Turkey is? 3 strikes in a row. Yeah, that was his cup du jour. TM has a gangsta arm that bowls 20-25mph and ish... Me and RJ? 8lb ball, 7mph, gutter balls. Aww man, it was so sad!! But fun at the same time cause bowling is just fun in itself!

So Matt is watching our technique and he gives us pointers,

STRIKE!!!

I GOT A STRIKE!!! I GOT A FUTHERMUCKING STRIKE!!! Awww man, I'm doing cheerleading leaps and spirit fingers, TM picks me up and throws me in the air! I yelp and he says, "Aww baby, I got you! And I don't want to let go!"

BREAK

"You know I'm in a relationship right? It says so on my fasebook page."

"I know, I'm sorry. You're just so darn cute! I just want to pick you up and hold you! And if given the opportunity, I'd make you mine. But I don't want the karma of messing up what you got."

"You don't know me. This is out second time ever seeing each other in LIFE. I've known D since high school, you know? There's history there. So we can hang out with RJ and Matt and have fun and all that and and hug here or there... but you're going to have to admire me from afar."

OMG, i'm so full.

"I hear you sweetie, any time with you is good enough for me"

and then he kisses me hard on the cheek.

RJ's like, "Girrrrrrl, that boy is in LOVE with you!"

Lordy

We've bowled I don't know how many games and I start to get hungry. But hungry for pancakes. We leave the alley and go to Denny's. That's when more info comes out.

So we know he lives in Cali and is here visiting his cousins for a month or two.

He gets medical... natural medicine, yeah.

He is SERE trained

He has jumped out of and driven any and everything you can think of.

He can most likely take out anyone in a given place

Depending on the state, he is considered a deadly weapon

He's been a part of missions that have captured Top 10 villians

oh yeah, "[he] can keep [me] very, very safe". He is TRAINED and INGRAINED to put his life on the line.

*blink blink*

Lord.

TMI

Two weeks ago, RJ and I were on this, "We need to get white boy wasted tonight.". It was one of those weeks were everybody and their mother was getting on our nerves and we wanted to drink our tension away. We met downtown at the SkyBar and caught up on each other's lives. About 15 minutes in, we decide to start drinking. "I got the first round, what do you want?" I tell her to get me a White Russian and she's off to grab two. She comes back with two white boys and they weren't russian.

"Adei, remember Matt?! We went to SOA together!"

"I recognize the face, I'll have to dig out my middle school yearbook."

"Well, he and his cousin bought our drinks, yay!"

"Oh, yay! Have a seat!"

(lmao)

So introductions go around, RJ and I are sippin on really good white rush, the guys are drinking beer (duh) and the cousin starts telling a story about the Marine Rugby Team. Then I see his tatts on either arm. 'RUGBY' on one arm and the seal for the US.MC on the other. Whoa.

"So yeah, it's a pile up and all you hear is 'FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!' We get up and there's blood everywhere. Yeah, his bone broke and was sticking out. But my captain was more upset he had to miss the rest of the game!"

*cue the girly "ewwwwwwwwwwwww!"*

"Aww man, we're Marines! Recon, not desk jobs either!"

That went over my head but I knew better than to ask what that meant. I didn't feel like engaging a military man in what he does. Plus, you never know what kind of response you'll get.

We finish our drinks and Matt tells us the bartender is a... (the kind that throw bottles and cups and stuff... flamer?) show bartender AND he happens to be his best friend. "Let's do a shot!"

RJ and I look at each other and give the kanyeshrug. "Why not? We're not paying!"

I think The Marine made a dirty toast but I wasn't listening, the DJ was playing my song so I wanted to get on the dance floor. But before that happened, I got a text from Tisha saying she's on her way so we hang out by the bar for a few more minutes. Then The Marine busts into a solo dance. Loooord, look at this awkward WB...

Matt says, "You guys want another drink? The bartender is my friend!"

if he told us that one more time... I think it was his sad version of game

RJ and I look at each other and vote on a fruity drink. "Nothing with bananas and we're good." It was some kind of transparent punch drink the bartender came up with. I think there was sprite in it. Maybe it was sizzurp.

Tish shows up and gets a blue long island. More introductions and information. Come to find out, The Marine is also a martial artist, a championship swimmer, basketball player, track & fielder from West Virginia (ran against Randy Moss in high school) and computer geek. He was medically retired from the military cause he suffered too many concussions and started suffering from nerve damage. He was also getting black-out migraines. Then we hit the dance floor.

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!! Can I tell you how The Marine was dancing his ass off?!!?!? He knew the words to EVERY song and was get.ting it the whole night! Squats, dips, two steps, double time, shimmies, shakes, slow wines, cupid shuffles, butterflies, kid n play...

I was beyond surprised.

I was TRULY at a loss for words.

And then I was excited!

I hadn't danced like that since Labor Day 07 when Jameil came to visit and we did Nicky Beach!! Man!

I got thirsty, got another white russian and we danced some more. Baby Got Back came on and he cut up on the "Even white boys got to shout" part!!! LMAO!!!!! But

That's when the TMI (The Marine Incident) began.

"You are too much fun!"

"Oh I think I like you!"

"Are you okay, let me know if anyone messes with you, I'll fcuk their ass up!"

"You have a nice body!"

"Can I kiss you?"

BREAK

"Alriiiiiight, it's past 3am and I have a bridal shower to go to in a few. Tish and I will walk each other to our cars, seeyoulaterkthxbye"

They leave but I am in NONE shape to even walk down stairs. We stand and look down on the people below (lit and fig) while I try to regain some sense of ANYTHING. About half an hour goes by, we get into a little conversation with a Jamaican who was just saying all the wrong things so we REALLY decide, "Okay, time to go." I thought it was all good till I took a step. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuck, I'm white boy wasted."

Then TM calls.

Three Weeks Ago Today...

I woke up very excited. It was my only brother's wedding day! MY brother who at the mention of his name, to this DAY, gets a reaction for his rep in high school and college. My dog-ass brother who met the woman that would change all that. I started thinking about what I was going to say at the reception b/c siblings of the couple were expected to say something. Then I decided to let it come from the heart when the time came.

That morning, Drew and I got breakfast at this AWESOME bakery down the street. Crawfish with two eggs, gravy, and a biscuit. So simple and so awesome. OMG, it was def better than another broken egg! So that was at like, 730am. We went back to the hotel room and took a nap. I woke up around 10a and started flat-ironing Mini Me's hair. She had some natural looking ish sewn in and it was a beast! Noon rolls around and we're just walking around. Not sure what exactly is supposed to be done... my hair is wrapped with some body from the curls my hair-dresser put in two days prior, dress and accessories are ready... ho hum.

At 145, we get a text to meet in the dressing room at 2p. That upset me cause i'm like, "damn lil... no notice!" I hop in the shower, get my things together and head down around 245. I spend the next 2 hours kind of milling around. I had JR's hair-dresser throw a bump or two in my hair and that was it. Mini-Me did my make-up, I straightened her hair some more... ho hum. I pour JR some water to make sure she stays hydrated and I pretend to be busy so the photo could get some "candids" of the maids getting ready. We realize how quiet it is in the room and I made a note to self, "have music blasting while me and my girls get ready". JR asks for some music. "What kind?" "Rap, I don't want anything sappy cause it'll make me cry". For the one and only time in my life, I suggest Plies. JR emphatically agrees! Whyyyyyyyyyy...

did her BM put on Beyonsay? DANGEROUSLY I.N LOVE IS NOT THE SONG SHE WANTS TO HEAR AS SHE GETS READY TO WALK DOWN THE AISLE!!! you're fired. I take out my phone and play my UGK station on pandora. "yeaaaaaah!"

But the hair-dresser's grand-daughter is in the room so we end up going back to Bey.

445 rolls around and we're ready to rock. I look at all of us and marvel at how pretty our dresses are. We all looked really nice in our wisteria and eggplant *tear*.

In the hallway with the guys. Take more pics. Line up in front of the french doors that lead out. Game time!

5p, right on time, we start processing. Parents, minister, brother. Then Mini Me. Then me. I smile and walk OVERJOYED at the thought of what's about to happen. I look at our side of the space and almost start tearing up. This wonderful event brought family from near and far. People from GHANA and UK came to Panama City Beach to celebrate the union of my brother to his girl. I see his friends from MIDDLE school, I see Chargers, I see Rattlers. OMG, this is so awesome.

JR is about to walk down aisle and she looks breathtaking. She.looks.like a bride. As if my eyes went to soft focus (not tears), everything became hazy in a good way.

Ceremony goes on longer than it should've because pastor was not all there. He was repeating stuff, saying the vows Stan and JR were supposed to say (TWICE!!!!!), etc. I kept on looking at Stanley's face and I know what he was saying in his head, "Come on, man." He and JR had little convos here and there that were too cute and they held each other by the pinkies! A nice little humorous break came when someone on their boat decided to play RickJames' "Superfreak".

WOOOOOOW!! My cuz from DC was beside us taking pictures and it took EV.ER.Y.THING not to look at him and die from laughter!!! I made eye contact with the GMs and they peeped. How can you cut up while standing completely still??? They did!

Sand, rings, kiss, time to go! Man & Wife!! Now it's time for pics and the reception!

Last Night's Dream

I was in my room trying to turn on the light. I knew where the fan/light was but I could never reach the cord. Or when I did find the cord, it was for the fan. So I'm in my room with the fan on 3 just trying to turn on the light. The light in the hallway was on and gave enough for me to see there was a flying beetle on my arm. When I tried to kill it, the fan blew it away. I tried to lie down and there were 10 roaches on my pillow. I feel like my brother tried to come help me kill them or turn on the light but both our efforts were in vain.

I googled dream dictionary and came up with these two.

Darkness

If you dream that you are stumbling around and groping your way about in a dark room or building this is an omen that you do not have enough information about a person, place, or thing to make a clear decision. If you find the light switch, you will meet with success after acquiring understanding. A lost article will be found if you dream you were walking in the darkness.

Insects

Insects in a dream always represent obstacles that you must overcome to reach your goals, if you manage to exterminate them or they are not bothersome to you then you will meet your obstacles with strength, and be able to overcome them. Insects also represent excessive worry over certain things, meditate to find out what they might mean to you by using all the symbols in your dream for reference.

Two Weeks Ago Today

Drew and I woke up and headed to breakfast some 13 miles outside of Tallahassee. As I was driving to what was very close to the Georgia state line, I thought about the one time I drove out this far (and not cross into GA). It was for the very first champagne sip y'all have heard me rant and rave about.

Spring 2003, blah, blah, blah, you know the deal. White Boy Wasted before Gucci, yada, yada, yada. What really struck me was how long a drive Kitty and I had to make DRUNK. Yo, what the hell did we think we were doing? Not only were we driving from Bumbafcuk, but it was dark with barely any lighting and WE WERE DRUNK! Man, I was feeling that drive in broad daylight after a good night's sleep! It was only by the Grace of God did we and other party patrons made it home without any incident. Now if there were subsequent incidents that popped up... say 9 months later as a result of the aforementioned debauchery, that's on y'all!!

So we did breakfast. Blackberry grits are THEE best I've ever had! No more savory grits for me! I'm all about the sweet! Drew got a lobster omlette with a champagne cream sauce and I got a grit + crab cake with crawfish and company all on top of garlic french bread. The bread was great but I only had two bites. I try to limit my white carb intake. I've discovered I don't digest it well.

After brekky and the long drive back, I think we took a nap. Then we hit the road for Panama City Beach which depending on who you talk to, could take anywhere from 45min to 1.5 hours.

It took us 2.5 hours. Why? The way we were told to take was the 'one lane highway thru the backwoods of North Florida' way! The 'rebel flags and black nor jews are not welcome' way! Ugh, don't get stuck behind a slow moving truck or car... you know how much gas I burned speeding up to pass cars?? Not a fun thing to do. Then when we finally made it into a town that looks like Daytona's big sister who went off to college and got a little polish, it was just in time for traffic. Greeeeeat. So I'm stuck in traffic, I'm late even though I left well in advance, and guess what? We miss our turn. Well, I didn't miss the turn. My navigator missed it. You have know idea how many times we drove up and down the bride connecting Panama City and Panama City Beach... not my idea of fun. ESPECIALLY since his GPS ALWAYS flucks up.

We finally made it in time for the rehearsal and dinner. That went well; for me and Steph. We didn't talk to the other 3 maids the whole time. It was kind of the tone for the whole wedding weekend. Family kept to family. Steph and I talked, the other maids (cousins) talked. weird dynamic.

So on Thursday, I figured out I want a simple ceremony with food, family, and friends. On Friday, Steph and I discussed how everyone involved in the wedding should be friends. I can't imagine having a bridal party where the maids don't talk, don't know eachother, haven't spoken and don't speak. If y'all know me, I speak to everyone. But if I don't get as much as a head nod in passing ESPECIALLY AFTER I SPEAK...

So class, let's review!

Simple.

Friends.

Class dismissed!

One Week Ago

One week ago today, my brother got "married". In front of family and friends, my aunt, uncle, and I showered JR and her family with gifts straight from Ghana. Yards of fine cloths, scarves, jewelry, gin, etc. When all was said and done, my uncle said some things and placed JR's hand in my brother's. It was finished! If we were back home, that would be the wedding and the reception would begin.

As I get older, I look more to the traditions of my family. I was so excited to be a part of the Ghanian ceremony! I was very excited to see my family and JR's family participate in this joyous event. If you knew the headache that went into just Thursday, the minute it started, you would've breathed a sigh of relief along with me. Leaving Tally on time (her fam is in Micosukee), caravanning with family that was in town, prepping gifts and speeches... and on and on! My dad was thisclose to canceling it b/c most of our family friends wouldn't be in town till the next day. I'm glad he didn't.

Another thing I appreciated on Thursday was the simplicity of the event. Family. Friends. A table for all the gifts and dinner afterwards. That's all. No bouquets and boutonnieres. No mass made dresses and rental shoes. No venue that really has no reason to charge an arm & a leg. Just what's important; family, friends, food. That's how weddings used to be but unfortunately, "we" have gotten away from that. With the advent of wedding reality shows (bachelor/ette, anything on We/Oxygen, Cake _____, etc), I feel we've gotten away from what's important: family, friends, food.

I've been saying it for a long time, but Thursday confirmed for me how simple I want my eventual day to be.