I Don't Understand

I don't know what's wrong. I am very happy right now. Believe it or not, I thank the Lord daily for not sending me to DC. Yeah, I was devastated when the school started but I honestly feel like this year is going better than any I could imagine. From a professional point of view, I am elated.

From a personal p.o.v., I go back and forth. I'm pretty much cool with being at home cause it allows me to take care of bills with ease. I can do whatever I want when I want to. I have a car I love and I'm doing well with, my credit score gets higher as I finish off little remnants of college, and my peoples are better (I think) than they have been in the past.

I think I'm in a good place. I appreciate where I am cause I'm sure it's where I should be.

So whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy isn't anyone else happy but me? I am comfortable in my own skin and situation, why are you "embarassed" (her words)? What haven't I done that is crushing your soul? I didn't buy a house. But I don't want a house. I really don't want to own a house right now. I don't want a lawn, I don't want HOA fees, I don't want any of the things that come with homeownership RIGHT NOW.

I don't have an advanced degree yet. Lord. Why doesn't anyone listen to me when I say I would give myself 3 years to get my tenure and then go from there? It took me 2 schools, 2 majors, 7 years to come out with something I was happy with. I didn't want to be a pharmacist. I'm sorry I disappointed you by changing my major but deal with it. I am happy doing what I do. Why can't you be happy for me?

Last but not least... fuck it. I don't even want to talk abt it anymore.