Take You to Da Movies

Wow... I wasn't ready for her dress and hair.

OMG, when she pulled it out, I was like, "Are you wearing that tonight? Homecoming Dance 1988? She looked like Vanessa Bell*Calloway in 'Coming 2 Amerika'

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She's not a bad person; not a person to dislike or anything... we just want so much more for her life. Let's make her over. She'll be Tai and we'll be Cher and Dionne.

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but why does he look so stiff? He looks like Ricky Bobby when he didn't know what to do with his hands.

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I was so distracted by her homely dress, I didn't see her bouquet

Girl, it was something out of Steal Magnolias, ginormous and dusty.

Mr. Big

Jameil got me SATC seasons 2-6 for Christmas. I've immersed myself in the first 3 seasons. I LOVE that show! As fab as their lives seem, it is still SOOOOOOOO real to Ms. Everywoman. OMG, every episode hits me and makes me self analyze. Darren Star is a moving pictures angel.

So yeah, remember my #truthis post? the truth about buddy who is no good for me but I still think about him? He's so my Mr. Big. But not in a committing adultery kind of way. Neither of us are married.

*deep breath*

Before you get your panties in a bunch, I haven't done anything with Little Big (LB). We chat occasionally, text more than occasionally, and wax amorously of the past.

He so wants to be my Bad Habit.

"So you're willing to cheat on her?"

"I wouldn't be having this convo."

"We shouldn't even be talking like this. I know if I was your girl, I'd be devastated if I saw these texts in your phone."

"So ya boy would be okay with it?"

"And there it is. Bye."

That was ATL last summer. Before I left for DC, he called to let me know he's in Florida for work.

"I'm here. Thinking about coming down your way"

"Uh, and going to Miami?"

"Yeah, I could end up down there"

"I have to... pack. I'm leaving for DC tomorrow and I'm busy and I... have to pack... I'm busy... I have to call parents... I have to call you back"

I haven't. He scared me being in the same state. It's pseudo okay chatting it up and jesting about the good times when he's in a different state. But being only (AT MAX) 6 hours away is too close for comfort.

I need to focus on my Aiden.

Scribble Scrabble

That's what I felt like today. Like my brain was scribble scrabbled. Like someone messed up and instead of erasing or even drawing a line thru the error, they just scribbled it out.

I want to say I'm confused but that's not an excuse anymore. I'm so not confused. I know exactly what I want.

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Today was one of those days where I didn't even want to get out of bed. Not depressed or tired, just didn't feel like leaving the house, much less the bed. I wanted to do nothing today but sort out the thoughts that kept me up all hours past my bedtime. But alas, nineteen 5 & 6 year olds needed some knowledge dropped on them.

Today was one of those days where I was obviously running late and when I started my car, I realize I left my phone on the bed.

Today was one of those days where once past Jog Road, I realized I left my lunch in the fridge.

Today was one of those days where I accidentally dropped my ipod in between my seat but because I'm already running late, I can't take the extra 3 minutes to fish for it. I really wanted to tune out the children and listen to my music all day.

Today was one of those days where goo gobs of printed lesson plans were placed in my mailbox and I didn't even know where to go with them.

Today was one of those days where my principal decided to stop by my classroom for what I think was a clandestine operation. She walked in shocked and said, "Oh, you didn't take them to fine arts?" Oh, you thought my room was going to be empty, didn't you?

Today was one of those days where I forgot to eat. And I think I was hungry, but Ryoko def didn't stop by. How is that even possible?

Yeah, it was the 100th Day of School... on a Friday. Pseudo mayhem.

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When I got to school, I flatly told my class, "Ms. K is not feeling well. I'm not sick but my brain is all mixed up. I need to focus." I was talking to myself all day and CONSTANTLY redirecting myself. I didn't even bother teaching today. I used my whiteboard to make myself a to do list. It helps me GREATLY to write things down, to see them in black and white. I was a jumbled, scribbled mess today and I know why.

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I've talked about it before. And i'm almost scared to say anything cause it's been years but I've only talked and never done anything. I've applied to however many schools in so many years, but I'm still here.

Eff A U- master's in reading ed: accepted

FAM- master's in elem ed: accepted

FAM- b.a. in photog: accepted

Eff S U: master's in reading ed: pending

U T Austin: master's in bilingual ed: considered

After going to the smithsonian museum for african art, I was inspired to do what? Apply to U T Arlington for a B.A. in art history. Summer 2010.

Am I just going to apply to schools and do nothing with the acceptance letters? WTF am I waiting on? I know what I'm waiting on and it makes me mad/sad/confused that I'm still doing that. My life cannot be contingent on another person. There. I put it out there. I don't want to be 30 and resentful. I'm already getting there. i can't be mad/confused/scrambled all the time. I know what I want to do, I don't know why I'm not doing it. I do know why I'm not doing it but WHY am I knowingly not doing it?

did you follow that?

It had crept back into my head that I want to do me. I feel like I'm doing a pseudo "we" and I can't operate like that. Either we're a 'we' or we're not. I'm cut and dry. I'm so quick to say, "And there it is" when talking to others, but what about me? Do I need to have a talk with me?

and there it is.

(y'all should've seen my eyes just widen as I asked myself that question. a lightbulb just turned on)

I'll be back. I need to talk to and with myself.

Our Village

It takes a village to raise a child, right? Well, we need to kick some people out this mug.

These girls I spent my Wed-Sun with... I don't know who's worse. The clique-y "Mean Girl" white chics who walked up and down in uggs and put their hair in messy top ponytails in unison or the ghetto cheerleader black girls who STAYED with an attitude!!! OMG! WHO IS RAISING OUR CHILDREN!?!?!?

I can't even begin to go on about our girls. They are growing up MEAN. They are growing up with a sense of entitlement. They are growing up angry.

But then I look at who their chaperones/teachers are. The one I was with loudly proclaimed, "I fight! I don't care who you are! I fight men, women and children!" So when TaQuandranikra accidentally bumps into Lilshawanda (her mom's name is wanda and her dad is shawn) and the yelling, finger waving, neck rolling, arms flailing starts, I now understand.

You know how in Mean.Girls, the mom wants soooooooooooooooooooooo bad to be one of the girls? You have no idea how true to life that is. These white women were bending over backwards making sure their little princesses were happy. So when the conductor walks by and Becca and her Crew (them hoes travel in packs for real. wolves have nothing on them) have their hands on their non existent hips DEMANDING to know why THEIR train isn't moving and they have a RIGHT to know right NOW, it's cause they're used to getting EVERYTHING they want when they want it.

Being on this trip made me soooo appreciative of my class and my school. I couldn't be in Boca.Raton with the Wolf Pack and their mothers. Nor could I be in Mangonia with Gabby Union and her crew.

In honor of the marches that were going on while we were in DC, I don't think we should abort the babies, let's abort the women raising them.

New Goal

You know I'm all about positivity. I am the eternal optimist and the borderline idealist. Although I think and wish it can be all good all the time, I know my scatterbrainedness can get in the way of progress.

Starting today, when I wake up in the morning, I will make a list called "5 Things". I will quickly list 5 things I'm thankful for and 5 things I need to do by the end of the day. This morning was my inaugural duo-list and here's what I wrote down.

5 Things

my hair, heating, my students, Andrew, family.

call Dr. Hampton, copy lesson plans, organize desk, make center activity, prepare guided reading lessons.

I feel like this should guide me to accomplish more things on a day-to-day basis. Lord knows, I need to write things down lest I forget (see: get sidetracked by something shiny or bubbly).

Spring

Now clearly, it's not spring time but, it's the start of spring semester. Being in college for 7 years and teaching for the past three will have me splitting my years into Springs and Falls!

So it's "spring" time. Getting ready to kick my kinders into high gear! Those of y'all who weren't reading (I have 3 out of 19), I hope you got brains for Christmas! Those of you that were reading, keep up the good work!! Although I didn't miss my babes not once this break, I am excited to see them on Tuesday! I wonder who lost teeth, who got much needed sneakers, etc.

Another reason I'm excited, our chief academic officer, the one who came to town shooting and blazing and changing everything with blanket abandon, has been "reassigned". The VERY FIRST DAY of Christmas break, it hit the local news stations. I just happened to have the TV on when the 'caster read, "SDPBC's CAO has been reassigned. His position has been absorbed by the super and the previous CAO."

WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!??!

You have no idea how mind-boggling that is! I know this semester is going to be interesting if nothing else. He's the one who implemented the district wide lesson plans that were hit or miss, lacking supplies, non-sequential, etc. He attacked our district with a 'one size fit all' approach and that rarely works. It barely works in the individual classrooms! Anyway, seeing how he was new, I assume, HE assumed we all had the same resources...

My school is 90% free and reduced lunch. You know what that means? My school doesn't have the same things as the school with 0% free/red lunch + 100% PTO participation. I do applaud his effort and I'm sure a lot of the mess can be blamed on the principals but whatever. I'm here to teach my 19 the best I can with what I have.



So now that teacher talk is out the way, what's really good for Spring? Oh! I have one more goal to add to my list!


Read at least 24 books this year.
The game plan is to read a non-fiction book in two weeks and spend the other two weeks reading world lit. For those of you that know me, non-fiction is not in my reading vocab. I can spend weekends lost in translated books. Well, I aim to change that.

24 books will be a challenge. My days are spent at school and when I'm spent, I'm spent. Being such a morning person puts a damper on extra-curricular activities. I don't feel like doing ish when I get home from school! And reading is the last thing I want to do! I read all day!!! Reading directions, reading journal prompts, reading whole group, small group reading, team meeting notes! But, this is about reading for enjoyment and education.

I wonder if I should add magazines... I have hella subscriptions but guess how many I read? Yep, that stack of Time magazine has never had a cover peeled back. #literacyfail

Nah, I want to buy books.

Alright y'all this is my last free day! I'll holla!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!