you have survived too many wars
to be breaking your own bones
just so you fit into hearts
of those
who refuse to fit you.
so darling,
walk away when they don't want you
run
remember,
leaving is sometimes loving
yourself.

monday night thoughts

blessed but unhappy.

I'm just wondering what the lesson in all this is.

and I'm wondering what I did for this kind of karma.

or the flip side, i can't even imagine what the blessing after all this will be.

i'm starting to think i'm depressed.
that would suck.

it comes down to having a haven. i don't have one anymore. and it's killing me.

i died a bit when i realized ADS wasn't my haven.
it def wasn't work or home.
and that's when isht got dark.

*

a few weeks ago, i touched upon a people tipping point. and wanting to be alone. i deactivated FB and took T off my phone. but it's not enough.

just one day. ONE DAY.
I would be so happy again.

BL v UT

it's bull shit. 

you know, the beautiful lie.

what you tell yourself to stay sane or happy.

what you look past and "don't" see.

well i just want to keep on believing 
every little thing you ever said to me
all was true and i want to be sure you adore me too
i don't wanna know when it ended for you

and when you realize it is time for the charade to end, FUCK it hurts. 

the ugly truth HURTS.

i want to be able to sleep at night
i want to hold my head up high
i wat to feel like you were always mine
but it was all just a beautiful lie.

so now here i am and i don't know which is worse.







lyrics by es.thero