He usually comes over in some basketball shorts and shower shoes.
Has on one of his thousands tall tees that foote locker should be fined for "inventing".
He usually doesn't do anything for Christmas, no matter how I feel about the day .


On Christmas night, he came rocking a long-sleeve Polo similar to one I got him last year.
Some dark rinsed jeans that weren't skinny and def not baggy, just right.
Some COGNAC colored meve stadden dress shoes that look AMAZING on his size 14 foot
And he brought 12 gifts for the 12 days of Christmas.












Why I gotta be out of your life for you to get right?

Here's to a year of "get right". For both of us.

Christmas Menu

When Lyds sprung the menu decision on me, I had no idea where to even begin. I turned on the tv and Robin Miller was making a quick fix meal of turkey tenderloin.

Hmmmm, so we can have turkey without the big bird to-do? I'm there! She had hers with a mango lime dressing which I will be making as well.

Now we love us some ham so a brown sugar glazed one is on deck.

then the sides

green beans sauteed in garlic, EVOO, and butter
shallot smashed potatoes
cornbread stuffing
yellow rice (Africans gotta have their rice!)
fresh shucked white corn with orange and red bell peppers
spring mix salad

I's excited!

Cray-Cray

Why does the season bring out the crazy in people?

Why did someone I'm related to get so far out of pocket, all I could do was blink?
Then when I called my bestie to vent, I didn't even have words.

Raise your hand if you own a house? *hands in pocket* Raise a hand if you WANT to be your own landlord right now right now? *sits on hands*

I'm not ready to be responsible for ANYONE but myself right now.

How come the Christmas dinner menu was just sprung on me and my sister? So in other words, me? I'm not sure if she's improved since she left for college, but last I checked *MICROWAVING*... *TURKEY* bacon... (yes, that awful combination) doesn't count as cooking. *shudder*

Why is someone else I'm related to PRESSURING me to call DFB over so we can "talk things out"? All the talking has been done; don't you get too far out of your pocket now...

All I want for Christmas is... semblance.

Holiday!

Today was the last day of school before winter break! Much needed rest and relaxation on deck! Well, starting after tomorrow cause unfortunately, I have a funeral to attend.

The woman we called Grandma (b/c ours are, you know, in Ghana... and don't speak english.) passed away last week and her service is tomorrow morning. When I got the news, I asked my mom if she told my brother. He doesn't take bad news very well and of course, I was feeling for him. In addition, he took to Grandma Mc more than my sister or I did. During his turbulent middle and high school years, he would go to her house and decompress. Then that Sunday, she'd wag her fingers at the family and tell us "not to mess with [her] Stanley". *sigh* I'll be fine, I hope he will be, too.

Now the next thing I'm going to share with you canNOT, CANNOT be shared with anyone else! Do not come on my FB page and mention it, don't tweet, don't drum, don't pass no notes, NADA! It is a surprise and I am beyond excited about it and I will be sooooo mad if one of y'all hoes ruin it! How? I don't know the world is small.

I'm going to Denver for New Years.

Yes, I will be in COLOfuthermuckingRADO at the end of this year and the beginning of next year! How outrageous is that?! And how random?! If you know me, you'd know I have moments of impulsiveness and buying a plane ticket last Sunday was a moment! I text a homie, "what are y'all doing for NY?" and he said, "drinking." "Can I join you?" "... ... HELL FUCK YEAH!"

I bought my ticket and that was that!

Now here's where the surpise comes in. Homie is married to my friend. She was a kinder teacher who up and moved two years ago. She.has.no.idea. she thinks HIS friend is coming to town! She will PISS herself when he sends her into DEN to get Phil but I'm standing there with the biggest poop eating grin!! OMFG, I soooooo can't wait!

Now you see why you can't say isht on FB? I'm at the point where I'm ignoring her calls cause honestly, I'm not good with secrets. I love sharing what's going on with my life with y'all! And this is def shareworthy! But don't say NUFFIN till the 31st :-)

This year, I have most of my presents done. I have a feeling Jameil will get hers before the New Year! HAHAHAHAHA! Now I just need to physically get mom and dad's. Half the battle was done when I figured out what to get them. Yaaaaay!

Is that it? I really don't have anything else to share! Happy Holidays!

Dear Santa

Hey Homie!

How you been? Tis your season! Don't work to hard but please see that I get something from my list. I've been very good. At least at work, I've been. Personal life? Don't hold "heartbreaking" against me :-(
So here's my list!

A pair of flat brown boots. Steve Madden has a pair called Internn that I think I like. 7.5 please.

Headbands. I don't like flowers/blossoms. I like bows and stones. Feathers are cool, too. Big band, skinny band, doesn't matter.

Books. Off the top of my head, I want 'Rosencr.antz and Guildenstern are Dead'. That play was so hilarious to me! I can also go for 'Death of a Sales.man', 'Christ Stopped at Eboli', 'The Meta.morphosis', (hardcover preferrably)and any Eric Carle book you like to add to my classroom library.

Thank-you for sending your elf, Jameil, to get me every season of SATC and the movie! OMG, some of the best times in my condo were spent watching hours of that show at a time. You're never alone when Carrie, Miranda, Sam, and Charlotte are around!
Now even though I heard it was hor-ree-blay, I would like SATC 2, just to complete the collection.

While on DVDs, I need MJ's "This is It", all seasons of Gossip Gurl, and seasons 2+ of NipTuck. Oooooooh! GON HEAD AND THROW...damn, what's that vampire show I got sucked into watching this summer...? TRUE BLOOD!!i I WANT TRUE BLOOD ON DVD!

J-Zee's catalog, 808 & <3breaks, Nee-Yo's catalog.

Anything from VSPink that's FAMU or Dallas Cowboys related :-)

What I Learned from Him (1)

i just went to the laundry room to start my second load of laundry and I saw some camo peeking from under a basket. I bent down and saw it was the 'hot weather cap' from PVC C. L. WHITE.

Wow.

he was my first boyfriend at FAMU. He was my (equivalent of a student leader) tour guide during TOPS (total orientation for parents and students) who caught my eye. 6 foot, 230? I'm there. We started dating at the end of the first football game. Yes, he asked me out old school style at the end of a football game. LOL, it was actually cute.

What led to our demise was another woman. I think I was actually "the other woman". I remember that spring 2003 day, I was truly heartbroken cause I couldn't believe that someone would NOT treat me the way I had been treating them. I take the "Golden Rule" very seriously!!

Whatever the case, he was Army reserve and activated in Feb 2003. Went to iraq and everything. made it back in one piece only to die on the operating table.

Yes, he is dead.

I have an ex who is no longer with us.

When he got back from Iraq, he went back to school, crossed Que and was seemingly back to normal. With a combination of not (having to) tak[ing] care of himself and medication many of our vets are put on to re-acclimate them to civilian life, C. L. was a candidate for gastric bypass surgery. It was on the table the world lost him. Not on the front lines, not from an IED or suicide bomber. Here in the States.

Holding his hat for the first time in some years, I was flooded with the memories we shared. They were good at first and I only wish we ended on a good foot cause I really liked his family and they loved me. We talked about the future (I believed him) and I saw a future with him. What shook me as I put on his hat like I used to do Fall 2002 was "What If...?"

What if we jumped on that marriage before war bandwagon and wedded before he was deployed. I'd be a widow.

What if I was still in the picture, even as a friend to tell him, "C Dub, let's go for a run."

What if...

I told you this story cause there is someone I love DEEEEEEEAAAAARLY who is overweight. Yes, it's Drew. He's beyond the range I like. By 20+ pounds. I don't want him to be on someone's table and not make it. During our time apart (yes, we're taking break) I told him what I'm going to do and he asked, "Well what should I do?"

Work out. Not just for you, for me.

the unspoken rift

we're at a standstill.

ummm, i really don't know what is going on. i know i've expressed how much fun i'm NOT having and the feeling is getting stronger. things have changed. what was not awesome before seems to be magnified. such a weird dynamic.

and it's beyond the reality of a day hitting. the reality of forever is what's getting me.

on one hand, you say, "everything in due time"

but something in the back of my head is SCREAMING, "it took too long"

*hangs head*

Random Thoughts

The one thing I like abt my cycle is how my cup size goes up. I'm like a good A.5 right now. Looks hot in the v-necks. Too bad I don't feel that way.

While on the topic, is it safe to leave "artillery" (what I call fem products) in the car? The heat won't denature anything? I don't want asbestosis on my lady parts.

And STILL on the topic, why did I go to the master bathroom and find a box of liners from 1982!?!?!?! Kanye said it best, "put that p^$$* in a sarcophagus"

So one of my fave homies works for NAS.CAR and got me and Drew access to the last race in the series (Homestead). I have no idea what we got ourselves into. I do want to go and check it off my hypothetical list of things done in life. (Attend a NASCAR race). I do wonder what Craig Mack would do in my case...

The commericals with a random man (dos xx and oldspi.ce) are too funny! We need more anonymous people.

My class makes me want to have children. Seriously, when I work one-on-one with the babes, I marvel at their little brains working and making connections. the lightbulb makes everything worth it :-)

Guess who's the sponsor of the new and improved Cooking Club??? Yeah, another teacher pestered the hell out of the principal and she brought them back. Yesterday, we made carrot-banana bread. Yep, me and 24 2nd-5th graders! Nope, I've never made it before that day. They came out ok!! Possibly too much stirring but you can't ask children not to stir!

I had a talk with Lyds. I think everything should... *fingers crossed* be ok planning wise. All my favorite girls are on board and I'm chipping away at ceremony/reception sites! I's getting excited! Esp when Jam decides to come down! Aaaaaaaah!

Drew said his parents will prob be at our wedding. You have no idea how happy I was when he said that! Now let's schedule a meeting between now and June... Baby steps?

My hair has lost its mind. But, it's getting done tomorrow. I can't wait. No more depending on bobby pins to hold together my self esteem.

Yo, that dress I wore this past Saturday? Straight up disrespectful. It mocked me. I felt like sophomore year after spring break when ALL my jeans and underwear happened to shrink in the dryer... bastards. I swore up and down it was the super hot dryers fault... till my roomie pointed out my face did the opposite of shrink, Texas bitch. I'm kidding (abt calling her a b!. She was one of the nicest people at HU!)

Football was good to me this week. Cowboys won, Giants lost, steelers lost, Vick/Eagles (mostly Vick) won. Dude straight up solo gang banged the Skins. How do you want it? I'll run it, I'll pass it, I'll hail mary it, how you want it? I got it. Gimme dat.

Even though I have two different dress styles in mind, I'm going for the fun party look. Sheath says, "demure". It doesn't say "fun". My brother likes the one I like too! He's so cute, he told me about a nice wedding he saw where I'm thinking of wedding... awwww!

Whyyyyyyy, is there a lady at school who prints out everything she's doing for her daughter's wedding (april 2011) for me? And she asked what size I am in case I was close in size to her daughter who got married last October. Ummmm, thanks but no thanks?!

Who can't wait for Thanksgiving break??? I can't wait for T-Break! even though I know it's going to be some madness...

I'm out!

What am I 'posed to be doing right now?

Again, I thought I'd be having more fun at this time...

I DO however, have a renewed vigor in planning b/c Ricardo is back! I get it from my daddy! His energy is what I need right now, not Lyds faux martyr approach of "not wanting to get in the way"... really? You usually are very imposing ANY OTHER TIME...

Dani Colored Glasses helped me find some dresses online. I LOVE her immensely for that cause in case you don't know I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!!! And the MSW checklist said I'm behind on EVERYTHING! Makes me not want to go back and see what a failure I am :-(

This weekend, I'm going to a jewelry party and possibly a bridal store with the 10-10-10 bride whose BMs were everything I wanted. Their dresses and jewels made me so excited! Lyds was like, "Calm down!" I think I was jumping up and down a little bit, while you playing...

So Drew's neighbor is a photog; an AWESOME one with whom I've spent HOURS talking to abt the art and can spend hours not talking at all, just admiring his work in albums and on his walls, right? I'm going to ask him to take our e-photos. I'm hoping... *fingers crossed* he will find it in his heart to gift us e-party and wedding day shoots!!!!! HAHAHA!

MSW says I need my website up and running. I asked DCG's lil sis who did hers and it's the same person who did their photos... can I just get her to be my web mistress? I mean, the photos were great but I want to ask Drew's neighbor for photos and Chelsea for web techniness. Drew's neighbor JUST got a cell phone... and JUST got a digital SLR. I don't think he's doing websites.

Another photo op, a teacher I used to work with is married to this guy... ummm, HELLLLL YEAH!!!! I am a fan of his wedding port, but not the biggest fan of his e-photos... how does that work? Whatever the case, photos are a big deal so I'm doing my research on that!

Speaking of e-photos, I asked the boy if he wanted to do them,

D: (hesitantly) "Do you want to?"

Me: (matter-of-factly) "Don't answer a question with a question. Yes or No?"

D: (whiny) "Daaah, I don't want to do anything! But if you want to, we will."

Me: (terse) "Whatever."

So I thought having free reign would be fun... it's not.

Tricks or Treats

Next year, I'm finding someone's party to be at! Halloween could've been "funner" if there weren't so many gosh darn people in one place! OMG, I PROMISE all of WPB and half of PBC was Downtown last night for MoonFest! It was LITERALLY shoulder to shoulder EVERYWHERE! Is it really looking like the club on NYE right now?!?! Wow.

So we spent most of the time standing on a bench looking for RJ. Of course with a quarter million people in one place, your phone doesn't know what to do with itself... the only saving grace was I'm okay with being a people watcher and there were people to watch!

There's this one guy I SWORE was Trick Double but one of the girls Tish and I were with said, "Naw, that's his look." I still think he was TDD. I love Trick so that was a treat!

White people love Halloween like no other. They come up with some costumes!! Someone was a polaroid and taking pictures with people! when you saw it on your camera, it was plain genius! Treat!

I saw a beer pong table. I saw jerzey shore cast, I saw Dexter and various super heros. I saw a Spartan ARMY... yes, a legion of guys with skirts, breastplates, and different weapons/helmets. Sexy! Treat, Treat, Treat!

Every time I saw a good looking firefighter, I asked if the chick behind him was his girlfriend and if he said no, we took a picture. Treat!

Then there were the non-dressing scrubs who were like, "Ay! I'm on fire! Put me out!"

*blink*

You're so clever.

Or not.

Most black guys did NOT dress; and if they had something, it was a scream mask. really? Scream? from 1996? Not even jigsaw?? Waaaack.

And if our sistas felt festive, they put on some cat ears with a bodysuit. Why does it have to be the sloppiest looking chick in the onesie? Whyyyyyyyyyy?? I saw leopards, cheetahs, and panthers that should just be put down.

That's a quote for the books.

I think we would've had more fun if there was liq in our system. I'm just not a drinker like that and I had horrible drinks the night before. I can't believe I attacked Halloween sober but you live and you learn! I hope everyone had fun night, whether it was hanging at home or on somebody's street! Trick or Treat!

Randoms

I know you guys think I'm kidding, but I really do wonder what Craig Mack is doing right now and like I did on Twitter, I do wonder, "What Would Craig Mack Do?". It's soooooo random but he was the first victim of Diddie so I worry about him :-(

i've taken up to running. I would rather do conditioning (the whole nine; weights, sprints, balance, agility, etc) but seeing how I don't play an organized sport for a university, that's out. I do miss the gym and having a trainer...

speaking of working out, someone said we're going to play tennis this weekend. If not, I'll continue to get my solo run on.

i've started waxing again. It's amazing to not have to worry about unwanted hair for 3 or more weeks at a time!

we've narrowed it down. Summertime. LAWD, be a cold front!

who here knows how I feel about deadlines?? Planning a wedding doesn't mesh with me... all I know is I want dark pink fabulousness. oh yeah, and a gray dress.

School isn't fun right now. I don't like pressure... I'ma flip out one day...

the political ads that simply DOG the opponent piss me off. I tweeted about one that was simply, "If you like Barack, you'll LOVE (gov candidate)." are you freaking serious?!?! THAT'S what we've come to!?!? and you know there are STUPID people out there who don't know what the fluck is going on but now know NOT to vote for someone cause an ad used psychology on they dumb asses!!!

woosah.

when a person pisses me off to no end, I call them a ninja and I qualify it with their race. "I know this white ninja did NOT ignore my question!!!!!!!!" yes, I've called DFB that a few times. One time, to his face.

I have a grown up costume for Halloween this year!!! I thiiiink, you can click my 'pix' tag and see what i wore 4 years ago. It was not a game!

My favorite ex and I keep in contact. We are the only other person each other knows who loves MJ as much as the other does (did that make sense?). I was thinking about him this morning and guess who sent me a text? Fave ex! I then told him, "I wish we lived closer! We'd be awesome friends and couples!" He replies, "Hell yeah! More ig'nant than 50 Tyson! Y'all should move!" #ChileBoo. The next place I'm moving is to a tower overlooking somebody's water! wait, that can apply where he is... okay, next place I'm moving is the M-I-Yayo!

Art Ba.sel Miami Beach is coming! I's so excited! I LOOOOOOVE visual art!! and my last issue of W mag had a ginormous article on America's most important art show!! woo hoo, can't wait! We haven't been since 2007; that needs to be fixed asap-edly!

speaking of art, I think that adds to my LOVE of Kan. He can do no wrong in my book. People like to ride on him cause he's wearing a red v-neck with hella chains but who else would have the guts to wear that? I LOVE him for that!!! Just cause you're in "hip hop" doesn't mean it has to be jeans and timbs/af1s, stop with the pigeonholing. although I didn't like the song he did on SNL, i LOVED the performance. so simple!

nevermind, people just think you drank the Ye kool-aid if you like what he does. real talk, he's up there with Barack. DON'T TALK ABOUT MY PREZ OR MY 'YE!!

I plan on getting WBW this weekend. We know what happened last time I did that... I found myself an(other) WB admirer. a marine one. BTW, we google chat once in a while... bless his crazy heart. I told him I was engaged before I put it on FB and he said I broke his heart. *snickering*. You're doing the most right now. THEE.most.

I'm ready for my hair to be long again. It was growing like wildfire when I was in the salon every 10 days... but i can't be spending money on frivolity anymore! I gots to put some away for you know, that thing I'm having sometime in the summer... LOL!

Is it too soon to try on dresses? Jam and I are ready to fly to NY and stop by kleinfelds. Anitra, we'll layover in DC and you're coming with. Dani, meet us at 133rd and White Plains. *BREAK!*

Chic-fil- a made me feel better after my trying afternoon that included ig WW, data entry, unsupervised children, and CRYING.

I don't do crying.

Today should've been Friday.

Another Page in K.I.R.

Keeping It Real

I thought this time would be filled with me tasting cakes, playing in chiffon, and comparing shantung fabrics.

It's not.

I'm in a funny place. From my previous post, you know "we" have some family issues that have been discussed but not really resolved. Now that a wedding is in the future, the topic of them is sure to send someone off the deep end. I already feel like I'm walking on eggshells with him.

But then there's my side. My side who came out in surprising DROVES for my brother's wedding. My side, who when I called with the news of my engagement, was already planning for a trip to south florida (and that's without a date). My mom's sister in Strong Island, her sister in UK... my dad's brothers in BX, VA, and So. Fla who are THEE most excited.

THEEEEEE.most.

I'm the oldest grandchild on my mom's side so I really think my grandfather will make an appearance (from Ghana)... and my British cousins on both sides.

Then there's friends, family, classmates. I'm not having fun trying to figure out how to pull off something both of us will appreciate and keep my sanity.

The wedding websites overwhelm me. So much to do!

I'm over bridal mags. The last two I bought were underwhelming (Brides and MSW). I found a couple dresses I like, (two silhouettes, ball gown or sheath) so I just have to try them on and keep it moving.

and then of course there's life. You know, bills, work, immediate family... *sigh*

She's cool one minute, not awesome the next. Where's my daddy?

How do bride-to-bes do this? Life has to go one while you plan this ONCE IN A LIFETIME event!

The Un-Fun Side

I went to church for an event and talked to the priest about my engagement. It wasn't a formal thing, just he was sitting beside me asking why I wasn't in church on Sunday and I showed him my ring. He beamed and excused me but expected me next week. Happy, Happy Joy Joy. he asked for a date and of course I don't have one yet but then Lyds (on my other side) said, "Well they won't be getting married in church, he's a Jew."

Damn.

Drew told me 'jew' isn't necessarily bad, but saying someone is 'Jewish' is better than calling them a Jew.

Father said, "That's not a problem. I've co-officiated a Jewish-Christian wedding. But you do know his parents have probably disowned him right? And what are you going to do about your children? How will they be raised? Are you converting? Is he converting?"

"We've talked about his parents and Drew has made his decision a long time ago. Children will be raised in an Episcopalian church b/c he doesn't go to temple, he was just born Jewish."

"Okay! As long as you know!"

Yeah, I do. Thanks for bringing it up.


Thursday, I spent the afternoon and evening at my brother's house. We all were excited about my engagement but of course, the tone turned serious when his family came up.

"So how are his parents taking it?"
"They aren't."
"So they won't be at your wedding?"
"Probably not"
"And what about the engagement? What family will he have there?"
"Maaaybe his sister who lives down here, but he says she's crazy and I think she's a little upset Drew made his decision whereas she listened to their parents and stopped dating her non-Jewish guy"
"Damn. That will be weird not to have your parents at your wedding. They've known about you so what's the problem?"
"I'm not and never will be Jewish. *shoulder shrug*"

It's like I'm so excited and floating but then reality SMACKS me in the face.

Drew and I have addressed the family issue. Of course I haven't shared our convos with everyone else but it always takes me for a loop when people bring it up. And because people don't even know he's NOT black and damn sure don't know he's Jewish, when they find out, the questions I myself had to finally ask, re-hash the feelings of deserted-ness.

How weird will that be to have a beautiful ceremony followed by a wonderful reception and his family is noticeably absent? I'm feeling for DFB right now. I have my ginormous family in full support and he has no-one.

First Day

Due to all the excitement, i didn't go to bed till 4am. And in true to Adei fashion, I woke up sometime before 8a. caught up on twitter, emails, sent out more emails and texts, watched MikeNMike. Drew was knocked out after two shows and the nerves of proposing. He finally woke up around 9am and we decided we'll get breakfast on the water after running a few errands. Errands done, we take the long way to get to Hollywood Beach by driving thru the neighborhoods. I felt like we were little kids dreaming of the day when we could live in a "mansion".

We had breakfast on the water and decided the nap we were going to take was going to be epic. Go home, nap, wake up and decide I need a case for my new iTuch. To the aventura mall it is! Apul store is of course bananas so we just walk around. I tried on a couple dresses Drew saw in window displays at maxStudio and Barney's... DVF has a leather jacket i NEED in my life!! We pass wet seal and the window display has a racer girl costume! OMG, I wanted it but saw they had female prisoner, two kinds of Ms. Officer, french maid (how original), firefighter, bar wench, etc. I try on the racer girl, the prisoner, and the firefighter. Drew LOVED the same one I did so I got it! I'm wearing it to a Halloween party this Friday!!!!! Pics coming soon!

We walked some more, decided Bebe is more miss than hit, there are a lot of high end latino shops in the mall, and we should look at apartments...

!!!!!!!!!!!

We check out a couple towers that look absolutely amazing!! When I say check out, I mean drive-by, lol. We also decided to get oysters in Brickell for happy hour so we weren't trying to do any tours. Who wants to live here!?!?!??! *RAISES HAND!!*

We make it to HH and are debating on half off sushi rolls or half off bar food at a high end bar. Oysters trump toro so we go to the River. The bartender gets Drew a Toddington and I order a white russian, mine was AWESOME! We then get the oyster po boy sliders to start...






heaven







on





earth.




Soooooo cementing my want for an apps only reception!!! O.M.GAWSH those things were amazing!!! We contemplated ordering another plate (there were only 3) but decided to start on the oysters.

We've already had fanny bay and kumamoto so one to the next ones. We like east coast (bigger, saltier) more than west coast (smaller, sweeter) but are open to anything. We order three kinds, 4 each. First time down, just raw. We want to know how they taste unadorned. Cotuits from MA were SALTY as the fluck. I cringed and had to drown the next one in this cucumber wasabi dressing that is only at River. AWESOME dressing for oysters!! The cucumber is so mild and absorbent of whatever quality can be harsh.
Dabob oysters from WA were very good by themselves and even better with mingonette sauce. We converted to west coast off of that one! The lesbian couple next to us reccommended them and I thanked them profusely. On my side of the bar was a lady who Drew thinks is a high end gypsy. She was def European so I deduced Spaniard. She only eats oysters.

her explanation was fried food doesn't do her body well and it has grown accustomed to raw food so that's what she feeds it. and she drinks mingionette sauce. Yes, champagne vinegar and diced red onion is what she takes shots of. Wow.

I don't remember the names of the 3rd one or the other 3 we tried the second dozen Drew ordered. And they change daily so looking on the menu today will do me no good. I do know I got another drink, this time a Greyhound (grapefruit and vodka). That hoe bartender squeezed the liquid equivalent of a supreme into my cup and the rest was vodka. I was drunk. I was nice off the russian but by the time it was time to leave, I was wobbly. and giggly.

Drew and I make it home and I change into the gray nightgown he got me!!! Woo hoo!!! I love my gray nighty and I'm SOOOOOOOO wearing a gray wedding dress!!! He finds the aux cable and we listen to kanye's goodfriday releases from my itoones. I fall off the bed trying to rewind a line in Power remix. Yes, I was that chick who fell off the bed after two drinks. We laugh our asses off and I take to tweeting my engagement. I'm just glad I didn't make it onto FB that day cause I'd still be fielding phone calls!! Before I wrote "All my old guys know I'm the one who got away", I asked Drew if he thinks he's the one who got away from all his exes. he says, "Hell yeah! I'm a good guy!" We high five cause i think i'm a good girl for all my exes and THEN I tweet.

I'm in the silliest mood and I'm tripping myself out about the past 24 hours. Then I fall asleep! HAHAHA!

Recap- breakfast on the water, nap, window-shopping at mall, apt gazing, happy hour oysters + drinks, kanye, sleep!

Stace, Wake Up!

Drew and I went to Bonita Springs for a Caribbean Fest he was playing in. It was cool, the city itself wasn't all that but we went and came right back. We got back in time to watch the rest of the Cowboys game and we were both watching, on edge. OMG, as you may or may not know, we lost and lost STUPIDLY. One of the announcers said it perfectly, "The Cowboys have been beaten again, by the Cowboys."

I was so upset at the last play that I literally put myself to sleep. Some 3 hours later, Drew starts fidgeting around, hugging me, kissing my un-wrapped head, and telling me how much he loves me, asks if I love him, who loves who more... mind you, I'm still asleep for the most part; head under the covers, fetal position. "Do you love me, babe?" "Yes, darling you know I do." "Ok, good, cause I love you too." "That's nice." I'm trying to sleep and he shakes me, "Hey, hey, turn around." "What? I'm sleeping!" "Wake up, turn around" I turn my head to face him, squinting cause i'm not awake yet, "What?????" "I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

He puts the ring on my finger and I start laughing uncontrollably! Like, rolling around on the bed, wiping tears out of my eyes LAUGHING OUT LOUD. "ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!??! ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!??! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" "So is that a yes??" "YESSSSSS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA YOU ARE TOO MUCH! THIS IS TOO FUNNY!! DAMN, I'M AWAKE NOW! Awww babe, you're too cute!!! HAHAHAHA!!"

When all the laughing was done, he told me all the different ways he thought about proposing. He thought about using other people's children, putting inside of a cake, putting it on my finger while I was sleeping... then he realized the time was right (me sleeping?????) and he went with it. I'm play-play mad my hair was all un-wrapped, nails weren't done and I was half asleep but he said that it was perfect cause I went from zero to 100 in 5 seconds flat and he actually liked that I was drowsy. Weirdo!

Then we ordered sushi as usual and ate, he left for his show on SoBe, I called my mom and Jameil, chatted with Dani and decided to blog about it!

Now what's "weird" is that I thought I'd be on every social network screaming from the rooftops, "I's engaged!! FINALLY, IT HAS HAPPENED TO ME, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE AND I JUST CANNOT HIDE IT! (I loved CeCe Pen). But I called 2 people, chatted with one, and sent out a few emails to a couple more. No tweets, no FB status update or profile picture of a left hand. I think I'm scared of EVERYONE being all in my business and I've heard the stories of people assuming/inviting themselves to your big day... no, not I.

What's also funny is that Mommy and I pored over my T&C Wedding mag yesterday morning over tea, pancakes and turkey sausage. I showed her all the pages I tabbed and we commented on likes and dislikes of every page. I've only done that with Jam and only felt comfy doing that with her yesterday. Then 24 hours later...!!!

So yeah, now the planning begins!! OW!!

I Don't Understand

I don't know what's wrong. I am very happy right now. Believe it or not, I thank the Lord daily for not sending me to DC. Yeah, I was devastated when the school started but I honestly feel like this year is going better than any I could imagine. From a professional point of view, I am elated.

From a personal p.o.v., I go back and forth. I'm pretty much cool with being at home cause it allows me to take care of bills with ease. I can do whatever I want when I want to. I have a car I love and I'm doing well with, my credit score gets higher as I finish off little remnants of college, and my peoples are better (I think) than they have been in the past.

I think I'm in a good place. I appreciate where I am cause I'm sure it's where I should be.

So whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy isn't anyone else happy but me? I am comfortable in my own skin and situation, why are you "embarassed" (her words)? What haven't I done that is crushing your soul? I didn't buy a house. But I don't want a house. I really don't want to own a house right now. I don't want a lawn, I don't want HOA fees, I don't want any of the things that come with homeownership RIGHT NOW.

I don't have an advanced degree yet. Lord. Why doesn't anyone listen to me when I say I would give myself 3 years to get my tenure and then go from there? It took me 2 schools, 2 majors, 7 years to come out with something I was happy with. I didn't want to be a pharmacist. I'm sorry I disappointed you by changing my major but deal with it. I am happy doing what I do. Why can't you be happy for me?

Last but not least... fuck it. I don't even want to talk abt it anymore.

Cheaters

Have you ever watched that show? Why is it so hilarious? But at the same time so sad? I'm wondering if I could've been on an episode...

So you know I have a crusher. That's my term for someone who crushes. Yes, TM really likes me after one incident of dancing the night away and a couple games of bowling. And me being me, I don't encourage crushers but I def don't crush them either... am I an enabler??

Whatever the case, for week 3 of partying with the WBs, RJ, Tish, and I were supposed to go karaoke-ing. What ended up happening was me and TM playing pool. Yep, just us two.

Now in MY head, I don't like him like that. He's a bit off from various injuries, he's a vet, he smokes his medicine pretty much all day, he's just visiting for a month or two, etc. No reason to start anything even if I was single. Oh yeah, he has an ex-fiance and an ex-wife. Sir.

I regress. I don't like him. I don't want him. I do appreciate the attention b/c of what's going on in my personal life (will talk abt later) and I honestly just have fun with him. I see it as the beginning of a cool friendship with the opposite sex. But, I know TM doesn't see it that way and I can only imagine how DFB would see it if he was watching me on video from an unmarked van.

We shot a couple games of pool, of course he whooped my arse cause he's good at everything, he drank a mug of beer, I had water... I started getting hungry so we went to a nearby bbq restaurant. We ordered and ate and left. Then went to DD for a chocolate craving he needed to fix. Oh yeah, your boy LOOOOOOOVES chocolate. More than any guy I've ever seen. All kinds of chocolate too. o_O

We sat outside of DD while he talked abt some Marine stuff, things he did his freshman year at WVU before he joined the Corp, the fact you can give him ANY weapon whether he was trained on it or not, from bow n arrow to rocket launcher, and he can hit the target in 3 or less shots, from its MAXIMUM range (I thought that was a scary cool piece of info), talked about how he spent a whole month stalking, hunting, and trapping a top 10 villian so that was 30 he did not shower...his italian mother and his german father, etc. He found it remarkable I called him an "Axis baby" and thought I was even better cause I'm cute and smart. The whole time he's talking and stuffing his face with coffee and dough, I'm thinking, "I hope nobody I know happens to show up... that'll be fcuked up." Because I started feeling guilty abt what I was doing even though on the other side of that coin, I knew I wasn't doing anything, I got up and said, "okay, I have to go now."

My question to you readers, was I wrong? I'm on the fence with myself. My definition of cheating is surprisingly liberal and I will def talk abt that in another post cause the TM issue is far from over. But talk to me abt opposite sex friendships, can you make new ones or is someone getting set-up for the okie-doke?

Lord, Lordy, Lord

Y'all thought it was over, didn't you?

So he calls to make sure I got home, I tell him I got in by the skin of my teeth and that's all I remember. No, I remember thinking, "I'm never going to be able to fall asleep, the ringing in my ears won't stop."

I fall asleep and wake up and hour later than usual (8a). I text Dani to find out when exactly Ash's shower is and I really think I was on the verge of tears when she told me it was in about 3 hours. Aww man, might don't make it. I was clearly drunk when I woke up. And I had a slight headache. back to sleep.

Woke up at 1030 and told myself I have to start getting ready for the shower. My hair was a mess cause I think TM was running his fingers thru it...? and I of course didn't wrap that ish the night before. I check my phone and see a text from TM.

"Hey gorgeous! Just want to let you know I had the most fun in a long time! You are awesome! I hope we can hang out again!"

Lord.

I eventually make it to the shower; Dani directs me straight to the OJ... I think she told me to bypass all guests and just keep walking... that OJ was the best thing that ever happened to me that day!

I get another text from TM,

"How's your day going? I hope you don't have a hangover! You were stumbling a bit but don't worry, I had you! And no-one was going to mess with you!"

"I'm barely at a bridal shower, drinking orange juice. I'll talk to you later."

I don't know when I text him but I do know the 5 of us who were at SkyBar decided we would go bowling the next Friday.

Friday rolls around, TM and I have been texting general ass texts that would NOT be awesome if I didn't have unlimited everything...

TM: hope you have a good day!

Me: thanks, you too

Friday night, RJ and I are on the phone on our ways to the alley. We're thinking, "It bets not be date night at the bowling alley... I'm sure they'd like that but yeah, no."

We walk in and it's AWESOME! Better than the alley we girls went to when Kitty was here last! The side we're bowling on had black lights and music and ish... DAMN! This looks like it'll be fun!

Matt and TM show us the lane and we get started! Apparently, Matt used to work there and is a bowling genius. Do you know what a Turkey is? 3 strikes in a row. Yeah, that was his cup du jour. TM has a gangsta arm that bowls 20-25mph and ish... Me and RJ? 8lb ball, 7mph, gutter balls. Aww man, it was so sad!! But fun at the same time cause bowling is just fun in itself!

So Matt is watching our technique and he gives us pointers,

STRIKE!!!

I GOT A STRIKE!!! I GOT A FUTHERMUCKING STRIKE!!! Awww man, I'm doing cheerleading leaps and spirit fingers, TM picks me up and throws me in the air! I yelp and he says, "Aww baby, I got you! And I don't want to let go!"

BREAK

"You know I'm in a relationship right? It says so on my fasebook page."

"I know, I'm sorry. You're just so darn cute! I just want to pick you up and hold you! And if given the opportunity, I'd make you mine. But I don't want the karma of messing up what you got."

"You don't know me. This is out second time ever seeing each other in LIFE. I've known D since high school, you know? There's history there. So we can hang out with RJ and Matt and have fun and all that and and hug here or there... but you're going to have to admire me from afar."

OMG, i'm so full.

"I hear you sweetie, any time with you is good enough for me"

and then he kisses me hard on the cheek.

RJ's like, "Girrrrrrl, that boy is in LOVE with you!"

Lordy

We've bowled I don't know how many games and I start to get hungry. But hungry for pancakes. We leave the alley and go to Denny's. That's when more info comes out.

So we know he lives in Cali and is here visiting his cousins for a month or two.

He gets medical... natural medicine, yeah.

He is SERE trained

He has jumped out of and driven any and everything you can think of.

He can most likely take out anyone in a given place

Depending on the state, he is considered a deadly weapon

He's been a part of missions that have captured Top 10 villians

oh yeah, "[he] can keep [me] very, very safe". He is TRAINED and INGRAINED to put his life on the line.

*blink blink*

Lord.

TMI

Two weeks ago, RJ and I were on this, "We need to get white boy wasted tonight.". It was one of those weeks were everybody and their mother was getting on our nerves and we wanted to drink our tension away. We met downtown at the SkyBar and caught up on each other's lives. About 15 minutes in, we decide to start drinking. "I got the first round, what do you want?" I tell her to get me a White Russian and she's off to grab two. She comes back with two white boys and they weren't russian.

"Adei, remember Matt?! We went to SOA together!"

"I recognize the face, I'll have to dig out my middle school yearbook."

"Well, he and his cousin bought our drinks, yay!"

"Oh, yay! Have a seat!"

(lmao)

So introductions go around, RJ and I are sippin on really good white rush, the guys are drinking beer (duh) and the cousin starts telling a story about the Marine Rugby Team. Then I see his tatts on either arm. 'RUGBY' on one arm and the seal for the US.MC on the other. Whoa.

"So yeah, it's a pile up and all you hear is 'FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!' We get up and there's blood everywhere. Yeah, his bone broke and was sticking out. But my captain was more upset he had to miss the rest of the game!"

*cue the girly "ewwwwwwwwwwwww!"*

"Aww man, we're Marines! Recon, not desk jobs either!"

That went over my head but I knew better than to ask what that meant. I didn't feel like engaging a military man in what he does. Plus, you never know what kind of response you'll get.

We finish our drinks and Matt tells us the bartender is a... (the kind that throw bottles and cups and stuff... flamer?) show bartender AND he happens to be his best friend. "Let's do a shot!"

RJ and I look at each other and give the kanyeshrug. "Why not? We're not paying!"

I think The Marine made a dirty toast but I wasn't listening, the DJ was playing my song so I wanted to get on the dance floor. But before that happened, I got a text from Tisha saying she's on her way so we hang out by the bar for a few more minutes. Then The Marine busts into a solo dance. Loooord, look at this awkward WB...

Matt says, "You guys want another drink? The bartender is my friend!"

if he told us that one more time... I think it was his sad version of game

RJ and I look at each other and vote on a fruity drink. "Nothing with bananas and we're good." It was some kind of transparent punch drink the bartender came up with. I think there was sprite in it. Maybe it was sizzurp.

Tish shows up and gets a blue long island. More introductions and information. Come to find out, The Marine is also a martial artist, a championship swimmer, basketball player, track & fielder from West Virginia (ran against Randy Moss in high school) and computer geek. He was medically retired from the military cause he suffered too many concussions and started suffering from nerve damage. He was also getting black-out migraines. Then we hit the dance floor.

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!! Can I tell you how The Marine was dancing his ass off?!!?!? He knew the words to EVERY song and was get.ting it the whole night! Squats, dips, two steps, double time, shimmies, shakes, slow wines, cupid shuffles, butterflies, kid n play...

I was beyond surprised.

I was TRULY at a loss for words.

And then I was excited!

I hadn't danced like that since Labor Day 07 when Jameil came to visit and we did Nicky Beach!! Man!

I got thirsty, got another white russian and we danced some more. Baby Got Back came on and he cut up on the "Even white boys got to shout" part!!! LMAO!!!!! But

That's when the TMI (The Marine Incident) began.

"You are too much fun!"

"Oh I think I like you!"

"Are you okay, let me know if anyone messes with you, I'll fcuk their ass up!"

"You have a nice body!"

"Can I kiss you?"

BREAK

"Alriiiiiight, it's past 3am and I have a bridal shower to go to in a few. Tish and I will walk each other to our cars, seeyoulaterkthxbye"

They leave but I am in NONE shape to even walk down stairs. We stand and look down on the people below (lit and fig) while I try to regain some sense of ANYTHING. About half an hour goes by, we get into a little conversation with a Jamaican who was just saying all the wrong things so we REALLY decide, "Okay, time to go." I thought it was all good till I took a step. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuck, I'm white boy wasted."

Then TM calls.

Three Weeks Ago Today...

I woke up very excited. It was my only brother's wedding day! MY brother who at the mention of his name, to this DAY, gets a reaction for his rep in high school and college. My dog-ass brother who met the woman that would change all that. I started thinking about what I was going to say at the reception b/c siblings of the couple were expected to say something. Then I decided to let it come from the heart when the time came.

That morning, Drew and I got breakfast at this AWESOME bakery down the street. Crawfish with two eggs, gravy, and a biscuit. So simple and so awesome. OMG, it was def better than another broken egg! So that was at like, 730am. We went back to the hotel room and took a nap. I woke up around 10a and started flat-ironing Mini Me's hair. She had some natural looking ish sewn in and it was a beast! Noon rolls around and we're just walking around. Not sure what exactly is supposed to be done... my hair is wrapped with some body from the curls my hair-dresser put in two days prior, dress and accessories are ready... ho hum.

At 145, we get a text to meet in the dressing room at 2p. That upset me cause i'm like, "damn lil... no notice!" I hop in the shower, get my things together and head down around 245. I spend the next 2 hours kind of milling around. I had JR's hair-dresser throw a bump or two in my hair and that was it. Mini-Me did my make-up, I straightened her hair some more... ho hum. I pour JR some water to make sure she stays hydrated and I pretend to be busy so the photo could get some "candids" of the maids getting ready. We realize how quiet it is in the room and I made a note to self, "have music blasting while me and my girls get ready". JR asks for some music. "What kind?" "Rap, I don't want anything sappy cause it'll make me cry". For the one and only time in my life, I suggest Plies. JR emphatically agrees! Whyyyyyyyyyy...

did her BM put on Beyonsay? DANGEROUSLY I.N LOVE IS NOT THE SONG SHE WANTS TO HEAR AS SHE GETS READY TO WALK DOWN THE AISLE!!! you're fired. I take out my phone and play my UGK station on pandora. "yeaaaaaah!"

But the hair-dresser's grand-daughter is in the room so we end up going back to Bey.

445 rolls around and we're ready to rock. I look at all of us and marvel at how pretty our dresses are. We all looked really nice in our wisteria and eggplant *tear*.

In the hallway with the guys. Take more pics. Line up in front of the french doors that lead out. Game time!

5p, right on time, we start processing. Parents, minister, brother. Then Mini Me. Then me. I smile and walk OVERJOYED at the thought of what's about to happen. I look at our side of the space and almost start tearing up. This wonderful event brought family from near and far. People from GHANA and UK came to Panama City Beach to celebrate the union of my brother to his girl. I see his friends from MIDDLE school, I see Chargers, I see Rattlers. OMG, this is so awesome.

JR is about to walk down aisle and she looks breathtaking. She.looks.like a bride. As if my eyes went to soft focus (not tears), everything became hazy in a good way.

Ceremony goes on longer than it should've because pastor was not all there. He was repeating stuff, saying the vows Stan and JR were supposed to say (TWICE!!!!!), etc. I kept on looking at Stanley's face and I know what he was saying in his head, "Come on, man." He and JR had little convos here and there that were too cute and they held each other by the pinkies! A nice little humorous break came when someone on their boat decided to play RickJames' "Superfreak".

WOOOOOOW!! My cuz from DC was beside us taking pictures and it took EV.ER.Y.THING not to look at him and die from laughter!!! I made eye contact with the GMs and they peeped. How can you cut up while standing completely still??? They did!

Sand, rings, kiss, time to go! Man & Wife!! Now it's time for pics and the reception!

Last Night's Dream

I was in my room trying to turn on the light. I knew where the fan/light was but I could never reach the cord. Or when I did find the cord, it was for the fan. So I'm in my room with the fan on 3 just trying to turn on the light. The light in the hallway was on and gave enough for me to see there was a flying beetle on my arm. When I tried to kill it, the fan blew it away. I tried to lie down and there were 10 roaches on my pillow. I feel like my brother tried to come help me kill them or turn on the light but both our efforts were in vain.

I googled dream dictionary and came up with these two.

Darkness

If you dream that you are stumbling around and groping your way about in a dark room or building this is an omen that you do not have enough information about a person, place, or thing to make a clear decision. If you find the light switch, you will meet with success after acquiring understanding. A lost article will be found if you dream you were walking in the darkness.

Insects

Insects in a dream always represent obstacles that you must overcome to reach your goals, if you manage to exterminate them or they are not bothersome to you then you will meet your obstacles with strength, and be able to overcome them. Insects also represent excessive worry over certain things, meditate to find out what they might mean to you by using all the symbols in your dream for reference.

Two Weeks Ago Today

Drew and I woke up and headed to breakfast some 13 miles outside of Tallahassee. As I was driving to what was very close to the Georgia state line, I thought about the one time I drove out this far (and not cross into GA). It was for the very first champagne sip y'all have heard me rant and rave about.

Spring 2003, blah, blah, blah, you know the deal. White Boy Wasted before Gucci, yada, yada, yada. What really struck me was how long a drive Kitty and I had to make DRUNK. Yo, what the hell did we think we were doing? Not only were we driving from Bumbafcuk, but it was dark with barely any lighting and WE WERE DRUNK! Man, I was feeling that drive in broad daylight after a good night's sleep! It was only by the Grace of God did we and other party patrons made it home without any incident. Now if there were subsequent incidents that popped up... say 9 months later as a result of the aforementioned debauchery, that's on y'all!!

So we did breakfast. Blackberry grits are THEE best I've ever had! No more savory grits for me! I'm all about the sweet! Drew got a lobster omlette with a champagne cream sauce and I got a grit + crab cake with crawfish and company all on top of garlic french bread. The bread was great but I only had two bites. I try to limit my white carb intake. I've discovered I don't digest it well.

After brekky and the long drive back, I think we took a nap. Then we hit the road for Panama City Beach which depending on who you talk to, could take anywhere from 45min to 1.5 hours.

It took us 2.5 hours. Why? The way we were told to take was the 'one lane highway thru the backwoods of North Florida' way! The 'rebel flags and black nor jews are not welcome' way! Ugh, don't get stuck behind a slow moving truck or car... you know how much gas I burned speeding up to pass cars?? Not a fun thing to do. Then when we finally made it into a town that looks like Daytona's big sister who went off to college and got a little polish, it was just in time for traffic. Greeeeeat. So I'm stuck in traffic, I'm late even though I left well in advance, and guess what? We miss our turn. Well, I didn't miss the turn. My navigator missed it. You have know idea how many times we drove up and down the bride connecting Panama City and Panama City Beach... not my idea of fun. ESPECIALLY since his GPS ALWAYS flucks up.

We finally made it in time for the rehearsal and dinner. That went well; for me and Steph. We didn't talk to the other 3 maids the whole time. It was kind of the tone for the whole wedding weekend. Family kept to family. Steph and I talked, the other maids (cousins) talked. weird dynamic.

So on Thursday, I figured out I want a simple ceremony with food, family, and friends. On Friday, Steph and I discussed how everyone involved in the wedding should be friends. I can't imagine having a bridal party where the maids don't talk, don't know eachother, haven't spoken and don't speak. If y'all know me, I speak to everyone. But if I don't get as much as a head nod in passing ESPECIALLY AFTER I SPEAK...

So class, let's review!

Simple.

Friends.

Class dismissed!

One Week Ago

One week ago today, my brother got "married". In front of family and friends, my aunt, uncle, and I showered JR and her family with gifts straight from Ghana. Yards of fine cloths, scarves, jewelry, gin, etc. When all was said and done, my uncle said some things and placed JR's hand in my brother's. It was finished! If we were back home, that would be the wedding and the reception would begin.

As I get older, I look more to the traditions of my family. I was so excited to be a part of the Ghanian ceremony! I was very excited to see my family and JR's family participate in this joyous event. If you knew the headache that went into just Thursday, the minute it started, you would've breathed a sigh of relief along with me. Leaving Tally on time (her fam is in Micosukee), caravanning with family that was in town, prepping gifts and speeches... and on and on! My dad was thisclose to canceling it b/c most of our family friends wouldn't be in town till the next day. I'm glad he didn't.

Another thing I appreciated on Thursday was the simplicity of the event. Family. Friends. A table for all the gifts and dinner afterwards. That's all. No bouquets and boutonnieres. No mass made dresses and rental shoes. No venue that really has no reason to charge an arm & a leg. Just what's important; family, friends, food. That's how weddings used to be but unfortunately, "we" have gotten away from that. With the advent of wedding reality shows (bachelor/ette, anything on We/Oxygen, Cake _____, etc), I feel we've gotten away from what's important: family, friends, food.

I've been saying it for a long time, but Thursday confirmed for me how simple I want my eventual day to be.

Keepin It Real

cause that's just what I do!

So this weekend is my brother's wedding and Drew asked me to send him an e-mail of what to pack. I broke it down by the days and nights we would be there.

Long story short, in one of the days, I said "wear something decent, like a solid polo and either madras or seersucker shorts." He said he planned to wear jean shorts and I inadvertently went in on him.

"Drew, you can wear jean shorts whenever you want. Just not this Thursday, Friday, or Saturday. Matter of fact, I'll be nice. You can wear them on the way to NoFla and that's it." He wanted to know why not and I told him, "You can wear a faded tee and jean shorts when you're chilling. But when we're out, no jean shorts.

"Damn, so that's how you see me?"

"Noooooooo...

*damage control on 10*

I just know those are your comfort clothes but I want you to look extra good this weekend. You know I love you in those plaid shorts with your salmon polo..."

*flattery? yes?*

"Hmph."

*

I can't help that I'm brutally honest when it comes to clothes/style/fashion. If I love you dearly, I would want you to look your best, ESPECIALLY if I'm going to be with you. My parents are almost afraid to ask me how they look cause they know I'll keep it real!

I don't know what my mom had on one time but I told her she looked like she was going on date to a laundromat! How and where I got that imagery from is part of the "humor" in my critique but at the end of the day, it's very acute. It's kind of like when I'm on the phone and I hear noise in the background, I'll ask of some random ass situation. "It sounds like you're playing shuffleboard on your counter with a can of ravioli." is still one of my favorite deductions.

You know what, tho? I get it from my momma. I remember I bout DIED the time my dad had on some adidas tear away pants and a polo sport tee and she said "you look like the guy who follows rappers around, go change."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SHE SAID YOU LOOK LIKE A MALE GROUPIE!

So anyway, this will be the first time a lot of my family members will be meeting Drew and I want him to look his best! Can you fault me for that? *bats eyelashes*

I Do... my way.

In less than one week, my brother will be a married man! Can you believe that?! I can't! I am so excited for him! I love JR for him; she def makes him a better person. He strives to provide for her. How cute is that?

So since i'm not the MOH, I don't have to make a speech, right? JR said as his sister I do. We're going to see about that!

Yo, when did it become the norm for children to pay for their own weddings? What happened to father of the bride or at least the bride's family taking care of the wedding? We need to bring back those days! I'm not even trying to do it big, I just want to do it my way and I don't want to pay for it! *hmph*

I'm talking about my wedding as if I'm even engaged. Oh well, I like talking about it so I will.

I wanted some shade of green (besides 'sage') but it's supposedly bad luck. I think it's fake bad luck and just Ghanians hating on the color green ("you will not have that nigerian green"). But now that I think about it, green is color that not everyone looks good in; it doesn't matter the shade. I don't want my maids looking sick.

Drew is so on this Vegas tip... "Let's just have a bunch of our friends go out there and we do it! And party afterwards!" I see where he's going with that but Britney.Spears comes to mind when I hear "let's just go out to Vegas for a wedding." He says it's only B.Spears when you've known the person for 3 months and get divorced less than 3 months later. Well, if a fabulous and thought out wedding can be planned out there, why not do the same... where?

MIAMI, BITCH!

did you expect anything less from me?

Again, I just want to have my homies around and we eat, chill, party. And I get married in a pretty dress sometime in between, is that too much to ask? Oh yeah, family can be present... on only one day!

Pre S.

The post below is not pity party. it was just a stream of consciousness post.

"Where's #371?"

I just have the most backwards "luck" with things I "speak" into existence. I just KNEW I was moving to DC and teaching there this year. But it's kind of hard to teach when you don't have a classroom or even a school to go to.

I may be jumping to conclusions but let's keep it real; I haven't heard a PEEP from anyone in DC since I posted the "Congrats! You've been hired by DCPS" post on July 29. I take that back. I got an OOO reply from 4 of the 14 principals I e-mailed.

Add this to the list of things I said I was going to do but didn't. I hate this feeling. I feel like I'm all talk and no action. I'm pissed.

Then I try to look at the "bright" side. "Everything happens for a reason," and "It's not on your time but God's time" and all those platitudes you tell yourself to make yourself feel better.

Fuck that shit.

Now I'm on this defeatist attitude like, "Why'd I even bother?"

That's what I've been on since I left DC. Ups and downs; highs and lows. I'm feeling good knowing that everything in due time, then I drive to school and burst into tears in my parking spot. I tell myself, "This is a good time to save hella money" then I think of how I would ignorantly spend money on things that would make me feel better about where I am... again.

At the end of the day, I just wish I never got in the starting blocks.*

*reference to my deep seated fear/hate of running track. although i'm naturally talented in track and field, I HATED the sport b/c of the chance I would not come in first. I would rather not run than not win.

Sittin up in my room...

I feel like i rushed and didn't make line.

Day 7- Your Best Friend

I have two best friends.

The oldest one is Andrew. He's been my guy best friend since we met in high school my freshman year (Fall 96). We instantly clicked and the rest is history.

My other BF is Jameil. We met at the Illustrious Hampton University. I don't remember her freshman year but I know we had University 101 Honors. I'm sure she was the loud and obnoxious one reppin Queen City or something like that. Ugh. (lol)

I think we got closer towards the end of freshman year but I know for a fact we really hit it off sophomore year. I don't even know what instance brought us together but we've pretty much been inseparable (as inseparable as people can be living in different states!! LOL) "every" since.

Hmmm, I really want to know now... we never stayed in the same dorms, totally different majors... maybe during one of my trips to the dorm most of the KDY Queens lived in (DuBois Hall), I met her thru a Queen Journ major... that has to be it!

Whatever the case, we had a BLAST sophomore year! We frequented the on campus apartments together (for cool music and movies), ran around campus together (literally. like, it'll be 2:10am and Jam and I would be running around), chased after guys together (we stayed looking for an Expo with Carolina tags! LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and partied together (remember when Amerie's sister stepped on my foot and almost got her behind whooped, calmly?). When I got over my major (Rx), I would sit in her class (also cause I had a crush on her prof) and then we'd do whatever it is sophomore girls do (I really don't remember. Go to small caf for lunch?).

Right before junior year, I was abducted transferred from my Home By the Sea. Jameil and I kept in touch. I think we e-mailed like crazy. Then she introduced me to Blogger and that's how we really kept in touch with eachother's lives. It wasn't until 03-04 do I really remember talking to her on the phone on a regular basis. She was always the level-headed, rational one when I got delusional in my thoughts. I really love her for not being judgmental even though she kind of comes off as being so. Let me explain.

When I was going thru straight and utter foolishness with a guy, Jameil was never that friend who was like, "Oh helllll no! You need to leave him! Why are you still with him!? OMG, are you stupid for staying? He is thee worst!" She would listen to me rationalize foolishness of why he likes me more than his other girl (smh) or even better, come up with the brilliant idea of doing to him what he was doing to me. Then she'd and say something like, "Just don't get hurt. You know it's not like you to do that so why pretend that it is?" Almost like, "If you like, I love it" (even if she really doesn't love it. as long as you're happy...). From reading her recent post abt her mom, I'm sure she got that from her (letting you make your own decisions instead of telling you what to do). Those are my FAVORITE things about Jameil (rationality and objectiveness).

Now the reason why I say she comes off as judgmental is cause she knows what she likes and what she knows what she doesn't like. If you try to get her to see your way, save your breath. Jameil's mind is usually already made up. People may take her having a strong point-of-view as judging their p-o-v but that is totally not the case. She likes what she likes and entitles you to your opinion, take or leave hers.

Jameil and I have many common interests. One of the first ones we shared was InStyle mag. We used to spend hours poring over each page via phone. Utter glee emanated when we were in the same place with our magazines! (we have pics to prove it. word? iPhoto wants to show out now. ::FACE::). We also share a love of fashion. In a split second, we can tell you what's right or wrong with an outfit. we are firm believers in accessories and "less is more"/CocoChanel's "take off one thing" rules.

We have been known to be extra the life of the parties (FB pics to prove it) and we can have fun in a paper bag.

OMG, do you know how awesome that paper bag party will be?! PARTY IN THE BAG! I CAN'T WAIT! AND I KNOW YOU CAN'T EITHER!

I know you just got hyped off an imaginary party in a paper bag. Admit it, for a split second you really wanted to be invited to our Paper Bag Party. It's okay, you knew it would've been all the way live!

So yeah, my BFFL! Drew and Jameil!

Day 6- Your Day

I don't know what that means.

Like, my day today? or what I considered to be My Day (graduation day so far)? I'm confused. and i'm sure it's not that hard but i just want to know what 'your day' means.

I'm not in a good mood so I don't care to talk about either day. school in PBC starts next tuesday. teachers report to school tomorrow. not.happy. and not a peep from ANY of the 15 principals i contacted in DC. Wait, i got those 4 O.O.O. replies on friday, july 30.

so besides no contact, i spoke with a fellow COE classmate and she tipped me off to something i have to get taken care of but DC failed to mention to me. i'm trying not to get pissed cause i'm sure this is a lesson in patience. Did I ask the Lord for patience? I don't remember. but i do know He doesn't give you what you want, just what you need.

You know what else I'm upset about? I'm upset I am home. I.DON'T.WANT.TO.BE.BACK.ON.A.TWIN.BED.

I.AM.TOO.OLD.FOR.THIS.SHIT.

I.DON'T.MIND.VISITING.I.DON'T.WANT.TO.LIVE.HERE.

and I'll be so pissed if DC takes the 12 weeks it said to process my shit.

and I have to send paperwork to FAMU.

and I don't have that paper i took up there in June.

and moving has my mail all over the place, who knows where that form is.

i'm not happy right now.

on a nother note, my school got a A. i'm sure the principal is patting herself on the back. won't be able to tell her shit. too bad we didn't make ayp. oh well, esol students don't need to learn anyway. who cares about that subgroup.

Day 5- Your Definition of Love

This one is easy for me.

My def of love is Andrew.

From the time I became cognizant of wanting to find and marry the love of my life, Andrew has been there. I used to treat every guy I dated like he was "The One" (t.o.). I used to think being T.O. meant me being supportive and seeing past B.S. I thought since I liked him and he liked me, we were working thru rough patches and I was just supposed to be patient. All the while, Drew was being my dream guy.

To me, love is respecting one another. There can't be one-way love situations. You love what the person does, stands for, and says. Conversation or thoughts aren't dominated by one side cause there is a level of respect for what the other says.

Love is admiring one another. You wake up in the morning to a smooched face slobberer and it makes you smile. You get ready for a night out and you are still amazed at how good your love looks. But don't forget a donation of 10,000 pencils to an impoverished school in Africa has been made in your name calls for admiration, too. Or together, you buy enough nets for a village to ward off malaria. Admiration of looks, no matter how scary or gorgeous and admiration of actions.

Love is also sacrifice. It can be something as small as skipping a paid rehearsal to spend time with your love. Or big like doing something you just don't want to do, like move back home. Love is also letting your love follow their dreams, even if it means being apart.

Love makes you do some things. But one thing I've learned from all my dealings and then being with Drew, love isn't supposed to hurt. Love feels good. Love feels like what you've been waiting your whole life for. Yeah, there are ups and downs but like that corny behind Luther song, "I rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else"

And you know I have a couple songs to go with LOVE.

How I Know- R Hargrove

I Got You- T Lockhart (just listen to the song, it's the only I could find)

Something About Us- D. Punk

Lady in My Life- M.J.Jackson

Life is Better- Tip feat N. Jones

Where Would I Be- Kin

Groovy Kind of Love- P.Collins (remake)

Day 4- What You Ate Today

I got up at 555a and started getting ready for my trip back to SoFla. I figured I could eat something once I get to the airport for my 730a flight.

Yeah, no. Security at DCA is foolish. One person for a whole terminal?!? OMG, I was abt to cry cause I thought I was going to miss my plane!! I was ready to be back home; I missed Drew and my family.

Once I got on the plane the only thing I got was cranapple juice. I like it and thought I need to get the cans from the store.

Detroit. I should get something to eat here. Yeah, I don't want quiznos at 930a. *sigh* more juice and this time, I got pretzels.

We land, Drew is on his way, he has arrived. There are three bags in the passenger seat. One from Vicky's PINK (UM 'nalia) , one from Juicy (boyshorts), and the other was a plain brown paper bag. I SQUEAL at the sight of the brown paper bag cause I know it's sushi from my favorite restaurant in Hollywood, Nakorn. Hmmmmmmm! a shrimp tempura roll, two pieces of salmon sashimi and a ginormous tuna roll with tempura flakes and avocado.

HEAVEN in my mouth. So glad Drew thought of feeding me.

We nap, I wake up and want ice cream. Not grocery store ice cream but like coldstone. There's no coldstone nearby so we walk downtown. One place was too expensive, then I decide I want gelato. I get to the gelato place and want ice cream. I meet in the middle and get a chocolate chip gelato.

FAIL. I should've stuck with my usual strawberry & lemon but SOMEONE told me to try something new. Last time I do something like that...

We end up walking to the circle in the middle of the city and getting some lemon icee that was more water than icee. It was alright.

Now I want some more sushi. I'm going to order some from the place that stays open till 1a... hmmmmm, sushi. I would SO have a sushi reception if most of the people who'll be invited to my wedding were cool abt raw fish... oh well!!

Day 3- Your Parents

My dad loves to tell the story of how they met...

Washington, D.C. 1980, they were at a party my dad's brother was throwing. All the Ghanians in the area were there. My mom had on some red Jordache jeans and my dad was hooked.

That's all I got out of them! If I ask my mom, she just starts rolling her eyes and giggling. So cute!

They were married 3 months after Pops graduated from U.Mass, August 7, 1981 (oooh! anny is this SATURDAY!). Pops passed his pharmacy board exams but wasn't finding work in a racist Boston. Enter Florida. He drove down to Okeechobee, found a job and sent for his new wife and new daughter 9 months later. A year later, we move to a growing West Palm Beach and the rest is history.

My parents are the most loving people I know. Not in a mushy emotional way, just in the simple way of how they would provide any and everything for us. I know that's what all parents are supposed to do but as I get older, I think and thank them everyday for the blessed life I have. I have no worries about anything because I know Ricardo and Lyds will have my back.

Now this is not to say it's been smooth sailing in our household. Mom and I have bumped heads for most of my life. I actually remember thinking she was my evil stepmother when I was younger and I asked Daddy if she was. I wasn't convinced when he said no. The thing with her is that she wants the best for us and becomes almost a zealot for us. She almost loves too hard. She tried too hard to protect and shelter us, especially me. She def got more lax as more children came around. Or maybe SK2 and 3 just weren't taking it from her sooner. Of course high school was THEE worst. She used to come up to school to make sure I wasn't skipping and even chaperoned my junior prom. She was the reason I didn't get homesick NAN NOTTA ONCE when I went off to college. I couldn't wait to leave and be free. Everyone just knew when I went off to school, I'd wile out, but I didn't. That's what I wanted Lyds to realize when I was home. I wanted her to know she did a good job raising me.

Pops has always been the cool parent. Mom was the iron fist and Pops was the velvet glove. But because of his easy going ways (total opposite of his dad), I felt it more rewarding to meet his expectations and make him proud. With mom sometimes, we (Stafelt like she would find something, anything wrong. And if you call her out on it, that became a whole 'nother issue.

Whatever the case, together, they make an awesome parental unit!

Day 2- Your First Love (part 1)

I don't know how to respond to this one... how many first loves do we have? define first love? I'll go with my first thought to this topic. and then maybe a part 2 for the other thoughts.

My first love... music.

Are you really surprised?

*

I get it from my parents. I'd like to say more so my dad but come to find out, my mom has a lot of music in her background. She basically grew up in a jazz club. Her grandfather and subsequently her dad, my maternal great/grandfather were in a group called the Jazz Kings (mom's maiden name is Lamptey. It became okay for me to change my major to education because teachers are in my blood). They play the saxes. Mom told me as far back as she can remember, she and her mother would go to gigs. Mom would be so young, she'd sleep under the tables, hidden by the tablecloth. WOOOOOOW, MOM!!! HOW COOL IS THAT?!!? Grandma stopped taking her when she was 6 cause that's when the next baby (Auntie Mavis) came along.

So that's how mom contributed. Pops contributed to my love for music when I was actually around.

A major reason why Saturdays are my favorite day is that was when Pops would put records on the turn table and blast music. All the windows open "for fresh air"; jamming. The whole family (before Mini Me) would be up doing chores to Osibisa or Fela or Bob or Herbie or Isaac or Manu, Brothers Johnson, etc. Stan and I changing pillow cases and folding clothes, mom doing laundry, Pops doing the yard. Oh gosh, I remember the day on MyStace when I heard Soul Mak.ossa and it took me back to 7 years old.

*opens iToons to play song, on repeat*

I got my first turn-table when I was around 5 y.o. It was a Fisher-Price one but it played real records. I remember playing a 'baby records' (45s) like "Iron Lion Zion". Don't remember the song but I remember the title and wondering what Zion was.

So besides being inadvertent avid music listeners, the three of us children took piano lessons (I stopped when I graduated form high school) and the older two learned other instruments (clarinet and tuba for me, baritone and cello for StanKK). I went to art school in middle school for music, became the first girl to play tuba at the SOA and the high school I graduated from. My Senior Superlative was Most Musically Talented. In high school, my side hustle was teaching little kids how to play the piano.

That's it on a literal level.

Music for me is a drug. I can't not have it. It enhances my mood. When I'm elated, MJ puts an extra pep in my step. The days of trifling men and broken hearts got "Brokenhearted" (middle school) "I Can Love You" (high school) and Miseducation (college). LOL, I remember Dani text me one time, "Stop listening to Lauryn! You don't need that right now!" But she helped me! when you listen to a song enough and cried with it on repeat, you get tired of the song and the feeling associated with it. With me, it's like a light switch, "Okay, I'm over it. Wipe my tears, let's rock this." Then I play Tribe or something. LOL

My strongest memories are of course not attached to a place or scent, but to music. Right now, I'm playing Sole Makosa...

I'm seven years old on a Saturday morning, changing pillowcases. Stanley and I are running around trying to find our favorite pillow case, a khaki one with what I now know to be cherry blossoms. It doesn't matter what pillow it's on, we love that pillowcase. I got it this time. Mommy is telling us to come and start folding the clothes she just took out of the dryer. We are folding and watching The Adventures Winnie the Pooh on abc. Daddy's in the front, cutting the grass. Mommy's in the kitchen making pancakes. Big Breakfast today! I want some tea. Mommy makes me some and says I can have it when I finish folding.

Music is also what brought Drew and I together. He's a musician and an audio engineer. We became friends in high school cause we'd go to the practice rooms of the band room and play piano. Plus, we both played low brass so I sat by him. I love going to his shows and I kind of fill my photog need by being the band's photographer.

Oh, music. How I love thee. You are everything right to me in this world.

Day 1- Introduce Yourself

Let's see if I can do this. Would be nice if I could complete a blog challenge, don't you think?

*

Well, I'm Adei. Adei means "First Daughter" and it's in the line of names my dad's family uses. It's not really MY name but it's in the first daughter "pool" of names. I could go into the whole thing with Ghanian names but that's s whole 'nother post.

Trying to give you an objective view of myself... I think being the first/oldest daughter has def contributed to my ways. If you're thinking i'm super organized and assertive and take charge, think again. I'm more hippie than alpha male. I'm rarely phased and I now know it's cause I'm the first child.

As the first child, I was coddled. On top of that, mom staying at home gave me an AWESOME foundation for learning so school has always been a breeze. So much so that I skipped a lot and even got bad grades. Not cause I didn't know the material, but b/c I

a) either didn't go to class

b) didn't do the class/homework cause I knew I'd do well on a presentation or test or paper.

Oh yeah, I figured I do well on tests too soon in life.

Another first thing with me is generation. My peeps are from Ghana but I was born and raised here in the US; cool. I grew up Ghanian (but they gipped us out of learning to speak the language). Because of that, I usually feel removed from a lot of the issues I hear regarding race and race relations in America. It's also part of the reason I made sure I went to an HBCU. I wanted a "black experience". Oh, Hampton. ('nother post).

On a lighter note, I trip Jameil out when I try to say colloquialisms or sayings. For example, I may say something like, "What's good for the goose is also good for the rooster" or "Well isn't that calling the pot a kettle!" Yeah, all wrong. Thanks, Mom!

*By the way, my mom still thinks 'Now & Laters' are called 'Now and Afters'

Because I am the first daughter, there's a lot of pressure on me to do what my parents say. Even at 28, I'm still learning how to be independent/assertive. I used to balk at my younger siblings for being so disobedient. But they were just finding their own way sooner than I was. I was used to doing what I was told or being heavily guided. I get nervous with great, massive change, especially if it comes on my own accord.

Right now, I'm in the middle of a move halfway across the country (North-South wise) and I'm nervous as all get out. My peeps weren't cool with it but now my dad is. Mom doesn't know (lol... kinda).

STAY TUNED!

Guess What?

I've been hired by DCPS!

WOO HOO!!!!!!

Keep praying for me, I need to find a school who is in dire need of a kindergarten teacher!

and I know beggars can't be choosers, but I want a school that's predominantly "minority". Like, 70% black, 20% hispanic, 10% other.

what?

"I'd like to call up Angela and Danielle to the front... these two ladies are spending their last Sunday with us because one is moving to New York and the other is moving to California! Let's pray for them and wish them all the best!"

*applause all around*

Our Father? Cannon? What ever he is made an announcement similar to that abt 6 weeks ago. I was beaming with pride cause Dani clued me in several weeks before it all happened and I was soooo happy to see it come to be. The other one, *shoulder shrug*. I just "feel" for the liturgical ministry we'll be missing. (sarcasm)

During the peace time of service, one of the ladies I actually like* at church scurried over to me with great concern. Her face was painted with worry as she started to speak, "Angela and Dani are leaving! You're not going anywhere, are you?"

I was touched; smiled to show my appreciation and assured her I wasn't going anywhere. "No, I'm staying right here." She gushed and hugged me. "Good."

The minute I got home, I started applying to school districts in northern virginia and Washington, D.C.

*

What crossed my mind the split second after I was happy someone was worried I was leaving was, "Why can't I go?" It seemed like everyone was able to go on with their lives but I have to stay where I am? No, I don't have to stay, but it was highly recommended and strongly suggested I keep the "good" thing I have going. It started with my father "putting his foot down" when he found out I was moving out last year. Then at the end of the school year, he was all with the "So things are looking good... you don't need to go anywhere. You have your tenure, why lose that and start over wherever you're going?" etc.

You already know mom was upset I moved out last year. It took me flying to Texas for interviews for her to realize I'm really moving on with my life, 3 years after she persuaded me to come home after graduation. But when I was walking down the street in Arlington, she called me and wished me the best cause she knew it was time for me to grow up. Let's see how she takes my pending move to the DMV... it seems like I always have something up my sleeve when she's gone.

Believe it or not, my brother has not been the most supportive of my ideas to move. I'm sure in his head, he's being concerned but with questions like, "So if you move but don't get a job in DC, how will you pay your car note?" (that was the latest, there were tons more when TX was on the horizon), he makes me feel like I'm a dreamer. Maybe I do come off as a dreamer cause I've been talking a big game abt moving every summer. But people don't know what goes on in my head that prevents me from leaving.

Martina said it best once, "I know you like to keep details to yourself so stop me if I'm asking too many questions...". She's right. I've learned to keep certain things to myself. Why? Cause when I talk abt it, it doesn't seem to happen. Remember all that talk of moving back to Tally for grad school? Yeah, the whole neighborhood knew abt it (I only told Stan who told his friend and the rest his history) and it was hell getting questioned abt why I was still in WPB the following school year. "Not enough students applied so they won't be having that major this year." Then the pseudo sympathetic look...ugh.

Whatever the case, despite the haters and even the lovers who really want what's best for me and think it means staying right here, I have a support group of friends near and dear to my heart who have been praying me up. I'm counting on them and myself to make this the year I do ME. I can't stay here for you. I can't help with Koko, I can't join ECW. I can't do faux long distance, I can't be a club sponsor. I can't live with my parents, I can't do City Place. I'm too big for this big village. I love you, WPB but I love me more.

* regarding the women at my church; I speak to all of them, I tolerate many, I like very few.