put on a happy face

While I was going thru my personal turmoil, honestly for WEEKS now, never once did anyone say, "Hey Ms. K, you seem off. Are you okay?" Not that I was looking for that cause I really don't want people all in my business but, Dani said it plainly one day on GChat. "You're too put together." Being a woman, I think we feel like we have to keep it moving, put on that happy face and pretend like everything is okay when in fact it is not. I def don't want my class to suffer as a result of what's going on in her personal life but is Ms. K suffering?

Something like Katrina had to happen for my gates to finally come crashing down. I.broke.down.in the school elevator yesterday. I was tired of pretending everything was ok or was going to be okay. I crumpled up in the corner and bawled. Luckily, no one needed the elevator at the time so I had a few precious moments of cleansing cry before the second floor beckoned. The door opened and a parent walked in. "Oh Ms. K, are you alright? I've never seen you like this, you're always so happy!" I wiped my tears only to start crying again when I replied, "no I'm not ok. I'm very unhappy right now. My personal life is a mess but you know what? I will be ok. I have to be."