angst

that's what i'm feeling right now. i'm in that mode where i wish i could just crawl into a black hole and hide till everything bothering me disappears.

can i be that ostrich that sticks its head in the ground? i really, really wanted to do that yesterday.

if i don't see it, it doesn't exist, right? is that way it works? no? can we make it work that way?

i don't know what's up with my psyche. i have issues. my ups and downs (more specifically my downs) are making me take notice.

are my hormones out of whack?

am i that bored that i'm driving myself crazy?

is music really that bad that i actually curse several times a day whenever i hear drake/nikki/alicia/wayne?

i want to go back to being a little girl and having everything taken care of. i don't want to take care of me anymore. i don't want to pay bills, i don't even want to work.

maybe that's what it is. that's where this anxiety is coming from. i don't know where i'll be in a few weeks. will i be in dc? i'm sure i will be but dc is not going to make me 8 years old again. will i be in wpb? i would rather not work than go back to that school.

i have to squeeze in all my doctors appts these last few weeks cause if i do move, i'll be without insurance for a lil minute. not cool, especially since i'm going up north.

man. too much to do and think about. and i'm on vacay. i don't think i need all this time to myself.

i just need a sabbatical.

It's Been a Long Time

As my g-male update-twitter pre-cursor thingy states, I'm "plotting"...

How can I get out of the school I don't like working at?

How can I get out from under my mother's ever present thumb?

How can I get out of a town I was born and raised in?

How can I get out of a state that passed a bill that affect my profession and livelihood?

How can I get to the state I've been dreaming of since 2005?

Well, I took initiative and had a job interview with Arlington ISD. I think it went well. I'm a person who takes signs and symbolism very seriously and the lady who interviewed me come from a school where the mascot is the Bee. The mini alcove that leads to my room has a beehive and 19 bees buzzing around it (busy bee classroom). My bulletin board is bee-filled. I'm sure that's a good sign.

Another thing I've been plotting is my birthday. Y'all know I love my birthday. I said Vegas a couple weeks ago but that has been put on the back burner. We're doing my favorite city in Florida, MIAMI!!!

I've reserved a fabulous hotel and made a tentative schedule for me and my Fave 5, three which are blogger fam! manis, pedis, sushi, pool, beach, drinks, ceviche... all that! 28 is going to be Great!

*I want another slogan for 28. Y'all get on it, please and thank-you*

Speaking of plotting, let me just let y'all in on what Lyds has up her sleeve. She wants to talk to Drew. Tell him pick up the pace. i think she thinks if I get a ring, I won't go to texas. I know that's the bottom line for her, me not going too far. Oh well. I've been here for what seem slike forever and have been longing for TX so if I do get a ring, I'll be planning a wedding from the Fun Capital of the Lone Star State, Arlington. Shoot, I might make it a "destination" wedding, while you playing... (based on the strict def of dest. wedding... a place where guests have to travel 100 miles or more to attend).

So, that's what's been up. TTYL!

Bet.

So what days are you free? You wanna try Tampa or Orlando for Spring Break?

Well, I'm playing Friday night, Saturday evening, and Tuesday night. I have studio work Monday and Wednesday. Let's plan for Thursday- Saturday.

Maaaaan! What am I supposed to do till Thursday?!!?

I don't know! That's on you! It's your Spring Break!

*light bulb*

And there it is. You are absolutely right. I'll talk to you later, bye.

End Call

It was another one of those moments when I realized I'm planning my life, even something as insignificant as Spring Break, around him. It was another moment where he, unintentionally, gave me a wake-up call. And now I'm mad I can't go anywhere fantabulous lest I pay upwards of $479 dollars. But poor planning on my part doesn't call for an emergency on kayak's part. I now must re-group my plans, as usual.

the Life game

younger siblings- 4, older siblings- 0.

another one bites the dust.

she doesn't have a wedding date yet but she just got engaged. she will be graduating with her master's next spring.

my brother, the doctor, has a wedding date. next labor day will mark the 5 year anny he and JR met to the day.

be still, internal angst.

Nuptial Updates *updated*

1.

Tomorrow, I'll be attending the wedding of a person I don't like. He's my brother's best friend and he's a neighbor. I am going ONLY b/c the groomsmen are wearing white tuxes. You know how much I love a white tux wedding!

There is irony in the previous statement. I've come to hate white tuxes so much that I love seeing them cause their ghetto fabulousness make me squirm with snobby fashionista glee.

Yeah, all that.

So yeah, 'men are wearing white and brown, 'maids are wearing brown dresses with pink sashes, bride is wearing white with pink sash and the groom is wearing white with pink vest/tie.

I.can't.wait.

2.

Remember that August wedding I haven't gotten an invite for? Godmom called today to ask for my address so I can get mine!!! Ummm, she's getting married the last week in August and you're just now asking for my addy? Well, it turns out, since we're unlisted in the phone book, the bride-to-be's aunt couldn't find our address to send us one. It took her this long to call someone who knows our phone number to get our addy!! Argh!! I found out the wedding is in Atlanta... at little upset about that cause she was born and raised here so why not have the wedding in your hometown? And your dad is an elder in one of the oldest baptist churches in West Palm? Well, whatever floats her boat.

3.

Drew is turning 30 next July. The plan was to be married before his 30th birthday but last night, I realized, "What's the rush?" I will be living by myself for the 1st time ever and if I like it, I may want to do it for another year. In another state. Yeah, TX is still on my mind HARD so I think... I will be there next school year. Maybe next two school years. we shall see :-)

4.

All the wedding and engagement updates on FB have been replaced with baby showers. Everyone born in 1982 has spawned sometime in the past 6 months or will have multiplied within the next 6 months. I just don't want my eggs to dry up before I finish doing me. I will be sad if there can't be any mini Me's :-(

UPDATE: I spoke too soon. Just saw my best friend all thru elementary and middle school is now engaged.

wha's really good?

do i have any friends???  why is it that i am sitting at home, bored out my skull on a friday night???  the only time i go out is when Kitty is here???  that can't be!!

thinking to the last time i went out... yeah, it was with kitty... in tally.

okay, b-day weekend, jam and I had a blast in coconut grove so maybe that was the last time...

whatever the case, i am soooooo sitting here, sooooo bored.  my bro and his BFFL just ironed their shirts and hit the road.  where are they going?  i don't know but while they're out, even if its just to parking lot pimp, i'm sitting on the couch listening to delilah.  i felt like such a loser when she got on the air and said, "where my ladies at?  hmmm, i bet you're home cozy, scrapbooking or eating a bowl of ice cream"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT LADY!!!! SCRAPBOOKING!?!?!?!? EATING A BOWL OF ICE CREAM?!!?  PROBABLY MAKING SOMETHING OUT OF DECOUPAGE!!?!!? TALKING TO 1 OF 6 CATS!!?!!?!!!?!!!?!!!  NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

i need a prescription for fab.  i need to get back on my jet-setter tip. i need to hit up drew and we need to take full advantage of his proximity to so.be.

1st things first: find my own place.  one cannot be fab in her parents' house.

2nd: new car.  the tima has done her time.  i think G35 but i know altima

okay, we're on a mission this summer.  i can't be this bored and not put it to use.

I have to update you all on something.

You know how I just KNEW I was getting out of here; moving back to tally with my homie Kitty and attending grad school??  yeah, well the assistant dean called me on my cell phone and let me know that there will not be a fall 2009 class.  Why?  

Only TWO people applied!!!  ONLY 2 PEOPLE APPLIED to get a Master's in Elem Ed!!!  

*sigh*

The dept needs at least 10 students so it's not even close.

I canNOT spend another year here.

*

Aside from that info, I was actually more hurt at telling Kitty I won't be back.  But, I do know EVERYTHING happens for a reason so I am actually, taking it well.  I see it as I am not meant to be in Tally this fall.  Dean Newell said she'll hold onto my app and put me down for Spring 2010 in hopes that more people will apply.  We shall see.

In the mean time, I told Drew I think we're getting too comfortable.  he felt the need to let me know that he feels taken for granted and I let him know, "well, we've been doing the EXACT same thing for over 2 years so I don't know what you want me to say.  You're right, I do think, 'Drew will be there'...*shoulder shrug*  what do want to do about it?  We can't do this forever"

He wants me to move down there this summer.  I asked if Broward county schools is hiring.  They aren't.  I guess I won't be in the 'wood then, now will I?

What's next in my life?  We can't do the same thing 2 years in a row!?  Come on change!!

Yes, FB!

So normally, FB makes me feel like an unaccomplished slacker who is not living the life her personality was made for. Between engagements, weddings, baby showers, and just plain living in a real city with your college classmates a stone's throw away... I've come to "hate" FB BUT, derive some sadistic pleasure from being in the know no matter how much it hurts my pride.

Earlier this week, a girl I went to highschool with had a status that basically told everyone she's pregnant. Something like, "this baby is already wearing me out!" Naturally, my jaw drops. Then I text DaniQ. She got married a year ago and got engaged at her boyfriends pick day or whatever it is when newly graduated medical doctors pick the school of residency they want. Engagement at your doctor-BFs pick day? An awesome cultural conglomerate wedding of irish and hindu mix? Now a baby???

*sigh*

I tell myself not to compare cause I am right where I am supposed to be, even if I don't know it right now.

But daggumit! Can I get at least one fab thing in my 20s?!? Life in a big city? Living the nomadic party life? A ring on my finger? Buying my 1st house? A credit score without a negative sign?! Sheesh!

*Rant over. Back to original post at hand*

I went to aforementioned chick's page and read a wall post by another HS classmate of mine.

"You're pregnant?! How can you be pregnant? I've known you since we were 10! I suppose congrats are in order but you just made me feel old and unaccomplished. CONGRATS ANYWAY!!"

*snicker*

1. She's a Cancer and can "get away" with the compliments that follow condemnation

2. She said out loud what most of us are thinking. LOL

I love Liz.

Motivation

Look at my most recent posts... how bi-polar am I??

*

So, my dad was watching t.v. as I limped across the t.v. room to the couch. For whatever reason, my hip was paining me and it hurt to put weight on it. Pops noticed and told me to stand up in front of him. He turned off the t.v. and told me about myself.

"You are 26 years old and your hips hurt. You don't do anything for that to be happening; you have no kids and your job isn't strenuous. You are unhealthy. You live an unhealthy lifestyle that consists of work and home. The most you do is sit in front of the computer and type for hours. When was the last time you even went for a walk?

I really wanted to say, "I checked the mail today" but my better judgement got the best of me

There are two dogs that you can walk right now but you can't cause your hips hurt. Or you have a headache. If continue at this rate of eating mcdonald's every other day and not exercising, you will run into problems before you are 30. You think you're so small and cute now, this is your metabolism from highschool. What are you doing to maintain it? Join a gym. Pick up your tennis racket. Do something with your life."



*hurt face*

Damn, Daddy.

Did he really have to say, "Do something with your life"?

*serious pout with the lip poked out*


The teacher I did my internship with went from a 22 to a 18 in 4 weeks and she's getting smaller by the week. How? Boot Camp. $50 for 8 weeks? Tuesday and Thursday? I can do that.


*pronounced blink*


At least its an excuse to get some work-out clothes. Kitty and I did it big when we were in our yoga phase for all of a week. I can use some gear to match the gray sneakers I own...


SEE!?!? I'm alrady thinking about the wrong thing!! I need to be thinking about my health!! Its going down the toilet and all I can think about is finding some yellow clothes cause I like the way yellow and gray go... FOCUS!!

I actually can't wait. I remember doing tennis at FAM and I was so healthy it was disgusting. All I drank was water and ate well. Having a coach and nutritionist makes a difference... The conditioning before tennis practice alone made my life better. Everything was better. Skin, hair, nails, grades, social life, EVERYTHING! Okay, we're going to get back into the fit and fab life! Go Me!

I Want...

to get up and go to church

a new camera. I've gone through THREE since Dec 2006

an extra Saturday this week since yesterday was a TOTAL washout.

my hair to be a tad bit longer

a battery for my Makbook so I can use it tether-free

to win the lottery so I can travel at leisure

to get my Masters within the next three years

to get a A.A in Art History

Obama to stay out of the limelight for at least a week.

I want him to take a deep breath and take his time. He has at least 4 years to work things out. It hasn't even been 100 days.

to know what I really want in life.

Random Day

1. Ummm, I have FIVE pairs of Chucks.
Pink, Cream, Green, Yellow, Red.

Really, Stace?

The next number I have multiples of is 3. Then there are a lot of fraternal twins


2. I don't think I'm going to get tired of American Boi. Estelle is my GIRL! and you know I love 'Ye

3. I just found out an ex, the first boyfriend I had at FAM, passed away last week. Gastric bypass gone wrong. I was shocked, more so by how big he must have gotten to need gastric bypass.

4. I have to get my chronic sinusitis in order. Just found out my grand uncle and Ghanian godfather found multiple myelomas in his nasal cavity. He's been a long time sufferer of sinusitis.

5. I still can't open my mouth to its widest cause of what the ortho tech did to me and the resulting infection. I was almost in tears trying to eat a breakfast sandwich from Micki Dee's this past Tuesday

6. Last week, I was thinking if marriage is what Drew and I do on the weekends but everyday, I'm not sure I want that. Kinda boring.

7. I still don't know what the Poke feature on Stacebook means. Mini Me said it's to get someone's attention. the person who has been poking me EVERYDAY has my phone number and unlimited text... I don't know what the problem is.

8. My car has been at the shop since yesterday evening. You know how much money that thing is going to cost if its been getting worked on for 24 hours? Now I know they aren't working on it round the clock but damn! Where is my Tima?!

9. Diana Ross is my celebrity idol. I love her almost as much as I love MJJ. When I was younger, I used to fluff out my hair out and sing along to her videos; much to the dismay of Mom Dukes

10. Drew and I have challenged Dani and Shayne to a game night. Jam and Rah, Joy and Kesi, Patti and PHI, La and BOB, y'all are next in our Will and Grace-esque domination.

11. I am seriously going to have a coffee table book of children's art one day. It's like invented spelling without words. So straight to the point and literal. and don't let there be a caption like, "It is sunee. We can rid bix" (It is sunny. We can ride bikes. the long 'I' is tricky, as is the trailing 'y')

12. On the way home from work on Friday, I realized I only want one child. A girl with the prettiest name I can think of. But that can be lonely...

13. I really want a black Coach with gold hardware. This one. But she's too big for me. I cyber tried her on.

14. I think I might send myself some flowers on Friday. Naw, I'll just get some from Publicks.

15. I'm bored.

16. I'm waiting for 'Single Ladies' to come on the radio while Drew and I are in the car so I can abruptly ask Drew if/when he's going to put a ring on it. I think that would be an awesome ice breaker.

17. I need new music in my life.

18. I think I need a good cry. I feel like I'm on emotional auto-pilot

19. My bro is turing 25 this Thursday. I can't believe it. I hope 25 is as good for him as it was for me. Then there's the other side of 25...

20. I burst Jameil's bubble about going to the beach in Virginia in October and it was funny.


-log out-

Meh

I knew V-Day wouldn't be a big blowout cause the band had a show on SoBe and I knew that the surprise tix to see Jaz Sullivan, Mewsic and Nee-Yo on Wednesday were my V-day gift but still


St. Valentine's Day was wack.


I ended up not going to their show cause I knew that while couples from all over South Florida would be pouring into the club on 8th and Ocean, I'd be sitting on a couch watching Fashion TV. It was 10pm when I told Drew, "I'm not going" and he had a mini hissy fit.

"You don't want to be with me on Valentine's Day?!"

"I don't want to sit on a barstool for hours on Valentine's Day"

"But it's Valentine's Day!"

"Since when were you a stickler for holidays? Plus I won't be WITH you, I'll be watching you work. I'd rather stay here where I have a bed and the option to change the channel"

*shoulder shrug*

What?


We exchanged gifts the day before for some weird reason. I got a white gold bracelet. The top half looks like iced out lace. It looks like the estate jewelry I'm digging. Very pretty, can't wait to show it off.
He got a juicer and was sooooo geeked. Pineapple juice was the best. Kiwi was good and would taste awesome mixed with liq. We need to add lemon juice to the apple juice to prevent it from turning brown. It may taste good but, you do eat with your eyes too.


This weekend, I was supposed to talk to him about what I've been screaming on this blog (thanks Rashan lol). He shut down about his family. I told him I feel like he's hiding something from me and as his best friend, I'd really appreciate it if he told me what's going on. I got a borderline curt response. Okay....?

I expressed my anxiousness at turning 27 this May and what I'm going to do with my personal and professional life. Told him TX is out of the picture and he suggested moving to Broward. I told him, "I couldn't live here with you. This place is way too small. Plus, I'm not trying to be a roommate." His response? "If I wanted a roommate, I'd move in with Lawrence" (lead singer/friend. not real name) Okay. we're taking some baby steps here...

I'm so much better at writing. I think I'm going to send an e-mail. This talking thing is for the birds.

*

Seeing how Twitter isn't on my new page, another frat boy homie got engaged this weekend and there's a video on yootube....?!?!



*blank stare*



*eye roll*




Booooooooooooo.......

blah

I don't really have much to say. but I don't want a week to go by without ANYTHING so here are some random things on my mind


I am more excited to see what M.O. is going to wear as her inaugural gown. I hope she picks the no name chick from the Chi she's been wearing and not one of the big name designers who dress celebrities all day, everyday.

I swear today was everybody get married or engaged day on facebook. I know I swore it off last year but that was when guys were doing the damn thing and proposing left and right. today, it was chicks I know and family in ghana. albums from everyone's vantage point. i was actually surprised about how nice one wedding was... based on the couples' website, i thought it was going to be some hood ish.

the school year is half over. we have reached the 90 day mark. 100th day of school is jan 30 and I can't wait. i think my kids will count out 100 cheerios and m&m's for math. do 100 jumping jacks? read 100 books? we'll figure something out by then

i think jill b.is so cute. its too funny that she got shushed. "did you just 'shush' me?!" is my automatic question to that! LOL I wish somebody would shush me...

it was overcast all day today. no rain or anything. just clouds and wind. it made the temp feel much cooler than it really was. and 2 cold fronts are coming thru this week. so much for my barack tees everday this week. maybe i will layer...i'm good for that. i love the longsleeve/short sleeve look. yeah. there it is.

been doing some thinking... 2009 is not looking cool. i can't say that i've been happy yet. the one person who used to be my hero isn't anymore. it saddens me and i just wonder, if other things pick up in his life, will I?

had good ole convo with God on the way home today. I seriously asked him, "let me know what's up, Dude."


I need to be missed. Pull a disappearing act or something.




that's where I am today. toodles.

Not Happy

And being sick is the least of my worries. I can take medicine for that.

I am a 26 y.o. sleeping on the same TWIN bed she had since forever. I am in the only house I've ever known, with the same furniture and the only thing new is the junk and the color on the walls.


I am so not happy right now. It hits me like a ton of bricks how unfab this is and how it wasn't supposed to be like this. Up until Christmas Eve, everything was okay. Then people showed their asses and I've been on thin ice since then.

I am going to be 27. TWENTY SEVEN years old in 4 months. You think I still want to be cleaning the bathtub in my mother's house as if I'm getting allowance?


I washed my hair this afternoon. Blow drying it left some hair on the bathroom floor. Naturally, I swept it up, wipe the counter down and basically left the bathroom a little neater than I found it. Mom comes home and says, "I see you swept. Go ahead and take out the trash since you added your dirt to it"

Are you fucking kidding me? Are you serious? How many ti-

OMG, I can't.

My bro comes home from work and she asks him to take it out. The nice way to say "hell naw" comes out and the guilt tripping, hollering and shit begin. "Yeah, people want to lie in bed all day and not doing anything but be on the computer and do their hair and they expect me to clean up after them..."

Really? So after working 5 days -3 of them sick, 1 very sick- I have a Saturday to rest and actually sleep in seeing how I get up at 530am M-F and this is the bullshit I have to hear? Are you fucking kidding me??! Get the fuck out of here with that bull shit!


Then there's the BF who quite frankly, has been on my list. Last year when I was sick, he picked me up, took me to his place and cared for me. His ole physical touch self was even demanding kisses despite my runny nose and sneezing fits. Yesterday, I get the text, "are you contagious? Maybe you should stay up there cause I don't want to get sick"

Are YOU fcuking kidding me?! I'm over you right now. I'm over this 13 year bestfriendship 2 year relationship and all we do is meet up on the weekends as if we're some college students in a long distance relationship. 2 years of a pseudo long distance relationship? Really?! I'm good enough for sushi only on the weekends? That was cute at first, but not when you're a 26 bout to be 27 year old who is still sleeping on the same twin bed she got when her little sister was born almost 19 years ago. If this is what you want, come see me in Texas.


Oh yeah, I ended up taking the trash to shut her up. You know I'm pissed the fcuk off now. On top of being sick. This is NOT the beat.

may be the last

I'm ready for a new blog.

The person writing this blog now isn't the same person who started it. That's all good and stuff but I don't shop in the juniors section anymore and this blog feels like an xoxo outfit... mudd jeans, size 1 with the crazy flare.


My first post was "boughetto is..."

i was proud that i used to wear golds, even though they were caps and came off the minute I left a party.

i don't want a box chevy or a cut supreme anymore

i don't even wear acrylics anymore and if i did, the french manicure wouldn't be 2 inches of white

"my goal in life" was to be a socialite. 23 years old and all I could think of was having a drink named after me. i need something bigger and better. how bout a building at a college? a wing at a hospital? an elementary school?

I was "so cool" cause I was an oxymoron. A party animal-homebody, a smart blonde.

No, now I know who I am. First and foremost, I am a teacher. I use my profession to define me cause that's how strongly I feel about what I chose to do with my life. I teach therefore I love. or, I love therefore I teach. pick one.

Whatever the case, I'm not going to pick pieces out of some 600+ posts to highlight my change. I'm just going to applaud it.

:-)

oh nine

It's basically here.

i've made some resolutions about ownership in a previous post.

i just realized that needs to include myself.

oh nine. you better be as nice as 2008 which i must admit was GREAT.


Fine in 0-9. is that what the baptist churches are saying?


anyway, 2009 is going to have some changes. you have till the end of the school year to get your ish together cause ya girl is calling it.



i know i'm being extra clandestine right now but i'm not really ready to divulge about my disappointment and the somber realization i came to during church today.


t minus 2 days to A-T-L.

Joy, La? Jam and I are coming for you. You better drink water till we get there.

hormones are a b!tc#

OMG, *eye roll* what was that about?

i'm still in the same situation I was in over the weekend but now I don't feel as hopeless or devastated. I just KNEW my world was ending this past weekend but mother nature showed up and for some weird reason, everything after that made sense.

there has got to be some kind of medicine to alleviate that mess, I can't be diving into mariana trenches of depression every month like that. cutting off all communication and what not, scaring people, damn near going crazy over something i can't really do anything about.

i love you guys. thank you so much for your words and calls of encouragement. i promise you, the minute i posted, I felt (a tiny bit) better. sometimes, all people need is an ear and I have at least 10.


but, i still can't wait to be out of here. when will this crisis be over? this very valid quarter life crisis where you are most likely, not where you'd like to be, despite the fact, its where you are "supposed" to be? compounded with the fact you don't even know where you want to be or how to get there from where you are. then again, i'm not ready for "the next step" (whatever it is) either. *eye roll* i guess we (royal) will just wallow around in here till May 2009; the last installment of the 'mid twenties' or is that the 1st of the 'late twenties'?


i'll go with the former.


*sigh*


can i tell you how she had a cleaning lady after mini me was gone and before i moved back in?

so... no need for the hired help since the daughter is coming back or what? yeah, no. gon' head and holla back at her.

depressed

I'm thinking, "I need a black bag. Coach. I don't care how much it is." Then I pass by a boutique and pick out what dresses I want thru the window. I got up from bed rather abruptly and hopped in the shower. I scrubbed so hard, I open old scars from the picture that fell on me a while back. I run water thru my hair when I really just want to cut it all off. Its in the way and getting everywhere. Luckily, drew actually cleaned his place and I can't find the scissors. I think i'm hungry so throw on sweat pants and a tee and get breakfast from a shop around the way. Two bites and I realize that's not it. I sit and look at the food and tears start falling. I realize I am unhappy but I don't know why. Cutting my hair, buying everything I see, even food won't answer the question of why I am sad. I realize I don't want to be here. My house is not the place for me and unfortunately, drew's isn't the haven it has been in the past. Then I start BAWLING. I don't want to go home but can't afford to do anything on my own. I can't even afford gas to commute back and forth from Drew's if I wanted to stay with him. Plus my car couldn't take take that daily drive. *sigh*. There is my stream of consciousness post. Log out.

i'm sad right now

they came home on monday afternoon. i come home from work rather late. the first thing she says when i walk in is, "oooh. the trash is smelling, and has been smelling since i came in. can you take it out?"

so... you've been sitting in this house that suosedly smells and instead of taking it out, you wait for me to come home FROM WORK and take it out?

"oh yeah, i noticed you didn't clean the bathroom this weekend"

*


"...hi to you too mom"


With that said, I am out to the place I call my haven that is sadly/regretfully, not my own home.

this is weird

how is it that i am living at home and have less money than when i was on my own? i so don't get it.

maybe this economy is really starting to hit me. things that were once $3.59 are now $5.03 (pu.blix choc chip cookies, 36 count). something that was once $3.89 is now $4.09 (6 pc mighty meal from micky d). Now i am the type of person to close my eyes and continue to buy these things despite their increase cause what is my other option? not eat?? when it comes to food, i spare nothing.

gas caught my ass off guard though. i'm not a cash person and now these people want to have one price advertised and another at the pump if you use your card. a whole dime difference. that ish adds up!!!!

of course these are just little examples of a way bigger picture. i don't want you all to think i'm complaining about the econ cause cookies are a dollar fifty more.

to give myself a pat on the back, since i'm not paying rent, i've SERIOUSLY tackled the... financial mistakes i made while in school. mbna down, citi and bank of usa to go. *sigh* they really should have credit card seminars in highschool and during freshman orientation. i do remember hearing a brief lil somethin somethin in university 101 at HU, but that was a flash of info and not important to whatever else i was doing... what was I doing? i was taking in all the different people. picking up accents and styles; being on my own for the very first time since a brownie (girl scouts) camping trip. anyway, i don't like not having as much money as i used to but i do realize i got myself io this mess and i have to get myself out.

i had to talk to myself; outloud, as i was leaving narnes and boble. i was passing by the g a p, nabana republic, gbcb, kenn cole, a whole SLEW of clothing stores that I KNEW i'd find something cute in. I was like, "no... no... keep moving, focus, budget, you don't need anything, move"


*sniffle* i feel like a junkie.



another good thing, i'm saving and investing like a futhermucker. well, i've added another company to my portfolio and then i reinvested in the stock i've had for years. hop on an IRA and my financial port should be complete.

i would do all this right when the market is about to collapse... oh well


can i say i'm "getting my life together" here? LOL La's monkey ass went to church on all of us and i can't help but to send that link to all my girls. like jameil was saying, every three months, we need that wake-up call that we are actually where we are supposed to be, no matter where everyone else is.


here it is:
i am a kindergarten teacher who's a tad bit broke for several reasons.
i'm unmarried, 26, and live at home with my parents.
i've been best friends with my boyfriend for 12 years and we've been dating for 21 months.
some days, i wish i was married to him already
other days (weekends!!) I can't imagine even living with him!
i am totally happy with the aforementioned.
quarter life crisis has been temporarily assuaged




but holla at me in december!