depressed

I'm thinking, "I need a black bag. Coach. I don't care how much it is." Then I pass by a boutique and pick out what dresses I want thru the window. I got up from bed rather abruptly and hopped in the shower. I scrubbed so hard, I open old scars from the picture that fell on me a while back. I run water thru my hair when I really just want to cut it all off. Its in the way and getting everywhere. Luckily, drew actually cleaned his place and I can't find the scissors. I think i'm hungry so throw on sweat pants and a tee and get breakfast from a shop around the way. Two bites and I realize that's not it. I sit and look at the food and tears start falling. I realize I am unhappy but I don't know why. Cutting my hair, buying everything I see, even food won't answer the question of why I am sad. I realize I don't want to be here. My house is not the place for me and unfortunately, drew's isn't the haven it has been in the past. Then I start BAWLING. I don't want to go home but can't afford to do anything on my own. I can't even afford gas to commute back and forth from Drew's if I wanted to stay with him. Plus my car couldn't take take that daily drive. *sigh*. There is my stream of consciousness post. Log out.