Baby, It's Cold Outside!

Hi! I'm trying to post from my phone, let's see if it works!

So I'm in Springfield, VA, about 10 miles outside of DC and we're actually having a good time despite the freezing temperatures! We were excited it was supposed to get up to 40 yesterday, but it only made it to 36. But its all good, we were inside the Smithsonians pretty much all day, yet only covered two of them! You need 19 days to see all 19 of them! They are GINORMOUS! Aww man, its such a disservice to just peruse each flor but that's what you kind of have to do!

So we went to the Museum of American History (very cool), the MoAmerican Indian for lunch (goo.gle the menu. The baked oysters... HEAVEN in a half-shell. Heaven and ecstasy at the same time. Blue corn bread was banging, too!!) with my friend Bijal (soooooooooooooo excited! She is HUH-LARIOUS!) and then she dropped us off at the MoNatural History. We were tired by then. The mammals section was cool but at the ocean life, we came to the conclusion that 1) we're tired and 2) it would be so much better as an aquarium, not taxidermy. The gems and minerals were awesome once we got past rocks and soil... man. The jewelry in there... breathtaking. The pieces aristocracy wore back in the day??????? All the blinged out rappers are playing with fools good and genuine austrian crystal!

After we saw the hope diamond (meh), we drove to Martina's for some quick games of Mario*Kart! Yeah, I got the mushroom circuit and it all fell apart after that :-( We decided to hit up a sushi restaurant in the nearby hilton. Very good sushi, not crazy but good. They had meh virginia oysters that were too expensive so we decided we're going to Baltimore today for some real maritime cuisine! Can't wait!

For NYE, we're going to another SHS/FAMU alum's house party and to catch up with OTHER alums! Can't wait for that either! Ttyl

En Route

I'm packing for D.C. this morning. So excited! I love packing!! It means I'm leaving W.P.B for some place that's most likely more FAB! And D.C is DEF more fab than WPB!

*

I pack very methodically. I picture what my trip should be like and pack accordingly.

I try and make my wardrobe as cohesive as possible so I can bring as few accessories as possible. I lay out outfits down to the underwear based on a tentative schedule and I don't budge.

Tuesday: plane ride, hanging out with fam, mall (for my gift that Andrew says we're going to pick up... [FACE])- camel bcbg hoodie and pants, longsleeve green tee, socks, pink scarf and chucks

Wednesday: public transport, museum circuit, lunch/dinner on the town- bright green cable knit turtle neck sweater, dark jeans, thermals, flat brown boots

Thursday: hanging with Martina and beating her in Mario Cart and any other games, catching up with other Hampton Homies- jeans, long sleeve pink tee, cream cable knit zip-up sweater, pink scarf and chucks

Thursnight: NYE house party/parties- dark, dark cigarette jeans, long sleeve black wrap shirt, colored pumps OR brown camel cashmere sweater dress with flat brown boots and possibly some colored fishnet/tights

Friday: recoup day, I have no idea- GRAY SWEATSUIT!! and if we decide to go out, red cashmere sweater, dark jeans, flat brown boots

Saturday: heading back to WPB, I will most likely have more clothes/shoes/stuff than I came with (which is why I pack "lightly") so the day will be spent packing and chilling- jeans, long sleeve black tee, pumps or pink chucks and scarf.

Yep, that's it!! Now I know we have plans to find some cool restaurants to eat at and we might even take a trip to B-More cause there are some SHS/FAM classmates living there now... SO EXCITED!

One more thing to be excited about:

IT MIGHT SNOW!!!!!

0-3

I've calmed down tremendously since this morning...

as you may or may not know, Christmas Eve marked THREE years I've been in a relationship.

and for the 3rd year in a row, we did NOTHING.

When talking to my future sis-in-law, she exclaimed, "Aw! So nice! What are y'all doing? Going to dinner? Anything special?"

NOTHING.

2007, he was in a BAAAAAAD mood. Oh man, I just knew our 1st year anny was going to be awesome and it wasn't. I remember riding in the car with an awkward silence cause he was PISSED about something and it spilled into OUR day.

2008, I spent the day thinking he was going to surprise me... nothing. I went to midnight mass and set myself up by sitting in the back so I can signal him when he decided to show up... he never came. I didn't see him that whole day.

2009, three years, we did nothing. I got my hair done and spent the rest of the day at home.

So buddy is 0-3 on annys. What about Christmas?

I don't even want to talk about it anymore. I'm getting upset again.

Can I just ask you this? Christmas is the 25th of December EVERY year right? So that means you basically have 364 days to figure out what to get someone right? How long does it take to get someone you know and love something for Christmas? and if for some weird reason, you don't know what to get them, do you know person's friends? Can't you send a tweet? E-mail? Text? Phone call? taking it back to my high school days- smoke signal? (#shoutout to dmg23). HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION!?!??!

Taking it back to the old school.

Goals for 2010

1. keep my work area more organized.

Guys, I'm not nasty or dirty. I won't even use the word 'messy'. I'm just unorganized. My desk at school is a black hole of forms, worksheets, homework, toys, "gifts" from my children, and even money. Yesterday, my trifling principal decided to take a walk-thru (really? on the last day of school??) and see who had their lesson plans on their desk. Mine was on my desk, she just couldn't find it. It was under workbooks and craft examples (I always test out a project before I do it with the class). She left a note asking for it. I didn't bother replying cause she knows my deal. I'm an awesome teacher; my kids make crazy gains and they love coming to school. As for my desk? Holla at me in the new year.

2. take better care of my car.

I have a 2-seater sedan. Why? My backseat has been totally monopolized by JUNK. Clothes, shoes, papers, crayo-la products, cards, DVDs, CDs, etc. I'm the type of person to get in the car and throw whatever into the back seat. I plan on taking whatever out when I get home but I just say, "fcuk it, I'll get it later". Or not. So I need to keep Tima's interior neater.

Outside, I think the last time she's been washed was when I was driving back to Tally... for my last semester of undergrad. yeah.

I bought a lifetime balance and rotation but I don't know the last time I got them done. I do. It was back in 2007.

I needed to get an oil change back in Sept.

Since i'm not sure when I'll be able to buy my own car, I really need to do better with the 2000 Altima I have. 10 years is a good look but as you all have seen, she's falling apart! My baby!!

3. use my passport at least once.

I've had that joint since I was 2. Been to England 3 times before high school. Rode on a hovercraft between UK and France when I was 10. Fell in love with Holland at 7 years old. Someone with that travel pedigree needs to do much better. I would love to go back go Europe, specifically England. I have hella cousins there so I know they'd show me a good time.

I'd also like to visit a country in Asia. I want to save Japan for my honeymoon so before then, wherever Ant.Bourdain has been, I want to go. He can sell me Daytona Beach and I'd go there!

I want to go somewhere besides West Africa. I've always been intrigued by north Africa. Morocco, Algeria, or Egypt. I don't know what's going on with Libya but I think I should stay away from there. I'm sure times have changed but I was old enough to know what was going on with Pan Am back in '88.

4. have an all girls trip

I don't care where we go, I just want us to go.

I do blame FB for fab pics of girlfriends on cruises to Mexico and flights to Antigua... we don't even have to do all that (yet). I want us to start small. Let's go to NYC and shop! (at H&M, balling on a budget here). let's catch a show! let's GO!!!!

5. pick a beauty regime and stick to it.

by that I mean, I want to be consistent with my looks. If I'm going to get my hair done, I need to get it done like clockwork, rain or shine. If I'm going to be about my nails, manis and pedis every two weeks. If I'll go back to waxing, take it off every 4 weeks. Now I can't afford all 3 so I want to choose one and maintain it, then sprinkle the other 2 in whenever I feel indulgent.

Ideally, I'd pick hair appointments but hair removal is the bane of my existence. I can/have/will throw a tam on my head or hook up a headband. Hair on my legs? UGH! Razors dry me out like CRAZY and I have to iCal nair days. Plus, we all know hair doesn't grow back as quickly with waxing...

I think that's all that's pressing me for next year... keep you posted!!

Christmas Wishlist

It's a bit late, I know. But it's a post!

I still want the entire collection of SATC and will take seasons at a time

I still want Gossip Girl on DVD

I can go for Nip*Tuck seasons 2- wherever they're at now

and Dexter Seasons 1-4

I want actual CDs.

Now that I like him, I can catch up on Nee-Yo.

and I need 'Ye's Graduation to complete his trifecta. Yes, I'm pretending that 808 doesn't exist although I do like Paranoid... a lot. I can buy the single and be happy. Maybe I should take a listen to Heartbreak again... if it wasn't for the autotune, I think I'd dig it more.

I want Jay's catalog pre American Gangster.

and Bey's catalog (what's that? 3 albums?)

I want some old school music. Minnie Rip and Nat Cole, throwback Snoop, and Immature's 2nd album "Playtime is Over"

As for accessories, I still want a black leather bag with gold fixtures. The coach style I was eying is gone and has been replaced by the audrey. but she doesn't have gold fixtures.

I think I might want a scarf in every color. That said, I'd like red, green, blue, and brown. I still have my eye on a leopard joint *checks xpress site... not there :-(*

Lastly, anything on VS's PINK site that I haven't gotten already. Go ahead and knock out some sweatpants for me!

That's all I can think of that I really want... some audio-visual entertainment and some accessories :-)

If Sharing is Caring

Dreez doesn't care!!


*


It has been broughten to my attention that Dreez doesn't like to share me.

*snickering*

I've noticed that he gets a little stank quiet when others are around.


Those of you that have known us since high school know that he's been smitten and borderline smothering since the days of Sun Coast. If I could find my album from my Sweet 16, you'd see him one arms length away from me in every shot. Then there was junior year when we went to to Sugar Bowl and he was totally blocking me. Such an interesting trip cause me and fave ex were "us" and then here come Dreez from UM on the trip with other alum. If I wasn't hemmed up by Dreez, I was chilling with F.Ex. I actually found out that F.Ex was jelly of Dreez! Apparently, he was trying to woo me since freshman year but Dreez commanded all my attention!


ANYWAY...

last night, he was here and Mini Me called. When I got off the phone with her, he said,

"Someone is coming here now?"
"Yes, babe, just [Mini Me]"
"Oh" (deflated)


She got here and we're having a blast being us. Then someone was noticeably gone.

"Where's Dreez?"

I go to my room and he's on the bed playing with his iPhone.
"What's up?"
"Nothing."
"Are you upset Mini Me is here?"
"Nope."

(y'all already know one-word answers are not the beat)

*sigh*


It's especially bad when there's only three of us, as Jameil can attest. OMG, he turns into a different person! I used to think I'm just really gregarious and pretty much an extrovert and he's the total opposite. That part is def true, but point blank, he doesn't like to share.

When we went to Daytona for the HU-BCC game, I didn't even notice but Jameil told me he sure did sit in between us at the game!! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!! We soooooooo had to lean forward with the crazy gangsta lean to talk to eachother!! Are you really using your BODY to keep me to yourself?? Reminds me of New Orleans!

There was my birthday brunch where he was all sullen on the beach... luckily, Kitty was there so she and Jam had a field day swapping stories of Dreez's selfishness.

I almost can't take him anywhere cause I feel like he'll need so much attention and I'd have to censor myself! And then when I do bring him with me, I supposedly act differently. I can see how that might be. I'm not as "out there" when he's around. But when you have a white, introverted boyfriend, I gotta make sure he's all comfortable, make sure we don't talk about white people, use the word 'nigga' all loosely, JUST CHANGE MY WHOLE DEMEANOR!! This is where having a black boyfriend would be nice. Dreez doesn't get somethings and his comments on some things we may talk about would only ruffle my feathers the way he did when he was looking thru my Essence mag.


Speaking of censoring, the first time Jameil came to visit... we're listening to one of the band's song, "Mr. Babylon"... here comes Jameil from the backseat, "Mr. Bobby Long? Why don't they like that nigga?"

M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D

I laugh now, but that day, I iced grilled the absolute SHEEEET out of her. from my mirror.

Anyway, what can I do with him? I'd rather he loves me the way he does best: selfishly.

iCal

1 Week till Anniversary

Would you like to:

Send Text Message

Send Audio Postcard

Call Contact

It really blew my mind that in ONE WEEK, Dreez and I will be celebrating our THREE year anny! When the reminder popped up on my phone screen, I looked at it weird, like, "What? Anny- daaaaaam! It is SOOOOOO in one week! Christmas Eve is one week from today!"

Two things happened:

I realized I essentially have less than a week to get everyone's gift

I realized Dreez essentially has two weeks to either have me forever or never

That was surreal. A flippant thought and a life changing one in the same breath.

To Be Continued

Alone vs Lonely

When I was in college, I never wanted to be alone. I had to be up under someone. At Hampton, I was always in someone's dorm room or lobby. Once I got to FAM, the townhouse I lived in my 1st year always had someone in it and it was close enough to campus that people often stopped by (#notagoodlook). The last 4 years were spent in a house almost outside of Tally. Although it really wasn't that far, nobody was stopping by. And it was okay, sometimes. StanKK and I had a roomie that we both got along with so it was always good times. But then the year she left, and it was just me and StanKK, you all may remember the turmoil.

But back to the topic at hand. Even though I enjoyed having a house when most people were living in dorms or apartments, I found myself flocking to those apartments. I wasn't alone but def felt lonely in the house. I damn near lived with Kitty and Trish till the both graduated and left Tally. It was that same year (2005) that I found myself in probably the most toxic relationship I've ever been in. I didn't think too much that year, just went. To his house, to his parties, to his shows. I wanted to be wherever he was cause I knew if I was there, she couldn't be there. Oh yeah, there was another one, but I chose to ignore the signs and be up under him, move her out the way. I eventually got the picture and so did he (lol).

And even before the toxic and potentially gay sociopath, I've pretty much had a boyfriend or something close (SMH) since I started college. Someone who I could go to when I felt lonely and when I wanted to get out of my world. "I don't want to look at my closet anymore. TV here is boring. These 4 walls are driving me crazy. I know, I'll go to his lobby/dorm/apartment/house." and so I'd go. Just so I wouldn't be alone. Or lonely.

I think of the person I called a social butterfly... I think I was lonely and just flitting around trying to find a place. Caught between the vastly different worlds of HU and FAMU. Talking to him, too ghetto. Holla at him, 'our kind of people' and thinks he knows it (this fool TOLD me, "I'm a light-skinned, catholic, alpha. I'm our kind of people" I sure did ask him, "then what are you doing at FAM? and shouldn't you be episcopalian?"), pass on you and your falsely inflated ego.

It's times like now I am soooooo glad I'm done with college. Way too experimental for me. Too much change and turbulence. Too many emotions that some may not be able to handle. I'm glad I was able to get out of there unscathed and into the arms of Andrew. It was exciting to be up under him every weekend when I first graduated from college. But even he can be smothering. (post coming soon!)

Now that I have my own place, I am cool with being alone. I'm very fortunate for this opportunity to be me, by myself, for myself. Cooking and cleaning is all on me. TV doesn't have to be on for the sake of noise in the house. I don't think of "whose place can I go to?" anymore, I just think, "I can't wait to be alone." not lonely.

All in a Name

Resurection First Daughter Second Son

That's what my name means.

I was listening to the radio this morning and they gave off list of names that have a particular connotation. My first name and 9 others give people the impression that I'm "nice". Frances, Kelly, Molly and some others I can't think of cause they weren't usual.

There are the names that people think, "freak" when they hear them: Tina, Candace, Monique, Jessica (I blame roger rabbit)

Then there are the names of people you should stay away from. I don't remember them but Rory came up... who knows anyone named Rory??

*

At the beginning of the year, I get my roster and look at the names of the children I'm getting. I can't help but to make some assumptions. Dejah and Jazmine will be my princesses, roneece and demetrea will be my hood chicks, giovanni and carmelo; my hispanic sweeties, antoine and jermaine, my good ole black boys, amber, james, and kevin; my 3 whites in a class of color, etc. I wonder my teachers thought when they saw my name on their rosters. I bet they assumed I was a white girl who spoke french.

Anyway, being a teacher, there are some names that I know I can't ever use. Everyone knows that child with that name is going to be a terror.

Black boys whose name ends in 'te. Keyonte, his brother Kevonte, and their whole crew... don't want em in my class. I know one 'tae that I think, has turned out okay. he was in my high school graduating class so it was before this new breed of children came around.

White boys named Jason...Lord, I will take a class of 'Taes before a little blond hair blue-eyed satan spawn named jason. The problem with Jasons is they have no fear and don't care about LIFE. You can promise them extra computer time or more stickers and they won't give a FU(K. At least with the 'Taes, you can "allow" them to be your computer person cause all they really want is to gain your attention. Jasons? he's probably on medication and has been since he was 3.

Black girls named Kayla. BITCHES!!!!!!! How are you a bitch in 2nd grade!!?!??!!? (my first experience) Since then, every primary Kayla I've met is a problem child. And there's always one in kindergarten who gives the boys a run for their money. This year, Mrs Hill has her.

I've never had a white girl in my class. I have one this year and she's not a problem.

Rats.

Hispanic boys named Juan Carlos (JC) or Angel (pronounced an-HELL). Such holy names for little deviants.

What does your name mean? What did people assume about you before they met you?

Cyber Money

Things have to change in 2010.

So you know how I had to pay my rent but got flucked when peipal decided to charge $23.50 to use them? Up.set. I'd rather find a plane ticket to NY and pay my rent in person than pay that ridic amount of money to do something I've been doing since August for free.

Rigamarole aside, my rent was paid and I know how I'm going to do it from now on: in cash. I will take her account # and put the rent in there on the 1st of every month. Doing it this way takes me back to the days when my parents would take money out of their account by actually going into the bank. Or paying their bills by going to the establishment, even when the days of ATMs and online bill pay were rapidly approaching. I used to get an attitude if I wanted needed money and Pops would say, "Let me go to the bank first" Ugh! Do you know how long that would take?! First he'd have to find an outfit that consisted of some dad jeans and a oversized t-shirt.

SIDEBAR: I told y'all my mom once said my dad looks like a person who follows rappers around, right? iDied.

Anyway, back to peipal.

I basically came out of pocket $1600. #notagoodlook

I won't see $800 to replenish my savings account for some 3-4 business days. Both sides of my account are waiting PATIENTLY for 1159pm! my hair hasn't been professionally done in WEEKS and I have Christmas shopping to do!! Although, I did see a tweet that had me rolling!!!

"I don't buy Christmas gifts, it's Jesus' birthday, not yours"

But we've all been accustomed to get and give gifts so bring on the money and bring on the mall!!

Annoyed at Love

Drew woke me up at 420am today. four.twenty.

Why? To put my head on his shoulder.

Yes, he woke me up by pulling my arms closer to him and somewhat placing my head on him and my arm across his torso.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I... I was STUNNED he woke me up for that. I tried to fall back asleep and was almost successful when he started using MY hands to rub HIS stomach around 5am....

.

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.

.

.

.

.

I just sat up and looked at him. Granted, he really couldn't see me but I'm sure he felt the pure HATE spewing from my barely opened eyes. Then I squinted at him as if to say, "Are you for serious right now?!" Seeing how I clench my jaws when I sleep, I couldn't even open my mouth for a while so I just sat there and looked at him. After what seemed like eternity of me telling myself not to cuss him the fuck out, I muster the calmness to ask him, "Why do always wake up so early on Mondays?" He answered all sheepishly, "I went to bed early."

G.T.F.O.O.H.W.T.B.S.

I tried to go back to sleep and again, was almost successful when he starts moving, trying to get comfortable.

Oh, the moving, oh the moving.

I try and give him as much space as possible by making myself as small as possible (comfortable fetal position) but it's not enough. I seriously can't believe I'm going thru this on an ass crack of dawn Monday morning. I... *pointing to my eye* not only have to drive an hour north, but then I have to pour some knowledge into the minds of 19 five and six year olds from 745am-2pm.

at 540a, I stomped out of the bed. I stood at the foot of his bed and contemplated some Misery shit. Just slapping the shit out of his feet and legs. I decided to go look at myself in the mirror and calm myself down. Let my jaws unclench and then hit the road. I splashed some water on my face, grabbed my things and was heading out the door when Drew gave me a packed lunch (sauteed pink shrimp & white mushroom in garlic couscous) he made for me the night before and some PublixCupcakes he bought.

Damn him.

And today was actually a good day. By 8am, even though I was up since 440a, AND my team lost (why must dallas let me down so much?) I was good.

Baby By Me

yeah, remember that post about wanting boys?

Drew and I went to Kitty's brother's art party this past weekend and there were 2 toddlers present. One was Kitty's niece, Kia* and the other was a family friend's son. Seeing that little boy in action...

me and Drew looked at him

then looked at Kia, sitting and "reading" a book to her doll

then looked at each other and said at the same time: "GIRLS".

Moral of the story: as with any and everything in life, there are pro & cons

(that sounds like a #basicrevruntweet)

*not real name

Buckwild

That's what I went this past weekend. Straight buck booty naked wild.

With my money of course.

I saw a tennis bracelet I wanted; I copped it. Granted, it was Black Friday so I got a crazy deal on it but it was still up there in price.

Kinda like Sam in SATC, I wanted to buy myself a piece of jewelry. over the summer, when I broke up with Drew, I found myself not wearing any of the things he gave me... yeah I was down to ONE tennis bracelet. NOT.FUN. But, I'm done buying for myself! LOL

I bought TWO bottles of perfume... I REALLY like Jessika Simpson's 'Fancy'. I was pleasantly surprised with it so I bought it. the other one, I twitted abt already

I got someone named Jameil a Christmas gift. That mug cost 2.9 trillion dollars.

Santana designs shoes and purses. A metallic brown clutch caught my eye so I bought it.

Seeing how my hair hasn't been behaving, I got a flat-iron and two headbands. One has feathers on it, the other is made out of satin. and even though ceramic hair appliances have been around for a lil minute now, them joints are not cheap yet, just less expensive than titanium.

we can never forget the weekly shopping sprees at Buplix + gas

then the automatic debits that come out of my account (stock, ortho, utilities)

and the bill I pay with one click (car insurance, cell phone both paid by amEx so essentially, i'm paying one bill)

plus the all so important "dig myself out of the mess I created in undergrad" payment... my credit score better be 4 futhermucking figures in freaking 2010, yeah I said FOUR FIGURES!

Oooh, I bought myself a jean skirt a FAMU PINK hoodie. V. Secret know she's wrong for those prices. But then again, it's all the limited. Express is the worst of the bunch.

and then there's rent.

I think I'll have $3.82 to last me till NEXT thursday at 1159pm

White Trash

let the WT tell it, they're better off than us!!

My school is in an area that's adjacent to the Fl.orida Turnpike. What that translates into is TRASH. Vagabonds who hopped off the highway and settled into the trailers nearby. Meth dealers who make their little money in town and keep on truckin'. Just all kinds of unsavory people. Unsavory whites.

I don't understand them. Do they know they live in a trailer? That the car I drive is worth more than the home they live in?? And even if they don't live in a trailer, working part-time at the local k-mart doesn't make you any better. Just cause you're not home watching garbage on the TV doesn't mean when you take your cigarette break, your sister-in-law who lives in your trailer with your brother and their 3 barefoot kids under age 4 won't call you on your metro to tell you what's going on on Springer today. Ugh!!

Like, did you smell yourself before you left the house? Cat piss and spam is not a good look. Dog food and gravel don't go together. Bim Jeam and "tobaccy" will never be haute. The LEAST you can do is get some Irish Sp.ring from the dollar store and "make it work". You and your kids. I HATE going thru your child's backpack and wondering "WHAT THE FCUK!?!??!"

While we're on hygiene... nevermind. I they don't have dentists at "minute clinics".

Now that we've gotten the physical stuff out the way, let's work on your social skills.

That excuse that it's "Pride not Hate"??? Not buying it. This isn't 1861 so take it down.

That big ole truck with the deer screened on the windshield? or the hunter's camo? dead give away you'd lynch me in a minute. with that said, TAKE IT DOWN.

Well looky here... I know there are more than a little bit of people who'd LOVE to KILL this look at prom. Loxahatchee... I'm talking to you.

and when you get around me, don't even fix your face some kinda way. Do you know my SUNGLASSES are worth more than you!? I have jeans that cost more than the lot you rent your trailer on. I've seen People Of Walmart... I know how you and your kind get down.

I just don't understand how people in 2009 can still be living like trash. Like, did ANYONE in your family finish high school and at least attempt community college? How can you keep this cycle going? Who's going to break it? Not that I want y'all to, but come on! You can't be acting like you're better than me cause you're WHITE... Chile boo. I spend on sushi what you wish you had for groceries.

With all that said, when I'm FORCED to talk to your stankin', no teeth or education havin, married your cousin, finding yourself looking down on ME, didn't vote for Obama SOLELY cause he's black, raggedy behind, please don't act like you're doing ME a favor. You should be honored by my greatness.