Keepin It Real

cause that's just what I do!

So this weekend is my brother's wedding and Drew asked me to send him an e-mail of what to pack. I broke it down by the days and nights we would be there.

Long story short, in one of the days, I said "wear something decent, like a solid polo and either madras or seersucker shorts." He said he planned to wear jean shorts and I inadvertently went in on him.

"Drew, you can wear jean shorts whenever you want. Just not this Thursday, Friday, or Saturday. Matter of fact, I'll be nice. You can wear them on the way to NoFla and that's it." He wanted to know why not and I told him, "You can wear a faded tee and jean shorts when you're chilling. But when we're out, no jean shorts.

"Damn, so that's how you see me?"

"Noooooooo...

*damage control on 10*

I just know those are your comfort clothes but I want you to look extra good this weekend. You know I love you in those plaid shorts with your salmon polo..."

*flattery? yes?*

"Hmph."

*

I can't help that I'm brutally honest when it comes to clothes/style/fashion. If I love you dearly, I would want you to look your best, ESPECIALLY if I'm going to be with you. My parents are almost afraid to ask me how they look cause they know I'll keep it real!

I don't know what my mom had on one time but I told her she looked like she was going on date to a laundromat! How and where I got that imagery from is part of the "humor" in my critique but at the end of the day, it's very acute. It's kind of like when I'm on the phone and I hear noise in the background, I'll ask of some random ass situation. "It sounds like you're playing shuffleboard on your counter with a can of ravioli." is still one of my favorite deductions.

You know what, tho? I get it from my momma. I remember I bout DIED the time my dad had on some adidas tear away pants and a polo sport tee and she said "you look like the guy who follows rappers around, go change."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SHE SAID YOU LOOK LIKE A MALE GROUPIE!

So anyway, this will be the first time a lot of my family members will be meeting Drew and I want him to look his best! Can you fault me for that? *bats eyelashes*

I Do... my way.

In less than one week, my brother will be a married man! Can you believe that?! I can't! I am so excited for him! I love JR for him; she def makes him a better person. He strives to provide for her. How cute is that?

So since i'm not the MOH, I don't have to make a speech, right? JR said as his sister I do. We're going to see about that!

Yo, when did it become the norm for children to pay for their own weddings? What happened to father of the bride or at least the bride's family taking care of the wedding? We need to bring back those days! I'm not even trying to do it big, I just want to do it my way and I don't want to pay for it! *hmph*

I'm talking about my wedding as if I'm even engaged. Oh well, I like talking about it so I will.

I wanted some shade of green (besides 'sage') but it's supposedly bad luck. I think it's fake bad luck and just Ghanians hating on the color green ("you will not have that nigerian green"). But now that I think about it, green is color that not everyone looks good in; it doesn't matter the shade. I don't want my maids looking sick.

Drew is so on this Vegas tip... "Let's just have a bunch of our friends go out there and we do it! And party afterwards!" I see where he's going with that but Britney.Spears comes to mind when I hear "let's just go out to Vegas for a wedding." He says it's only B.Spears when you've known the person for 3 months and get divorced less than 3 months later. Well, if a fabulous and thought out wedding can be planned out there, why not do the same... where?

MIAMI, BITCH!

did you expect anything less from me?

Again, I just want to have my homies around and we eat, chill, party. And I get married in a pretty dress sometime in between, is that too much to ask? Oh yeah, family can be present... on only one day!

Pre S.

The post below is not pity party. it was just a stream of consciousness post.

"Where's #371?"

I just have the most backwards "luck" with things I "speak" into existence. I just KNEW I was moving to DC and teaching there this year. But it's kind of hard to teach when you don't have a classroom or even a school to go to.

I may be jumping to conclusions but let's keep it real; I haven't heard a PEEP from anyone in DC since I posted the "Congrats! You've been hired by DCPS" post on July 29. I take that back. I got an OOO reply from 4 of the 14 principals I e-mailed.

Add this to the list of things I said I was going to do but didn't. I hate this feeling. I feel like I'm all talk and no action. I'm pissed.

Then I try to look at the "bright" side. "Everything happens for a reason," and "It's not on your time but God's time" and all those platitudes you tell yourself to make yourself feel better.

Fuck that shit.

Now I'm on this defeatist attitude like, "Why'd I even bother?"

That's what I've been on since I left DC. Ups and downs; highs and lows. I'm feeling good knowing that everything in due time, then I drive to school and burst into tears in my parking spot. I tell myself, "This is a good time to save hella money" then I think of how I would ignorantly spend money on things that would make me feel better about where I am... again.

At the end of the day, I just wish I never got in the starting blocks.*

*reference to my deep seated fear/hate of running track. although i'm naturally talented in track and field, I HATED the sport b/c of the chance I would not come in first. I would rather not run than not win.

Sittin up in my room...

I feel like i rushed and didn't make line.

Day 7- Your Best Friend

I have two best friends.

The oldest one is Andrew. He's been my guy best friend since we met in high school my freshman year (Fall 96). We instantly clicked and the rest is history.

My other BF is Jameil. We met at the Illustrious Hampton University. I don't remember her freshman year but I know we had University 101 Honors. I'm sure she was the loud and obnoxious one reppin Queen City or something like that. Ugh. (lol)

I think we got closer towards the end of freshman year but I know for a fact we really hit it off sophomore year. I don't even know what instance brought us together but we've pretty much been inseparable (as inseparable as people can be living in different states!! LOL) "every" since.

Hmmm, I really want to know now... we never stayed in the same dorms, totally different majors... maybe during one of my trips to the dorm most of the KDY Queens lived in (DuBois Hall), I met her thru a Queen Journ major... that has to be it!

Whatever the case, we had a BLAST sophomore year! We frequented the on campus apartments together (for cool music and movies), ran around campus together (literally. like, it'll be 2:10am and Jam and I would be running around), chased after guys together (we stayed looking for an Expo with Carolina tags! LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and partied together (remember when Amerie's sister stepped on my foot and almost got her behind whooped, calmly?). When I got over my major (Rx), I would sit in her class (also cause I had a crush on her prof) and then we'd do whatever it is sophomore girls do (I really don't remember. Go to small caf for lunch?).

Right before junior year, I was abducted transferred from my Home By the Sea. Jameil and I kept in touch. I think we e-mailed like crazy. Then she introduced me to Blogger and that's how we really kept in touch with eachother's lives. It wasn't until 03-04 do I really remember talking to her on the phone on a regular basis. She was always the level-headed, rational one when I got delusional in my thoughts. I really love her for not being judgmental even though she kind of comes off as being so. Let me explain.

When I was going thru straight and utter foolishness with a guy, Jameil was never that friend who was like, "Oh helllll no! You need to leave him! Why are you still with him!? OMG, are you stupid for staying? He is thee worst!" She would listen to me rationalize foolishness of why he likes me more than his other girl (smh) or even better, come up with the brilliant idea of doing to him what he was doing to me. Then she'd and say something like, "Just don't get hurt. You know it's not like you to do that so why pretend that it is?" Almost like, "If you like, I love it" (even if she really doesn't love it. as long as you're happy...). From reading her recent post abt her mom, I'm sure she got that from her (letting you make your own decisions instead of telling you what to do). Those are my FAVORITE things about Jameil (rationality and objectiveness).

Now the reason why I say she comes off as judgmental is cause she knows what she likes and what she knows what she doesn't like. If you try to get her to see your way, save your breath. Jameil's mind is usually already made up. People may take her having a strong point-of-view as judging their p-o-v but that is totally not the case. She likes what she likes and entitles you to your opinion, take or leave hers.

Jameil and I have many common interests. One of the first ones we shared was InStyle mag. We used to spend hours poring over each page via phone. Utter glee emanated when we were in the same place with our magazines! (we have pics to prove it. word? iPhoto wants to show out now. ::FACE::). We also share a love of fashion. In a split second, we can tell you what's right or wrong with an outfit. we are firm believers in accessories and "less is more"/CocoChanel's "take off one thing" rules.

We have been known to be extra the life of the parties (FB pics to prove it) and we can have fun in a paper bag.

OMG, do you know how awesome that paper bag party will be?! PARTY IN THE BAG! I CAN'T WAIT! AND I KNOW YOU CAN'T EITHER!

I know you just got hyped off an imaginary party in a paper bag. Admit it, for a split second you really wanted to be invited to our Paper Bag Party. It's okay, you knew it would've been all the way live!

So yeah, my BFFL! Drew and Jameil!

Day 6- Your Day

I don't know what that means.

Like, my day today? or what I considered to be My Day (graduation day so far)? I'm confused. and i'm sure it's not that hard but i just want to know what 'your day' means.

I'm not in a good mood so I don't care to talk about either day. school in PBC starts next tuesday. teachers report to school tomorrow. not.happy. and not a peep from ANY of the 15 principals i contacted in DC. Wait, i got those 4 O.O.O. replies on friday, july 30.

so besides no contact, i spoke with a fellow COE classmate and she tipped me off to something i have to get taken care of but DC failed to mention to me. i'm trying not to get pissed cause i'm sure this is a lesson in patience. Did I ask the Lord for patience? I don't remember. but i do know He doesn't give you what you want, just what you need.

You know what else I'm upset about? I'm upset I am home. I.DON'T.WANT.TO.BE.BACK.ON.A.TWIN.BED.

I.AM.TOO.OLD.FOR.THIS.SHIT.

I.DON'T.MIND.VISITING.I.DON'T.WANT.TO.LIVE.HERE.

and I'll be so pissed if DC takes the 12 weeks it said to process my shit.

and I have to send paperwork to FAMU.

and I don't have that paper i took up there in June.

and moving has my mail all over the place, who knows where that form is.

i'm not happy right now.

on a nother note, my school got a A. i'm sure the principal is patting herself on the back. won't be able to tell her shit. too bad we didn't make ayp. oh well, esol students don't need to learn anyway. who cares about that subgroup.

Day 5- Your Definition of Love

This one is easy for me.

My def of love is Andrew.

From the time I became cognizant of wanting to find and marry the love of my life, Andrew has been there. I used to treat every guy I dated like he was "The One" (t.o.). I used to think being T.O. meant me being supportive and seeing past B.S. I thought since I liked him and he liked me, we were working thru rough patches and I was just supposed to be patient. All the while, Drew was being my dream guy.

To me, love is respecting one another. There can't be one-way love situations. You love what the person does, stands for, and says. Conversation or thoughts aren't dominated by one side cause there is a level of respect for what the other says.

Love is admiring one another. You wake up in the morning to a smooched face slobberer and it makes you smile. You get ready for a night out and you are still amazed at how good your love looks. But don't forget a donation of 10,000 pencils to an impoverished school in Africa has been made in your name calls for admiration, too. Or together, you buy enough nets for a village to ward off malaria. Admiration of looks, no matter how scary or gorgeous and admiration of actions.

Love is also sacrifice. It can be something as small as skipping a paid rehearsal to spend time with your love. Or big like doing something you just don't want to do, like move back home. Love is also letting your love follow their dreams, even if it means being apart.

Love makes you do some things. But one thing I've learned from all my dealings and then being with Drew, love isn't supposed to hurt. Love feels good. Love feels like what you've been waiting your whole life for. Yeah, there are ups and downs but like that corny behind Luther song, "I rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else"

And you know I have a couple songs to go with LOVE.

How I Know- R Hargrove

I Got You- T Lockhart (just listen to the song, it's the only I could find)

Something About Us- D. Punk

Lady in My Life- M.J.Jackson

Life is Better- Tip feat N. Jones

Where Would I Be- Kin

Groovy Kind of Love- P.Collins (remake)

Day 4- What You Ate Today

I got up at 555a and started getting ready for my trip back to SoFla. I figured I could eat something once I get to the airport for my 730a flight.

Yeah, no. Security at DCA is foolish. One person for a whole terminal?!? OMG, I was abt to cry cause I thought I was going to miss my plane!! I was ready to be back home; I missed Drew and my family.

Once I got on the plane the only thing I got was cranapple juice. I like it and thought I need to get the cans from the store.

Detroit. I should get something to eat here. Yeah, I don't want quiznos at 930a. *sigh* more juice and this time, I got pretzels.

We land, Drew is on his way, he has arrived. There are three bags in the passenger seat. One from Vicky's PINK (UM 'nalia) , one from Juicy (boyshorts), and the other was a plain brown paper bag. I SQUEAL at the sight of the brown paper bag cause I know it's sushi from my favorite restaurant in Hollywood, Nakorn. Hmmmmmmm! a shrimp tempura roll, two pieces of salmon sashimi and a ginormous tuna roll with tempura flakes and avocado.

HEAVEN in my mouth. So glad Drew thought of feeding me.

We nap, I wake up and want ice cream. Not grocery store ice cream but like coldstone. There's no coldstone nearby so we walk downtown. One place was too expensive, then I decide I want gelato. I get to the gelato place and want ice cream. I meet in the middle and get a chocolate chip gelato.

FAIL. I should've stuck with my usual strawberry & lemon but SOMEONE told me to try something new. Last time I do something like that...

We end up walking to the circle in the middle of the city and getting some lemon icee that was more water than icee. It was alright.

Now I want some more sushi. I'm going to order some from the place that stays open till 1a... hmmmmm, sushi. I would SO have a sushi reception if most of the people who'll be invited to my wedding were cool abt raw fish... oh well!!

Day 3- Your Parents

My dad loves to tell the story of how they met...

Washington, D.C. 1980, they were at a party my dad's brother was throwing. All the Ghanians in the area were there. My mom had on some red Jordache jeans and my dad was hooked.

That's all I got out of them! If I ask my mom, she just starts rolling her eyes and giggling. So cute!

They were married 3 months after Pops graduated from U.Mass, August 7, 1981 (oooh! anny is this SATURDAY!). Pops passed his pharmacy board exams but wasn't finding work in a racist Boston. Enter Florida. He drove down to Okeechobee, found a job and sent for his new wife and new daughter 9 months later. A year later, we move to a growing West Palm Beach and the rest is history.

My parents are the most loving people I know. Not in a mushy emotional way, just in the simple way of how they would provide any and everything for us. I know that's what all parents are supposed to do but as I get older, I think and thank them everyday for the blessed life I have. I have no worries about anything because I know Ricardo and Lyds will have my back.

Now this is not to say it's been smooth sailing in our household. Mom and I have bumped heads for most of my life. I actually remember thinking she was my evil stepmother when I was younger and I asked Daddy if she was. I wasn't convinced when he said no. The thing with her is that she wants the best for us and becomes almost a zealot for us. She almost loves too hard. She tried too hard to protect and shelter us, especially me. She def got more lax as more children came around. Or maybe SK2 and 3 just weren't taking it from her sooner. Of course high school was THEE worst. She used to come up to school to make sure I wasn't skipping and even chaperoned my junior prom. She was the reason I didn't get homesick NAN NOTTA ONCE when I went off to college. I couldn't wait to leave and be free. Everyone just knew when I went off to school, I'd wile out, but I didn't. That's what I wanted Lyds to realize when I was home. I wanted her to know she did a good job raising me.

Pops has always been the cool parent. Mom was the iron fist and Pops was the velvet glove. But because of his easy going ways (total opposite of his dad), I felt it more rewarding to meet his expectations and make him proud. With mom sometimes, we (Stafelt like she would find something, anything wrong. And if you call her out on it, that became a whole 'nother issue.

Whatever the case, together, they make an awesome parental unit!

Day 2- Your First Love (part 1)

I don't know how to respond to this one... how many first loves do we have? define first love? I'll go with my first thought to this topic. and then maybe a part 2 for the other thoughts.

My first love... music.

Are you really surprised?

*

I get it from my parents. I'd like to say more so my dad but come to find out, my mom has a lot of music in her background. She basically grew up in a jazz club. Her grandfather and subsequently her dad, my maternal great/grandfather were in a group called the Jazz Kings (mom's maiden name is Lamptey. It became okay for me to change my major to education because teachers are in my blood). They play the saxes. Mom told me as far back as she can remember, she and her mother would go to gigs. Mom would be so young, she'd sleep under the tables, hidden by the tablecloth. WOOOOOOW, MOM!!! HOW COOL IS THAT?!!? Grandma stopped taking her when she was 6 cause that's when the next baby (Auntie Mavis) came along.

So that's how mom contributed. Pops contributed to my love for music when I was actually around.

A major reason why Saturdays are my favorite day is that was when Pops would put records on the turn table and blast music. All the windows open "for fresh air"; jamming. The whole family (before Mini Me) would be up doing chores to Osibisa or Fela or Bob or Herbie or Isaac or Manu, Brothers Johnson, etc. Stan and I changing pillow cases and folding clothes, mom doing laundry, Pops doing the yard. Oh gosh, I remember the day on MyStace when I heard Soul Mak.ossa and it took me back to 7 years old.

*opens iToons to play song, on repeat*

I got my first turn-table when I was around 5 y.o. It was a Fisher-Price one but it played real records. I remember playing a 'baby records' (45s) like "Iron Lion Zion". Don't remember the song but I remember the title and wondering what Zion was.

So besides being inadvertent avid music listeners, the three of us children took piano lessons (I stopped when I graduated form high school) and the older two learned other instruments (clarinet and tuba for me, baritone and cello for StanKK). I went to art school in middle school for music, became the first girl to play tuba at the SOA and the high school I graduated from. My Senior Superlative was Most Musically Talented. In high school, my side hustle was teaching little kids how to play the piano.

That's it on a literal level.

Music for me is a drug. I can't not have it. It enhances my mood. When I'm elated, MJ puts an extra pep in my step. The days of trifling men and broken hearts got "Brokenhearted" (middle school) "I Can Love You" (high school) and Miseducation (college). LOL, I remember Dani text me one time, "Stop listening to Lauryn! You don't need that right now!" But she helped me! when you listen to a song enough and cried with it on repeat, you get tired of the song and the feeling associated with it. With me, it's like a light switch, "Okay, I'm over it. Wipe my tears, let's rock this." Then I play Tribe or something. LOL

My strongest memories are of course not attached to a place or scent, but to music. Right now, I'm playing Sole Makosa...

I'm seven years old on a Saturday morning, changing pillowcases. Stanley and I are running around trying to find our favorite pillow case, a khaki one with what I now know to be cherry blossoms. It doesn't matter what pillow it's on, we love that pillowcase. I got it this time. Mommy is telling us to come and start folding the clothes she just took out of the dryer. We are folding and watching The Adventures Winnie the Pooh on abc. Daddy's in the front, cutting the grass. Mommy's in the kitchen making pancakes. Big Breakfast today! I want some tea. Mommy makes me some and says I can have it when I finish folding.

Music is also what brought Drew and I together. He's a musician and an audio engineer. We became friends in high school cause we'd go to the practice rooms of the band room and play piano. Plus, we both played low brass so I sat by him. I love going to his shows and I kind of fill my photog need by being the band's photographer.

Oh, music. How I love thee. You are everything right to me in this world.

Day 1- Introduce Yourself

Let's see if I can do this. Would be nice if I could complete a blog challenge, don't you think?

*

Well, I'm Adei. Adei means "First Daughter" and it's in the line of names my dad's family uses. It's not really MY name but it's in the first daughter "pool" of names. I could go into the whole thing with Ghanian names but that's s whole 'nother post.

Trying to give you an objective view of myself... I think being the first/oldest daughter has def contributed to my ways. If you're thinking i'm super organized and assertive and take charge, think again. I'm more hippie than alpha male. I'm rarely phased and I now know it's cause I'm the first child.

As the first child, I was coddled. On top of that, mom staying at home gave me an AWESOME foundation for learning so school has always been a breeze. So much so that I skipped a lot and even got bad grades. Not cause I didn't know the material, but b/c I

a) either didn't go to class

b) didn't do the class/homework cause I knew I'd do well on a presentation or test or paper.

Oh yeah, I figured I do well on tests too soon in life.

Another first thing with me is generation. My peeps are from Ghana but I was born and raised here in the US; cool. I grew up Ghanian (but they gipped us out of learning to speak the language). Because of that, I usually feel removed from a lot of the issues I hear regarding race and race relations in America. It's also part of the reason I made sure I went to an HBCU. I wanted a "black experience". Oh, Hampton. ('nother post).

On a lighter note, I trip Jameil out when I try to say colloquialisms or sayings. For example, I may say something like, "What's good for the goose is also good for the rooster" or "Well isn't that calling the pot a kettle!" Yeah, all wrong. Thanks, Mom!

*By the way, my mom still thinks 'Now & Laters' are called 'Now and Afters'

Because I am the first daughter, there's a lot of pressure on me to do what my parents say. Even at 28, I'm still learning how to be independent/assertive. I used to balk at my younger siblings for being so disobedient. But they were just finding their own way sooner than I was. I was used to doing what I was told or being heavily guided. I get nervous with great, massive change, especially if it comes on my own accord.

Right now, I'm in the middle of a move halfway across the country (North-South wise) and I'm nervous as all get out. My peeps weren't cool with it but now my dad is. Mom doesn't know (lol... kinda).

STAY TUNED!