Some Unholy War

Yo, Amy was a straight ride-or-die chick.

Like, have you heard the lyrics to this song??

No, HEARD them?

Staggering.

If my man was fighting

some unholy war

I would be behind him

Straight shook up beside him

with strength he didn't know

it's you I'm fighting for

he can't lose with me in tow

i refuse to let him go

at his side and drunk on pride

we wait for the blow.

Do you have that kind of love for anything? To literally or figuratively take the blow? (even though it's very plausible with Amy, I don't think she's talking about drugs here.)

put it in writing

but who you writing for?

it's just us on the kitchen floor

justice done, reciting

my stomach standing still

like you're reading my will

he still stands in spite of what his scars say

and i'll battle till this bitter finale

just me, my dignity

and this guitar case

She signed her life away to this love. no witnesses, no support. but she doesn't care. would you do the same? Let's say she's talking about Blake (very likely). No-one liked him. Despite what his scars say, she battled till the finale. How would you react to a love no-one else cared for?

yes, yes my man is fighting

some unholy war

and i will stand beside you

but who you dying for?

b, i would've died too

i'd like to

wow.

wow.

it doesn't matter what he was fighting and or dying for. if he's dying for it, she's dying too. that level of unconditional love is mind-blowing to me.

To love something THAT much must hurt. Like, for real. Doesn't your heart ache with all that you would do for something? For a child, when that day comes, I'm sure. But for someone (or something) else? I don't know.

if my man was fighting

some unholy war

if my man was fighting...

Wait, wha?

A lot of these questions/statements may be old news but they were never answered for me.

1. what the hell did Corn.el West (and his new BFF, Rah.eem deVaughn) do to get arrested at the MLK Dedication? and why did they do it? I was appalled and didn't want to know but now I do.

2. tooray (or someone like him) said, "OWS is not a struggle. When you complain about not having wifi at your "struggle", when you have prepared organic food at your "struggle", when you take pics/videos with your iFone, you're not "struggling."

Now where I can kinda see where he's coming from, I want to know what his definition of a "struggle" in 2011 looks like. Are people not supposed to have phones? Does the "struggle" have to deny whatever food sympathizers are feeding them? I'm sorry, was it a hunger strike as well? And I want to know what "struggle" he has been in that he is now the judge on what is and what isn't a struggle. If people are unhappy, let them sit outside and "struggle" the best way they know how: with iFones and starbux in hand.

3. I find it hard to believe ruth made-off had no idea about her husbands doing. I know it's bad but I have no sympathy for them wanting to take their own lives. "We couldn't go on"... you know, not being able to use our black card and take fancy trips wherever and be a part of the upper echelon of society... what I took her confession to mean was "We'd rather die than be poor." You know how many suicides were committed when the stock market crashed in 1929? Rich people can't NOT be rich. "STAY rich or die trying".

4. damn. i totally forgot what else

Faux Bou

so i tried a new salon last wednesday. The name? Burzh-Wah Hair and Spa. (pronounced bourgeois hair and spa)

Oh snap. I'm going to place with the bourgiest name of them all! OMG, the ratings are thru the roof! OMG, it's in Clinton Hill! Okay, calm down, Stace. Just get there early. But first, find something cute to wear.

i had on jeans and a t-shirt and i changed clothes to go get a re-touch. i put on a fitted tee and my skinny jeans. i picked my fave pink pashimina, my rainboots (it was monsooning all day) and even put a headband in my hair. yes, i got jiggy to go to the salon.

I get there 20 minutes early and I'm greeted by a skinny ass salon with 3 chairs; only one occupied. there are two dryers, two pedicure basins that i guess count for the 'spa'. the receptionist wasn't as friendly as i imagined based on the reviews. i really don't like matter-of-fact people in the service industry. and your faux bourgieness? drop it, black hipster. all that really came to mind was, "I could've left on my jeans and tee."

out comes kim, the stylist. she's an unattractive woman with unbrushed weave but a nice personality. we talk, she feels my hair and says, "okay, i'm going to use mizani on your extra thick hair"...

mizany? really? that's all you got? I used mizany 11 years ago,when it was the lye 'du jour', before the days of affirm. i mean, it's no motions (vomit!), but mizany? you don't have anything new and improved? whatever.

her assistant with arm tats bases me. 20 minutes later, she takes me to the back room where there are only two sinks. it looks like someone's room where you just keep ish hidden. tubs of relaxer all around, broken sink chair, extra fabric lying around... i was like , "this place is raggedy." She relaxes my hair in a pattern i've never had done before (she makes rows like she was cornrowing my hair straight to the back). needless to say, by the time she got to the right side of my head, my left side was tingling... then burning. She exclaimed, "Oh my gosh, are you serious?!?! I based you good! You scratched, didn't you? OMG, I hope this relaxer takes." *in your best NY hoodrat voice*

No I hope this regular ass mizany relaxer takes!

She works it in despite my squirming; rinses, washes, repeats. Conditions, rinses, and sets me under the dryer.

Wait, no flat wrap? no setting lotion? no rollers??

No, they don't use rollers at the salon. I get my hair blown out by her and then kim finally touches my hair. she flat-irons it straighter than straight so she can trim it. then she flat irons it into a style.

So we just all about the quadruple heat up in this place? I'm good on that. I like my roots straight. My hair, I don't want "movement". I like hair to feel thick and healthy; not flat and anemic. Also, if that's what y'all were going to do, I could've gone to the dominicans for $40.

so yeah, like my search for a church, the hunt continues. until then, i will get the domis in bed-stuy to roller wrap my hair, holla.

Ice Cold

Look at me! I live in Brooklyn!

Wait, did someone say Brooklyn? I live there too!

I live in Brooklyn... but the west side.

We're roommates and we live in Brooklyn Heights, right by the B.Bridge.

Meh, I live in Brooklyn, but who cares?

Brooklyn party over here!!

Y'all see what I'm dealing with? These people are too cool for me.

Church Search

As I was sitting in one of the most beautiful episcopalian churches I've ever had the pleasure of worshipping in, I realized I felt empty. Why wasn't the stained-glass moving me? Why weren't the turrets and pointed arches making me swoon with joy at worshipping in God's house? Why was what the father was saying going in one ear and out the other? The only thing that came to mind was, "Ooh, I'd like to come here on Christmas. I bet it's even more beautiful... and full."

Yeah, in the gaping cathedral of St. Ann and the Holy Trinity Episcopal Church, there were all of 40 people, including the choir and clergy. Why the meager congregation? That of course was mostly people my parents age (and older)? I had to think of my own episcopalian journey.

You're little. You go to church because your mom goes to church. You look forward to Sunday school cause that's when you see friends who don't live in your neighborhood or don't go to your school.

You get a little bit older. Your First Communion has come and gone, you take a little bit more responsibility with what's going on. But not that much, you're just excited you can kneel and still see over the pew. You still go cause mom goes.

You're in high school. You hear other classmates and students talking about church retreats, Youth Choir, Teen Bible Study... you start to wonder, "What's up with my church? How come we're so boring?" You may even visit a friend's church and you're really amazed at the energy levels outside the Roman Catholic fold. Is that how church is supposed to be?

You're in college now. You attend the non-denominational church on campus. It's better than your church at home (see: less Catholic based) but you get the feeling it's more for show. Still searching for that perfect fit.

In talking to students from across the country and reading books they read, you find out being an Episcopalian is not such a bad thing. As a matter of fact, it's kind of the haute thing on the low. But you can't just be a black Episcopalian, you have to be born into it. Otherwise, you just don't get it. You get it.

You find a church. It's a black episcopalian church in the South. Just the right mix of tradition and soul. You go to church every Sunday, listening to the canon preach. At times, you visit other churches and you realize what you thought was fun and excitement in high-school really isn't your style. You invite your friends but they are not that into it. That's fine.

But now you're post-bacc. Definitely old enough to make your own decisions, drive to whatever church you want to go to. You're not bound by mommy or lack of transportation (college). So you try and find that perfect episcopalian church. But what do you see? Tons of old people. Whether they are old blacks (St. George's) or old whites (St. Ann's) you wonder, "Where are the me's of the Episcopal church? Is it that it's not dynamic enough to capture the hearts and minds of Gen X and beyond? Is it that growing up in the digital age, who needs to 'stand up and sit down' when I can find a church app on my ipaD? Do we need a Steve Jobs to do some image and brand consulting? Why don't we go to church?"

On a brighter note, the church in the hood was definitely more packed than the one downtown. But I don't want to mingle with people dying every month. I want some youth and energy in the sect I know and love. I love being an Episcopalian. I love the structure and tradition and antiquities. I love how it came to be... but I don't understand why 18-30 somethings don't feel the same way I do...

Random Thoughts

I'm trying out a new episcopalian church today. Last week, I went to St. George's in Bed-Stuy. It was cool, LOOOOOVE the atmosphere. I think it might be a big long-winded with alllll the singing they do... then again, I was late and there a baptism. But what rubbed me the wrong way was 1. All the old people and 2. This one woman who sat by me and was trying to tell me what to do.

Ma'am. I've been an episcopalian since I can remember. Look at my Book of Common Prayer, my full, govermental name is embossed in gold leaf. Where's your book? Oh. I know what I'm doing, stop being so aggressive.

But then after church, when it was time to shake the canon's hand, she made it seem like she brought me into the fold. "Yes, Canon Miles, this is Stacey and she's visiting us today. I told her I hope she will join us again!" I definitely looked at her like she had 8 heads! Ma'am! You are. showing all the way owt right now!

So I went to a street fair in BS yesterday... the people of BK are so... wanna be boho chic. Let's see who can wear the dirtiest chucks (or Toms if you're white), the most wooden bracelets, have the biggest or longest or most colorful natural. It looks like american apparel meets goodwill store. I mean, it's cool to be all earthy/creative if that's your thing. I have a friend who dresses like BK and has been forever (Morganza). But it's coming off in a pretentious way. IDK, I just don't want be looked at like "The Man" b/c I'm wear regular jeans, a powder pink wife beater and a lemon yellow cotton pea coat. I can't get with wearing polka dot harem pants, floral bustier, and brown oxford booties. I will never be cool enough to pull off that look.

Yo, school is getting better and better. When I used to have to stay till 6pm to figure out what I'm doing the next day, thus making it a 11 hour day, easy; I now leave around 515, 520. That's HUGE! I'm getting the routines down but guess what? We're getting a schedule change this Monday :-( WHYYYYYYYYY? LOL

I want to see my friends more often. I mean, I cry when I'm coming from Harlem at 10pm but guess what? I used to live hundreds of miles away!! What's a 1.5 hour trip on the subway???

I need to hit up my living soshul specials. I know I'm missing out on some awesome restaurants. And laser hair removal! Hello, underarms!

Yes, that's where i'd try first. They are the most public, kind of. Well, I will say they're the most offensive if out of control. Legs? I don't care what you think abt them. But also, if there's scarring or hyperpigmentation, it's under my arms! If it works out and I can tolerate the pain, lower legs. Then upper legs. Then bikini line.

I need a kid-friendly Halloween costume. Oh yes, the System goes all out for the 31st! I was thinking zombie since our class loves Thriller soooooooo much, lol. Either that or a superhero. Wonder Woman is not really scandalous, right? It's not like sexy officer or firelady...? I will keep you posted!

Thanksgiving plans are being made all around me... what do my plans entail? I'm going to check with my sister and see where she's going. Maybe to her BFs, maybe home.

New Years! Where will I be?? I mean, I am in New York already and I've never seen the ball drop in Times Square!! But I still have other cities in mind. Denver was so much fun last year!! Miami, Atlanta, DC, Denver... I need a Dallas or Houston New Years on my map! This train of thought will also be continued!

Okay personas, that's me and what running around in my head! TTYL!

The Post-It Note

Me *bright, happy tone*: I'm already thinking of the next city I want to live in... I can used to this gypsy lifestyle!

Pops *deadpan*: you need to get married. then you and your husband can decide on the next place to live.

*record scratch*

Me: ...

or not.

Pops: yes. that's the next step. that's what you need to be thinking about.

Me: who says that's the next step?

Pops: *raises hand*

Me: so if I don't do that step, I'm a failure at life? I'm worth nothing if I don't get married in the next year or two?

Pops: I didn't say that, but that's the way you do things. You grow up, get married, and have kids. you're at that step right now.

Me: that's the way it USED to be. not everyone is meant to live that life. who's to say I am? you have your wife and kids. congrats on passing life.

Pops: well, that's what human beings do. they get married and have children. they watch their children grow up. they graduate from high school, then college, then they work. then marriage and then children. and you will do the same. it's natural.

Me: if you want me to get married and have children, i can do that tomorrow. since that's the end goal of life, i can be married tomorrow and have a grand for you in nine months. you let me know what you want me to do.

Pops: no, do it the right way.

Me: the right way is to live life as happy as possible. it's safe to say i'm passing, thanks.

Pops: yeah, well keep that in mind.

Me: ok. i will put a post-it note on my mirror "Don't forget to get married."