The Weekender

my phone was tripping for most of the day. since it was saturday, i didn't really care. Around 10am when it went on the fritz, i said, "Okay, i'll go to ATT when i get up." Yeah, i never got up. I actually went back to sleep and didn't get up till 2 something. Phone was still frozen. Made the biggest and most delicious bowl of cereal (just corn flakes) and got an email my fave colleague (alisha) about a wing fest in brooklyn and hot chocolate fest in man. I SOOOOOO needed to be there! But that would mean getting up and getting dressed...

around 430pm, my a-hole phone was now dead. it committed suicide trying to unfreeze itself. i gchatted with alisha and we decided we're going into the city daggumit! i put on a see-thru shirt with sequined shoulders and made my way calle ocho in the upper west side for sangria and a shared plate of paella that had EVERYTHING in it... the best paella EVAAAAAAR!!! The portion was so huge we couldn't finish it but can i talk about the pulpo appetizer? the best grilled octopus i've ever had. i didn't even know octopus had fatty tissue but it was there and it was awesome; on top of a chickpea puree and a bed of diced smoked chorizo; get in my belly.

before that latin food made sweet, sensual love to my appetite, I was really thinking, "How crazy would i look with a bubble coat over a see-thru shirt? do those things go? isn't that like a coat with matching sandals?" Then I thought to wear the uniglo tank top underneath for an extra layer between me and the elements... didn't look right. Bump it, Hov said "en vogue with your skin out". Now was the time to try out my new NorthFase.

If you think I fell in love with my food, i am ENAMORED with my Upper West Side 700 Face!! YOOOOOOOOO, that is the most amazing piece of clothing I own!!!!! I love it more than my Jordans!!!!!! It was 37 degrees, drizzling snow and BLUSTERY AF when I left at 6pm. Ask me if I was cold...

Not a lick. The only part of me that was cold was the space between my boots and the bottom of my coat. So my knees were cold. Here is this Florida girl wearing a bra and a mesh top and a coat that by the way packs to less than 50% of its size. I don't know what space age technology they use but that coat is balloon light and does the damn thing! I am sooooo the biggest fan of NF!!!

I BELIEVE THE HYPE!!!

you know what hype i don't believe? the uniqlo heat tech. i had on the tights. might as well have left them off.

So after we eat and drink, we make our way to the east side. Park Ave to be exact. The Gansevoort. Rooftop is stuffy and boring, 35+ somethings. I see the Dunk Contest is on and that's the most amazing thing up there . Back down, Alisha's BF is off of work and he escorts us to the Champagne Bar.

I don't know where this has been my whole life but a bar that serves champagne is pure genius!!!! There were $6000 bottles of Cristal in my line of sight. I overheard the manager talking about this is a good time for rose champagne, etc and then he brought over a glass for me and Lish.

Cheers to the MF'in weekend.

Crash

Emo Stace esta aqui

So with every 28 days comes the emotional fallout. I was on a high the past few days; buying a new book, a NorthFace, summery SteveMads, Hunter rainboots, a 4 night vacay in Mexico, a glider & ottoman for my niece's nursery, a lobster roll, two camisoles and two tanks, lots of stuff from ON/Gap, EIGHT cans of tuna, FOUR bottles of kiwi strawberry snapple... the only thing I didn't buy was a new pashmina and that's cause I didn't see one I wanted.

I only shop like that when something is unconsciously wrong. It would be impossible for me to shop so recklessly unless I was trying to mask what's really wrong with material things.

And of course, why wouldn't I be in my feelings during this time of the month?

I just wonder if he knows his contribution to our fall out. I sometimes want to e-mail him and ask "What were you thinking the last year? Did you not hear my cries? What would it have taken for anything to happen? And how do you buy a house without telling me??!!?!?"

Or does he sit there and think I'm this cold hearted bitch who could've given two fux about him and his cats?

I remember the day of our engagement, we were talking about apartments. He had me calling places and if I remember correctly, we were going to look at a loft that day. Midtown Miami was going to be the setting for our new chapter. All the while he was sitting on the American Dream...

It's easy to remember the good times and want that person back. But whatever broke you up in the first place happened for a reason. I just have to remember that.

anyway, I'm going to continue to listen to Cake. Goodnight.

28 Days

it's worse than the movie.

So i'm in Barnes and Noble looking at the bargain priced books and rueing the day I didn't buy all the $5 hardcover classics before the New Year when I get that dreadful but familiar twitch in my ute. I think to myself, "kinda early, must be brought on by stress or exhaustion..." *eyeroll + sigh*

"can I please use your restroom?"

Because I know my bad ass ute, I am ALWAYS well prepared for this. I have an arsenal of weapons in EVERY bag, in EVERY suitcase, in EVERY car seat pocket, trunk, console, and glove compartment. If there's a zipper, there's a weapon. I'm sure Drew is still finding weapons in his car...

So I handle my lady business, buy my book and keep it moving. Maybe I'll go up to 116th and buy some red velvet cake then see what my Haarlemites are up to. If only I could shake this cold. Speaking of cold, my brother told me to take zyrtec for all the sniffling and sneezing. I told him it's a cold and not allergies but he swears by it cause it's an anti-histamine. I figure I'll start tomorrow cause i'm slightly buzzed off of mucinex AND advil cold and sinus *lightbulb* (THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS GOING TO BE THIS BAD! THE ADVIL HAD ME FOOLED!)

I sneeze.

That sneeze is accompanied by what I imagine your water breaking feels like. No not like you tinkled a little but actual water BREAKING, a water balloon exploding between your thighs.

I wail, "OH MY GOD!" in the middle of Union Square then cover my mouth with both hands. I squat thinking that might help something, I start to think, "thiscan'tbehappeningthiscan'tbehappeningthiscan'tbehappening.ijustleftthefuthermuckingbathroom!!!" I feel like i'm in a movie scene where the protagonist sees everything is spinning around her. "OMFG I HAVE TO GO HOME!" All of a sudden, the world music playing on my ipod is annoying every last fibre in me and so i snatch out my earbuds, run down the stairs and try to hop on the next train without realizing I need to go the downtown and brooklyn side of the platform. Back up the stairs and down the stairs across the way. I find the nearest pillar and plaster my backside against it. Now I feel like everybody knows what has happened to me. But this being NY, I bet no-one was even paying attention to me. I wish I wore something, anything that goes past my waist. I wish I wore darker jeans, I wish I wore black sweatpants, I wish the train would hurry and get me back to Brooklyn!

I stand the whole way, transfer and stand the whole of that way. Then it hits me that on the weekend, the J doesn't stop at my stop but THREE stops past it. "This can't be life. I just want to go home and hop in the shower." I debate going the three stops past it and taking a Manhattan bound train back or just taking the bus from the stop before the skips... I just want to get off the train and I do. "The bus is taking too long!" Now i'm walking with my my bag behind me, trying to cover up any indication of my uterus' maniacal game. I must've looked utterly ridiculous as I walked home more blocks than I remember this route being... I was never going to get home and everyone on the street was going to see what a mess I made of myself. Maybe I look like a middle schooler and they'll have pity on me! I'd like to say that was the last time something like this has happened but haHA! You must be crazy if you think 28 days go by without any foolishness. Remember last month in Long Island with my 3 boy cousins??

I've talked to my doctor and she has one prescription for insane uteruses: pregnancy.

At this rate, I would trade 9 months & 18+ years for being a prisoner or a mental patient or a feverish mess every 28 days for the past 16 years and however many more to come.

Who got me?

Buenos Dias

It's 221 in the morning. Do you know where your Adei is?

1. Whitney died today. Such a shock! Everyone who was born in the early 80s loved them some Whitney. EVERYONE. Men and women. Her national anthem rivals that of marvin gaye's (I think hers is better, less "remixed") and of course she was the talent show go-to for YEARS. (Sexual Chocolate anyone?) But of course, the thing with social networks is you get some people who have to let people know they won't join the bandwagon of whatever the public sentiment is. Valentine's Day, Father's Day, 9/11; isht, even B.I.C.'s pics yesterday, there's always that one (or four).

2. Boo Thang told me he went to meet someone he met online and they went out for drinks in the upper west side. He seriously thinks dude put something in his drink cause he's never had margaritas that "strong" before. Because he was feeling weird, he didn't think he'd make it home (BK) on the train so they went to dude's house. Dude asked if he could ____ and BT said ok. When he woke up this morning, dude was trying to ____ some more and this time BT said no and left. I hate that these things happen and i've been lucky to not have any friends get drugged. I'm so upset for Boo Thang. I told him he needs to go to the police but he's trying to brush it off saying he ok'd it. "No! You were clearly under the influence..." but he's not tryna hear me. Probably cause even though he's gay, he's still a man and you don't know? men don't get raped! *sarcasm*

3. my saturdays have been AWESOME! Last week had two glasses of cab while at the BK museum and because Don Corn. died, it was an old school set the whole night. You'd've thought I never heard the Jackson 5 before! IDK, there's something about hearing your faves on loud speakers that make the songs THAT much better! even songs you don't like hit in the clubs (this timbaland, timberlake, hilson song sticks out right now...). After that, speech pathologist and another 1st grader teacher and I hit up Manhattan. I got a peach cosmo at some cool lounge near Times Square and then we went to a club. A bit housey for my taste but we had VIP/bottle service so I wasn't complaining. We know how that night ended. phone left in the cab,

4. speaking of phone, i haven't been too pressed to get a new one. although there are times when I NEED to talk to people, I can still communicate and that's all that matters. No phone makes me more accountable for where I'm going to be at what time. I have to order my steps b/c if I don't, I'm late to work or lost with no-one to call. yeah, that happened on Thursday. (It had to be thursday, didn't it?) I took my assistant out to dinner for all the hard work she does in the classroom and when it was time to go, I had no idea where I was and where I should go. I walked forever. In that part of Brooklyn, there are nothing but yellow cabs. (close to Man). I HATE yellow cabs. They know nothing about the other boroughs. I climb into one and tell him my cross streets. Nothing. I finally tell him I live in Bed-Stuy (most yellow cabs don't go there) and still nothing (I think he was faking.) He asked if I needed to go to Queens so then i ask, "Do you have GPS???" He says no. I get out and slam the door.

OH THIS IS WHY I LOST MY PHONE IN A CAB LAST WEEKEND!!! I TOOK IT OUT TO GET DIRECTIONS TO MY HOUSE FROM FUCKING MANHATTAN!!!!! BUT DRUNKY ME FORGOT TO PUT IT BACK IN MY PURSE!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! I HATE YELLOW CABS!

So I'm walking what seems like forever in luckily, the nice part of BK. But it's cold, late and a school night. I don't know how many blocks I walk, I finally see a livery cab. I tell him my cross streets, he tells me his price, i talk him down $2 and it's all good in the neighborhood.

5. I can't wait to go home and get my car. It has been consuming my mind since Christmas break.

6. I found a salon that does relaxers for $45 ($35 on Mon-Wed!) and she's a block away from my place. Yeah, basically the opposite direction as my Domi salon. She uses Mizani... what's a girl to do??????????????????? I really don't need to relax so why should I? cause it's there! and my hair is shinier with a relaxer! and I can do roller wraps with relaxers! and my edges won't look like Baa Baa Black Sheep!!!
Y'all know I'ma go back and forth with this. It's my hair, what else am I going to talk about??

7. My principal wants me to teach kindergarten next year... IDK how I feel about that. After having a taste of 1st grade, will I be able to go back to Where the Wild Things Are???? And in NY, you can be 4 y.o. in kinder. #HolUp

8. I don't know what has taken me so long but I am soooooo ordering Ugly Betty s3 and s4 from amazon! I watched a totally random episode and it brought me sooooo much joy! Thank you B. Suarez for adding to my love of Saturday!

9. Tomorrow is brunch day. I think I will have a brunch of baked goods. There's a pie place in Park Slope (BK), my patisserie in SoHo, cookies in Midtown and Oprah's cake place in Harlem. Wait, seeing how the high will only reach 32 degrees, I need some 'strategery' on how to make all that happen...

10. I cooked last week. Ribs, baked beans, corn, cornbread. I don't think I cooked the ribs long enough (too hungry) and they make me sick. Maybe my body isn't used to pork anymore. Oysters and sushi it is.

Alright good people, this was your weekly update! XOXO :-)

lush

i'm still drunk. luckily, no hangover. unlucily, i think i left my phone in the cab. a yellow cab at that :-(