Crash

Emo Stace esta aqui

So with every 28 days comes the emotional fallout. I was on a high the past few days; buying a new book, a NorthFace, summery SteveMads, Hunter rainboots, a 4 night vacay in Mexico, a glider & ottoman for my niece's nursery, a lobster roll, two camisoles and two tanks, lots of stuff from ON/Gap, EIGHT cans of tuna, FOUR bottles of kiwi strawberry snapple... the only thing I didn't buy was a new pashmina and that's cause I didn't see one I wanted.

I only shop like that when something is unconsciously wrong. It would be impossible for me to shop so recklessly unless I was trying to mask what's really wrong with material things.

And of course, why wouldn't I be in my feelings during this time of the month?

I just wonder if he knows his contribution to our fall out. I sometimes want to e-mail him and ask "What were you thinking the last year? Did you not hear my cries? What would it have taken for anything to happen? And how do you buy a house without telling me??!!?!?"

Or does he sit there and think I'm this cold hearted bitch who could've given two fux about him and his cats?

I remember the day of our engagement, we were talking about apartments. He had me calling places and if I remember correctly, we were going to look at a loft that day. Midtown Miami was going to be the setting for our new chapter. All the while he was sitting on the American Dream...

It's easy to remember the good times and want that person back. But whatever broke you up in the first place happened for a reason. I just have to remember that.

anyway, I'm going to continue to listen to Cake. Goodnight.