l'etranger

something is wrong with me.


















actually, nothing is wrong with me.

i just think you all will think so. just don't judge me when i come undone. it's time.

united colors

with so much drama in the PBC it's kinda hard being S-T-A-C-E but uhhh, somehow someway I keep pulling these crazy ass crackas like, every single day.

my dad said stay away from WBs. it's not that i'm attracted to them only. i'm attracted to whatever physical feat i'm digging at the time. fluffy? had several black ones and a white one. athletic? ditto. diminutive? did that (black ones are worse). if i think you're good looking, i'ma look. you can be black, white, latino, hispanic... i'm trying to get up on someone's bollywood prince but they aren't down here in the numbers i need. whatever the case, i was telling Jam about this WB in high school and i casually mentioned he had a crush on me when she interrupted with the, "Damn! You are the most WB loved black girl ever! WB shole love them some Stace!"

it's true. i've had a WB boo since the days of biker shorts and side ponys. it's very interesting; the dynamics between a WB who likes black girls and myself in comparison to full on black relationships i've been in. (more on that later)

but just cause you like me, does that mean I have to like you??

and there it is people.

as of right now, i'm trying to get up on that indian tip and stay in my lane. but if a Patel wants to holla, I'LL HOLLA!

Random Thoughts

How do bulemics do it? It takes a sad and twisted person to purposefully vomit day in and day out. The once or twice I throw up every other month has me wanting to take my life. More recently (see: 230 and 1000am), I think some funky avocado made its way into my JB roll, no cream cheese. I even went as far as saying, "uh oh, I think I may only like avocado with cilantro and lime cause this is not getting it *nom*" Yeah... my throat still hurts.

My trip to NYC was one of the best trips ever. I think mostly cause I went by myself and could do whatever I wanted. Not saying I don't like traveling with people but it seemed to be twice as fun with half the party. Add that to my cool ass vet uncle (Pops' baby brother) who was either at the hospital or making house calls and it was a dream come true. I spent money ONLY on food, got to see a ISHT ton of my dear friends, got my hair did and... got some grey Js. *swooning*

Yeah, back to school is around the corner. Valmart (said like a german) has put out the BTS boxes and I didn't appreciate that. But unlike last year, I'm not pressed or depressed abt what this year will bring. Actually, last year at this time, I was interviewing with DC and putting all my eggs into a DMV basket. This year? Let go and let God. Life is so much more peaceful when you adopt that mantra.

Jameil called me a drunk. Why? Cause I spent my whole Tally trip oohing and ahhhing over baby boys. Former BFFs have sons that are 10 days apart and I LOVE them so much! Lil K is the younger and more serious of the two. He's too cool already and maybe a stubborn handful with his lil Taurus self. Lil P is a charmer! All he does is giggle and babble! He's going to be a handful in a different way with HIS Taurus self!
Regarding their moms, Pops said their strollers are going to bump into eachother at Babies R Us and they will reconcile. Ok, TV ending.

Oh yeah, speaking of babies, the week I reactivated FB (for Jam & Rah's pics), I saw a high school classmate of mine is expecting her own little boy this November.

And since I mentioned Jam and Rah, ima need the new Mrs. W to cough up the post on how to plan a fun and fab wedding in 28 Days. That hoe weren't playing! Her goal achieving prowess is almost scary, y'all...

I am very excited abt my car payments. By paying a small $4 more than asked, I am taking my 60 month term down to 44 months. Oh yeah, I split my automatic payments up to twice a month (coincide with paydays). Seems less painful that way (to me).

Our dog, Koko Lopez has atopic dermatitis. She's itchy and scratchy all day :-( Poor Koko Chanel :-(

It took forever but I was able to pay a ticket, reinstate my license, get new insurance, and renew my tags. This was the first time I've ever had to do them myself! Yeah, the car is mine but Pops did it last year. I felt like such a big deal when it all was finally said and done. Can you imagine driving around with nan notta one part of your driving situation right? Chamillionaire had NOTHING on me... well, unless he had a gun, open container, and some drugs. I wasn't that dirty, sheesh. I'm a teacher guys!

I am going to start practicing my piano again. That and finish reading Zen. Then I will tackle its sequel, Lila. And let's see if I can manage one more trip to NY... I still have to food spots to try!

Alright y'all! TTYL!

New Wave

i feel it creeping up; a new wave of selfishness. a feeling where i don't want to answer to, check-in with, clean up for, pick up, drop off, spend time with, nada for no one. I just want to enjoy me and my time the way I see fit. no sharing of time, space, food, sheets; NOTHING. and i want to do these things without being made to feel bad about them.

this feeling stems from the trip i was scheduled to take. at first, it was like, 'ok, i'll go back to DC. he's buying, i'm flying (literally)'. as the day to leave came closer and closer, i realized, 'i don't want to go back. i didn't have fun; there's no point in me going up there just to sit around or have fake fun. why am i going again? oh yeah, cause he told me to.'

if i can just secure a job somewhere, anywhere else, i will then feel confident enough to leave the false comfort of home. i can't just move on a leap of faith. as much as i admire people who up and go with the belief they will find something when they get where they are going, i will never be that person. i need a job. i need to pay bills. it's one thing to not have a for real ass rent but the money that you are supposed to be saving only goes to material things you buy to make yourself happy.

anyway, i'm trying to get out of this pointless trip and this coddled state of mind.