Bad Mood

I haven't been in the cheeriest of moods this week. I don't know what it is and I can't shake it. It's like my sugar has been perpetually low. I think the weather had a little something to do with it; it was cloudy/rainy earlier this week. Today was sunny and cold but I was still not as ease. I don't like the cold.

My kinder-neighbor asked me if i'm okay. I told her I'm anxious. I can't relax. I feel like something is due or something is past due. I told her I feel like something big is about to happen and I just wish it would already. I don't know if it's something good or something bad but there's something on the horizon that's holding my disposition hostage.

I'm perpetually annoyed. I'm sure the new puppy has something to do with that cause I have to watch her constantly. and I've been cleaning like I've never cleaned before. I've pulled a Cinderella and scrubbed floors on my hands and knees more times than I will ever want to in life. And now my hands feel like shit and my nails break with the least amount of pressure.

Then I try to put things in perspective. I have a job doing what I love, a fabulous roof over my head, both parents, siblings doing well; I really have nothing to complain about.

But damn it, why can't I be unhappy??!! Why I gotta justify my baditude?

I am positive 95% of the time so on my off 5% days, can I have that? Please? Why can't I have a rant and just rant? How often do I rant? Why when I'm having a bad day, people like to challenge me and tell me I can't feel that way? I have no reason to be upset or stressed or angry? I have no reason to wanna curse out loud for no reason? Why the fcuk not? Anger/restlessness/anxiousness/nervousness are all valid feelings that we are ALL allowed to have and express. If I feel someway about something with or without a reason, let me feel that way. Thanks.

If you see me in the street, I'm probably smiling or at least giving off a positive vibe. On the 18 days out the year (once a month plus a few for good measure) I'm genuinely ANGRY for what.ever reason, if you want to ask me why, ask me and I'll tell you. But then leave me alone. Please don't try to change my mind about how I feel.