What's Good, Miss?

Spring time is here. Stoop snowbirds are returning to their perches. So you want to know what's good? Let me tell you.

1.

i hate ghetto people. the bitches on welfare with their wic checks taking forever at the grocery store but let's not forget their new and improved ugs, winter 2012 northfase, fresh mani and using their ifone 4... on speakerphone of course. yeah the face of welfare is actually white trash but damn it if the black people on public assistance aren't ostentatious as hell! you have four children before you reached 25 and ALL OF THEM ARE WEARING JORDANS; baby being pushed in a maclaren stroller... iCan't.

Speaking of ugs, what happened to just your standard sand colored classic boots? why does a winter boot have to have satin and sequins? and leave it to Starkeisha to get that pair and a matching set for her two daughters.

2.

our charter is being changed. well, just the brooklyn schools. priority in the lottery will no longer go to 'at risk' students. well damn. what's the point of opening a charter school for children who would otherwise be attending failing schools? 6 years of closing the achievement gap was good enough i guess.

3.

i have finally decided to do something the weekend before my birthday. Keep your calendars and stomachs open for Friday, May 4 thru Sunday May 6th. But don't keep it open for birthday cake, I want that on my actual birthday (make my cake, snitches!). I've already started on my beauty diet of vitamins, cocoa butter and a bottle of water a day. Bringing in 30 gorgeous!

4.

living soshul is going to be the death of me. you already know abt my 4-day mexican vacay i have to use before october but now i've been hitting up the restaurant deals as well. Those truffled fries I had last sunday????? OMG, I was in heaven. And let's not even talk about the baked potato soup amuse bouche, crabcake appetizer, or the most delish burger. then the fresh doughnuts with cinnamon sugar and whipped creme fraiche, AND the chocolate shortcake sandwiching salted caramel... (i don't like shortcake or salted caramel but everything else was so good, i just ate it. i tasted nothing but sea salt.) All for $30.

*weeps*

Soigne, I will be back.

I have a dozen oysters and a bottle of wine on tap, a 4 course prix-fixe dinner for two, and some tapas to enjoy this spring!

5.

yesterday evening, i text officer anderson cooper to ask him where a good place to enjoy the St. Pat's parade would be. he called me at 1030pm and I was knocked the fcuk out. What's really funny is how I just knew in my head, I sounded okay but he was clearly like, "Umm, I woke you up. I will call you in the morning."

Would you believe he called me on his way to the gym? I was like, "Sir! You're not doing the parade?! YOUR NAME IS PATRICK!" He laughed and said he's done it more than enough times, he's going to enjoy his day off.

I would find the one Irishman who doesn't drink more than a bud light and avoids the St. Pat's Day parade. No fun!

6.

me and the other 30 something teacher have decided to be in a heterosexual domestic relationship where each of us has a baby by a hispanic man. We asked Boo Thang and BeyAndre but they both grimaced, choked on air, and quite simply over-reacted to our proposition. Ew, it so would've been artificial insemination, duhhhh!

7.

I bought JJ some DVF. I'm so excited for her!!! and i'm even more excited to be that auntie! do country things with your momma's side of the family. when it comes to me and mini me, be prepared to get glamourous! The Glamourest!!! (shout out to trina!)

8.

counting down to Summer vacay! BRING IT! I EARNED THE HELL OUT OF IT!!