June 1

June 1st was my Godfather's funeral. This was the first one I was involved in emotionally and literally. If you remember about 5 years back, I went to my first funeral ever. It was the grandmother like figure in the guy I was dating's life. We drove to Alabama from Tally, I met the fam, I thought I was in there. Y'all might remember how that turned out.

The next funeral I attended was one of an old lady at my church. My brother was more attached to her than I was.

The last one was last March. It was my Godsister's Godmother. She was the Hamptonian who died from breast cancer. I boo-hooed at that funeral because her daughter was a junior in high school and her mom wasn't there to help her get ready for Prom or see her graduate this year. It was such a sad, sad, funeral!

But Godfather's was sad in a different way. Even though I didn't cry AS MUCH, the tears were definitely more personal. Hearing people come up to speak abt Godfather actually made me smile and nod in agreement. It was when the church choir sang a medley of the songs Godfather loved that got me slumped in my seat. Luckily, I was sitting next to my brother and he put his arm around me. I started crying and singing along with the choir. Those songs were songs I like to sing as well. Another time was when my oldest Godsister sang, "The Greatest Luv of All"... man, that song hits your heart no matter the occassion; or maybe just mine cause it feel like it should be every teacher's song.

When the pallbearers stood up to carry Godfather out, the whole family stood as well. The minute my brother and Godbrother grabbed the casket, I fell back into my seat hysterical. It was like the whole thing was just a forum on how great Godfather was but to see 12 men (yes, twelve), all who I know and 2 I'm very close with lift that rose gold coffin... it was too much. My Godfather is in there! He's really gone! He's not just sick and in his room resting! He's resting forever! Too much!

The ladies of the family followed the men with the flowers. Me, other Spencer Lakers, and friends of Godsisters' wiped our tears and left the church with glorious white lilies, roses, and mums. As I was walking out, I was not surprised but lovingly amazed at all the familiar faces I saw in the church and outside. What was really comforting was all the classmates we had who were in attendance. The guys from our highschool's GDP were there and some of their mothers. I've known some of them since elementary school and the others since freshman year and we are all pretty much one big family but it was still nice to see and hug them.

The ceremony at the memorial gardens... the actual placement of Godfather in the mausoleum (that's the wall, right?), seeing the immediate family place roses on his casket before it was fitted into and sealed forever...? The roughest. I've never been the the gravesite before. It's so... final. I was sobbing in the arms of a Spencer Laker and Stanley was crying behind his shades with his fiance holding him... man.

The repast was a lighter mood, I caught up with a 99er who's in med school and chatted it up with his mom who I've known forever. Just found out she's a Rattler! Mostly everyone present had some form of FAMU nalia on their car and I heard someone talk about The Moon (a club everyone goes to). Nice dinner then we left to rest. I tried to take a nap but the time escaped me. It was time to go back to the house. People were eating, drinking, smoking cigars, playing music and dominoes... a nice atmosphere. I caught up with another Spencer Laker/99er who's doing the music thing. We talked and talked. It was nice. He shared with me the death of his oldest sister and what Godfather was on the other side of the hospital door literally with open arms for him to cry in. It was the first and only time he cried for her.

The time came for me to leave, I had to go to work, it was the 2nd to last day of school. I should've called in cause apparently, I looked as bad as I felt. Oh well, that's life and death.

I plan on going to Godparents' house today. Now that the week has passed and everyone is gone, I'm sure she'd appreciate the quiet company.