Marriage = Rocking the Boat

One of my favorite Bob songs is "Satis.fy My Soul". Why? Cause the lyrics are so me

Oh please, don't u rock my boat

Cause I don't, want mai boat to be rocking

I'm a typical Taurus and like things to be stable. I think change is overrated. I am a firm believer in "if it ain't broke don't fix it" and any other saying in the same boat. In an almost OCD like manner, I do things a certain way and get irritated when you "rock my boat".

Case in point, my shower routine. Being the never-nude, I take most of my clothes off in the bathtub and throw them over the bar.

LMAO! I am ridiculous! Seeing that in print makes me crack the fluck up!!!!!

I wash, rinse, repeat x 2*. Kind of like how you should brush your teeth... turn the water off when you're not rinsing?? Yeah, that's me.

Then I partially dry off in the tub, wrap the towel around me and put deodorant on. Then lotion. One pump for left leg, one pump for right leg, one pump for both arms with elbows and spaces between fingers (right elbow, left elbow; right hand, left hand) hit up first AND last (I go over those spots again), then torso. Then underwear, camisole, and the rest is a variable.

Drew came over last Sunday night. I was going to take my shower when he decided he wanted to "help".

"Let me take off your dress".

"I got it. I take my clothes off in the shower."

"But I want to help"

*FACE* "Fiiiiine."

I hopped in the shower before he could "help" with anything else.

*SHOWERING*

Now it's time to get out. I grab the towel and lightly pat dry in the tub. Drew hearing the water has been turned off for good is back in the bathroom.

"Lotion time!"

"Drew! You're going to mess up my routine! I put deodorant on first! and lotion afterwards! IN BODY PART ORDER!

"Routine? Babe, this is what marriage is about! Sharing spaces and time! No rituals here! I'm here to help! Let me take your shower cap off."

*FACE* "Noooooo! I do that last!!!! All the humidity will make my hair puff!!! DON'T TOUCH IT! Damn it, just watch the routine so you don't drive me crazy doing your own thing."

He watched and complained he didn't get a show (I keep my towel wrapped tightly the whole time, lolol). Boooo on you, I'm on a schedule here.

Now it was time to sleep. You know we both wanted the right side of the bed, right?

*FACE*

*BACKSTORY: a sometimes obnoxious homie of mine and Kitty came over our house in Tally. While he and Kitty were watching TV, I decided to hop in shower. Do you know this fool was in the bathroom asking if he could join me? NOOOOOOOO! but why did he stay in the bathroom and have conversation!?!?!? Like, sitting on the toilet (with the lid down) and act like we were sharing coffee in an open air cafe'!?! I was tense but still managed to get my shower when he interrupted with,

"Wait! Did you just shower, rinse, and repeat?!?!"

"If you want to call it that..."

"I was wondering why the water kept going off and on!!!!"