OMG

So can I tell you about the party Dreezy played at this past Saturday? The one I had a photoshoot in his bathroom for?? As you may or may not have read from Twitter, the budget for drinks alone was at least $10,000. countless bottles of Pan Sellegrino and Acqua di..., blush moet champagne, black label j. dubs, goose...

the dance floor was over the limestone pool and it lit up; Billy Jean style. Okay, okay; it had colored squares.

the floral arrangements EVERYWHERE were white roses, orchids, lillies, chrysthanteums and bamboo.

the house was RI-DIC-U-DAM-LOUS. They hired valet to park the refarris, sameratis, porches (lol)...

THERE WAS A FREAKING STEIN.WAY AND SONS GRAND PIANO IN THE ART PARLOR!! I would hyperlink but they don't even show prices on the website. I will go ahead and tell you:





$100,000



there were carved ivory tusks that i reeeeeeeeeeally think came from woolly mammoths. i tried to look that up and "potentially harmful information" was a warning. no thanks. then there was a high relief carving of the adoration of the magi. Drew and I came to the conclusion that when Jesus was born, there was a Bethlehem sculptor there who used Jesus' manger wood to mark the event, right? That piece of art was in that house. We would bet MONEY that it was an ancient relic; some Holy Grail type ish. There were various art pieces by big names of all sizes thruout but we were looking for one artist to let us know this was the real deal house. And of course, we found it.




A Picasso.





but not just any picasso







a picasso made out to the owner.





'Por Jorge'

We saw the inscription done in oil paint and wondered, "Who is George?" Oh, the answer rang out from the kitchen when a woman called out, "George!!!! Where is the key to the wine room?!!?"






*shaking my head.*

The wine room that is the size of your apartment?? Shut off by a wrought iron gate from someone's castle in colonial portugal??


I know I mentioned the limestone pool + patio, but you guys aren't from florida and didn't take Florida history in 4th grade. Limestone is basically marine organism shells that have conglomerated into a reef.



AKA fossils.


their freaking patio/pool was made of limestone!!!! Conquistadors used limestone to build their fortresses. the pyramids are made of limestone!!!! cathedrals and churches from the middle ages were built from limestone!!! If you see something "made" of limestone today, its just a thin sheet used as a facade. Did I tell you that limestone recrystallized into marble??

Speaking of marble, they had granite SLABS as ottomans and tables! and you know how on cribs, people brag about having brazillian cherry wood for their kitchen cabinetry?

These people had it as their deck.


i can't.


and the landscape on this property...

i need to get in good and have the most beautiful wedding/reception on their land. i took pictures and can only cry and the UNjustification my camera did to the place. let me just say that F. Gardens is in THEIR neighborhood

I don't even want to talk about the food that was the best I've eaten.


people are LIVING.


LIVING NICE.

This is in the same area as Merrick Park. Remember that place where women wear DVF just to run errands and tweens wear Juicy to go to the mall?

all i can say is, "it must be so nice."

but then again, I don't know what they did for that and what they are going thru right now. on the outside, the family is so happy but the man might be having a blatant affair and the woman can be anorexic. the children are all doped up on adderall and are raiding mommy's medicine cabinet when she's knocked out on pain meds and cosmos. for all i know, daddy could be gay but stays married cause cuban catholics wouldn't have it any other way. yeah that ring was 8 carats vvs, but did she get it out of love or kobe style??? idk and will never know. i do know one of their neighbors is Phillips. As in the family of that man.

so the other OMG of this post is, I almost died tonight.

I come home from school and I lie on my bed to chat with drew. i get up to marinate some chicken wings for which I will HAVE to post on record dish cause those were the best wings I've EVER had!!! (toot, toot... that's my horn). I decide to get some water and return to my room and lie on my sister's bed. on this bed, after my mom had a hissy fit about where to put her painting, we put this piece that's basically a compilation of african stamps. mounted on red and green, in a black frame and behind glass. Now why someone would put the ONE art piece behind glass on a headboard is besides me... I lie down and the piece comes crashing down on me. Mind you, this is a 3'x3' piece (damn I wish i was on a mac and had wifi.) so 36 inches by 36 inches of glass breaks on me. I SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAM cause large pieces are in my leg and arm and smaller pieces are everywhere else. I don't want to move to agitate anything. My dad wakes up and comes running into the room; he lifts the piece and Stan comes running in to take the pieces off of me. two cuts on my leg are streaming blood and I see white meat on my arm. that blood is coming out so thin and runny; all the fingertips on my left hand are tingling cause i know i have microscopic pieces of glass in them. the cuff of the quarter length sleeve dress I was wearing is absorbing what my right arm is pumping and my bedroom slippers are catching what's coming from my right leg. daaaaaaaah. this was my 1st time wearing this dress!!

but have i told how this house is?? how we have peanut butter, no jelly? kool aid, no sugar? cereal, no milk? ham, no burger?


we had triple antibiotic and no band-aids.
cotton balls, no alcohol.







and on that note, i'm out.