forgiveness

it's hard. i wrestle with it every day. i talk to God about it. i ask Him to help me forgive and forget but my mom has always said i have the memory of an elephant.  okay, let's take forget out of the picture. can i work on forgive?

re-reading back to white, i am cleaaaaaarly holding on to a lot of pain. luckily, it rarely surfaces and i am very happy with my life but in those moments, my inability to forgive takes me down for the count. those are the dark moments for me; re-living the disrespect, lies, and heartbreak. or even worse, the moments when i "knew" but thought it would get better.

*lightbulb*

maybe i need to forgive myself first.