Happy Saturday

I'm eating leftover Chinese food in bed while listening to my iToons libe. Get like me.

*waves*

1. Don't you pseudo hate that person who disappears from a social network and then comes back with vim and vigor like they never left? And they always come back with the *waves excitedly* lol

2. We've gone from blogs with limitless word counts to status updates with technically no limit on a word count (but let's be real, we hate that person who makes us click 'see more') to tweeting up to 140 characters to instagram which is basically wordless Wednesday everyday. I suppose you can have a caption but the point is, "what's next?" FB has gone the route of graphic organizer with that damn timeline!

3. Officer Anderson Cooper: yeah, no. We have totally opposite schedules so it was pointless. But what really sealed the deal was a text message response. Actually, two in a row.

Me: Hey, just got home, how's it going?
AC: Kool, about to go in now. I sleeped all day.









*record scratch*



Wait. Di-


Did he just type the word 'sleeped'?!?!
HOW CAN YOU SEE THAT IN PRINT AND NOT HAVE A GNAWING FEELING IN YOUR GUT THAT THAT IS SO WRONG?!?! SLEEPED?!?! *smh*

The next text was a very common mistake. He confused 'their' and 'there'.
You're an NYPD cop, you carry "heat" on our dates but this is what trips you up? Like one of my oldest friends once quipped, "Homonyms steal thugness." -DMG
Also, what was up with spelling "cool" with a K? Hated that ish in undergrad, def don't want to see it now, from a 40 y.o. Irishman.

4. I'm really at a loss for what to do for my birthday. So unlike me. I blame it on it falling on a Tuesday.

5. I really don't like watching clips that are viral sensations. Mostly b/c most of America is corny and I end up saying, "really? That's what kathy lee and hoda were making a big deal abt (why do I love those two soooooooo much?!?!). Anyway, this morning, I finally watched the Isht WG say to Black Girls. It was a little funny but only cause I know Franchesca and have known her for.ever. What she was actually saying tho? Meh. I wasn't around those girls who would say things like that. She definitely was. (Dani, Nima, and Patti; she either went to Benjamin or Kings Academy. I think she endd up graduating from Dreyfoos). Anyway, like with movies, I didn't see the big deal but I kept watching the spinoffs. Isht Black Girls say was funny cause I used to live with THAT black girl. Again, I know those videos are parodies but I'm still uninspiried. Isht Vegans Say wasn't funny but Isht Gay Guys say to Straight Guys actually got a chuckle out of me. LOL

6. I really don't like poor service at nice restaurants. It makes me feel like you're only treating me that way b/c you don't think I belong in your restaurant. Yeah, I'm pulling the race card. Sure I'm not your typical white guy wall street banker white collar criminal who orders the delmonico steak and puts it on the COMPANY card, but my money is still very valid and I hate that I got no love last night. To top it off, that meal was so run-of-the-mill. Pass, have a seat, FOH, and everything else I can think of.
I don't think I've ever been impressed with steakhouses. They are soooooo expensive for something I KNOW I can make at home. Steak and pureéd potatoes?! Really? Stop.

7. So I'm done with Levain. I'm onto Make My Cake. Their red velvet cupcake... THA BIZNESS. The best I've ever had.

8. I love that January is almost done and we've only had one snow. And it was on a Saturday :-) TAKE THAT LAJAMEILIONTE!!! Ha HA! Come onnnnnnn, February and March!

9. My niece is almost here! OMG, I'm so excited! She's gonna be the perfect mix of peanutbutter and dark chocolate!! Yeeeeeee! Oh, J didn't want pink for her. Baby JJ will be swathed in soft yellows and greens. So much for that pink Calvin Klein blanket I got her... *hmph*

10. Two of my crushes got engaged. One of them made me lose my mind, real talk. I got for real hysterical and that even more hysterical at my hysterics. I love how b/c I wasn't ready for marriage, no-one else should be lol, ass.

Last thing, totally random so be prepared:

You know who I am? I'm that horse you can lead to water but you can't make drink.

The Gays

Went to BAM yesterday for the opening of the new feminist exhibit and of course First Saturday where the third floor atrium turns into a dance floor... I met up with my fave gay who happened to move to BK the same time I did, from Florida as well. He's the one who introduced me to sushi many moons ago back when we were students at FAMU. We also attended St. Michael's AND had internships at the same elementary school in Leon County! Yeah, he was my boy. I remember when we were coming from lunch when JBB apparently followed us and got loud in his driveway. Whitman (fake name) said, "Handle your business." in such a way, I felt invincible.

Anyway, I meet up with him and of course he has "the guys" with him... omg, gay guys are the best. The house music was pumping and the men were vogue-ing left and right. I saw some GORGEOUS gays and unfortunately, a lot of unattractive lezes *shudder*. It was an okay time, glad I didn't get there too early. After the museum was when Whitman and I started to catch up. He flat out told me "This city is 70% gay, Stace. There are so many boys out here, I don't know what to do with myself. I guess you don't want to hear this though..." I laughed and told him it's totally okay; I love gay guys. To the point I wish I could date one, but with me still as a straight female, however that would work lmao. We laughed and caught up over tortilla soup and plantains at a nearby Mexican restaurant.

One thing I noticed, he is so much more open up here. Even though there was a definite homo population at FAMU, they were still closeted. Never once did I hear the word "gay" come out of Whit's mouth while we were in Tallahassee. But last night, I almost had to tell him, "honey, I know." I'm happy for him. I'm happy for people who are comfortable in their own skin.


Yesterday, I went and had sushi. The two lezes at our school invited themselves to my dinner of one. I didn't mind, it was cool to talking to people outside of my team. They too told me NYC is heaven for them. Both of them are from the MidWest (IL and MN by way of MO) and didn't come out till they moved here 3-4 years ago. How sad is that that you can't be yourself? I can definitely attest to bringing out your true colors. I'm so much more assertive here. I love it. I wonder what else I will learn nd become while i'm here for what I sense will be a season...

slightly emo stace

*exhale*

The first Saturday of the year. So far, I'm loving it. Well, I'd like it even more if I would put away the clothes on my bed but whatever, it's Saturday.


I just realized I haven't had a relaxer since Oct 23. I don't know how i feel about that. I def don't miss it but I don't want to be dependent on intense levels of heat for my hair to be straight. I think what I'm really worried about is finding a nice black salon to re-touch my hair. The last one I went to was all hype and the ones in Man are simply out of my teacher budget. I guess that answers my question: $15 root blow-outs at the Dominican salons till whenever.

I paid all my bills yesterday. Sometimes I hate it but yesterday, it felt so good. I am so blessed to only have an AmEx bill (that was surprisingly low for a post Christmas balance), car note and insurance, and cell phone bill. I thank my dad every.single.day for no student loans. Him and FL Bright Futures.

It was hard for me to come back to NY after spending time with family in NoVA and of course Florida. It was like that first day of school when I was trying to get a job with DC Public schools. I didn't cry this time; I was (luckily) so engrossed in This Side of Paradise, it didn't hit me till later. But I did cry that morning it was -2 degrees. I cried b/c people wouldn't let me off the crowded ass bus and I had to walk an extra block to get to school. I was soooooo sad.

I said I want a big blowout party for the 30th but I don't think I want that anymore. Unless it can be spent in South Florida, (at the Mayfair Resort to be exact), I just want my girls and I to eat at a fabulous restaurant and drink top shelf till our heads fall off. and if Nigella Lawson can be there, i'd be even more excited. I love that thick hoe!
Ugh, it's on a Tuesday. Which means the Sunday before is Mothers' Day which means I won't be able to do anything till the weekend after my birthday, the 11-13th.

*blink*
#wack

Anyway, I want a croissant and a cookie on this fine Saturday. Maybe a stroll thru Central Park... ttyl

NY in NY

Trying to decide if I want to go to Times Square... I know it will be utterly bananas down there; ish, the subways were crazy for the Rock tree lighting!! Officer Anderson was telling me i'd have to get there around 6pm and basically stay in one spot till the ball drops. He was also saying when the time comes, he can get me close but let's review: You want me to willingly be exposed to the elements for hours on end? I dunno about that. Plus, allllll those people might get on my nerves. I'm not one to shy away from crowds, I love being where the party's at but... I'm feeling some kinda way abt Times Square. I would rather be in a club or bar and watch from the TV, like what I did in ATL, DEN, and MIA in the past. Good times, good friends, good drinks, WARM!

I'm sure anywhere I go will be fun. I just want to wear sequins and have a drink in my hand, is that too much to ask?? Not in NY! So far I'm debating on a see-thru shirt with gold sequined shoulders or a silver sequined beret... decisions decisions! LOL

Having a Moment...

looking at all the lovely pictures posted on FB and the web, I cannot BELIEVE how "grown" we are! Everyone is up and married, married with children, married with 2 children...! When did all this happen?!!?

What is blowing my mind are the terms 'husband' and 'wife'. For the longest time, those two words applied to people my parents age and older! So now to see lifelong friends, classmates, campmates, former Girl Scouts, cousins, and siblings with a 'husband' or 'wife'?? AMAZING! And it only makes sense, when our parents got married 30+ years ago, they were in their 20s (sheesh, much earlier 20s than nowadays...)

So I'm looking thru an album of a girl I went to middle and high school with. SHE (if you knew her, it would blow your mind)... is somebody's wife and mother! and for Christmas, her hubby (of almost 5 years BTW) re-did her kitchen and she is THRU THE ROOF elated! YO!! Who would've and could've called that?! I remember when a handle of vodka or a case of beer and a mini skirt would've been IT for her!

Another girl I've known since summer camp... I just told her, "I remember when we were learning how to step in the gym at Roosevelt..." now she's also a wife and a mother of two and taking those family holiday pictures you used to get from your PARENTS' friends!! OMG, I can't believe this is us now!

Lastly, I just saw a picture of the newest baby boy to add to the 234,245,310 born in 2011. GORGEOUS. And he belongs to a friend of mine!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!


Here's to the new year of friends, family, and beautiful growth! I'm so excited for all of you (and myself!) LOVE Y'ALL!!

Smoove Operator

Went to watch the Knicks game with Officer Anderson Cooper, right? Starts raining, he goes to get his car then comes and scoops me (I might've made a big deal about my hair getting wet). Pulling up to my house, he says, "You may have to run so your hair doesn't get wet and I agree. I make a mad dash for the apt building; running up the stairs and I trip.

I trip UP the damn stairs. I tripped so loud that my cousin who was INSIDE the apartment, opened the door and asked, "damn, did you just fall? Are you okay? It sounded bad."

Cool points fell like a slinky down the staircase.

And that was how my date ended.

Randoms

I'm home the earliest I've ever been since I moved to NY and I don't know what to do with myself! I called Officer Anderson to see what he's up to. He's not working tonight so we're trying to figure out what to do. In the mean time, some random thoughts.

1. I really don't like Indian food. I think it's way too expensive for what is never pleasing to the eye. It always looks like slop to me. You eat with your eyes first. Also, the flavors are just too much. I bite into something soft and white and I'm hit with a vinegary oniony taste? Does not compute. It messes with my head too much.

2. There was a student in my class two years ago named Giovanni. His brother was Leonardo and his sisters were Giada and Franchesca. Italian much?!?!? I loved that child! and I do like the name Giada. It's so feminine and pretty.

3. I took myself to a sushi restaurant last night. They didn't have any fancy rolls but I thoroughly enjoyed my food. The simple rolls were so fresh and delicious. It made me think of the restaurants Drew and I used to frequent. One was Nakorn, simple and fresh sushi, a few fancy rolls. The other was Sushi Room, the fancy flashy rolls, also DELISH. *sigh* Drew and I used to go INNNN on some sushi. and every time he picked me up from the airport, there was always a brown paper bag with some rolls just for me.

4. So my mom is still in Ghana. My dad came home yesterday. Our Christmas will be Pops and his two daughters. I think we will migrate to Stessica's or maybe they'll come our way. Whatever the case, I have my brother's gift. I need 3 more. And of course the one w/o the job wants the most extravagant things!! Mini Me's list made me bust out laughing, real talk.

5. Every time I unwrap my hair, I think, "Wraps are so boring. Do I want to cut my hair again?" I think I will have a long hair end date, like Nima. She didn't cut her hair till after her wedding. I may wait till the 30th for either the hair cut or the last long hair hoorah. Stay tuned.

6. Tonight was our holiday party, both at school and as a network. Yeah, I celebrated with Brooklyn and passed on the City. I don't like those people. If I don't have to spend anytime with those people, I won't. I don't care if it's bowling or not (and I like bowling).

7. I have a green bubble, a green FAMU hoodie, a dark green FAMU sweatshirt, a green FAMU tee, and an olive green smocked one sleeve dress. I need more green clothes. Damn you, Pops.

8. I really like kiwi strawberry flavor. I can drink KS snappl all day and eat KS candy all night.

9. I can't wait to be back in the DMV for a little spell! I really love being there! I think the area is calling me back! The urge has to be great for me to leave NYC, I just got here!

10. What can't I wait to do when I get home?? Drive! Drive to Publix! Drive to the beach! IN THAT ORDER! Well, maybe I should drive to my waxing place. But that's in Jupiter... oh well! I'ma be a driving fool! ROAD TRIPS ON DECK!

Okay, i'm done with this mid-week post. TTYL!

Vanity

so this guy I used to talk to back in the FAMU days just asked to be my friend on FB. He's the one who after a while, I couldn't STAND b/c he loved being a light-skinned Alpha who happened to be Catholic. He was starting this up while we were talking and even used some places we'd frequent to promote on the site. I remember putting him on to chocolate martinis on V-Day then all the hoes started jumping on my drink cause they read about it on DGL... *eyeroll* he didn't even give me credit. He was a certified asshole once his lil webpage started to jump-off.

it's changed. well, it has been 5+ years, lol

Anyway, I confirmed request and started looking thru his pics. Yo, he has NOT aged well. Like, he looks OLLLLLLD. Receding hairline, crows feet, poppa belly, et al. Meanwhile, I'm here getting better with age (lmao).

I just wonder if he's looking thru my pictures and saying, "Damn, I messed that up." or "Wow, she looks really good! She's always been cute but now she's simply gorgeous!" or whatever else guys say when they realize the err of their ways, HA!

I'm a mess right now.

Next note, I think I have a really nice clavicle.

Totally random, I know.

But for real, in the pictures that people like of me, I noticed my clavicle frames my head/face quite nicely. I think it's one of those unconscious things about beauty. You know why someone or something is pleasing to the eye, but you can't put your finger on it.

Lastly, I really and truly believe with all my heart, all my girls look amazing. I don't think there's a weak link in my crew. There is no "ugly friend" in my group. Whatever your type, she's here with personality to boot.

So that's my Saturday feel good rant. I'm wearing my sweatpants, went to the salon and now i'm thinking about sushi :-) Life is good (on the weekend).

Christmas Wish List

I really don't want that much... I mean, there are a ton of things I want but this is a Christmas wish list, not a *cross my fingers I hope I hit the lottery* list!

I want a lot of TV box sets.

I want Tru Blood, Gossip Girl, Ug Betty 2-4, whatever Modern Fam is out, New Girl, and Dexter.

I want music.

I want Jay's whole collection.

I want pashminas and shawls.

I have so many colors and there are so many more to be had! I still don't have a green joint!!! What gives?! I think my dad has scared the green away from me. IT'S ALL NIGERIAN GREEN!

Because of my No Shave November that has extended into December, I'm the queen of tights. Stockings, tights, leggings, the whole lot. I love them all. I wore there gray lace ones the other day and my school didn't know what to do with themselves. Then there are the argyle joints that are always fun with a solid dress. Whatever leg accessory you think would be cute will work for me!

I've always been an accessory lady. If my leg game is snoring boring, best believe I have on a cool headband. My colleagues went crazy for a thin black headband that had a grommet-ed star on it. I guess it was a faux fascinator but whatever, I rocked it. Again, no blossoms. Bows and stones y'all, bows and stones.

I used to fight it but... I'm feeling leopard print. Matter of fact, my party theme is a toss up between 'Leopard and Loubs' and 'Red, White, and Loub'. Leopard can be the fiercest thing ever and yet too often, it's gaudy. Almost in the same vein as ugly Christmas sweaters, i want to wear the hell out some leopard print, in earnest! Please don't let me grow up to be that person who finds the beauty in ugly clothes. Cause i'm really not trying to be ironic about leopard or Christmas sweaters, I really do like them!

Brooklyn, what have you done to me?

But back to leopard.

if you see a cool scarf, cuff, cocktail ring, wristlet, hat, belt, clutch, Louboutins... (IJS, there are some ballers out in the blogworld!)

Giftcards are always good.

I like XPress and theGAP

I want more books. I need Toni Mor's collection. I'm missing Beloved, a mercy, Jazz, and Paradise.

Cashmere tops.

Express used to have this cash pocket tee that was the greatest thing to ever hit their stores. I don't know why they won't bring it back cause it was one of my favorite pieces of clothing. But I got a long sleeve, gray cash v-neck from Target and everyone thought I was wearing a j.crew outfit. (black khaki skirt, gray tights, black flats). You can never go wrong with cashmere, no matter where it's from!

I tink dat's it!

Update

1.

Met up with Officer Anderson* on Sunday. We watched the Pack and G-Men play and he was pleasantly surprised with my football knowledge. But I didn't know what exactly a 'Pick 6' was so I think he felt good being able to explain something to me.

While on the subject of females and football, I think I know what happened.

Hella chicks started pretending to like football so they can seem like that cool ass chick. The Marine? His ex wife used to watch football with him ALLLLL THE TIME. The minute they got married, she fessed up and said, "Ugh, I hate that ish. I'm going to the mall." When we used to hang out, he was very skeptical of me liking football and was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Whatever the case, guys got played into thinking their girls like football. It became a pandemic! But now that the fluff has been weeded out, guys are still like, "You like football? For real?" and I stay getting the side-eye! I don't your approval to like football!

So yeah, we met at the Brooklyn Bridge and walked to a pizzeria in The South Seaport of lower Man. As we were walking, there was a tree lighting and carolers in the street! Then before we sat down to watch the game, we looked at the skyline of Brooklyn at dusk. Walked to the other side of the pier and saw Lady Liberty! It was actually surreal. I couldn't believe I was meeting up with a member of the NYPD to eat pizza and watch the Giants play with the sun setting on Brooklyn in the background. Sounds like a cliche' bit in a rom-com!

So we've been chatting but our schedules are complete opposite. Oh well, there was talk of attending a Knicks game and getting me close to the action at NYE :-)

2.

I love flying. I haven't been scared the past two times. There was one time I didn't even know we were landing till I felt the *bump* of tire meeting asphalt. I hope I will always be able to afford to fly and eventually move up to first class as my standard. This weekend, I will be in the DMV for my grandfather's states-side memorial service. I'm more excited at all the family I'm going to see, including my brother :-) I haven't seen him since Labor Day weekend!

3.

I'm going to be an auntie! My very first niece is scheduled to arrive in march and I CAN'T WAIT! I've named her Staceyita and I'ma call her that cause I have a feeling she will be like me:

overprotected.

4.

I've been wearing my hair pinned up and whenever I start removing bobby pins, I'm surprised by how long my hair is :-) No, it's not what it used to be but it is so getting there! I told y'all, Operation Long Hair Don't Care was in effect!!! I can't wait for my hairdresser to see it!

5.

30th birthday. I've decided it will be in either Philly or DC. When I think of those two cities, I think of the birth of a new nation, independence, freedom, all that patriotic stuff. It will most likely be in DC so start planning for GHoGH Parte Deux!!!! Oh, the theme? Red, White, and Loub. Yes, I'm 30, tricks! Gimme my shoes!

6.

Sometimes I love where I work, sometimes I don't.

7.

I really love going out in NYC. I feel so alive and like this is how I'm supposed to be living. Sometimes, it may be a dive bar or some hood spot or some cool lounge in Manhattan. The yellow cabs, the hustle and bustle, guys and girls in their cutest fits, feeling good off of work, the whole vibe. SO ALIVE!

8.

I can't wait to go home and be in some sunshine. but first, the hair on my legs is Fcukin Ridiculous. I saw this on twitter and RT'd promptly: if the PETA people saw my legs, they'd throw paint on them.

*STAMP*

*I call him Officer Anderson b/c he reminds me of Anderson Coop. Small and piercing blue eyes.

Epidemic

I'm getting no love from the brothers of NY. I'm too bourgie for the ones in Burntout Bushwick and BedStuy, I'm not boho chic enough for the ones of Clinton Hill/Ft.Greene/Flatbush, and then I'm too black for the few in Park Slope. You know when I do get love? When I'm wearing sweatpants and walking thru Harlem. But do those catcalls even count? They come from the kind of guys who holler at anything without a penis. Pass.

When in the City, it seems like they are all gay. I know all the bruhs in the System are. Like, a good 95% of them are, I promise you.

WHERE ARE ALL THE BOUT SOMETHING BLACK MEN AT?! let me stumble in an Alpha meeting and finally find some normal black men of substance.

It used to kind of be a joke... then Jam made a point that I'm the most crushed on BG by WGs she's ever met and now, it's becoming an epidemic.

I don't actively seek them out. I promise I don't. I like (what I consider) good looking guys. (and good looking is of course subjective). I don't discriminate. If you have a beard, I'm looking at you and thinking of a way to be in your presence. But these WGs out here?? Thirsty. And this is what crosses my mind each time:

1. Do you have a black girl fetish? Why so interested?

2. Are you a serial killer? Did a black girl hurt you once upon a time?

3. I know I look 19, is that what you're into? 18+?

4. Or are you like me and just like a certain type (small and boyish???? okaaaaay)

I am VERY skeptical of WGs that approach and even ogle (yes. I had to leave) at me. It's great for my ego but it seriously makes me wonder.

Most recently, I got off the train at Rock Center and was headed to the Tree lighting. It was warm on the platform and I realized my longjohns, hoodie, and bubble was excessive. Okay, take off the hoodie & bubble and keep it moving. Then I see a mob of people come in so I tap a police officer and ask, "What's going on with the mad rush of people?" He tells me the ceremony JUST finished but if I REALLY want to go see the tree, I "might as well hang out with [him] for a little while, till the rush dies down." Really officer?

We make small chit-chat, he actually asks a lot of questions, "noticed [I] came to the City alone, no family, boyfriend... or girlfriend", asks if I work out cause I have a fit body (thermals show everything) and when I finally ask if it's okay to go up, he says, "Sure, but let me get your number so we can hang out some time."

Well aren't you direct? Why can't none of my brothers be this direct?

The Fine Line

this is a true life conversation I am comfortable enough to share now.



I realized I wasn't feeling anything. My exact words were, "I'm realizing I don't have a devout love for anyone or anything." to which he says, "That deep down passionate love, the kind I feel in my heart? Everyone has that."

me: I don't. And if I do, it has a shelf life.

him: You just won't let it happen.

me: I did let it happen. And now it's gone. I want you to find someone who loves the way you love.

him: I don't want anybody else. I don't even have an interest in looking.

me: What's there to love anymore? We know I'm not the nicest and quite frankly, I'm at a point where I don't care.

him: You, your smile, your intelligence, your personality, your everything. I'm IN LOVE with the whole package.

me: You're insane.

him: I want to spend the rest of my life figuring out what I can do to make you happy.

me: I don't even know makes me happy. One day I love it, next day I'm over it, day after I hate it.

him: you're the love of my life and someday I want you to be my wife.

me: marriage is scary. it's a gamble and a game I don't think I want to play anymore.




What's the difference between persistence and insanity?

Saturday and Sweatpants

It's no secret, I love these two things so much. Nothing and I mean nothing brings me more joy than Saturdays and sweatpants. I remember waxing poetic about the two one day back in my FAMU days. My flavor of the month (or year, who's counting?) was like, "Damn, can I get some love like that? Let you tell it, you don't need anything else." I replied, "You would love me to love you the way I love sweatpants, don't you? For a split second, you really wanted to be a pair of sweatpants, didn't you?" Then I burst into raucous laughter at his silence that was so telling *LOL* He went on to call me cold or heartless, something along those lines. And you already know that made me laugh even more.

So today, nothing on the agenda. That is the true beauty of Saturday. In case you don't know me, I don't like anything set in stone. Being locked down and I would go as far to say, commitment make me itch. I think it came from all the planning I used to do when I was younger. I would spend Saturdays planning my life. Yes, in 2nd and 3rd grade sitting at the dining table outlining how everything would go. Well, man plans; God laughs. So now, I don't plan. You would think that would ruffle the feathers of a Taurus who needs constant stability but my stability comes from the other virtue a Taurus craves: comfort. Am I happy? Then I'm good. Unhappy? Something needs to change.

I still pinch myself at where I am right now. This was DEFINITELY not in my little second grade mind. It wasn't even in my 27 y.o. mind. I am taking each day at a time and trying to gauge how I feel about this place. Honestly, every day is different. On Thursday, I was ready to up and leave. Now today is Saturday and I'm okay with the infinite possibilities NYC has to offer. I try not to wonder what the next year will hold cause if I latch onto an idea too tough, it won't happen. Well, I won't say it won't happen, it just wasn't meant to be. There's a difference you know.

So what am I going to do today? Maybe buy some boots from SM... hopefully catch the lobster roll food truck... stumble into target and possibly catch a movie. *shoulder shrug* I don't know and I like it like that :-)

i Miss Him

I miss Andrew so much y'all. Even though my work week doesn't allow for very much communication outside of a sprinkle of bus tweets, I bet there would be a way for us to talk everyday. I just miss sharing my day, as mundane as it might be with my best friend. With this new experience, every day I want to share with him. Yes, I call him and of course he doesn't answer, completely understandable... I send an e-mail maybe every other week, a text sparingly...

I just miss my best friend so much. I cry at my loss. If I have a moment with too much silence, it's filled with thoughts of him. That's why I drown myself in work. Saturdays are my favorite days but they are also the worst. The weekends were ours. In our pseudo long distance relationship, the weekends were ours.

*sigh* let me stop before I start crying on this bus. I just had to get that off my heart.

Some Unholy War

Yo, Amy was a straight ride-or-die chick.

Like, have you heard the lyrics to this song??

No, HEARD them?

Staggering.

If my man was fighting

some unholy war

I would be behind him

Straight shook up beside him

with strength he didn't know

it's you I'm fighting for

he can't lose with me in tow

i refuse to let him go

at his side and drunk on pride

we wait for the blow.

Do you have that kind of love for anything? To literally or figuratively take the blow? (even though it's very plausible with Amy, I don't think she's talking about drugs here.)

put it in writing

but who you writing for?

it's just us on the kitchen floor

justice done, reciting

my stomach standing still

like you're reading my will

he still stands in spite of what his scars say

and i'll battle till this bitter finale

just me, my dignity

and this guitar case

She signed her life away to this love. no witnesses, no support. but she doesn't care. would you do the same? Let's say she's talking about Blake (very likely). No-one liked him. Despite what his scars say, she battled till the finale. How would you react to a love no-one else cared for?

yes, yes my man is fighting

some unholy war

and i will stand beside you

but who you dying for?

b, i would've died too

i'd like to

wow.

wow.

it doesn't matter what he was fighting and or dying for. if he's dying for it, she's dying too. that level of unconditional love is mind-blowing to me.

To love something THAT much must hurt. Like, for real. Doesn't your heart ache with all that you would do for something? For a child, when that day comes, I'm sure. But for someone (or something) else? I don't know.

if my man was fighting

some unholy war

if my man was fighting...

Wait, wha?

A lot of these questions/statements may be old news but they were never answered for me.

1. what the hell did Corn.el West (and his new BFF, Rah.eem deVaughn) do to get arrested at the MLK Dedication? and why did they do it? I was appalled and didn't want to know but now I do.

2. tooray (or someone like him) said, "OWS is not a struggle. When you complain about not having wifi at your "struggle", when you have prepared organic food at your "struggle", when you take pics/videos with your iFone, you're not "struggling."

Now where I can kinda see where he's coming from, I want to know what his definition of a "struggle" in 2011 looks like. Are people not supposed to have phones? Does the "struggle" have to deny whatever food sympathizers are feeding them? I'm sorry, was it a hunger strike as well? And I want to know what "struggle" he has been in that he is now the judge on what is and what isn't a struggle. If people are unhappy, let them sit outside and "struggle" the best way they know how: with iFones and starbux in hand.

3. I find it hard to believe ruth made-off had no idea about her husbands doing. I know it's bad but I have no sympathy for them wanting to take their own lives. "We couldn't go on"... you know, not being able to use our black card and take fancy trips wherever and be a part of the upper echelon of society... what I took her confession to mean was "We'd rather die than be poor." You know how many suicides were committed when the stock market crashed in 1929? Rich people can't NOT be rich. "STAY rich or die trying".

4. damn. i totally forgot what else

Faux Bou

so i tried a new salon last wednesday. The name? Burzh-Wah Hair and Spa. (pronounced bourgeois hair and spa)

Oh snap. I'm going to place with the bourgiest name of them all! OMG, the ratings are thru the roof! OMG, it's in Clinton Hill! Okay, calm down, Stace. Just get there early. But first, find something cute to wear.

i had on jeans and a t-shirt and i changed clothes to go get a re-touch. i put on a fitted tee and my skinny jeans. i picked my fave pink pashimina, my rainboots (it was monsooning all day) and even put a headband in my hair. yes, i got jiggy to go to the salon.

I get there 20 minutes early and I'm greeted by a skinny ass salon with 3 chairs; only one occupied. there are two dryers, two pedicure basins that i guess count for the 'spa'. the receptionist wasn't as friendly as i imagined based on the reviews. i really don't like matter-of-fact people in the service industry. and your faux bourgieness? drop it, black hipster. all that really came to mind was, "I could've left on my jeans and tee."

out comes kim, the stylist. she's an unattractive woman with unbrushed weave but a nice personality. we talk, she feels my hair and says, "okay, i'm going to use mizani on your extra thick hair"...

mizany? really? that's all you got? I used mizany 11 years ago,when it was the lye 'du jour', before the days of affirm. i mean, it's no motions (vomit!), but mizany? you don't have anything new and improved? whatever.

her assistant with arm tats bases me. 20 minutes later, she takes me to the back room where there are only two sinks. it looks like someone's room where you just keep ish hidden. tubs of relaxer all around, broken sink chair, extra fabric lying around... i was like , "this place is raggedy." She relaxes my hair in a pattern i've never had done before (she makes rows like she was cornrowing my hair straight to the back). needless to say, by the time she got to the right side of my head, my left side was tingling... then burning. She exclaimed, "Oh my gosh, are you serious?!?! I based you good! You scratched, didn't you? OMG, I hope this relaxer takes." *in your best NY hoodrat voice*

No I hope this regular ass mizany relaxer takes!

She works it in despite my squirming; rinses, washes, repeats. Conditions, rinses, and sets me under the dryer.

Wait, no flat wrap? no setting lotion? no rollers??

No, they don't use rollers at the salon. I get my hair blown out by her and then kim finally touches my hair. she flat-irons it straighter than straight so she can trim it. then she flat irons it into a style.

So we just all about the quadruple heat up in this place? I'm good on that. I like my roots straight. My hair, I don't want "movement". I like hair to feel thick and healthy; not flat and anemic. Also, if that's what y'all were going to do, I could've gone to the dominicans for $40.

so yeah, like my search for a church, the hunt continues. until then, i will get the domis in bed-stuy to roller wrap my hair, holla.

Ice Cold

Look at me! I live in Brooklyn!

Wait, did someone say Brooklyn? I live there too!

I live in Brooklyn... but the west side.

We're roommates and we live in Brooklyn Heights, right by the B.Bridge.

Meh, I live in Brooklyn, but who cares?

Brooklyn party over here!!

Y'all see what I'm dealing with? These people are too cool for me.

Church Search

As I was sitting in one of the most beautiful episcopalian churches I've ever had the pleasure of worshipping in, I realized I felt empty. Why wasn't the stained-glass moving me? Why weren't the turrets and pointed arches making me swoon with joy at worshipping in God's house? Why was what the father was saying going in one ear and out the other? The only thing that came to mind was, "Ooh, I'd like to come here on Christmas. I bet it's even more beautiful... and full."

Yeah, in the gaping cathedral of St. Ann and the Holy Trinity Episcopal Church, there were all of 40 people, including the choir and clergy. Why the meager congregation? That of course was mostly people my parents age (and older)? I had to think of my own episcopalian journey.

You're little. You go to church because your mom goes to church. You look forward to Sunday school cause that's when you see friends who don't live in your neighborhood or don't go to your school.

You get a little bit older. Your First Communion has come and gone, you take a little bit more responsibility with what's going on. But not that much, you're just excited you can kneel and still see over the pew. You still go cause mom goes.

You're in high school. You hear other classmates and students talking about church retreats, Youth Choir, Teen Bible Study... you start to wonder, "What's up with my church? How come we're so boring?" You may even visit a friend's church and you're really amazed at the energy levels outside the Roman Catholic fold. Is that how church is supposed to be?

You're in college now. You attend the non-denominational church on campus. It's better than your church at home (see: less Catholic based) but you get the feeling it's more for show. Still searching for that perfect fit.

In talking to students from across the country and reading books they read, you find out being an Episcopalian is not such a bad thing. As a matter of fact, it's kind of the haute thing on the low. But you can't just be a black Episcopalian, you have to be born into it. Otherwise, you just don't get it. You get it.

You find a church. It's a black episcopalian church in the South. Just the right mix of tradition and soul. You go to church every Sunday, listening to the canon preach. At times, you visit other churches and you realize what you thought was fun and excitement in high-school really isn't your style. You invite your friends but they are not that into it. That's fine.

But now you're post-bacc. Definitely old enough to make your own decisions, drive to whatever church you want to go to. You're not bound by mommy or lack of transportation (college). So you try and find that perfect episcopalian church. But what do you see? Tons of old people. Whether they are old blacks (St. George's) or old whites (St. Ann's) you wonder, "Where are the me's of the Episcopal church? Is it that it's not dynamic enough to capture the hearts and minds of Gen X and beyond? Is it that growing up in the digital age, who needs to 'stand up and sit down' when I can find a church app on my ipaD? Do we need a Steve Jobs to do some image and brand consulting? Why don't we go to church?"

On a brighter note, the church in the hood was definitely more packed than the one downtown. But I don't want to mingle with people dying every month. I want some youth and energy in the sect I know and love. I love being an Episcopalian. I love the structure and tradition and antiquities. I love how it came to be... but I don't understand why 18-30 somethings don't feel the same way I do...