I'm Sirius

Happy Saturday

2012-01-28T10:11:00.002-05:00

I'm eating leftover Chinese food in bed while listening to my iToons libe. Get like me.

waves

2012-01-25T11:01:00.003-05:00

1. Don't you pseudo hate that person who disappears from a social network and then comes back with vim and vigor like they never left? And they always come back with the *waves excitedly* lol

2. We've gone from blogs with limitless word counts to status updates with technically no limit on a word count (but let's be real, we hate that person who makes us click 'see more') to tweeting up to 140 characters to instagram which is basically wordless Wednesday everyday. I suppose you can have a caption but the point is, "what's next?" FB has gone the route of graphic organizer with that damn timeline!

3. Officer Anderson Cooper: yeah, no. We have totally opposite schedules so it was pointless. But what really sealed the deal was a text message response. Actually, two in a row.

Me: Hey, just got home, how's it going?
AC: Kool, about to go in now. I sleeped all day.

*record scratch*

Wait. Di-

Did he just type the word 'sleeped'?!?!
HOW CAN YOU SEE THAT IN PRINT AND NOT HAVE A GNAWING FEELING IN YOUR GUT THAT THAT IS SO WRONG?!?! SLEEPED?!?! *smh*

The next text was a very common mistake. He confused 'their' and 'there'.
You're an NYPD cop, you carry "heat" on our dates but this is what trips you up? Like one of my oldest friends once quipped, "Homonyms steal thugness." -DMG
Also, what was up with spelling "cool" with a K? Hated that ish in undergrad, def don't want to see it now, from a 40 y.o. Irishman.

4. I'm really at a loss for what to do for my birthday. So unlike me. I blame it on it falling on a Tuesday.

5. I really don't like watching clips that are viral sensations. Mostly b/c most of America is corny and I end up saying, "really? That's what kathy lee and hoda were making a big deal abt (why do I love those two soooooooo much?!?!). Anyway, this morning, I finally watched the Isht WG say to Black Girls. It was a little funny but only cause I know Franchesca and have known her for.ever. What she was actually saying tho? Meh. I wasn't around those girls who would say things like that. She definitely was. (Dani, Nima, and Patti; she either went to Benjamin or Kings Academy. I think she endd up graduating from Dreyfoos). Anyway, like with movies, I didn't see the big deal but I kept watching the spinoffs. Isht Black Girls say was funny cause I used to live with THAT black girl. Again, I know those videos are parodies but I'm still uninspiried. Isht Vegans Say wasn't funny but Isht Gay Guys say to Straight Guys actually got a chuckle out of me. LOL

6. I really don't like poor service at nice restaurants. It makes me feel like you're only treating me that way b/c you don't think I belong in your restaurant. Yeah, I'm pulling the race card. Sure I'm not your typical white guy wall street banker white collar criminal who orders the delmonico steak and puts it on the COMPANY card, but my money is still very valid and I hate that I got no love last night. To top it off, that meal was so run-of-the-mill. Pass, have a seat, FOH, and everything else I can think of.
I don't think I've ever been impressed with steakhouses. They are soooooo expensive for something I KNOW I can make at home. Steak and pureéd potatoes?! Really? Stop.

7. So I'm done with Levain. I'm onto Make My Cake. Their red velvet cupcake... THA BIZNESS. The best I've ever had.

8. I love that January is almost done and we've only had one snow. And it was on a Saturday :-) TAKE THAT LAJAMEILIONTE!!! Ha HA! Come onnnnnnn, February and March!

9. My niece is almost here! OMG, I'm so excited! She's gonna be the perfect mix of peanutbutter and dark chocolate!! Yeeeeeee! Oh, J didn't want pink for her. Baby JJ will be swathed in soft yellows and greens. So much for that pink Calvin Klein blanket I got her... *hmph*

10. Two of my crushes got engaged. One of them made me lose my mind, real talk. I got for real hysterical and that even more hysterical at my hysterics. I love how b/c I wasn't ready for marriage, no-one else should be lol, ass.

Last thing, totally random so be prepared:

You know who I am? I'm that horse you can lead to water but you can't make drink.

The Gays

2012-01-08T13:44:00.004-05:00

Went to BAM yesterday for the opening of the new feminist exhibit and of course First Saturday where the third floor atrium turns into a dance floor... I met up with my fave gay who happened to move to BK the same time I did, from Florida as well. He's the one who introduced me to sushi many moons ago back when we were students at FAMU. We also attended St. Michael's AND had internships at the same elementary school in Leon County! Yeah, he was my boy. I remember when we were coming from lunch when JBB apparently followed us and got loud in his driveway. Whitman (fake name) said, "Handle your business." in such a way, I felt invincible.

Anyway, I meet up with him and of course he has "the guys" with him... omg, gay guys are the best. The house music was pumping and the men were vogue-ing left and right. I saw some GORGEOUS gays and unfortunately, a lot of unattractive lezes *shudder*. It was an okay time, glad I didn't get there too early. After the museum was when Whitman and I started to catch up. He flat out told me "This city is 70% gay, Stace. There are so many boys out here, I don't know what to do with myself. I guess you don't want to hear this though..." I laughed and told him it's totally okay; I love gay guys. To the point I wish I could date one, but with me still as a straight female, however that would work lmao. We laughed and caught up over tortilla soup and plantains at a nearby Mexican restaurant.

One thing I noticed, he is so much more open up here. Even though there was a definite homo population at FAMU, they were still closeted. Never once did I hear the word "gay" come out of Whit's mouth while we were in Tallahassee. But last night, I almost had to tell him, "honey, I know." I'm happy for him. I'm happy for people who are comfortable in their own skin.

Yesterday, I went and had sushi. The two lezes at our school invited themselves to my dinner of one. I didn't mind, it was cool to talking to people outside of my team. They too told me NYC is heaven for them. Both of them are from the MidWest (IL and MN by way of MO) and didn't come out till they moved here 3-4 years ago. How sad is that that you can't be yourself? I can definitely attest to bringing out your true colors. I'm so much more assertive here. I love it. I wonder what else I will learn nd become while i'm here for what I sense will be a season...

slightly emo stace

2012-01-07T09:59:00.002-05:00

*exhale*

The first Saturday of the year. So far, I'm loving it. Well, I'd like it even more if I would put away the clothes on my bed but whatever, it's Saturday.

I just realized I haven't had a relaxer since Oct 23. I don't know how i feel about that. I def don't miss it but I don't want to be dependent on intense levels of heat for my hair to be straight. I think what I'm really worried about is finding a nice black salon to re-touch my hair. The last one I went to was all hype and the ones in Man are simply out of my teacher budget. I guess that answers my question: $15 root blow-outs at the Dominican salons till whenever.

I paid all my bills yesterday. Sometimes I hate it but yesterday, it felt so good. I am so blessed to only have an AmEx bill (that was surprisingly low for a post Christmas balance), car note and insurance, and cell phone bill. I thank my dad every.single.day for no student loans. Him and FL Bright Futures.

It was hard for me to come back to NY after spending time with family in NoVA and of course Florida. It was like that first day of school when I was trying to get a job with DC Public schools. I didn't cry this time; I was (luckily) so engrossed in This Side of Paradise, it didn't hit me till later. But I did cry that morning it was -2 degrees. I cried b/c people wouldn't let me off the crowded ass bus and I had to walk an extra block to get to school. I was soooooo sad.

I said I want a big blowout party for the 30th but I don't think I want that anymore. Unless it can be spent in South Florida, (at the Mayfair Resort to be exact), I just want my girls and I to eat at a fabulous restaurant and drink top shelf till our heads fall off. and if Nigella Lawson can be there, i'd be even more excited. I love that thick hoe!
Ugh, it's on a Tuesday. Which means the Sunday before is Mothers' Day which means I won't be able to do anything till the weekend after my birthday, the 11-13th.

*blink*
#wack

Anyway, I want a croissant and a cookie on this fine Saturday. Maybe a stroll thru Central Park... ttyl

NY in NY

2011-12-30T07:18:00.003-05:00

Trying to decide if I want to go to Times Square... I know it will be utterly bananas down there; ish, the subways were crazy for the Rock tree lighting!! Officer Anderson was telling me i'd have to get there around 6pm and basically stay in one spot till the ball drops. He was also saying when the time comes, he can get me close but let's review: You want me to willingly be exposed to the elements for hours on end? I dunno about that. Plus, allllll those people might get on my nerves. I'm not one to shy away from crowds, I love being where the party's at but... I'm feeling some kinda way abt Times Square. I would rather be in a club or bar and watch from the TV, like what I did in ATL, DEN, and MIA in the past. Good times, good friends, good drinks, WARM!

I'm sure anywhere I go will be fun. I just want to wear sequins and have a drink in my hand, is that too much to ask?? Not in NY! So far I'm debating on a see-thru shirt with gold sequined shoulders or a silver sequined beret... decisions decisions! LOL

Having a Moment...

2011-12-25T09:29:00.002-05:00

looking at all the lovely pictures posted on FB and the web, I cannot BELIEVE how "grown" we are! Everyone is up and married, married with children, married with 2 children...! When did all this happen?!!?

What is blowing my mind are the terms 'husband' and 'wife'. For the longest time, those two words applied to people my parents age and older! So now to see lifelong friends, classmates, campmates, former Girl Scouts, cousins, and siblings with a 'husband' or 'wife'?? AMAZING! And it only makes sense, when our parents got married 30+ years ago, they were in their 20s (sheesh, much earlier 20s than nowadays...)

So I'm looking thru an album of a girl I went to middle and high school with. SHE (if you knew her, it would blow your mind)... is somebody's wife and mother! and for Christmas, her hubby (of almost 5 years BTW) re-did her kitchen and she is THRU THE ROOF elated! YO!! Who would've and could've called that?! I remember when a handle of vodka or a case of beer and a mini skirt would've been IT for her!

Another girl I've known since summer camp... I just told her, "I remember when we were learning how to step in the gym at Roosevelt..." now she's also a wife and a mother of two and taking those family holiday pictures you used to get from your PARENTS' friends!! OMG, I can't believe this is us now!

Lastly, I just saw a picture of the newest baby boy to add to the 234,245,310 born in 2011. GORGEOUS. And he belongs to a friend of mine!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!

Here's to the new year of friends, family, and beautiful growth! I'm so excited for all of you (and myself!) LOVE Y'ALL!!

Smoove Operator

2011-12-22T10:54:00.002-05:00

Went to watch the Knicks game with Officer Anderson Cooper, right? Starts raining, he goes to get his car then comes and scoops me (I might've made a big deal about my hair getting wet). Pulling up to my house, he says, "You may have to run so your hair doesn't get wet and I agree. I make a mad dash for the apt building; running up the stairs and I trip.

I trip UP the damn stairs. I tripped so loud that my cousin who was INSIDE the apartment, opened the door and asked, "damn, did you just fall? Are you okay? It sounded bad."

Cool points fell like a slinky down the staircase.

And that was how my date ended.

Randoms

2011-12-21T18:52:00.002-05:00

I'm home the earliest I've ever been since I moved to NY and I don't know what to do with myself! I called Officer Anderson to see what he's up to. He's not working tonight so we're trying to figure out what to do. In the mean time, some random thoughts.

1. I really don't like Indian food. I think it's way too expensive for what is never pleasing to the eye. It always looks like slop to me. You eat with your eyes first. Also, the flavors are just too much. I bite into something soft and white and I'm hit with a vinegary oniony taste? Does not compute. It messes with my head too much.

2. There was a student in my class two years ago named Giovanni. His brother was Leonardo and his sisters were Giada and Franchesca. Italian much?!?!? I loved that child! and I do like the name Giada. It's so feminine and pretty.

3. I took myself to a sushi restaurant last night. They didn't have any fancy rolls but I thoroughly enjoyed my food. The simple rolls were so fresh and delicious. It made me think of the restaurants Drew and I used to frequent. One was Nakorn, simple and fresh sushi, a few fancy rolls. The other was Sushi Room, the fancy flashy rolls, also DELISH. *sigh* Drew and I used to go INNNN on some sushi. and every time he picked me up from the airport, there was always a brown paper bag with some rolls just for me.

4. So my mom is still in Ghana. My dad came home yesterday. Our Christmas will be Pops and his two daughters. I think we will migrate to Stessica's or maybe they'll come our way. Whatever the case, I have my brother's gift. I need 3 more. And of course the one w/o the job wants the most extravagant things!! Mini Me's list made me bust out laughing, real talk.

5. Every time I unwrap my hair, I think, "Wraps are so boring. Do I want to cut my hair again?" I think I will have a long hair end date, like Nima. She didn't cut her hair till after her wedding. I may wait till the 30th for either the hair cut or the last long hair hoorah. Stay tuned.

6. Tonight was our holiday party, both at school and as a network. Yeah, I celebrated with Brooklyn and passed on the City. I don't like those people. If I don't have to spend anytime with those people, I won't. I don't care if it's bowling or not (and I like bowling).

7. I have a green bubble, a green FAMU hoodie, a dark green FAMU sweatshirt, a green FAMU tee, and an olive green smocked one sleeve dress. I need more green clothes. Damn you, Pops.

8. I really like kiwi strawberry flavor. I can drink KS snappl all day and eat KS candy all night.

9. I can't wait to be back in the DMV for a little spell! I really love being there! I think the area is calling me back! The urge has to be great for me to leave NYC, I just got here!

10. What can't I wait to do when I get home?? Drive! Drive to Publix! Drive to the beach! IN THAT ORDER! Well, maybe I should drive to my waxing place. But that's in Jupiter... oh well! I'ma be a driving fool! ROAD TRIPS ON DECK!

Okay, i'm done with this mid-week post. TTYL!

Vanity

2011-12-17T15:50:00.003-05:00

so this guy I used to talk to back in the FAMU days just asked to be my friend on FB. He's the one who after a while, I couldn't STAND b/c he loved being a light-skinned Alpha who happened to be Catholic. He was starting this up while we were talking and even used some places we'd frequent to promote on the site. I remember putting him on to chocolate martinis on V-Day then all the hoes started jumping on my drink cause they read about it on DGL... *eyeroll* he didn't even give me credit. He was a certified asshole once his lil webpage started to jump-off.

it's changed. well, it has been 5+ years, lol

Anyway, I confirmed request and started looking thru his pics. Yo, he has NOT aged well. Like, he looks OLLLLLLD. Receding hairline, crows feet, poppa belly, et al. Meanwhile, I'm here getting better with age (lmao).

I just wonder if he's looking thru my pictures and saying, "Damn, I messed that up." or "Wow, she looks really good! She's always been cute but now she's simply gorgeous!" or whatever else guys say when they realize the err of their ways, HA!

I'm a mess right now.

Next note, I think I have a really nice clavicle.

Totally random, I know.

But for real, in the pictures that people like of me, I noticed my clavicle frames my head/face quite nicely. I think it's one of those unconscious things about beauty. You know why someone or something is pleasing to the eye, but you can't put your finger on it.

Lastly, I really and truly believe with all my heart, all my girls look amazing. I don't think there's a weak link in my crew. There is no "ugly friend" in my group. Whatever your type, she's here with personality to boot.

So that's my Saturday feel good rant. I'm wearing my sweatpants, went to the salon and now i'm thinking about sushi :-) Life is good (on the weekend).

Christmas Wish List

2011-12-08T20:57:00.003-05:00

I really don't want that much... I mean, there are a ton of things I want but this is a Christmas wish list, not a *cross my fingers I hope I hit the lottery* list!

I want a lot of TV box sets.

I want Tru Blood, Gossip Girl, Ug Betty 2-4, whatever Modern Fam is out, New Girl, and Dexter.

I want music.

I want Jay's whole collection.

I want pashminas and shawls.

I have so many colors and there are so many more to be had! I still don't have a green joint!!! What gives?! I think my dad has scared the green away from me. IT'S ALL NIGERIAN GREEN!

Because of my No Shave November that has extended into December, I'm the queen of tights. Stockings, tights, leggings, the whole lot. I love them all. I wore there gray lace ones the other day and my school didn't know what to do with themselves. Then there are the argyle joints that are always fun with a solid dress. Whatever leg accessory you think would be cute will work for me!

I've always been an accessory lady. If my leg game is snoring boring, best believe I have on a cool headband. My colleagues went crazy for a thin black headband that had a grommet-ed star on it. I guess it was a faux fascinator but whatever, I rocked it. Again, no blossoms. Bows and stones y'all, bows and stones.

I used to fight it but... I'm feeling leopard print. Matter of fact, my party theme is a toss up between 'Leopard and Loubs' and 'Red, White, and Loub'. Leopard can be the fiercest thing ever and yet too often, it's gaudy. Almost in the same vein as ugly Christmas sweaters, i want to wear the hell out some leopard print, in earnest! Please don't let me grow up to be that person who finds the beauty in ugly clothes. Cause i'm really not trying to be ironic about leopard or Christmas sweaters, I really do like them!

Brooklyn, what have you done to me?

But back to leopard.

if you see a cool scarf, cuff, cocktail ring, wristlet, hat, belt, clutch, Louboutins... (IJS, there are some ballers out in the blogworld!)

Giftcards are always good.

I like XPress and theGAP

I want more books. I need Toni Mor's collection. I'm missing Beloved, a mercy, Jazz, and Paradise.

Cashmere tops.

Express used to have this cash pocket tee that was the greatest thing to ever hit their stores. I don't know why they won't bring it back cause it was one of my favorite pieces of clothing. But I got a long sleeve, gray cash v-neck from Target and everyone thought I was wearing a j.crew outfit. (black khaki skirt, gray tights, black flats). You can never go wrong with cashmere, no matter where it's from!

I tink dat's it!

Update

2011-12-08T18:41:00.003-05:00

Met up with Officer Anderson* on Sunday. We watched the Pack and G-Men play and he was pleasantly surprised with my football knowledge. But I didn't know what exactly a 'Pick 6' was so I think he felt good being able to explain something to me.

While on the subject of females and football, I think I know what happened.

Hella chicks started pretending to like football so they can seem like that cool ass chick. The Marine? His ex wife used to watch football with him ALLLLL THE TIME. The minute they got married, she fessed up and said, "Ugh, I hate that ish. I'm going to the mall." When we used to hang out, he was very skeptical of me liking football and was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Whatever the case, guys got played into thinking their girls like football. It became a pandemic! But now that the fluff has been weeded out, guys are still like, "You like football? For real?" and I stay getting the side-eye! I don't your approval to like football!

So yeah, we met at the Brooklyn Bridge and walked to a pizzeria in The South Seaport of lower Man. As we were walking, there was a tree lighting and carolers in the street! Then before we sat down to watch the game, we looked at the skyline of Brooklyn at dusk. Walked to the other side of the pier and saw Lady Liberty! It was actually surreal. I couldn't believe I was meeting up with a member of the NYPD to eat pizza and watch the Giants play with the sun setting on Brooklyn in the background. Sounds like a cliche' bit in a rom-com!

So we've been chatting but our schedules are complete opposite. Oh well, there was talk of attending a Knicks game and getting me close to the action at NYE :-)

I love flying. I haven't been scared the past two times. There was one time I didn't even know we were landing till I felt the *bump* of tire meeting asphalt. I hope I will always be able to afford to fly and eventually move up to first class as my standard. This weekend, I will be in the DMV for my grandfather's states-side memorial service. I'm more excited at all the family I'm going to see, including my brother :-) I haven't seen him since Labor Day weekend!

I'm going to be an auntie! My very first niece is scheduled to arrive in march and I CAN'T WAIT! I've named her Staceyita and I'ma call her that cause I have a feeling she will be like me:

overprotected.

I've been wearing my hair pinned up and whenever I start removing bobby pins, I'm surprised by how long my hair is :-) No, it's not what it used to be but it is so getting there! I told y'all, Operation Long Hair Don't Care was in effect!!! I can't wait for my hairdresser to see it!

30th birthday. I've decided it will be in either Philly or DC. When I think of those two cities, I think of the birth of a new nation, independence, freedom, all that patriotic stuff. It will most likely be in DC so start planning for GHoGH Parte Deux!!!! Oh, the theme? Red, White, and Loub. Yes, I'm 30, tricks! Gimme my shoes!

Sometimes I love where I work, sometimes I don't.

I really love going out in NYC. I feel so alive and like this is how I'm supposed to be living. Sometimes, it may be a dive bar or some hood spot or some cool lounge in Manhattan. The yellow cabs, the hustle and bustle, guys and girls in their cutest fits, feeling good off of work, the whole vibe. SO ALIVE!

I can't wait to go home and be in some sunshine. but first, the hair on my legs is Fcukin Ridiculous. I saw this on twitter and RT'd promptly: if the PETA people saw my legs, they'd throw paint on them.

*STAMP*

*I call him Officer Anderson b/c he reminds me of Anderson Coop. Small and piercing blue eyes.

Epidemic

2011-12-01T20:25:00.004-05:00

I'm getting no love from the brothers of NY. I'm too bourgie for the ones in Burntout Bushwick and BedStuy, I'm not boho chic enough for the ones of Clinton Hill/Ft.Greene/Flatbush, and then I'm too black for the few in Park Slope. You know when I do get love? When I'm wearing sweatpants and walking thru Harlem. But do those catcalls even count? They come from the kind of guys who holler at anything without a penis. Pass.

When in the City, it seems like they are all gay. I know all the bruhs in the System are. Like, a good 95% of them are, I promise you.

WHERE ARE ALL THE BOUT SOMETHING BLACK MEN AT?! let me stumble in an Alpha meeting and finally find some normal black men of substance.

It used to kind of be a joke... then Jam made a point that I'm the most crushed on BG by WGs she's ever met and now, it's becoming an epidemic.

I don't actively seek them out. I promise I don't. I like (what I consider) good looking guys. (and good looking is of course subjective). I don't discriminate. If you have a beard, I'm looking at you and thinking of a way to be in your presence. But these WGs out here?? Thirsty. And this is what crosses my mind each time:

1. Do you have a black girl fetish? Why so interested?

2. Are you a serial killer? Did a black girl hurt you once upon a time?

3. I know I look 19, is that what you're into? 18+?

4. Or are you like me and just like a certain type (small and boyish???? okaaaaay)

I am VERY skeptical of WGs that approach and even ogle (yes. I had to leave) at me. It's great for my ego but it seriously makes me wonder.

Most recently, I got off the train at Rock Center and was headed to the Tree lighting. It was warm on the platform and I realized my longjohns, hoodie, and bubble was excessive. Okay, take off the hoodie & bubble and keep it moving. Then I see a mob of people come in so I tap a police officer and ask, "What's going on with the mad rush of people?" He tells me the ceremony JUST finished but if I REALLY want to go see the tree, I "might as well hang out with [him] for a little while, till the rush dies down." Really officer?

We make small chit-chat, he actually asks a lot of questions, "noticed [I] came to the City alone, no family, boyfriend... or girlfriend", asks if I work out cause I have a fit body (thermals show everything) and when I finally ask if it's okay to go up, he says, "Sure, but let me get your number so we can hang out some time."

Well aren't you direct? Why can't none of my brothers be this direct?

The Fine Line

2011-11-24T07:24:00.002-05:00

this is a true life conversation I am comfortable enough to share now.

I realized I wasn't feeling anything. My exact words were, "I'm realizing I don't have a devout love for anyone or anything." to which he says, "That deep down passionate love, the kind I feel in my heart? Everyone has that."

me: I don't. And if I do, it has a shelf life.

him: You just won't let it happen.

me: I did let it happen. And now it's gone. I want you to find someone who loves the way you love.

him: I don't want anybody else. I don't even have an interest in looking.

me: What's there to love anymore? We know I'm not the nicest and quite frankly, I'm at a point where I don't care.

him: You, your smile, your intelligence, your personality, your everything. I'm IN LOVE with the whole package.

me: You're insane.

him: I want to spend the rest of my life figuring out what I can do to make you happy.

me: I don't even know makes me happy. One day I love it, next day I'm over it, day after I hate it.

him: you're the love of my life and someday I want you to be my wife.

me: marriage is scary. it's a gamble and a game I don't think I want to play anymore.

What's the difference between persistence and insanity?

Saturday and Sweatpants

2011-11-12T10:04:00.003-05:00

It's no secret, I love these two things so much. Nothing and I mean nothing brings me more joy than Saturdays and sweatpants. I remember waxing poetic about the two one day back in my FAMU days. My flavor of the month (or year, who's counting?) was like, "Damn, can I get some love like that? Let you tell it, you don't need anything else." I replied, "You would love me to love you the way I love sweatpants, don't you? For a split second, you really wanted to be a pair of sweatpants, didn't you?" Then I burst into raucous laughter at his silence that was so telling *LOL* He went on to call me cold or heartless, something along those lines. And you already know that made me laugh even more.

So today, nothing on the agenda. That is the true beauty of Saturday. In case you don't know me, I don't like anything set in stone. Being locked down and I would go as far to say, commitment make me itch. I think it came from all the planning I used to do when I was younger. I would spend Saturdays planning my life. Yes, in 2nd and 3rd grade sitting at the dining table outlining how everything would go. Well, man plans; God laughs. So now, I don't plan. You would think that would ruffle the feathers of a Taurus who needs constant stability but my stability comes from the other virtue a Taurus craves: comfort. Am I happy? Then I'm good. Unhappy? Something needs to change.

I still pinch myself at where I am right now. This was DEFINITELY not in my little second grade mind. It wasn't even in my 27 y.o. mind. I am taking each day at a time and trying to gauge how I feel about this place. Honestly, every day is different. On Thursday, I was ready to up and leave. Now today is Saturday and I'm okay with the infinite possibilities NYC has to offer. I try not to wonder what the next year will hold cause if I latch onto an idea too tough, it won't happen. Well, I won't say it won't happen, it just wasn't meant to be. There's a difference you know.

So what am I going to do today? Maybe buy some boots from SM... hopefully catch the lobster roll food truck... stumble into target and possibly catch a movie. *shoulder shrug* I don't know and I like it like that :-)

i Miss Him

2011-11-05T18:32:00.002-04:00

I miss Andrew so much y'all. Even though my work week doesn't allow for very much communication outside of a sprinkle of bus tweets, I bet there would be a way for us to talk everyday. I just miss sharing my day, as mundane as it might be with my best friend. With this new experience, every day I want to share with him. Yes, I call him and of course he doesn't answer, completely understandable... I send an e-mail maybe every other week, a text sparingly...

I just miss my best friend so much. I cry at my loss. If I have a moment with too much silence, it's filled with thoughts of him. That's why I drown myself in work. Saturdays are my favorite days but they are also the worst. The weekends were ours. In our pseudo long distance relationship, the weekends were ours.

*sigh* let me stop before I start crying on this bus. I just had to get that off my heart.

Some Unholy War

2011-10-29T08:09:00.003-04:00

Yo, Amy was a straight ride-or-die chick.

Like, have you heard the lyrics to this song??

No, HEARD them?

Staggering.

If my man was fighting

some unholy war

I would be behind him

Straight shook up beside him

with strength he didn't know

it's you I'm fighting for

he can't lose with me in tow

i refuse to let him go

at his side and drunk on pride

we wait for the blow.

Do you have that kind of love for anything? To literally or figuratively take the blow? (even though it's very plausible with Amy, I don't think she's talking about drugs here.)

put it in writing

but who you writing for?

it's just us on the kitchen floor

justice done, reciting

my stomach standing still

like you're reading my will

he still stands in spite of what his scars say

and i'll battle till this bitter finale

just me, my dignity

and this guitar case

She signed her life away to this love. no witnesses, no support. but she doesn't care. would you do the same? Let's say she's talking about Blake (very likely). No-one liked him. Despite what his scars say, she battled till the finale. How would you react to a love no-one else cared for?

yes, yes my man is fighting

some unholy war

and i will stand beside you

but who you dying for?

b, i would've died too

i'd like to

wow.

it doesn't matter what he was fighting and or dying for. if he's dying for it, she's dying too. that level of unconditional love is mind-blowing to me.

To love something THAT much must hurt. Like, for real. Doesn't your heart ache with all that you would do for something? For a child, when that day comes, I'm sure. But for someone (or something) else? I don't know.

if my man was fighting

some unholy war

if my man was fighting...

Wait, wha?

2011-10-28T06:52:00.003-04:00

A lot of these questions/statements may be old news but they were never answered for me.

1. what the hell did Corn.el West (and his new BFF, Rah.eem deVaughn) do to get arrested at the MLK Dedication? and why did they do it? I was appalled and didn't want to know but now I do.

2. tooray (or someone like him) said, "OWS is not a struggle. When you complain about not having wifi at your "struggle", when you have prepared organic food at your "struggle", when you take pics/videos with your iFone, you're not "struggling."

Now where I can kinda see where he's coming from, I want to know what his definition of a "struggle" in 2011 looks like. Are people not supposed to have phones? Does the "struggle" have to deny whatever food sympathizers are feeding them? I'm sorry, was it a hunger strike as well? And I want to know what "struggle" he has been in that he is now the judge on what is and what isn't a struggle. If people are unhappy, let them sit outside and "struggle" the best way they know how: with iFones and starbux in hand.

3. I find it hard to believe ruth made-off had no idea about her husbands doing. I know it's bad but I have no sympathy for them wanting to take their own lives. "We couldn't go on"... you know, not being able to use our black card and take fancy trips wherever and be a part of the upper echelon of society... what I took her confession to mean was "We'd rather die than be poor." You know how many suicides were committed when the stock market crashed in 1929? Rich people can't NOT be rich. "STAY rich or die trying".

4. damn. i totally forgot what else

Faux Bou

2011-10-23T07:46:00.004-04:00

so i tried a new salon last wednesday. The name? Burzh-Wah Hair and Spa. (pronounced bourgeois hair and spa)

Oh snap. I'm going to place with the bourgiest name of them all! OMG, the ratings are thru the roof! OMG, it's in Clinton Hill! Okay, calm down, Stace. Just get there early. But first, find something cute to wear.

i had on jeans and a t-shirt and i changed clothes to go get a re-touch. i put on a fitted tee and my skinny jeans. i picked my fave pink pashimina, my rainboots (it was monsooning all day) and even put a headband in my hair. yes, i got jiggy to go to the salon.

I get there 20 minutes early and I'm greeted by a skinny ass salon with 3 chairs; only one occupied. there are two dryers, two pedicure basins that i guess count for the 'spa'. the receptionist wasn't as friendly as i imagined based on the reviews. i really don't like matter-of-fact people in the service industry. and your faux bourgieness? drop it, black hipster. all that really came to mind was, "I could've left on my jeans and tee."

out comes kim, the stylist. she's an unattractive woman with unbrushed weave but a nice personality. we talk, she feels my hair and says, "okay, i'm going to use mizani on your extra thick hair"...

mizany? really? that's all you got? I used mizany 11 years ago,when it was the lye 'du jour', before the days of affirm. i mean, it's no motions (vomit!), but mizany? you don't have anything new and improved? whatever.

her assistant with arm tats bases me. 20 minutes later, she takes me to the back room where there are only two sinks. it looks like someone's room where you just keep ish hidden. tubs of relaxer all around, broken sink chair, extra fabric lying around... i was like , "this place is raggedy." She relaxes my hair in a pattern i've never had done before (she makes rows like she was cornrowing my hair straight to the back). needless to say, by the time she got to the right side of my head, my left side was tingling... then burning. She exclaimed, "Oh my gosh, are you serious?!?! I based you good! You scratched, didn't you? OMG, I hope this relaxer takes." *in your best NY hoodrat voice*

No I hope this regular ass mizany relaxer takes!

She works it in despite my squirming; rinses, washes, repeats. Conditions, rinses, and sets me under the dryer.

Wait, no flat wrap? no setting lotion? no rollers??

No, they don't use rollers at the salon. I get my hair blown out by her and then kim finally touches my hair. she flat-irons it straighter than straight so she can trim it. then she flat irons it into a style.

So we just all about the quadruple heat up in this place? I'm good on that. I like my roots straight. My hair, I don't want "movement". I like hair to feel thick and healthy; not flat and anemic. Also, if that's what y'all were going to do, I could've gone to the dominicans for $40.

so yeah, like my search for a church, the hunt continues. until then, i will get the domis in bed-stuy to roller wrap my hair, holla.

Ice Cold

2011-10-16T08:14:00.004-04:00

Look at me! I live in Brooklyn!

Wait, did someone say Brooklyn? I live there too!

I live in Brooklyn... but the west side.

We're roommates and we live in Brooklyn Heights, right by the B.Bridge.

Meh, I live in Brooklyn, but who cares?

Brooklyn party over here!!

Y'all see what I'm dealing with? These people are too cool for me.

Church Search

2011-10-10T13:34:00.002-04:00

As I was sitting in one of the most beautiful episcopalian churches I've ever had the pleasure of worshipping in, I realized I felt empty. Why wasn't the stained-glass moving me? Why weren't the turrets and pointed arches making me swoon with joy at worshipping in God's house? Why was what the father was saying going in one ear and out the other? The only thing that came to mind was, "Ooh, I'd like to come here on Christmas. I bet it's even more beautiful... and full."

Yeah, in the gaping cathedral of St. Ann and the Holy Trinity Episcopal Church, there were all of 40 people, including the choir and clergy. Why the meager congregation? That of course was mostly people my parents age (and older)? I had to think of my own episcopalian journey.

You're little. You go to church because your mom goes to church. You look forward to Sunday school cause that's when you see friends who don't live in your neighborhood or don't go to your school.

You get a little bit older. Your First Communion has come and gone, you take a little bit more responsibility with what's going on. But not that much, you're just excited you can kneel and still see over the pew. You still go cause mom goes.

You're in high school. You hear other classmates and students talking about church retreats, Youth Choir, Teen Bible Study... you start to wonder, "What's up with my church? How come we're so boring?" You may even visit a friend's church and you're really amazed at the energy levels outside the Roman Catholic fold. Is that how church is supposed to be?

You're in college now. You attend the non-denominational church on campus. It's better than your church at home (see: less Catholic based) but you get the feeling it's more for show. Still searching for that perfect fit.

In talking to students from across the country and reading books they read, you find out being an Episcopalian is not such a bad thing. As a matter of fact, it's kind of the haute thing on the low. But you can't just be a black Episcopalian, you have to be born into it. Otherwise, you just don't get it. You get it.

You find a church. It's a black episcopalian church in the South. Just the right mix of tradition and soul. You go to church every Sunday, listening to the canon preach. At times, you visit other churches and you realize what you thought was fun and excitement in high-school really isn't your style. You invite your friends but they are not that into it. That's fine.

But now you're post-bacc. Definitely old enough to make your own decisions, drive to whatever church you want to go to. You're not bound by mommy or lack of transportation (college). So you try and find that perfect episcopalian church. But what do you see? Tons of old people. Whether they are old blacks (St. George's) or old whites (St. Ann's) you wonder, "Where are the me's of the Episcopal church? Is it that it's not dynamic enough to capture the hearts and minds of Gen X and beyond? Is it that growing up in the digital age, who needs to 'stand up and sit down' when I can find a church app on my ipaD? Do we need a Steve Jobs to do some image and brand consulting? Why don't we go to church?"

On a brighter note, the church in the hood was definitely more packed than the one downtown. But I don't want to mingle with people dying every month. I want some youth and energy in the sect I know and love. I love being an Episcopalian. I love the structure and tradition and antiquities. I love how it came to be... but I don't understand why 18-30 somethings don't feel the same way I do...

Random Thoughts

2011-10-09T08:02:00.002-04:00

I'm trying out a new episcopalian church today. Last week, I went to St. George's in Bed-Stuy. It was cool, LOOOOOVE the atmosphere. I think it might be a big long-winded with alllll the singing they do... then again, I was late and there a baptism. But what rubbed me the wrong way was 1. All the old people and 2. This one woman who sat by me and was trying to tell me what to do.

Ma'am. I've been an episcopalian since I can remember. Look at my Book of Common Prayer, my full, govermental name is embossed in gold leaf. Where's your book? Oh. I know what I'm doing, stop being so aggressive.

But then after church, when it was time to shake the canon's hand, she made it seem like she brought me into the fold. "Yes, Canon Miles, this is Stacey and she's visiting us today. I told her I hope she will join us again!" I definitely looked at her like she had 8 heads! Ma'am! You are. showing all the way owt right now!

So I went to a street fair in BS yesterday... the people of BK are so... wanna be boho chic. Let's see who can wear the dirtiest chucks (or Toms if you're white), the most wooden bracelets, have the biggest or longest or most colorful natural. It looks like american apparel meets goodwill store. I mean, it's cool to be all earthy/creative if that's your thing. I have a friend who dresses like BK and has been forever (Morganza). But it's coming off in a pretentious way. IDK, I just don't want be looked at like "The Man" b/c I'm wear regular jeans, a powder pink wife beater and a lemon yellow cotton pea coat. I can't get with wearing polka dot harem pants, floral bustier, and brown oxford booties. I will never be cool enough to pull off that look.

Yo, school is getting better and better. When I used to have to stay till 6pm to figure out what I'm doing the next day, thus making it a 11 hour day, easy; I now leave around 515, 520. That's HUGE! I'm getting the routines down but guess what? We're getting a schedule change this Monday :-( WHYYYYYYYYY? LOL

I want to see my friends more often. I mean, I cry when I'm coming from Harlem at 10pm but guess what? I used to live hundreds of miles away!! What's a 1.5 hour trip on the subway???

I need to hit up my living soshul specials. I know I'm missing out on some awesome restaurants. And laser hair removal! Hello, underarms!

Yes, that's where i'd try first. They are the most public, kind of. Well, I will say they're the most offensive if out of control. Legs? I don't care what you think abt them. But also, if there's scarring or hyperpigmentation, it's under my arms! If it works out and I can tolerate the pain, lower legs. Then upper legs. Then bikini line.

I need a kid-friendly Halloween costume. Oh yes, the System goes all out for the 31st! I was thinking zombie since our class loves Thriller soooooooo much, lol. Either that or a superhero. Wonder Woman is not really scandalous, right? It's not like sexy officer or firelady...? I will keep you posted!

Thanksgiving plans are being made all around me... what do my plans entail? I'm going to check with my sister and see where she's going. Maybe to her BFs, maybe home.

New Years! Where will I be?? I mean, I am in New York already and I've never seen the ball drop in Times Square!! But I still have other cities in mind. Denver was so much fun last year!! Miami, Atlanta, DC, Denver... I need a Dallas or Houston New Years on my map! This train of thought will also be continued!

Okay personas, that's me and what running around in my head! TTYL!

The Post-It Note

2011-10-01T19:47:00.004-04:00

Me *bright, happy tone*: I'm already thinking of the next city I want to live in... I can used to this gypsy lifestyle!

Pops *deadpan*: you need to get married. then you and your husband can decide on the next place to live.

*record scratch*

Me: ...

or not.

Pops: yes. that's the next step. that's what you need to be thinking about.

Me: who says that's the next step?

Pops: *raises hand*

Me: so if I don't do that step, I'm a failure at life? I'm worth nothing if I don't get married in the next year or two?

Pops: I didn't say that, but that's the way you do things. You grow up, get married, and have kids. you're at that step right now.

Me: that's the way it USED to be. not everyone is meant to live that life. who's to say I am? you have your wife and kids. congrats on passing life.

Pops: well, that's what human beings do. they get married and have children. they watch their children grow up. they graduate from high school, then college, then they work. then marriage and then children. and you will do the same. it's natural.

Me: if you want me to get married and have children, i can do that tomorrow. since that's the end goal of life, i can be married tomorrow and have a grand for you in nine months. you let me know what you want me to do.

Pops: no, do it the right way.

Me: the right way is to live life as happy as possible. it's safe to say i'm passing, thanks.

Pops: yeah, well keep that in mind.

Me: ok. i will put a post-it note on my mirror "Don't forget to get married."

take time to breathe

2011-09-24T08:45:00.002-04:00

I have to remind myself to do that. Take time to breathe, talk to loved ones, eat... if not, this NY pace will eat me alive.

even in the boroughs, I feel like i'm in constant movement during the week. I really feel like i don't have time to do anything but go to work and come home to sleep. i get meals in when i can and the only communication i have is via twitter. yeah, i don't talk on the phone during the week. definitely not a complaint; i'd rather text or IM anyway but for those people who don't text or IM, man.

but it's saturday. my favorite day of the week. regardless of the weather, i'm going to take the bus in the opposite direction of where i usually go and just ride around. or maybe i'll take it farther than my usual stop (lafayette [target]) and see what's beyond.

what i need to do, kind of like my food wish list from this summer is write down all the things i want to do on the weekend. visit the brooklyn academy of music is one. try a new restaurant is another. and my co-workers have drinks every friday but they've gone to the same watering hole 3 weeks in a row. project p.arlour on myrtle (the hipster part) is cool but can we venture out? also, even though zag.at has thoroughly gone in on drinks that are doing the most, those drinks with interesting ingredients actually interest me. yes, I want to try a tenocht.itlan, a drink with hot mexican cocoa powder, a hint of gunpowder, and coconut milk (comparable to a white russian, lol. this was at project parlour but i already had three drinks).

blue note. i have to go there.

MoMA and 'nem (i wish they were free like the smithsonians, *grumble*)

eataly. have to go there to eat, not just marvel like a kid in a candy store.

must go back to grand central and eat some more oysters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so many things to eat and see, so much time!!!!

anyway, trying to make the most of this new york life i chose to live. and i need to before i totally shut down for the inevitable winter!!! Yes, your girl bought another down bubble. it's just like green one i bought two weeks ago but it goes down to my shin. and this is in addition to the x-ray jacket like peacoat my uncle bought me last week. what i really need are more sweaters and pants! maybe that's what i will do today... go to somebody's macy's.

ooop! today is saturday! MEXICAN CORN!!!!!!

alright y'all! make the most of today! it's yours!

Mood

2011-09-12T21:38:00.002-04:00

1. waking up late put a rush on my whole day. i couldn't catch up.

2. i really take Cowboy losses hard. harder than knicks losses.

3. Sept 11 hit me hard this year. maybe it's cause i'm actually in NY and can't believe this bustling place (NYC), home to 8 million people, was knocked down to its knees. it's mind blowing that so many lives were lost in one fell swoop. but then countless lives were and are still affected as a result.

4. i'm really annoyed that i'm still living out of two giant suitcases but every time i go to tar.get, they want to act like it's still 'back to school' and be out of the most basic supplies... like hangers.

5. my hair is longer than it's been since i bobbed it in 2003. i don't think i like it. also, i remember when i was able to go 2 weeks without washing it. now 10 days drives me crazy with all the shedding and dust.

6. my school says no jeans WHATSOEVER. the CEO actually said we should be a step below evening wear. that was kind of a joke, but not really... ummm, do you have ann tailor, bananananana repub, calvin kleinfeld money? oh.

7. i don't own enough pants. i have tons of express shirts and not enough bottoms to wear them with. i used to be able to wear them with jeans and heels and look awesome. *eye roll*

8. the bus took over half an hour to come today. in what world is that acceptable? them joints are more reliable in 3rd world countries.

9. i feel like crying. so much so that i'm listening to music that jog memories. but not enough to listen to lauryn hill.

10. i get a deduction from my paycheck to pay for a monthly transportation card. i have yet to see that mug but best believe the deduction was taken. fix my ish. i'm tired of trying to find a train station to refill my MTA card.

11. i hate that my mood is tied to my hair.

2011-09-01T06:03:00.000-04:00

The state of mind which enables a man to do work of this kind is akin to that of the religious worshipper or lover. The daily effort comes from no deliberate intention or program, but straight from the heart.

Albert Einstein

Happy First Day of School!

Twits

2011-08-29T07:31:00.003-04:00

I swear there is NOTHING better than watching (or not watching) an awards show on Twitr!! iDied this morning playing catch up! Some of my favorites? (edited)

@elon Nikki's outfit just let me know i'm too old for this ish.

@dmg shoutout to collins for the malcom x finger point when they flashed bieb's eyewear *snickering right now*

@court i like gaga better when she's wearing meat or kermit the frog

@e nikki calling wayne the best rapper alive reminds me of whitney calling bobby the king of rnb

@fresh amber rose mad AF she didn't think of the pregnancy red carpet stunt

@GP katie ain't been right since she got with cruise. she always looks she wants to tell us something but it afraid to speak

(re: CB) @court and your suit! RT@chav that ninja stole my moves!

@aki the wrong one RT @rj what key is she singing no scrubs in???

@gha wait, the dude who opened the vma was lady gaga!?!??!?! i'm so confused!!

*i glanced by my cousin watching it online, i thought it was bruno*

@marev bey is performing in clothes. that's all the preg confirmation you need

@tray the fact that it's time for a britney tribute means i'm getting old

@dani bey just ishted on y'all with that sexual chocolate mic drop #preggers (dying right now!!!)

@kko soooo, they kept the marriage private but announced the baby on the vmas.. oh. ok.

@kko watch kim k push back her baby so she won't have to compete with bey's. kris will NOT be having that!

@kko nikki gonna try this gaga move at BET awards next year lol

@paris people must really be disappointed that the only costume change gaga made was from a fonzie suit to a drunk fonzie suit

@yuno gaga, why you no look right with regular clothes on?

@fresh can't you just see it now? mama tina gluing little stones on booties and making asymmetrical onesies...

@pat why wayne got on tights tho?

@jam of all the BET endings...

i don't even need to watch!

but i will.

I Survived!

2011-08-28T18:38:00.002-04:00

Really? I come to NY and the city has a hurricane? It hasn't seen once since 1938 but 4 weeks into this mug and here come Irene with alllll the pandemonium to boot.

It must be the south florida in me. I do NOT believe ANY of the hype. I was very surprised my brother text me, "You ok?" Yes, why wouldn't I be? We used to HATE fielding phone calls from UK, Ghana, and the US whenever hurricane season was on 10. Yes, we did appreciate the concern but we're here and we know sensationalism sells. Boy, does it sell.

Then there was TMI getting all up in arms b/c I was sooooo nonchalant about I.rene... like, he really got an attitude with me cause I started laughing at him trying to tell me how to live during a hurricane. "Make sure you have water! Stay away from the windows! Charge your phone just in case the power goes out! Get some flashlights! They say this will be the storm of a lifetime!"

-_-

Really? Cause I haven't been living in hurricane ally for the past 29 years. You know what my storm of a lifetime was? Hurricane Andrew. Cat 5. You know what another storm of a lifetime was? Katrina, Cat 5. She tore up the gulf while I was in Tally.

This is my thing. There is an exact science to hurricanes. As random and powerful as Mother Nature can be, there is no such thing as random. Let me explain myself and her for a split second.

1. I.rene was a Cat 3 when she was down in the warm waters of the Atlantic. Guess what happens to storms as they come up the east coast? the water gets cooler and they get weaker.

2. Her eye was never really developed. A bout-it hurricane has a definitive eye, as clear as a doughnut. She didn't have one. the literal center of her being was raggedy. When it is not crystal clear, dry air gets swept up into the bands/storm and basically deflates it.

So cooler water + dry air... you see where I'm going?

Now the argument TMI and others were trying to make was, "Well, the buildings aren't built for hurricanes like they are down in Florida! you need to make sure you're on the 10th floor or lower!"

I live on the 3rd floor in Brooklyn. Please calm down.

Now maybe there will be a time when a hurricane comes and shows my behind what it's made of. I am definitely not doubting nature and it's power. I will tell you this, I am NOT one of those people who say "Oh yeah, we're going to tough it out." (see: white trash in their trailer homes). If I was back home and the mayor of my town told me to evacuate or find a shelter immediately, I will heed. I just seriously doubt that "hurricane of a lifetime" will be up here. I truly believe NYC went into a frenzy as a pro-active instead of reactive measure. For that, I applaud the city. Someone brought up the Blizzard at a press conf and Bloomberg said, "What does the blizzard have to do with this? That was unexpected. This, we plan for and we take action." Get it, Bloomy!

Now we have to stay tuned for winter and the snow that is sure to come! I know Jameil cannot WAIT for my suffering :-(((((((

On another note, school has been canceled for me tomorrow! I am excited! I get to go to school and finish up the last details I didn't get to and just shoved in teacher storage, lol! I will print out some activities and throughly plan my day :-) Summer vacay is almost over!!

Rants, Ramblings, Whatever

2011-08-21T13:06:00.002-04:00

So last week was a bit more positive than this week. Chill out, I'm allowed to not be cheery miss sunshine every once in a while; I believe in balance, thankyouverymuch.

1. The school i will be working at is the newest in the System. So for some weird reason, our principal feels like we should see the 7 other schools and how they get down. i live in BK. for me to be at the BX school by 7am means i have to get up and going by 430 am. it's still dark. that can't be safe. my main gripe is this: you have to have 3 years teaching experience to become a teacher in the System. Why would watching another teacher go thru her routine help me in mine? Yes, I can pick up a few pointers here and there but ma'am, traveling to harlem and BX is just plain ridiculous.

2. i've been here for two weeks now. in those two weeks, i've been talked at and lectured every.single.workday. from 8am to 5 pm. what more is there to learn that i just checked my work email and found out we have another session at 8am... MY GOSH! DO YOU PEOPLE EVER STOP TALKING?!!?

3. 3 hour meetings must stop. call us together at the end of the day for a hour debrief every day. don't call us one day at 10 am and keep us till 120pm and then call another meeting at 3pm. that can't happen. people stop listening after 2 hours. and i get hungry for some real food, not some freaking cheesits you pass around. i've already devoured the almonds i had in my bag, let me go eat some food.

4. $95 for a retouch?? GTFOOHWTB

5. $103 pp for a prix fixe menu? GTFOOHWTBS

6. people who don't take out their wallet before the bus gets here.

ma'am. you know you're getting on the bus in t-minus 6 minutes. why must you stand in the stairwell, fumble thru your purse and take out $2.25 in change? OMFG.

7. some say it's better to use cash but not me. I have cash in hand, it disappears. I like using my card cause i have a running total of my balance in my head. with cash, i think, "Oh, it's already taken out *SPEND*" the lack of businesses that takes cards appalls me. i understand we're in Bed-stuy and most people don't have a bank account but cash their checks at the bodega, but is the fee that much that you can't have a card reader? i hate you. but i love you at the same time cause Lord KNOWS i'd be fat off of pizza, ribs and fried fish if my food spots took cards! Yum!!! LOL

wasn't that a good segway into positive?

8. like my dearest friend Jameil, I loooooooove a good meal. where she finds utter joy in collecting the esoteric ingredients and preparing delectable dishes, I want to find a restaurant that will feed me well. throw in awesome atmosphere and a good drink, i'm yours forever. New York has alllll that. It has the zagat rated hole in the wall rib joint in bed-stuy. it has the always fun habana outpost in ft. greene. then... it has kittichai in soho

*fans self*

Dani and I will be going there next week. I'm going to pee on myself if Sunday doesn't get here right now!!!!

9. events.

yo, talking to my dad, he was like, "Don't forget to catch a Knicks game. And tell your uncle Spike to sit down!" LOLOLOLOL!!!!!! I AM IN KNICKS COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO CATCH A GAME!

ummm, there are free music fests here like, alllll of the time. i missed when mos def had his free concert in BK and then the morning shows always have someone performing during the summer... (i missed maroon 5 too)

10. i have more friends here :-) it was tough being so far from everyone. with my mom gone, it was me and pops and koko. but that was more likely me and koko with my dad's voluntary work schedule. up here, i can hop on a train to see at least 4 friends or see my family in LI. and flying anywhere out of NY is cheaper than flying out of PBI, i know that for a fact.

Ok, here's to focusing on the positive and minimizing the negative! negative is going to happen, as long as i vent, put it in the air and be done, i should have a great year!

Things I Know Now

2011-08-14T09:05:00.006-04:00

This will be a piggy back off of (lol, I was about to '@' you) Dani Colored Glasses' post about moving to NY and not knowing what the deal was.

1. Flo Jo beneath every NYer.
So true. I WAS too cute to run up a flight of stairs yesterday and that made all the difference in an air conditioned seat, getting to the city in a timely manner, not being harassed by the late night locals and... my car having DCG's uncle serenading us in Patois. Not again.

2. The Cute Commute.

I thought I could make my commute to Harlem in my nude patent leather pumps and back. After all, I'm just walking a few blocks to and from the train stations...

FACE.

Those stairs and platforms and more stairs and more platforms and breezeways and under-underground tunnels and transfers via a totally different platform and construction on the platform leading to detours to a split level platform? Then the standing and waiting for a train or for your walk signal? *whimper* I wore cr.ocs for 48 hours straight. Not even my trusty steve madden flippies but crocs. I wanted to marry them, they were so good to me.

3. The all encompassing Tote.
I don't know how they do it. They have these lone-shomp totes with EVERYTHING in them!!! They talk about running to work in their asics, break out the full tupperware of salad, toppings, and dressings, the camelb.ak water bottle, two pieces of fruit, their mac, molesk.ine, iP.ad, umbrella, and tor.yburch flats. Where does it all go?? I have this denim GAP tote which I ADORE and all I'm carrying is the mac, my wallet, and my keys. and I want to die. I'm a wristlet kind of girl. Adjustment is tantamount to survival.

4. Weather Expert.
Yeah, I came home and ordered the isht out some rain boots. Why I didn't order them the FIRST time I got rained on and feet street wet, I have no idea but just know that I am on the hunt for an ankle length northfase bubble with a hood/snorkel BEFORE winter gets here.

and I'm going to find it.

5. Scarves

I have no problems with scarves. I love my solid color jones new york joints with a passion. I have red, dark pink, orange, yellow, wisteria, black, and cream (need blue and green, peeps). How many of them did I bring with my in my packing haste last week? Nun. But, for whatever reason, my leopard print blanket of a scarf was in my carry on from when I bought it in the DMV this past June and that's what i decided DIDN'T match my dress and therefore wasn't coming with me last night.

Then the sky opened. I had nothing to protect my hair, I had nothing to keep me warm on the train, I had nothing. Again, back to that "too cute to commute" tenet. Ima learn, lil mama, Ima learn. There is NOTHING cute about a skinny black girl shivering on the train looking like a drenched kitten.

7. Personal Space

I'm African. There is no such thing as personal space. We leave all doors open and damn you to nigeria if you think you're going to close/lock the door while you're taking a shower (that's what shower curtains are for). I've told you years ago, the first time I slept with a door closed was my first night at Hampton. This issue doesn't bother me at all. I just want to get on the train. Let my ass in. I missed the last one trying to be cute, remember?

I have even thought of asking guys if they would mind me sitting on their laps. I would never EVER do that but this has crossed my mind:

I wonder if he would mind me sitting on his lap. My feet are killing me in these damn pumps. I should just sit and see if he would object, yeah...

Not only that, but if you do happen to get a seat on a crowded train, be prepared to have someone's junk in your face. Yep. The seats are that low. Full.frontal.

8. Up/Downtown

It makes so much sense to me now. I was truly confused for the longest time and it's because I'm not used to the word 'uptown'. We have a Downtown. It's where City Place is. Oh yeah, the courthouse but more importantly, City Place. Here, uptown is going... up! Downtown is... down! I used to think all of Man was 'Downtown' just based on my schemata (where the action and business take place) but many many train rides and begging MTA officials to let me in cause "I know I just swiped my card but that was across the street and that was the wrong way", I got it all figured out. If I want to go home, I go Downtown and keep going till I'm not even in Man anymore but in BK, across the water. If I want to go to the System, I go Uptown till I'm damn near in The BX.

9. Cabs.

I've taken two. I'm not there yet. If I can't get there by bus or train, I don't need to be there. I'm kidding. That's a stupid way to think but I need to wrap my head around using cash and then I think I'll be more open to them. Lord knows, I could've used one last night.

9. Personal Entertainment.

There was a point in time when I didn't charge my itouch until I was going on a trip. I used it that infrequently. Now, I am PISSED if I didn't charge it the night before. Music... shit, just the headphones alone give you personal space. I know you see my earbuds in, don't talk to me about my superman tattoo it's not that big of a deal. It's a tat. I'm in NY and VERY mild compared to the population.

I do like reading the AM NY (or something like that) just to get a heads up on what's going but what usually happens is i play bejeweled and listen to itoons on shuffle. I've been hearing some songs I didn't even know I have and I like them!

10. Be present

Yo, this came to me as I was walking home from the train station. BE PRESENT. As I was swimming home and thinking about the wonderful shower I was about to take in BLEACH, I thought, "Yo. I just left freakin Manhattan after a night with some girlfriends. I am walking in the rain in Brooklyn, New York. I am walking HOME in BK. I am here. It rains. So what?

Enjoy each moment as they come b/c it could've been a totally different ball game. TOTALLY different. I don't have that much money. Buying plane tickets with less than 48 hours turn around (and checked bag fees, grrr) is pricey. Trying to make your new place as comfy as possible and freaking transportation costs money. My MTA card def had $0.50 and I knew if I used my card I would be left with the negative absolute value of that in my account (FRIDAY, I NEED YOU HERE LIKE I'VE NEVER NEEDED A FRIDAY BEFORE) but whatever, I am freaking HERE.

and there is my first week in New York! LOLOL i'm loving every moment of it!

An Educator's Rant

2011-08-13T08:36:00.004-04:00

So. To bring everyone up to speed, I moved to NY last Sunday after getting word I was hired by a prestigious charter school of documentary fame. All aboard? Let's go.

Between Te*ach4America and NY Fell.ows, I just wonder how many actual educators we have in the System (my pseudonym for the...network of schools I now work for). Seeing how TFA is el negro nuevo or the new law school, I feel like my profession is being flooded with trust fund babies who majored in existential russian literature at sarah law.rence or ceramics at uc*la. For instance, my assistant majored in publishing...

Publishing.

PUBLISHING.

And after graduation two years ago, went to live in france for two years to learn the language. After two years of cafe conversations, she "felt a pull to do more with her life" and that brought her to the System. And now she's in my classroom as an assistant but more like a co-teacher. And b/c she worked at the System during summer school, I can already tell she thinks she knows more than me abt teaching. For my HU people, she's like the students who went to pre-college. Shut.up. You were here for a full 4 weeks before us, you cut your summer short, dummy.

Now I'm not saying the only people who should be teachers should have majored in education, I'm def not saying that b/c there are TONS of people who missed their calling, who were coerced into a certain major (hello? I'm "supposed" to be a pharmacist and then a pediatrician??). As a matter of fact, Jam's cousin was a business major at FAM and he wo teacher of the year a number of times. That's all fine. But more often than not, I feel like people get into education cause they feel like it's a last resort. Maybe their major didn't pan out; it was harder than they thought, whatever. We've all had that teacher who knew their subject BUT COULD NOT TEACH. I remember a math teacher at SHS. He was a mathematician. He was not a teacher. He knew math upside down and inside out. But since he didn't major in secondary education with a math emphasis, he didn't know how to TEACH. He didn't take pedagogy, foundations, development, etc. You know I actually took classes that TAUGHT me how to TEACH each subject? (Of course you know.)

I'm all for teaching and people wanting to be teachers. The profession and the country needs more teachers. What we don't need are bry.nma.wr grads thinking they are doing the world a favor by "trying this teaching thing out". In three or four years, when you're "over" working in Harlem and there's a sudden shortage of teachers b/c it's "on to the next one", then what?

dream weaver

2011-08-03T19:55:00.000-04:00

how you doin lil shawty, let me whisper in your ear

tell you somethin that you might like to hear...

it really blows their minds when you tell them you are totally capable of thinking about relationships the same way they think of them.

'they' being men.

it's okay. just tell them they are doing a good job.

pulchrum est paucorum hominum

2011-08-01T12:00:00.001-04:00

'beauty is for the few' as in Niet.zsche's 1885 The Antichr!st. I don't know how I came across this line but it turned up in a search a few weeks ago and I've been digging it ever since.

I am a little bit obsessed with looks. Not in a way that I would alter anything I was blessed with (outside of orthodontics) but just how looks affect interactions. There are people who I think are unattractive and have unsavory personalities to boot. I often wonder where to they get off acting like that looking the way they do. Then there are people who I swear look good because their personality is awesome or they carry themselves with the perfect balance of humbleness and confidence. I dated a guy in high school who every one would agree was not the best looking but he was loved by everyone. Then there was the cutie with a shit personality...

what makes a certain person attractive? Is it that perfect ratio (1:1.6)? Does everyone have their own ratio? When do you cross the line into straight up preference? is beauty really in the eye of the beholder?

l'etranger

2011-07-25T18:00:00.000-04:00

something is wrong with me.

actually, nothing is wrong with me.

i just think you all will think so. just don't judge me when i come undone. it's time.

united colors

2011-07-24T07:35:00.001-04:00

with so much drama in the PBC it's kinda hard being S-T-A-C-E but uhhh, somehow someway I keep pulling these crazy ass crackas like, every single day.

my dad said stay away from WBs. it's not that i'm attracted to them only. i'm attracted to whatever physical feat i'm digging at the time. fluffy? had several black ones and a white one. athletic? ditto. diminutive? did that (black ones are worse). if i think you're good looking, i'ma look. you can be black, white, latino, hispanic... i'm trying to get up on someone's bollywood prince but they aren't down here in the numbers i need. whatever the case, i was telling Jam about this WB in high school and i casually mentioned he had a crush on me when she interrupted with the, "Damn! You are the most WB loved black girl ever! WB shole love them some Stace!"

it's true. i've had a WB boo since the days of biker shorts and side ponys. it's very interesting; the dynamics between a WB who likes black girls and myself in comparison to full on black relationships i've been in. (more on that later)

but just cause you like me, does that mean I have to like you??

and there it is people.

as of right now, i'm trying to get up on that indian tip and stay in my lane. but if a Patel wants to holla, I'LL HOLLA!

Random Thoughts

2011-07-22T19:42:00.004-04:00

How do bulemics do it? It takes a sad and twisted person to purposefully vomit day in and day out. The once or twice I throw up every other month has me wanting to take my life. More recently (see: 230 and 1000am), I think some funky avocado made its way into my JB roll, no cream cheese. I even went as far as saying, "uh oh, I think I may only like avocado with cilantro and lime cause this is not getting it *nom*" Yeah... my throat still hurts.

My trip to NYC was one of the best trips ever. I think mostly cause I went by myself and could do whatever I wanted. Not saying I don't like traveling with people but it seemed to be twice as fun with half the party. Add that to my cool ass vet uncle (Pops' baby brother) who was either at the hospital or making house calls and it was a dream come true. I spent money ONLY on food, got to see a ISHT ton of my dear friends, got my hair did and... got some grey Js. *swooning*

Yeah, back to school is around the corner. Valmart (said like a german) has put out the BTS boxes and I didn't appreciate that. But unlike last year, I'm not pressed or depressed abt what this year will bring. Actually, last year at this time, I was interviewing with DC and putting all my eggs into a DMV basket. This year? Let go and let God. Life is so much more peaceful when you adopt that mantra.

Jameil called me a drunk. Why? Cause I spent my whole Tally trip oohing and ahhhing over baby boys. Former BFFs have sons that are 10 days apart and I LOVE them so much! Lil K is the younger and more serious of the two. He's too cool already and maybe a stubborn handful with his lil Taurus self. Lil P is a charmer! All he does is giggle and babble! He's going to be a handful in a different way with HIS Taurus self!
Regarding their moms, Pops said their strollers are going to bump into eachother at Babies R Us and they will reconcile. Ok, TV ending.

Oh yeah, speaking of babies, the week I reactivated FB (for Jam & Rah's pics), I saw a high school classmate of mine is expecting her own little boy this November.

And since I mentioned Jam and Rah, ima need the new Mrs. W to cough up the post on how to plan a fun and fab wedding in 28 Days. That hoe weren't playing! Her goal achieving prowess is almost scary, y'all...

I am very excited abt my car payments. By paying a small $4 more than asked, I am taking my 60 month term down to 44 months. Oh yeah, I split my automatic payments up to twice a month (coincide with paydays). Seems less painful that way (to me).

Our dog, Koko Lopez has atopic dermatitis. She's itchy and scratchy all day :-( Poor Koko Chanel :-(

It took forever but I was able to pay a ticket, reinstate my license, get new insurance, and renew my tags. This was the first time I've ever had to do them myself! Yeah, the car is mine but Pops did it last year. I felt like such a big deal when it all was finally said and done. Can you imagine driving around with nan notta one part of your driving situation right? Chamillionaire had NOTHING on me... well, unless he had a gun, open container, and some drugs. I wasn't that dirty, sheesh. I'm a teacher guys!

I am going to start practicing my piano again. That and finish reading Zen. Then I will tackle its sequel, Lila. And let's see if I can manage one more trip to NY... I still have to food spots to try!

Alright y'all! TTYL!

New Wave

2011-07-14T12:18:00.002-04:00

i feel it creeping up; a new wave of selfishness. a feeling where i don't want to answer to, check-in with, clean up for, pick up, drop off, spend time with, nada for no one. I just want to enjoy me and my time the way I see fit. no sharing of time, space, food, sheets; NOTHING. and i want to do these things without being made to feel bad about them.

this feeling stems from the trip i was scheduled to take. at first, it was like, 'ok, i'll go back to DC. he's buying, i'm flying (literally)'. as the day to leave came closer and closer, i realized, 'i don't want to go back. i didn't have fun; there's no point in me going up there just to sit around or have fake fun. why am i going again? oh yeah, cause he told me to.'

if i can just secure a job somewhere, anywhere else, i will then feel confident enough to leave the false comfort of home. i can't just move on a leap of faith. as much as i admire people who up and go with the belief they will find something when they get where they are going, i will never be that person. i need a job. i need to pay bills. it's one thing to not have a for real ass rent but the money that you are supposed to be saving only goes to material things you buy to make yourself happy.

anyway, i'm trying to get out of this pointless trip and this coddled state of mind.

A Nightmare

2011-06-21T19:01:00.002-04:00

I walk into a portable with only student desks and a long table present. On the long table, I see my book, a collectable 1st edition hard-cover version of ZAMM separated from its binding; pages ripped out. Dust jacket was removed from the book and on the floor. I run to the table and grab the book like it's a child's lifeless body. It might as well have been. I look at my brother looking bored while surfing the internet at a now present teacher's desk.

"Who did this!? How could this happen?!?"

Without looking up from the screen, he shrugged.

"Stanley!! What happened?! How could you let your friends to do this my book!? This is my book! My FIRST EDITION ZEN!!!! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!??!

"It's not that serious."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!? Only ANIMALS would do something like this! Your friends are ANIMALS!"

"Really? Animals? You're calling human beings animals because they ripped a book?"

I stared at him in disbelief. My eyes couldn't get any wider. I grabbed my tattered book to my heart and crumpled to the ground.

"Whyyyyyy? Why would they do something like this!?!?"

Then the tears. You would've thought I lost a child. I was wailing, flailing my arms. I was banging my fist on the floor. I think I was even looking towards the sky like, "Whyyyyyy, God!? Whyyyyyy!?"

I woke up and the pillow was across the room. I see I got physical and was throwing things!

Anyway, going to analyze this via dream dictionary to see what books and crying symbolise cause that ish right there, serious!

Thoughts that Cement Why I May Be Considered a B

2011-06-18T09:25:00.005-04:00

1. do ugly people know they are ugly or do they think they look normal?

2. for real, why do Africans yell their phone conversations? you don't have to yell across the Atlantic, 'talk normal' in the phone.

3. i secretly think my dad sent me to this Ghanian wedding ("as a representative of the Ks of So.Fla") to catch somebody's eye. let it be known, i don't do straight off the plane.

4. i am so in love with the color purple now. can i let you in on a secret? the color of my bridesmaid dress? the one i was hemming and hawing about? yeah, i dig it. i got it on my nails (OPI*s 'planks. a lot') and i found a wisteria scarf. and i bought an eggplant colored dress from the G A P, and then a v-neck tee.

5. i can really go for some mango salsa right now. i think i will make some this morning and tear it up this evening.

6. this guy wanted to dance with me last night. sir, i won't dance with you and let me let you know why.

a) we're at a underground karaoke bar.

b) you have on a 'VIP' tag at said bar.

c) if i look closely, i really think you're wearing a linen 'fit'.

and this was NOT the man missing a front tooth! this was someone else!

Lastly,

Yesterday, i mentioned to someone that i hadn't gotten a perm since the beginning of april and that i may skip relaxers for the whole summer. whatever the case, i talked abt a product a mostly natural friend of mine uses* and you would NOT believe the heat i got! like, i really should've ignored the person but she got me on the wrong day at the wrong time and i went in on her!

first of all, she felt the need to let me know that #TeamNatural rules state you don't advocate a product unless you've used it yourself.

*record scratch*

*blink, blink*

pause.

hold the press.

stop the bus, i want off.

WAIT ONE FUTHERMUCKING MINUTE.

di-?

Did yo-?

DID YOU JUST START A SENTENCE WITH "THE TEAM NATURAL RULES...

BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH, TAKE AND HAVE ALLLLLLLLLLLL THE SEATS!

after i told her where she can put those raggedy ass rules made by i guess the Boss Queen and COO of Natural People (see: some random with a u-tube channel), SHE TRIED TO DEFEND HERSELF BY SAYING, "Well maybe not rules, but there are guidelines. You know how relaxed people know to wrap their hair at night? well, there are guidelines for natural people too."

*logs off*

*she's not transitioning on purpose, she just has been working the flat iron and saw how east it was to be chemical free. it wasn't a CONSCIOUS decision, it was more a money/time crunch

hoe, siddown

2011-06-17T13:03:00.004-04:00

i'm in a mood. send your thanks to the headache that slowly moves behind my eyes. and your neighborly early 20-something year old. they're all a bunch of hipsters.

early 20s suck.

you reeeeeeaaaally think you got it going on; you this bad bitch, thinking you got your head on your shoulders, you're so "fierce" and "fancy", got your lil degree and can't be told NOTHIN.

20s are a hazing, humbling decade. you start it off as this "rawr, hear me roar!" being and then you fade when you realize:

1. you're not invincible

2. you come a dime a dozen

3. God laughs at your well made plans

you know how many people want or need your job? how many people want or need that spot in grad school? you know how many people have that same dress, that same hairstyle? you know how many people knew about that artist BEFORE you?

YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN 20 BEFORE?

i feel like somebody's auntie when i say this but... calm down, chill out, slow down. no need to be the baddest, fiercest, most natural, most eccentric, the wittiest, cattiest, most anything. be yourself and everything will work out fine.

i think.

Surreal/So Real

2011-06-05T13:47:00.004-04:00

if there's one thing I can say about 2011, it is a hell of a year. Literally starting from Day 1 when I was standing in below zero temperatures and having the time of my life in Denver to today, the past 6 months have been nothing less than eventful. But when I'd exclaim, "This can't be life!" it so really is.

january, i skipped the first two days of school to party and recoup in Denver. it was then I considered moving to a place colder than I've ever been. but ya'll know me, I want to move everywhere i visit.

february, things started getting fuzzy in my personal life. I moved out of the house and had two guy roommates. it was cool but when word got out I was living with two guys (and totally innocent BTW)...

march, I lost my fiancee and best friend in one fell swoop. we've been together half each other lives, since i was 14 and he was 15. do you know what that is like? to lose someone you love? i didn't want to die but i wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there for a very long time. every time i got sad, i wanted to call him but that wouldn't work cause i hurt him to his soul. i was stuck. school was getting tough b/c of the foolishness in administration. i was crying at the drop of a dime any and everywhere. as much as i tried to shield my children from my pain, I couldn't even do that and that in itself made me even more sad. I'd cry and their dispositions would change. their little hands would rub my back or write me notes in their journals. I still have them and will probably frame them. if i didn't have this class this year, who knows where i'd be. they are amazing children who I will never forget and love dearly.

also in march, i found my for real teacher voice. i stood up to the powers that be and honestly thought i would lose my job. i didn't, i got on her bad side, but i held my head high in the hallways and became that BITCH. I became the teacher who worked wonders with children who were deemed failures. i also became the teacher who was not the one to fuck with. no more taking backward compliments with a giggle, no more stopping what I was doing cause you think your task is more important. this school year deserves the title "Good Girl Gone Bad". No more smiling, no more fakeness. When a guy acts this way, he's assertive, he's a BOSS. When a woman acts this way, she's a B. I'll be that. The baddest one, too.

april, i moved back home *hangs head*. a friend of mine had a baby boy. my sister graduated from college. so many things about our family came out during this month... i've said it in much earlier posts; i really don't know who the good side is. i can only justify it by saying 'no man chooses evil because it is such, he only mistakes it for the good he seeks.'. not saying there are dastardly deeds going on but people aren't thinking, just doing and that doesn't work when a family is involved.

one of my oldest friends lets me know she's going thru a divorce, 6 months after her nuptials. she tells me the first 4 months were cool and after that, it became night and day. I couldn't wrap my mind around the beautiful wedding and the couple that dated for 5 years before finally wedding. then it hit me: that could've been me. I feel blessed that she shared something so painful and honestly quite embarassing with me. We talked, cried, and laughed over our eerily similar situations. She reassured me that i did the right thing by listening to my little voice. It's better to have an ex-fiance than an ex-husband. ain't that the truth.

may, i turned 29 and wish i could've just skipped to 30. my actual birthday was one of the less favorites... i shared it with mother's day and my sister's pageant. the next day was ruined by my overly concerned father. then the day after that was ruined by a sub at my school who got upset i decided not to take two days off. i get upset thinking about the big deal she made out of it...

it's been a year since my godfather passed and i wished he was here even more than ever with this past school year. his son, my godbrother is getting married in the DR. I was supposed to go with D but that pre-honeymoon wasn't going to happen. so weird telling godfamily why I can't make it. i'm still getting emails and text messages... i really thought i cancelled my MSWedding account but is see Desy dresses didn't get the memo and DB keeps reminding me my wedding is in less than 2 months so i need to get my dress NOW. *buries head in pillows, tosses phone against wall*

another friend of mine had a baby boy. two babies in 10 days. they don't even speak the other's name and they used to be tighter than might. it's weird holding one baby and wanting to talk abt the other.

june, school's out. hanging with a friend who's been dating a guy less than 6 months and they are already talking babies. Yes, he's that guy who La was talking about. They really do exist. He has names picked out for the boy and girl they are going to have. I hopped in the car and JR is telling him the important friends he's needs to know cause they'll be her bridesmaids... umm? i so missed a memo. more weddings are on deck for the year and I'm finally in a place where I can talk about them with true joy. i'm excited for my friends, i know that marriage is a beautiful thing, it's just not a beautiful thing for me right now and as of June 5, 2011, i'm deliciously okay with that.

Paranoid

2011-05-30T09:59:00.000-04:00

this is what I'm feeling today. and when I say, "I'm feeling..." I mean if i could be in his head, I think this is what he'd say to me.

Terra Hades

2011-05-25T18:15:00.003-04:00

it all started this morning. I had that familiar contraction feeling and looked at my biological clock app. It has NOT been 32 days, you have got to be kidding me. Grrrrr... whatever the case I also remembered the outfit Cardo picked out for me and was thinking how those pants would work today. I already wanted to veto either the top or the bottom but, it's a challenge, gotta take the good with the bad.

I showered, dressed, and hit the road. i left earlier than usual so the lights were in my favor. Cool, park in my spot and thought to tidy up a bit. If I take one thing out of the car, it will be that much cleaner. Let me take this sweet tea outta here. Reach for the cup and *SWOOOOOOSH!* SWEET FUTHERMUCKING TEA ALL OVER MY ABS AND DEFINITELY IN MY LAP!!! I can't believe this! I step out of the car in hopes some of the liquid will drain into the street and I know I hollered "Fcuk my futhermucking life!" (but the real words). This can't be life right now. Now i'm standing and looking at the sweet tea soak into the drivers seat... OMG, Not cool. Okay, calm down, you have a whole closet in your trunk. I pop the trunk and get a beach towel, some yoga pants and a white tee. I try and soak up some tea from my seat but realize my clothes aren't getting any drier. Leave the towel in the seat and head to campus. My feet are slipping and sliding in the patent leather wedges Cardo picked out. Gotta get out of these too, they def won't go with yoga pants.

I change, slip into my crocs, and the day begins. It's okaaaay aside from my-uterine-region-letting-me-know-it's-still-here-and-would-like-something-to-occupy-its time and me wearing-the-clothes-I-tease-other-teachers-about *sarcasm*... then I remember pre-k is coming to visit. OMG, I have to bring out totally different centers that are age appropriate! My children are reading and writing novels! They do puzzles of dinosaur scenes! let me find some ABC puzzles and two word sentence books for their visit *grumble, grumble*

As you can imagine, the babies coming in reminded me of the WORST time of the school year... I ALWAYS forget how they come to us!!! I ALWAYS for get that they have to learn how to do EVERYTHING!!! I ALWAYS forget they don't know how to read or write! They were in a center for 5 minutes and wanted to move onto the next thing, one started crying cause the group she was paired with didn't do to library center, another one was determined to do spiderman... LAAAAAWWWWDDDD!!!

They left and my uterus REALLY started showing it's ass! Normally, the out of controlness is every other month. I have one bout it ovary who spits out eggs I'm sure will be HELLIONS once they are fertilized and I have the other one who is cool. Not this time. Cool Side wanted to be rebellious. She wanted to let me know, "Hey! I'm not going to be ignored anymore! Take THAT!" *JUDO CHOP* "and THIS!" *KAH-RAH-TAY KICK* "annnnnnnnnd FINISH HERRRRRR!" *NON-STOP RAPID FIRE PUNCHES*

Yeah, I had to take a knee. Then two knees. Then I just fell over. Some child brought me a pillow and I was laid out on the reading rug. I was moaning, I was whimpering, I was trying to find a comfortable position. I got into the fetal position "Ms. K I can see your back tattoo!!" I laid on my back, "Ms. K, I can see your star tattoo!! My mommy has a tattoo on her stomach!" The 600 mg of advil I took an hour earlier meant NOTHIIIIING. I told the children they can go to any center they want to but I should've known better. PAN.DE.MO.NI.UM.I couldn't take it. magic school bus video kept them quiet for 20 mins as I writhed in pain and thought of how I could get home cause there are more symptoms to the monthly than just cramps and I HAD to be ONLY home for them!

Silent snack time, pack your bags, y'all are going to other teachers classrooms. Then a reading coach comes in the room and sees my suffering. She helps me to the clinic where I actually start to cry from pain. As the contractions subside, I realize it's getting closer and closer for me to be getting home. That feeling is not going away. She walks me to my car and my push start doesn't work. MY PUSH START DOESN'T WORK! I CAN'T START MY CAR TO GO HOME! I take the metal key out and realize I don't know where the physical ignition is!!! OMFG, I just want to go home before I make a mess :-( She didn't drive her car today so now we're back in the clinic trying to find someone to take me home. The science lab teacher is all about it. I hobble to her car and we getting home. I'm moaning and she really wants to take me to the hospital but I tell her I've been here and done this before, I just need to go home. Of course we catch all the lights and as we turn down a side street I beg her to stop and pull over. Anything that wasn't digested due to all the attention down below comes up. I wonder if I even chew my food based on what was now in the grass on the side of the road. No wonder my metabolism is so high, my body works HARD to digest food! *yes these are thoughts between heaves*

We sit and get some fresh air. I feel 50% better. I get home and hit the bathroom for the other symptom. Not awesome. I change into looser pants and a loose fitting tee and pass out in my brother's bedroom, dreaming of who I can get to knock me up and rid me of this monthly curse.

My Father is Dressing Me!

2011-05-22T11:20:00.002-04:00

Check out the Record Dish for the fashion challenge post! Day 1 has begun!

Knock and the door shall be opened unto thee

2011-05-16T06:32:00.005-04:00

Right now, at THIS very moment right here, I wish I was getting married this July. At this moment early on this Monday morning, I wish I have a shared bank account and someone to wake up to everyday. For the longest time, marriage seemed to be the stability I've been craving. In marriage, I won't be here, there, worrying about tomorrow, thinking about what I'm going to do with myself. In my head, marriage solved all that. Yes, I'm sure marriage came with its own set of issues that I don't know about but at least, you have someone to share them with; you don't have to tackle life alone...

Oh well, ask and ye shall receive.

Saturday with Sis

2011-05-15T07:22:00.004-04:00

Sharlotte York, meet Avril Levign.

The world knows were 8 years apart but it still surprises me how different we are. Well, it doesn't but it's amazing how totally different from me she's growing up to be.

Yesterday, after a drama filled morning with Lyds, my sister and I spent the afternoon scouring the internets for tats. We both like tats. No surprise there. What I didn't know about my sister is that if she ~~was white~~ could, she'd be a tatted up rocker chick. Not neccessarily Kat Von D tatted, but lots, and lots of tats. Specifically, a tatted up pin-up girl. she's a 50s girl with edge. So maybe KVD afterall! Inside of the biceps, a message. exotic scene on the hip up to the underarm. wrists and ribcage. Not only does she want lots of tats, but she wants those roses, skull and crossbones, deadly cupcake, rocker chick tats. The only thing stopping her is the image she'd portray. If "they" get tats, they're rocker, punk chicks. If she gets tats, she's a ghetto boo.

Tis true. Black girls who are tatted up look ghetto as hell. Most of the time, they are tatted up with portraits, baby feet, panthers, paw prints, and names. If Sis were to get two black pin up girls, I can't see Quandalisha in that. Anyhoo...

After I designed my next tat (words in a certain font) and she found the pin-up girls she wanted, we started looking up makeup.

She is a MAKE-UP FIEND. I am not. Although I appreciate and adore a full face of make-up (I think Monica and Eva Long. are my make-up heroes), I can't see myself doing it AND, I'm not vigilant enough with my face to make sure I scrub off everything and therefore prevent breakouts. I know myself. I keep a bottle of waterless cetaphil cleanser next to the bed and that's how I wash my face at night. That will NOT work with foundation, bronzer, et al. Sis though? After years of doing pageants, she's only getting better. And she's not afraid to try new things. She got inspired so we decided to go to the mall. You should've seen the colors she had me trying on. Yeah, I complained about 'oh baby' but I wasn't ready to jump into 80s chic. (she got that by the way. you should see it in person). I ended up getting a berry-colored glass with little blue glitter flecks. A step up from the frosty look of years past. Oh Baby, I do thank you for your years of dedicated service to my lips. You have no idea how many men I've transfixed with you by my side. *deep bow*

Now that make-up is out the way, we started wandering aimlessly and ended up in Ebeb. Yeah, no. That store gets on my nerves more and more. Way too expensive for harlot looking crap. But, I always stop by just in case that gem some hootchie thought was too conservative is still there. That's how I scored on my NYE in ATL dress. Nope, not yesterday. And surprisingly, Sis plopped down and waited for me to justify a boucle suit. (i love boucle). That store seemed right up her alley!

We left and went into R-Den B.

Is it that I'm getting older or are the clothes getting cheaper (and not price-wise)? Almost everything in there looked like something you can get at a flea market. It has to be that I'm getting older; what was cute at 21 better not be cute at 29, I'm just saying, let's show some growth please.

As we looked and touched, something caught both our eyes. Add'tl 50% of select dresses. Ain't gotta ask us twice! we look and we both find coral dresses. I pick mine up and she says, "Ew". She picks hers up and I roll my eyes. Time for the dressing room.

We both step out and admire the other's dress. "Wow, Steph! Your's looks so good on you!" "Aww, Stace, you're rocking it!" Then we look in the huge 3-fold mirror and bust out laughing. My blousy belted shirt dress, her body hugging bandage dress. My bobbed wrap, her big curly fro. My berry stained pout, her glitterfied kisser. Then we look at each other like long lost twins do in the movies when they reunite and realize how different their lives are. Like, "Brrr, are we even related!?"

Got our dresses and walked some more. I oohed and ahhhed at the LP windows, she fawned over the tribal funky patterns in XXI. We talked and walked right into B.Johnson where she was head over heels about some cardigan with guns on it and i was loving a tiered organza dress.

When you're that far apart from a sibling, I thought you kinda grow up admiring and wanting to follow in their footsteps a little. Or not! I guess leaving for college when she started 5th grade allowed her to form her own little personality that couldn't be anymore opposite that mine.

Why Not?

2011-05-14T08:05:00.003-04:00

I definitely just asked Raheem DeVaughn out to dinner via twitter. LMMFAO!!!! I can only hope he sifts thru all his followers, sees my tweet, and takes me up on the offer!!!

Let's say he does... where would we go?
Hopefully, he likes sushi... yeah!
and then we can get drinks... yeah!
and then we can get ice cream... yeah!

wait, no. Sometimes, my body likes dairy. sometimes, I get extra African and reject it. #NotAGoodLook

It's Saturday! I LOVE Saturdays!

United Stace of America

2011-05-09T09:15:00.003-04:00

Why is it so hard for people to let me do me? I understand wanting the best for someone and caring so deeply that you want to shield them from any harm but damn! When can I make a decision and it's okay? Good or bad, I'm going to make decisions and I will need to learn from them.

I'm really upset my dad called me with that bullshit. I planned on spending a nice two days down here in the Grove and now all that's in my head is "you're going to get fired! You can't do things like that!" Why not? Why can't I do things like this? Why can't I take a day off for my birthday? "You took last Friday off for your sister's graduation and now this Monday? You can't do things like that!"

I'm so on edge right now. Everyone has stacey's well-being in mind. Move here, stay here, I bought a house here, you should go to school here, nevermind go to school here, major in this, no you can't major in that here, come back home, no for real, let your parents be your parents and come home, etc.

They say no man is an island. I had no idea I was an entire nation.

Day 1 of 29

2011-05-09T08:34:00.003-04:00

Wakes up, look at the clock... "6:56am. I slept in!"
Irons linen shirt dress.
Showers, brushes teeth, dresses.
Sits on chaise, enjoying the quiet bustling of Grand Street in Coconut Grove.

*ring ring*

Where are you?

In Miami?

Why? It's Monday, you're supposed to be at work!

I took the day off for my birthday.

Your birthday was yesterday, teachers are expected to be at work on Monday!

Mother's Day was yesterday.

You're going to get fired! You can't just be taking days off whenever you want to!

*dead silence* Presses end call.

Gee dad, thanks for ruining my day off.

2011-05-04T20:57:00.003-04:00

i feel like i'm falling. i just want to hurry up and hit the ground already. where am i going? how will i get there? how will i live? do i belong there or am i just running away? running away from what?

how come senior year in high school, the prospect of going anywhere was the best thing in the world? but as someone knocking on 30s door, the possibility of shucking corn in iowa, or lobbying in dc, or teaching english in japan, or free-loading in denver is scaring the utter fcuk out of me?

I WANT STABILITY.
SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT TO DO SO I CAN DO IT CAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING AND IT'S DEPRESSING ME.

woe

2011-04-27T17:56:00.001-04:00

is me.

the dr will see you

2011-04-19T17:31:00.002-04:00

We had ltm yesterday and principal also used that time to do student reviews and discuss retention. Althoug all my children are on or passed grade level, I have one who I worry will crumble in 1st grade b/c he can barely keep up in kinder. Yes, he's reading on grade level but there's so much more to it even though her ass bases it solely on reading levels (yet when I wanted to retain a child who didn't even know all his letters, let alone words on a page, it was a big deal. This is what I'm talking about.)

We do student reviews and then she hits me with the "how do you feel abt another grade?"
"Hmm, I'll do 1st or 2nd"
"No, intermediate."
"Ew, no thanks. I won't be comfortable there"
"Why, cause of your size?"
*FACE* followed by the most piercing look I've ever delivered
"Um, we are BOTH petite women. Size has nothing to do with ANYTHING."
"Then what's the problem?"
"I'm a primary teacher. It's what I've done and I love."
"Well, what did you teach at the school you wanted to get back to?"
"The one you wouldn't release me to? 2nd grade, 3rd grade for 11 days."
"Ok, just throwing it out there."

Mind you, we're having a staring contest and neither one of us has blinked or looked away. Icy italian blue, meet African Pride black. (Yeah, that was a bit corny but it sounded good in my head)

While holding my glare, I get up and say, "well reviews are done. Thank you." and I walk out.

Then I go to my classroom and throw anyything I can get my hands on.

thoughts

2011-04-06T22:53:00.002-04:00

i don 't think i'm the marrying type.

i'm the "beautiful dress, fabulous cocktail party, glamorous pics, and lots of gifts to open" type person. (GHoGH)

i think i will end up being a serial monogamist and I am okay with that.

i think i will go half on a baby, not purposefully but if it happens, no worries.

i think there are two of my friends who are on board with me on this path.

if it's just not right, i don't think i can do it.

timing
temperament
taste

put on a happy face

2011-03-30T09:46:00.002-04:00

While I was going thru my personal turmoil, honestly for WEEKS now, never once did anyone say, "Hey Ms. K, you seem off. Are you okay?" Not that I was looking for that cause I really don't want people all in my business but, Dani said it plainly one day on GChat. "You're too put together." Being a woman, I think we feel like we have to keep it moving, put on that happy face and pretend like everything is okay when in fact it is not. I def don't want my class to suffer as a result of what's going on in her personal life but is Ms. K suffering?

Something like Katrina had to happen for my gates to finally come crashing down. I.broke.down.in the school elevator yesterday. I was tired of pretending everything was ok or was going to be okay. I crumpled up in the corner and bawled. Luckily, no one needed the elevator at the time so I had a few precious moments of cleansing cry before the second floor beckoned. The door opened and a parent walked in. "Oh Ms. K, are you alright? I've never seen you like this, you're always so happy!" I wiped my tears only to start crying again when I replied, "no I'm not ok. I'm very unhappy right now. My personal life is a mess but you know what? I will be ok. I have to be."

2011-03-29T15:02:00.001-04:00

It all stems from her. Every issue an complex.
She is here at school telling me what to do.

the unhealthy way

2011-03-29T09:49:00.002-04:00

Those of you that know me know I don't deal with issues. I avoid them in hopes that they will go away. In highschool, instead of breaking up with someone, i'd ignore them and eventually they got the point. The issue with his parents was one that I didn't ignore but did at the same time. I ignored it when I realized progress in whatever form was not going to happen. But then I brought it up only to pseudo ignore it again.

Just this past week, not even a full week since an exposing of intentions and feelings, I THOUGHT we made some headway. I got excited and felt a little flutter of excitement. Ignored the blatant fact and realized yet again, I've been assuaged. Oh, but I tried to make it seem like we have a resolution when in fact we didn't. We had a better, and honestly unchallengeable excuse. I say excuse b/c it could've been easily shared and these years of limbo could've been saved. The physical reason, meh. The reason why you kept that, no way.

Yesterday was what happens when you avoid something for too long, when you deal in an unhealthy way. It doesn't go away, it waits for the right moment to rear its ugly head.

fin

2011-03-29T07:37:00.002-04:00

it's finally over. not how i wanted but over nonetheless.

i def created the biggest mess of my young life. messier than trying to get myself out of academic suspension. that was nothing compared to the pain i put someone i considered my best friend thru. what happened? i stopped feeling. i got numb. you may even say i stopped caring. i cant help that that was how i felt but i couldve and shouldve handled how i dealt with it.

I didn't tell him I've moved on. Why? I thought that deeeeeeeeeep inside, we better yet, I could feel the love again. Not love, I do love him but PASSION again. I simply just wanted to be his friend. I've felt this way for some time. Now I don't think we'll ever be friends. The love wasn't what it used to be and passion was gone but the respect should've stayed the same. And THAT'S where I went wrong. For that, I am truly sorry beyond words.

possible new diggs

2011-02-05T15:40:00.002-05:00

check me out over here. it's like twitter with more toys. thanks, Kisses & Cupcakes for putting me on.

http://erudioergo.tumblr.com/

"No, you don't understand...

2011-02-03T16:38:00.003-05:00

...I neeeeeeeeeeeed to meet your parents."

It's common knowledge that as soon as my sister graduates from college (possibly grad school), my parents will be on the next thing smoking to Ghana. Okay, not IMMEDIATELY afterwards but as close as possible. Seeing how she's graduating a year early and jumping right into grad school, I can see them being in Ghana Sum 2013.

(they'll be the equiv of snowbirds... 3/4 of the year there, 3 months here)

It is for this reason (and a few others) that I've been wanting to meet DFB's parents. My parents won't be here in a few years. I'm a totally okay with that cause we've known forever they will retire "back home". But I what about my new set of parents that live two exits away from me? Can I see them from time to time? If not, let me know STRAIGHT UP.

And there in lies the REAL problem. For as long as I've been with DFB, I know I've addressed meeting his people. His response is always, "Yeah, ok." or "Soon." or something "safe" that leads me to believe I will one day meet his parents SOON. It's been four years dating and eons as friends. WTF, dude? I sooooo would've rather you told me, "They are not comfortable with my decision to not be with a Jewish girl so until they come around, don't plan on meeting them." DONE! No speculation, no limbo, I would've known where I stand and why I stand there! How you found yourself...protecting me...(?) didn't work cause now I'm more upset WITH THIS RING ON MY HAND. Do you know how foolish I feel never meeting the family of the person I am going to marry? Especially when he has been telling me I will meet them?

As friends? I guess.

As a dating couple? I let you push it under the rug.

As an engaged couple? No mas.

I canNOT go any further. Your definition/perception of soon and mine don't meet. I cannot and will not set myself or our future children for failure. I grew up with no grandparents. Not fun. They might as well not even exist to me. I can google my grandfather; great, the whole world knows what I know abt him, FACTS and STATS. No personal stories or ties to any of them. Is that going to happen in the next generation? A set of grandparents who are nothing but ghost stories told by Dad? Do they even exist? Can we see them?

"Soon."

i'm still alive

2011-01-20T23:37:00.002-05:00

i love being in the black.

i haven't had to dip into my saings acct (see: other checking acct) since before christmas break. i am very happy abt that and can't wait for my savings acct to grow as a result.

i moved out. the utter foolishness that resulted towards the end of my trip to denver just pushed me over the edge. more on that later.

seeing my sister's natural hair has me considering going natural again. yeah, no. it's not my thing. but i would like to go longer between re-touches so I will figure something out in 5-6 weeks.

y'all, make sure you're ready to get married. it's not just getting a ring, having a ceremony and then everything is hunky-dory. I thought I was ready but I realized I wasn't. and there is the HUGE issue of family that DFB and I have YET to tackle. I can't believe it's this hard. As usual, I waver between not giving a fluck and losing my ever living mind abt it. but really, I just need some closure on the subject, either way will be fine.

I need to start planning next school year NOW. No more waiting till summer. If only I know where I want to be in 7 months, grrrrr.

so i'm an aries now? Psssssch. that's the last sign I want to be.

I'm getting back into cooking. I've very excited about it

last but not least, I do miss DFB. very, very much.

2010-12-31T07:26:00.004-05:00

He usually comes over in some basketball shorts and shower shoes.
Has on one of his thousands tall tees that foote locker should be fined for "inventing".
He usually doesn't do anything for Christmas, no matter how I feel about the day .

On Christmas night, he came rocking a long-sleeve Polo similar to one I got him last year.
Some dark rinsed jeans that weren't skinny and def not baggy, just right.
Some COGNAC colored meve stadden dress shoes that look AMAZING on his size 14 foot
And he brought 12 gifts for the 12 days of Christmas.

Why I gotta be out of your life for you to get right?

Here's to a year of "get right". For both of us.

Christmas Menu

2010-12-24T18:35:00.003-05:00

When Lyds sprung the menu decision on me, I had no idea where to even begin. I turned on the tv and Robin Miller was making a quick fix meal of turkey tenderloin.

Hmmmm, so we can have turkey without the big bird to-do? I'm there! She had hers with a mango lime dressing which I will be making as well.

Now we love us some ham so a brown sugar glazed one is on deck.

then the sides

green beans sauteed in garlic, EVOO, and butter
shallot smashed potatoes
cornbread stuffing
yellow rice (Africans gotta have their rice!)
fresh shucked white corn with orange and red bell peppers
spring mix salad

I's excited!

Cray-Cray

2010-12-23T09:09:00.002-05:00

Why does the season bring out the crazy in people?

Why did someone I'm related to get so far out of pocket, all I could do was blink?
Then when I called my bestie to vent, I didn't even have words.

Raise your hand if you own a house? *hands in pocket* Raise a hand if you WANT to be your own landlord right now right now? *sits on hands*

I'm not ready to be responsible for ANYONE but myself right now.

How come the Christmas dinner menu was just sprung on me and my sister? So in other words, me? I'm not sure if she's improved since she left for college, but last I checked *MICROWAVING*... *TURKEY* bacon... (yes, that awful combination) doesn't count as cooking. *shudder*

Why is someone else I'm related to PRESSURING me to call DFB over so we can "talk things out"? All the talking has been done; don't you get too far out of your pocket now...

All I want for Christmas is... semblance.

Holiday!

2010-12-17T17:57:00.004-05:00

Today was the last day of school before winter break! Much needed rest and relaxation on deck! Well, starting after tomorrow cause unfortunately, I have a funeral to attend.

The woman we called Grandma (b/c ours are, you know, in Ghana... and don't speak english.) passed away last week and her service is tomorrow morning. When I got the news, I asked my mom if she told my brother. He doesn't take bad news very well and of course, I was feeling for him. In addition, he took to Grandma Mc more than my sister or I did. During his turbulent middle and high school years, he would go to her house and decompress. Then that Sunday, she'd wag her fingers at the family and tell us "not to mess with [her] Stanley". *sigh* I'll be fine, I hope he will be, too.

Now the next thing I'm going to share with you canNOT, CANNOT be shared with anyone else! Do not come on my FB page and mention it, don't tweet, don't drum, don't pass no notes, NADA! It is a surprise and I am beyond excited about it and I will be sooooo mad if one of y'all hoes ruin it! How? I don't know the world is small.

I'm going to Denver for New Years.

Yes, I will be in COLOfuthermuckingRADO at the end of this year and the beginning of next year! How outrageous is that?! And how random?! If you know me, you'd know I have moments of impulsiveness and buying a plane ticket last Sunday was a moment! I text a homie, "what are y'all doing for NY?" and he said, "drinking." "Can I join you?" "... ... HELL FUCK YEAH!"

I bought my ticket and that was that!

Now here's where the surpise comes in. Homie is married to my friend. She was a kinder teacher who up and moved two years ago. She.has.no.idea. she thinks HIS friend is coming to town! She will PISS herself when he sends her into DEN to get Phil but I'm standing there with the biggest poop eating grin!! OMFG, I soooooo can't wait!

Now you see why you can't say isht on FB? I'm at the point where I'm ignoring her calls cause honestly, I'm not good with secrets. I love sharing what's going on with my life with y'all! And this is def shareworthy! But don't say NUFFIN till the 31st :-)

This year, I have most of my presents done. I have a feeling Jameil will get hers before the New Year! HAHAHAHAHA! Now I just need to physically get mom and dad's. Half the battle was done when I figured out what to get them. Yaaaaay!

Is that it? I really don't have anything else to share! Happy Holidays!

Dear Santa

2010-12-11T07:15:00.003-05:00

Hey Homie!

How you been? Tis your season! Don't work to hard but please see that I get something from my list. I've been very good. At least at work, I've been. Personal life? Don't hold "heartbreaking" against me :-(
So here's my list!

A pair of flat brown boots. Steve Madden has a pair called Internn that I think I like. 7.5 please.

Headbands. I don't like flowers/blossoms. I like bows and stones. Feathers are cool, too. Big band, skinny band, doesn't matter.

Books. Off the top of my head, I want 'Rosencr.antz and Guildenstern are Dead'. That play was so hilarious to me! I can also go for 'Death of a Sales.man', 'Christ Stopped at Eboli', 'The Meta.morphosis', (hardcover preferrably)and any Eric Carle book you like to add to my classroom library.

Thank-you for sending your elf, Jameil, to get me every season of SATC and the movie! OMG, some of the best times in my condo were spent watching hours of that show at a time. You're never alone when Carrie, Miranda, Sam, and Charlotte are around!
Now even though I heard it was hor-ree-blay, I would like SATC 2, just to complete the collection.

While on DVDs, I need MJ's "This is It", all seasons of Gossip Gurl, and seasons 2+ of NipTuck. Oooooooh! GON HEAD AND THROW...damn, what's that vampire show I got sucked into watching this summer...? TRUE BLOOD!!i I WANT TRUE BLOOD ON DVD!

J-Zee's catalog, 808 & <3breaks, Nee-Yo's catalog.

Anything from VSPink that's FAMU or Dallas Cowboys related :-)

What I Learned from Him (1)

2010-12-05T14:29:00.003-05:00

i just went to the laundry room to start my second load of laundry and I saw some camo peeking from under a basket. I bent down and saw it was the 'hot weather cap' from PVC C. L. WHITE.

Wow.

he was my first boyfriend at FAMU. He was my (equivalent of a student leader) tour guide during TOPS (total orientation for parents and students) who caught my eye. 6 foot, 230? I'm there. We started dating at the end of the first football game. Yes, he asked me out old school style at the end of a football game. LOL, it was actually cute.

What led to our demise was another woman. I think I was actually "the other woman". I remember that spring 2003 day, I was truly heartbroken cause I couldn't believe that someone would NOT treat me the way I had been treating them. I take the "Golden Rule" very seriously!!

Whatever the case, he was Army reserve and activated in Feb 2003. Went to iraq and everything. made it back in one piece only to die on the operating table.

Yes, he is dead.

I have an ex who is no longer with us.

When he got back from Iraq, he went back to school, crossed Que and was seemingly back to normal. With a combination of not (having to) tak[ing] care of himself and medication many of our vets are put on to re-acclimate them to civilian life, C. L. was a candidate for gastric bypass surgery. It was on the table the world lost him. Not on the front lines, not from an IED or suicide bomber. Here in the States.

Holding his hat for the first time in some years, I was flooded with the memories we shared. They were good at first and I only wish we ended on a good foot cause I really liked his family and they loved me. We talked about the future (I believed him) and I saw a future with him. What shook me as I put on his hat like I used to do Fall 2002 was "What If...?"

What if we jumped on that marriage before war bandwagon and wedded before he was deployed. I'd be a widow.

What if I was still in the picture, even as a friend to tell him, "C Dub, let's go for a run."

What if...

I told you this story cause there is someone I love DEEEEEEEAAAAARLY who is overweight. Yes, it's Drew. He's beyond the range I like. By 20+ pounds. I don't want him to be on someone's table and not make it. During our time apart (yes, we're taking break) I told him what I'm going to do and he asked, "Well what should I do?"

Work out. Not just for you, for me.

the unspoken rift

2010-12-01T00:22:00.003-05:00

we're at a standstill.

ummm, i really don't know what is going on. i know i've expressed how much fun i'm NOT having and the feeling is getting stronger. things have changed. what was not awesome before seems to be magnified. such a weird dynamic.

and it's beyond the reality of a day hitting. the reality of forever is what's getting me.

on one hand, you say, "everything in due time"

but something in the back of my head is SCREAMING, "it took too long"

*hangs head*

Random Thoughts

2010-11-16T07:25:00.003-05:00

The one thing I like abt my cycle is how my cup size goes up. I'm like a good A.5 right now. Looks hot in the v-necks. Too bad I don't feel that way.

While on the topic, is it safe to leave "artillery" (what I call fem products) in the car? The heat won't denature anything? I don't want asbestosis on my lady parts.

And STILL on the topic, why did I go to the master bathroom and find a box of liners from 1982!?!?!?! Kanye said it best, "put that p^$$* in a sarcophagus"

So one of my fave homies works for NAS.CAR and got me and Drew access to the last race in the series (Homestead). I have no idea what we got ourselves into. I do want to go and check it off my hypothetical list of things done in life. (Attend a NASCAR race). I do wonder what Craig Mack would do in my case...

The commericals with a random man (dos xx and oldspi.ce) are too funny! We need more anonymous people.

My class makes me want to have children. Seriously, when I work one-on-one with the babes, I marvel at their little brains working and making connections. the lightbulb makes everything worth it :-)

Guess who's the sponsor of the new and improved Cooking Club??? Yeah, another teacher pestered the hell out of the principal and she brought them back. Yesterday, we made carrot-banana bread. Yep, me and 24 2nd-5th graders! Nope, I've never made it before that day. They came out ok!! Possibly too much stirring but you can't ask children not to stir!

I had a talk with Lyds. I think everything should... *fingers crossed* be ok planning wise. All my favorite girls are on board and I'm chipping away at ceremony/reception sites! I's getting excited! Esp when Jam decides to come down! Aaaaaaaah!

Drew said his parents will prob be at our wedding. You have no idea how happy I was when he said that! Now let's schedule a meeting between now and June... Baby steps?

My hair has lost its mind. But, it's getting done tomorrow. I can't wait. No more depending on bobby pins to hold together my self esteem.

Yo, that dress I wore this past Saturday? Straight up disrespectful. It mocked me. I felt like sophomore year after spring break when ALL my jeans and underwear happened to shrink in the dryer... bastards. I swore up and down it was the super hot dryers fault... till my roomie pointed out my face did the opposite of shrink, Texas bitch. I'm kidding (abt calling her a b!. She was one of the nicest people at HU!)

Football was good to me this week. Cowboys won, Giants lost, steelers lost, Vick/Eagles (mostly Vick) won. Dude straight up solo gang banged the Skins. How do you want it? I'll run it, I'll pass it, I'll hail mary it, how you want it? I got it. Gimme dat.

Even though I have two different dress styles in mind, I'm going for the fun party look. Sheath says, "demure". It doesn't say "fun". My brother likes the one I like too! He's so cute, he told me about a nice wedding he saw where I'm thinking of wedding... awwww!

Whyyyyyyy, is there a lady at school who prints out everything she's doing for her daughter's wedding (april 2011) for me? And she asked what size I am in case I was close in size to her daughter who got married last October. Ummmm, thanks but no thanks?!

Who can't wait for Thanksgiving break??? I can't wait for T-Break! even though I know it's going to be some madness...

I'm out!

What am I 'posed to be doing right now?

2010-11-10T05:54:00.003-05:00

Again, I thought I'd be having more fun at this time...

I DO however, have a renewed vigor in planning b/c Ricardo is back! I get it from my daddy! His energy is what I need right now, not Lyds faux martyr approach of "not wanting to get in the way"... really? You usually are very imposing ANY OTHER TIME...

Dani Colored Glasses helped me find some dresses online. I LOVE her immensely for that cause in case you don't know I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!!! And the MSW checklist said I'm behind on EVERYTHING! Makes me not want to go back and see what a failure I am :-(

This weekend, I'm going to a jewelry party and possibly a bridal store with the 10-10-10 bride whose BMs were everything I wanted. Their dresses and jewels made me so excited! Lyds was like, "Calm down!" I think I was jumping up and down a little bit, while you playing...

So Drew's neighbor is a photog; an AWESOME one with whom I've spent HOURS talking to abt the art and can spend hours not talking at all, just admiring his work in albums and on his walls, right? I'm going to ask him to take our e-photos. I'm hoping... *fingers crossed* he will find it in his heart to gift us e-party and wedding day shoots!!!!! HAHAHA!

MSW says I need my website up and running. I asked DCG's lil sis who did hers and it's the same person who did their photos... can I just get her to be my web mistress? I mean, the photos were great but I want to ask Drew's neighbor for photos and Chelsea for web techniness. Drew's neighbor JUST got a cell phone... and JUST got a digital SLR. I don't think he's doing websites.

Another photo op, a teacher I used to work with is married to this guy... ummm, HELLLLL YEAH!!!! I am a fan of his wedding port, but not the biggest fan of his e-photos... how does that work? Whatever the case, photos are a big deal so I'm doing my research on that!

Speaking of e-photos, I asked the boy if he wanted to do them,

D: (hesitantly) "Do you want to?"

Me: (matter-of-factly) "Don't answer a question with a question. Yes or No?"

D: (whiny) "Daaah, I don't want to do anything! But if you want to, we will."

Me: (terse) "Whatever."

So I thought having free reign would be fun... it's not.

Tricks or Treats

2010-10-31T09:38:00.002-04:00

Next year, I'm finding someone's party to be at! Halloween could've been "funner" if there weren't so many gosh darn people in one place! OMG, I PROMISE all of WPB and half of PBC was Downtown last night for MoonFest! It was LITERALLY shoulder to shoulder EVERYWHERE! Is it really looking like the club on NYE right now?!?! Wow.

So we spent most of the time standing on a bench looking for RJ. Of course with a quarter million people in one place, your phone doesn't know what to do with itself... the only saving grace was I'm okay with being a people watcher and there were people to watch!

There's this one guy I SWORE was Trick Double but one of the girls Tish and I were with said, "Naw, that's his look." I still think he was TDD. I love Trick so that was a treat!

White people love Halloween like no other. They come up with some costumes!! Someone was a polaroid and taking pictures with people! when you saw it on your camera, it was plain genius! Treat!

I saw a beer pong table. I saw jerzey shore cast, I saw Dexter and various super heros. I saw a Spartan ARMY... yes, a legion of guys with skirts, breastplates, and different weapons/helmets. Sexy! Treat, Treat, Treat!

Every time I saw a good looking firefighter, I asked if the chick behind him was his girlfriend and if he said no, we took a picture. Treat!

Then there were the non-dressing scrubs who were like, "Ay! I'm on fire! Put me out!"

*blink*

You're so clever.

Or not.

Most black guys did NOT dress; and if they had something, it was a scream mask. really? Scream? from 1996? Not even jigsaw?? Waaaack.

And if our sistas felt festive, they put on some cat ears with a bodysuit. Why does it have to be the sloppiest looking chick in the onesie? Whyyyyyyyyyy?? I saw leopards, cheetahs, and panthers that should just be put down.

That's a quote for the books.

I think we would've had more fun if there was liq in our system. I'm just not a drinker like that and I had horrible drinks the night before. I can't believe I attacked Halloween sober but you live and you learn! I hope everyone had fun night, whether it was hanging at home or on somebody's street! Trick or Treat!

Randoms

2010-10-28T17:37:00.003-04:00

I know you guys think I'm kidding, but I really do wonder what Craig Mack is doing right now and like I did on Twitter, I do wonder, "What Would Craig Mack Do?". It's soooooo random but he was the first victim of Diddie so I worry about him :-(

i've taken up to running. I would rather do conditioning (the whole nine; weights, sprints, balance, agility, etc) but seeing how I don't play an organized sport for a university, that's out. I do miss the gym and having a trainer...

speaking of working out, someone said we're going to play tennis this weekend. If not, I'll continue to get my solo run on.

i've started waxing again. It's amazing to not have to worry about unwanted hair for 3 or more weeks at a time!

we've narrowed it down. Summertime. LAWD, be a cold front!

who here knows how I feel about deadlines?? Planning a wedding doesn't mesh with me... all I know is I want dark pink fabulousness. oh yeah, and a gray dress.

School isn't fun right now. I don't like pressure... I'ma flip out one day...

the political ads that simply DOG the opponent piss me off. I tweeted about one that was simply, "If you like Barack, you'll LOVE (gov candidate)." are you freaking serious?!?! THAT'S what we've come to!?!? and you know there are STUPID people out there who don't know what the fluck is going on but now know NOT to vote for someone cause an ad used psychology on they dumb asses!!!

woosah.

when a person pisses me off to no end, I call them a ninja and I qualify it with their race. "I know this white ninja did NOT ignore my question!!!!!!!!" yes, I've called DFB that a few times. One time, to his face.

I have a grown up costume for Halloween this year!!! I thiiiink, you can click my 'pix' tag and see what i wore 4 years ago. It was not a game!

My favorite ex and I keep in contact. We are the only other person each other knows who loves MJ as much as the other does (did that make sense?). I was thinking about him this morning and guess who sent me a text? Fave ex! I then told him, "I wish we lived closer! We'd be awesome friends and couples!" He replies, "Hell yeah! More ig'nant than 50 Tyson! Y'all should move!" #ChileBoo. The next place I'm moving is to a tower overlooking somebody's water! wait, that can apply where he is... okay, next place I'm moving is the M-I-Yayo!

Art Ba.sel Miami Beach is coming! I's so excited! I LOOOOOOVE visual art!! and my last issue of W mag had a ginormous article on America's most important art show!! woo hoo, can't wait! We haven't been since 2007; that needs to be fixed asap-edly!

speaking of art, I think that adds to my LOVE of Kan. He can do no wrong in my book. People like to ride on him cause he's wearing a red v-neck with hella chains but who else would have the guts to wear that? I LOVE him for that!!! Just cause you're in "hip hop" doesn't mean it has to be jeans and timbs/af1s, stop with the pigeonholing. although I didn't like the song he did on SNL, i LOVED the performance. so simple!

nevermind, people just think you drank the Ye kool-aid if you like what he does. real talk, he's up there with Barack. DON'T TALK ABOUT MY PREZ OR MY 'YE!!

I plan on getting WBW this weekend. We know what happened last time I did that... I found myself an(other) WB admirer. a marine one. BTW, we google chat once in a while... bless his crazy heart. I told him I was engaged before I put it on FB and he said I broke his heart. *snickering*. You're doing the most right now. THEE.most.

I'm ready for my hair to be long again. It was growing like wildfire when I was in the salon every 10 days... but i can't be spending money on frivolity anymore! I gots to put some away for you know, that thing I'm having sometime in the summer... LOL!

Is it too soon to try on dresses? Jam and I are ready to fly to NY and stop by kleinfelds. Anitra, we'll layover in DC and you're coming with. Dani, meet us at 133rd and White Plains. *BREAK!*

Chic-fil- a made me feel better after my trying afternoon that included ig WW, data entry, unsupervised children, and CRYING.

I don't do crying.

Today should've been Friday.

Another Page in K.I.R.

2010-10-27T17:49:00.003-04:00

Keeping It Real

I thought this time would be filled with me tasting cakes, playing in chiffon, and comparing shantung fabrics.

It's not.

I'm in a funny place. From my previous post, you know "we" have some family issues that have been discussed but not really resolved. Now that a wedding is in the future, the topic of them is sure to send someone off the deep end. I already feel like I'm walking on eggshells with him.

But then there's my side. My side who came out in surprising DROVES for my brother's wedding. My side, who when I called with the news of my engagement, was already planning for a trip to south florida (and that's without a date). My mom's sister in Strong Island, her sister in UK... my dad's brothers in BX, VA, and So. Fla who are THEE most excited.

THEEEEEE.most.

I'm the oldest grandchild on my mom's side so I really think my grandfather will make an appearance (from Ghana)... and my British cousins on both sides.

Then there's friends, family, classmates. I'm not having fun trying to figure out how to pull off something both of us will appreciate and keep my sanity.

The wedding websites overwhelm me. So much to do!

I'm over bridal mags. The last two I bought were underwhelming (Brides and MSW). I found a couple dresses I like, (two silhouettes, ball gown or sheath) so I just have to try them on and keep it moving.

and then of course there's life. You know, bills, work, immediate family... *sigh*

She's cool one minute, not awesome the next. Where's my daddy?

How do bride-to-bes do this? Life has to go one while you plan this ONCE IN A LIFETIME event!

The Un-Fun Side

2010-10-23T09:50:00.003-04:00

I went to church for an event and talked to the priest about my engagement. It wasn't a formal thing, just he was sitting beside me asking why I wasn't in church on Sunday and I showed him my ring. He beamed and excused me but expected me next week. Happy, Happy Joy Joy. he asked for a date and of course I don't have one yet but then Lyds (on my other side) said, "Well they won't be getting married in church, he's a Jew."

Damn.

Drew told me 'jew' isn't necessarily bad, but saying someone is 'Jewish' is better than calling them a Jew.

Father said, "That's not a problem. I've co-officiated a Jewish-Christian wedding. But you do know his parents have probably disowned him right? And what are you going to do about your children? How will they be raised? Are you converting? Is he converting?"

"We've talked about his parents and Drew has made his decision a long time ago. Children will be raised in an Episcopalian church b/c he doesn't go to temple, he was just born Jewish."

"Okay! As long as you know!"

Yeah, I do. Thanks for bringing it up.

Thursday, I spent the afternoon and evening at my brother's house. We all were excited about my engagement but of course, the tone turned serious when his family came up.

"So how are his parents taking it?"
"They aren't."
"So they won't be at your wedding?"
"Probably not"
"And what about the engagement? What family will he have there?"
"Maaaybe his sister who lives down here, but he says she's crazy and I think she's a little upset Drew made his decision whereas she listened to their parents and stopped dating her non-Jewish guy"
"Damn. That will be weird not to have your parents at your wedding. They've known about you so what's the problem?"
"I'm not and never will be Jewish. *shoulder shrug*"

It's like I'm so excited and floating but then reality SMACKS me in the face.

Drew and I have addressed the family issue. Of course I haven't shared our convos with everyone else but it always takes me for a loop when people bring it up. And because people don't even know he's NOT black and damn sure don't know he's Jewish, when they find out, the questions I myself had to finally ask, re-hash the feelings of deserted-ness.

How weird will that be to have a beautiful ceremony followed by a wonderful reception and his family is noticeably absent? I'm feeling for DFB right now. I have my ginormous family in full support and he has no-one.

First Day

2010-10-19T20:57:00.004-04:00

Due to all the excitement, i didn't go to bed till 4am. And in true to Adei fashion, I woke up sometime before 8a. caught up on twitter, emails, sent out more emails and texts, watched MikeNMike. Drew was knocked out after two shows and the nerves of proposing. He finally woke up around 9am and we decided we'll get breakfast on the water after running a few errands. Errands done, we take the long way to get to Hollywood Beach by driving thru the neighborhoods. I felt like we were little kids dreaming of the day when we could live in a "mansion".

We had breakfast on the water and decided the nap we were going to take was going to be epic. Go home, nap, wake up and decide I need a case for my new iTuch. To the aventura mall it is! Apul store is of course bananas so we just walk around. I tried on a couple dresses Drew saw in window displays at maxStudio and Barney's... DVF has a leather jacket i NEED in my life!! We pass wet seal and the window display has a racer girl costume! OMG, I wanted it but saw they had female prisoner, two kinds of Ms. Officer, french maid (how original), firefighter, bar wench, etc. I try on the racer girl, the prisoner, and the firefighter. Drew LOVED the same one I did so I got it! I'm wearing it to a Halloween party this Friday!!!!! Pics coming soon!

We walked some more, decided Bebe is more miss than hit, there are a lot of high end latino shops in the mall, and we should look at apartments...

!!!!!!!!!!!

We check out a couple towers that look absolutely amazing!! When I say check out, I mean drive-by, lol. We also decided to get oysters in Brickell for happy hour so we weren't trying to do any tours. Who wants to live here!?!?!??! *RAISES HAND!!*

We make it to HH and are debating on half off sushi rolls or half off bar food at a high end bar. Oysters trump toro so we go to the River. The bartender gets Drew a Toddington and I order a white russian, mine was AWESOME! We then get the oyster po boy sliders to start...

heaven

on

earth.

Soooooo cementing my want for an apps only reception!!! O.M.GAWSH those things were amazing!!! We contemplated ordering another plate (there were only 3) but decided to start on the oysters.

We've already had fanny bay and kumamoto so one to the next ones. We like east coast (bigger, saltier) more than west coast (smaller, sweeter) but are open to anything. We order three kinds, 4 each. First time down, just raw. We want to know how they taste unadorned. Cotuits from MA were SALTY as the fluck. I cringed and had to drown the next one in this cucumber wasabi dressing that is only at River. AWESOME dressing for oysters!! The cucumber is so mild and absorbent of whatever quality can be harsh.
Dabob oysters from WA were very good by themselves and even better with mingonette sauce. We converted to west coast off of that one! The lesbian couple next to us reccommended them and I thanked them profusely. On my side of the bar was a lady who Drew thinks is a high end gypsy. She was def European so I deduced Spaniard. She only eats oysters.

her explanation was fried food doesn't do her body well and it has grown accustomed to raw food so that's what she feeds it. and she drinks mingionette sauce. Yes, champagne vinegar and diced red onion is what she takes shots of. Wow.

I don't remember the names of the 3rd one or the other 3 we tried the second dozen Drew ordered. And they change daily so looking on the menu today will do me no good. I do know I got another drink, this time a Greyhound (grapefruit and vodka). That hoe bartender squeezed the liquid equivalent of a supreme into my cup and the rest was vodka. I was drunk. I was nice off the russian but by the time it was time to leave, I was wobbly. and giggly.

Drew and I make it home and I change into the gray nightgown he got me!!! Woo hoo!!! I love my gray nighty and I'm SOOOOOOOO wearing a gray wedding dress!!! He finds the aux cable and we listen to kanye's goodfriday releases from my itoones. I fall off the bed trying to rewind a line in Power remix. Yes, I was that chick who fell off the bed after two drinks. We laugh our asses off and I take to tweeting my engagement. I'm just glad I didn't make it onto FB that day cause I'd still be fielding phone calls!! Before I wrote "All my old guys know I'm the one who got away", I asked Drew if he thinks he's the one who got away from all his exes. he says, "Hell yeah! I'm a good guy!" We high five cause i think i'm a good girl for all my exes and THEN I tweet.

I'm in the silliest mood and I'm tripping myself out about the past 24 hours. Then I fall asleep! HAHAHA!

Recap- breakfast on the water, nap, window-shopping at mall, apt gazing, happy hour oysters + drinks, kanye, sleep!

Stace, Wake Up!

2010-10-17T23:41:00.004-04:00

Drew and I went to Bonita Springs for a Caribbean Fest he was playing in. It was cool, the city itself wasn't all that but we went and came right back. We got back in time to watch the rest of the Cowboys game and we were both watching, on edge. OMG, as you may or may not know, we lost and lost STUPIDLY. One of the announcers said it perfectly, "The Cowboys have been beaten again, by the Cowboys."

I was so upset at the last play that I literally put myself to sleep. Some 3 hours later, Drew starts fidgeting around, hugging me, kissing my un-wrapped head, and telling me how much he loves me, asks if I love him, who loves who more... mind you, I'm still asleep for the most part; head under the covers, fetal position. "Do you love me, babe?" "Yes, darling you know I do." "Ok, good, cause I love you too." "That's nice." I'm trying to sleep and he shakes me, "Hey, hey, turn around." "What? I'm sleeping!" "Wake up, turn around" I turn my head to face him, squinting cause i'm not awake yet, "What?????" "I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

He puts the ring on my finger and I start laughing uncontrollably! Like, rolling around on the bed, wiping tears out of my eyes LAUGHING OUT LOUD. "ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!??! ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!??! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" "So is that a yes??" "YESSSSSS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA YOU ARE TOO MUCH! THIS IS TOO FUNNY!! DAMN, I'M AWAKE NOW! Awww babe, you're too cute!!! HAHAHAHA!!"

When all the laughing was done, he told me all the different ways he thought about proposing. He thought about using other people's children, putting inside of a cake, putting it on my finger while I was sleeping... then he realized the time was right (me sleeping?????) and he went with it. I'm play-play mad my hair was all un-wrapped, nails weren't done and I was half asleep but he said that it was perfect cause I went from zero to 100 in 5 seconds flat and he actually liked that I was drowsy. Weirdo!

Then we ordered sushi as usual and ate, he left for his show on SoBe, I called my mom and Jameil, chatted with Dani and decided to blog about it!

Now what's "weird" is that I thought I'd be on every social network screaming from the rooftops, "I's engaged!! FINALLY, IT HAS HAPPENED TO ME, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE AND I JUST CANNOT HIDE IT! (I loved CeCe Pen). But I called 2 people, chatted with one, and sent out a few emails to a couple more. No tweets, no FB status update or profile picture of a left hand. I think I'm scared of EVERYONE being all in my business and I've heard the stories of people assuming/inviting themselves to your big day... no, not I.

What's also funny is that Mommy and I pored over my T&C Wedding mag yesterday morning over tea, pancakes and turkey sausage. I showed her all the pages I tabbed and we commented on likes and dislikes of every page. I've only done that with Jam and only felt comfy doing that with her yesterday. Then 24 hours later...!!!

So yeah, now the planning begins!! OW!!

I Don't Understand

2010-10-10T13:40:00.002-04:00

I don't know what's wrong. I am very happy right now. Believe it or not, I thank the Lord daily for not sending me to DC. Yeah, I was devastated when the school started but I honestly feel like this year is going better than any I could imagine. From a professional point of view, I am elated.

From a personal p.o.v., I go back and forth. I'm pretty much cool with being at home cause it allows me to take care of bills with ease. I can do whatever I want when I want to. I have a car I love and I'm doing well with, my credit score gets higher as I finish off little remnants of college, and my peoples are better (I think) than they have been in the past.

I think I'm in a good place. I appreciate where I am cause I'm sure it's where I should be.

So whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy isn't anyone else happy but me? I am comfortable in my own skin and situation, why are you "embarassed" (her words)? What haven't I done that is crushing your soul? I didn't buy a house. But I don't want a house. I really don't want to own a house right now. I don't want a lawn, I don't want HOA fees, I don't want any of the things that come with homeownership RIGHT NOW.

I don't have an advanced degree yet. Lord. Why doesn't anyone listen to me when I say I would give myself 3 years to get my tenure and then go from there? It took me 2 schools, 2 majors, 7 years to come out with something I was happy with. I didn't want to be a pharmacist. I'm sorry I disappointed you by changing my major but deal with it. I am happy doing what I do. Why can't you be happy for me?

Last but not least... fuck it. I don't even want to talk abt it anymore.

Cheaters

2010-10-10T04:55:00.003-04:00

Have you ever watched that show? Why is it so hilarious? But at the same time so sad? I'm wondering if I could've been on an episode...

So you know I have a crusher. That's my term for someone who crushes. Yes, TM really likes me after one incident of dancing the night away and a couple games of bowling. And me being me, I don't encourage crushers but I def don't crush them either... am I an enabler??

Whatever the case, for week 3 of partying with the WBs, RJ, Tish, and I were supposed to go karaoke-ing. What ended up happening was me and TM playing pool. Yep, just us two.

Now in MY head, I don't like him like that. He's a bit off from various injuries, he's a vet, he smokes his medicine pretty much all day, he's just visiting for a month or two, etc. No reason to start anything even if I was single. Oh yeah, he has an ex-fiance and an ex-wife. Sir.

I regress. I don't like him. I don't want him. I do appreciate the attention b/c of what's going on in my personal life (will talk abt later) and I honestly just have fun with him. I see it as the beginning of a cool friendship with the opposite sex. But, I know TM doesn't see it that way and I can only imagine how DFB would see it if he was watching me on video from an unmarked van.

We shot a couple games of pool, of course he whooped my arse cause he's good at everything, he drank a mug of beer, I had water... I started getting hungry so we went to a nearby bbq restaurant. We ordered and ate and left. Then went to DD for a chocolate craving he needed to fix. Oh yeah, your boy LOOOOOOOVES chocolate. More than any guy I've ever seen. All kinds of chocolate too. o_O

We sat outside of DD while he talked abt some Marine stuff, things he did his freshman year at WVU before he joined the Corp, the fact you can give him ANY weapon whether he was trained on it or not, from bow n arrow to rocket launcher, and he can hit the target in 3 or less shots, from its MAXIMUM range (I thought that was a scary cool piece of info), talked about how he spent a whole month stalking, hunting, and trapping a top 10 villian so that was 30 he did not shower...his italian mother and his german father, etc. He found it remarkable I called him an "Axis baby" and thought I was even better cause I'm cute and smart. The whole time he's talking and stuffing his face with coffee and dough, I'm thinking, "I hope nobody I know happens to show up... that'll be fcuked up." Because I started feeling guilty abt what I was doing even though on the other side of that coin, I knew I wasn't doing anything, I got up and said, "okay, I have to go now."

My question to you readers, was I wrong? I'm on the fence with myself. My definition of cheating is surprisingly liberal and I will def talk abt that in another post cause the TM issue is far from over. But talk to me abt opposite sex friendships, can you make new ones or is someone getting set-up for the okie-doke?

Lord, Lordy, Lord

2010-10-02T16:47:00.003-04:00

Y'all thought it was over, didn't you?

So he calls to make sure I got home, I tell him I got in by the skin of my teeth and that's all I remember. No, I remember thinking, "I'm never going to be able to fall asleep, the ringing in my ears won't stop."

I fall asleep and wake up and hour later than usual (8a). I text Dani to find out when exactly Ash's shower is and I really think I was on the verge of tears when she told me it was in about 3 hours. Aww man, might don't make it. I was clearly drunk when I woke up. And I had a slight headache. back to sleep.

Woke up at 1030 and told myself I have to start getting ready for the shower. My hair was a mess cause I think TM was running his fingers thru it...? and I of course didn't wrap that ish the night before. I check my phone and see a text from TM.

"Hey gorgeous! Just want to let you know I had the most fun in a long time! You are awesome! I hope we can hang out again!"

Lord.

I eventually make it to the shower; Dani directs me straight to the OJ... I think she told me to bypass all guests and just keep walking... that OJ was the best thing that ever happened to me that day!

I get another text from TM,

"How's your day going? I hope you don't have a hangover! You were stumbling a bit but don't worry, I had you! And no-one was going to mess with you!"

"I'm barely at a bridal shower, drinking orange juice. I'll talk to you later."

I don't know when I text him but I do know the 5 of us who were at SkyBar decided we would go bowling the next Friday.

Friday rolls around, TM and I have been texting general ass texts that would NOT be awesome if I didn't have unlimited everything...

TM: hope you have a good day!

Me: thanks, you too

Friday night, RJ and I are on the phone on our ways to the alley. We're thinking, "It bets not be date night at the bowling alley... I'm sure they'd like that but yeah, no."

We walk in and it's AWESOME! Better than the alley we girls went to when Kitty was here last! The side we're bowling on had black lights and music and ish... DAMN! This looks like it'll be fun!

Matt and TM show us the lane and we get started! Apparently, Matt used to work there and is a bowling genius. Do you know what a Turkey is? 3 strikes in a row. Yeah, that was his cup du jour. TM has a gangsta arm that bowls 20-25mph and ish... Me and RJ? 8lb ball, 7mph, gutter balls. Aww man, it was so sad!! But fun at the same time cause bowling is just fun in itself!

So Matt is watching our technique and he gives us pointers,

STRIKE!!!

I GOT A STRIKE!!! I GOT A FUTHERMUCKING STRIKE!!! Awww man, I'm doing cheerleading leaps and spirit fingers, TM picks me up and throws me in the air! I yelp and he says, "Aww baby, I got you! And I don't want to let go!"

BREAK

"You know I'm in a relationship right? It says so on my fasebook page."

"I know, I'm sorry. You're just so darn cute! I just want to pick you up and hold you! And if given the opportunity, I'd make you mine. But I don't want the karma of messing up what you got."

"You don't know me. This is out second time ever seeing each other in LIFE. I've known D since high school, you know? There's history there. So we can hang out with RJ and Matt and have fun and all that and and hug here or there... but you're going to have to admire me from afar."

OMG, i'm so full.

"I hear you sweetie, any time with you is good enough for me"

and then he kisses me hard on the cheek.

RJ's like, "Girrrrrrl, that boy is in LOVE with you!"

Lordy

We've bowled I don't know how many games and I start to get hungry. But hungry for pancakes. We leave the alley and go to Denny's. That's when more info comes out.

So we know he lives in Cali and is here visiting his cousins for a month or two.

He gets medical... natural medicine, yeah.

He is SERE trained

He has jumped out of and driven any and everything you can think of.

He can most likely take out anyone in a given place

Depending on the state, he is considered a deadly weapon

He's been a part of missions that have captured Top 10 villians

oh yeah, "[he] can keep [me] very, very safe". He is TRAINED and INGRAINED to put his life on the line.

*blink blink*

Lord.

TMI

2010-09-29T17:52:00.003-04:00

Two weeks ago, RJ and I were on this, "We need to get white boy wasted tonight.". It was one of those weeks were everybody and their mother was getting on our nerves and we wanted to drink our tension away. We met downtown at the SkyBar and caught up on each other's lives. About 15 minutes in, we decide to start drinking. "I got the first round, what do you want?" I tell her to get me a White Russian and she's off to grab two. She comes back with two white boys and they weren't russian.

"Adei, remember Matt?! We went to SOA together!"

"I recognize the face, I'll have to dig out my middle school yearbook."

"Well, he and his cousin bought our drinks, yay!"

"Oh, yay! Have a seat!"

(lmao)

So introductions go around, RJ and I are sippin on really good white rush, the guys are drinking beer (duh) and the cousin starts telling a story about the Marine Rugby Team. Then I see his tatts on either arm. 'RUGBY' on one arm and the seal for the US.MC on the other. Whoa.

"So yeah, it's a pile up and all you hear is 'FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!' We get up and there's blood everywhere. Yeah, his bone broke and was sticking out. But my captain was more upset he had to miss the rest of the game!"

*cue the girly "ewwwwwwwwwwwww!"*

"Aww man, we're Marines! Recon, not desk jobs either!"

That went over my head but I knew better than to ask what that meant. I didn't feel like engaging a military man in what he does. Plus, you never know what kind of response you'll get.

We finish our drinks and Matt tells us the bartender is a... (the kind that throw bottles and cups and stuff... flamer?) show bartender AND he happens to be his best friend. "Let's do a shot!"

RJ and I look at each other and give the kanyeshrug. "Why not? We're not paying!"

I think The Marine made a dirty toast but I wasn't listening, the DJ was playing my song so I wanted to get on the dance floor. But before that happened, I got a text from Tisha saying she's on her way so we hang out by the bar for a few more minutes. Then The Marine busts into a solo dance. Loooord, look at this awkward WB...

Matt says, "You guys want another drink? The bartender is my friend!"

if he told us that one more time... I think it was his sad version of game

RJ and I look at each other and vote on a fruity drink. "Nothing with bananas and we're good." It was some kind of transparent punch drink the bartender came up with. I think there was sprite in it. Maybe it was sizzurp.

Tish shows up and gets a blue long island. More introductions and information. Come to find out, The Marine is also a martial artist, a championship swimmer, basketball player, track & fielder from West Virginia (ran against Randy Moss in high school) and computer geek. He was medically retired from the military cause he suffered too many concussions and started suffering from nerve damage. He was also getting black-out migraines. Then we hit the dance floor.

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!! Can I tell you how The Marine was dancing his ass off?!!?!? He knew the words to EVERY song and was get.ting it the whole night! Squats, dips, two steps, double time, shimmies, shakes, slow wines, cupid shuffles, butterflies, kid n play...

I was beyond surprised.

I was TRULY at a loss for words.

And then I was excited!

I hadn't danced like that since Labor Day 07 when Jameil came to visit and we did Nicky Beach!! Man!

I got thirsty, got another white russian and we danced some more. Baby Got Back came on and he cut up on the "Even white boys got to shout" part!!! LMAO!!!!! But

That's when the TMI (The Marine Incident) began.

"You are too much fun!"

"Oh I think I like you!"

"Are you okay, let me know if anyone messes with you, I'll fcuk their ass up!"

"You have a nice body!"

"Can I kiss you?"

BREAK

"Alriiiiiight, it's past 3am and I have a bridal shower to go to in a few. Tish and I will walk each other to our cars, seeyoulaterkthxbye"

They leave but I am in NONE shape to even walk down stairs. We stand and look down on the people below (lit and fig) while I try to regain some sense of ANYTHING. About half an hour goes by, we get into a little conversation with a Jamaican who was just saying all the wrong things so we REALLY decide, "Okay, time to go." I thought it was all good till I took a step. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuck, I'm white boy wasted."

Then TM calls.

Three Weeks Ago Today...

2010-09-25T12:31:00.002-04:00

I woke up very excited. It was my only brother's wedding day! MY brother who at the mention of his name, to this DAY, gets a reaction for his rep in high school and college. My dog-ass brother who met the woman that would change all that. I started thinking about what I was going to say at the reception b/c siblings of the couple were expected to say something. Then I decided to let it come from the heart when the time came.

That morning, Drew and I got breakfast at this AWESOME bakery down the street. Crawfish with two eggs, gravy, and a biscuit. So simple and so awesome. OMG, it was def better than another broken egg! So that was at like, 730am. We went back to the hotel room and took a nap. I woke up around 10a and started flat-ironing Mini Me's hair. She had some natural looking ish sewn in and it was a beast! Noon rolls around and we're just walking around. Not sure what exactly is supposed to be done... my hair is wrapped with some body from the curls my hair-dresser put in two days prior, dress and accessories are ready... ho hum.

At 145, we get a text to meet in the dressing room at 2p. That upset me cause i'm like, "damn lil... no notice!" I hop in the shower, get my things together and head down around 245. I spend the next 2 hours kind of milling around. I had JR's hair-dresser throw a bump or two in my hair and that was it. Mini-Me did my make-up, I straightened her hair some more... ho hum. I pour JR some water to make sure she stays hydrated and I pretend to be busy so the photo could get some "candids" of the maids getting ready. We realize how quiet it is in the room and I made a note to self, "have music blasting while me and my girls get ready". JR asks for some music. "What kind?" "Rap, I don't want anything sappy cause it'll make me cry". For the one and only time in my life, I suggest Plies. JR emphatically agrees! Whyyyyyyyyyy...

did her BM put on Beyonsay? DANGEROUSLY I.N LOVE IS NOT THE SONG SHE WANTS TO HEAR AS SHE GETS READY TO WALK DOWN THE AISLE!!! you're fired. I take out my phone and play my UGK station on pandora. "yeaaaaaah!"

But the hair-dresser's grand-daughter is in the room so we end up going back to Bey.

445 rolls around and we're ready to rock. I look at all of us and marvel at how pretty our dresses are. We all looked really nice in our wisteria and eggplant *tear*.

In the hallway with the guys. Take more pics. Line up in front of the french doors that lead out. Game time!

5p, right on time, we start processing. Parents, minister, brother. Then Mini Me. Then me. I smile and walk OVERJOYED at the thought of what's about to happen. I look at our side of the space and almost start tearing up. This wonderful event brought family from near and far. People from GHANA and UK came to Panama City Beach to celebrate the union of my brother to his girl. I see his friends from MIDDLE school, I see Chargers, I see Rattlers. OMG, this is so awesome.

JR is about to walk down aisle and she looks breathtaking. She.looks.like a bride. As if my eyes went to soft focus (not tears), everything became hazy in a good way.

Ceremony goes on longer than it should've because pastor was not all there. He was repeating stuff, saying the vows Stan and JR were supposed to say (TWICE!!!!!), etc. I kept on looking at Stanley's face and I know what he was saying in his head, "Come on, man." He and JR had little convos here and there that were too cute and they held each other by the pinkies! A nice little humorous break came when someone on their boat decided to play RickJames' "Superfreak".

WOOOOOOW!! My cuz from DC was beside us taking pictures and it took EV.ER.Y.THING not to look at him and die from laughter!!! I made eye contact with the GMs and they peeped. How can you cut up while standing completely still??? They did!

Sand, rings, kiss, time to go! Man & Wife!! Now it's time for pics and the reception!

Last Night's Dream

2010-09-24T06:54:00.003-04:00

I was in my room trying to turn on the light. I knew where the fan/light was but I could never reach the cord. Or when I did find the cord, it was for the fan. So I'm in my room with the fan on 3 just trying to turn on the light. The light in the hallway was on and gave enough for me to see there was a flying beetle on my arm. When I tried to kill it, the fan blew it away. I tried to lie down and there were 10 roaches on my pillow. I feel like my brother tried to come help me kill them or turn on the light but both our efforts were in vain.

I googled dream dictionary and came up with these two.

Darkness

If you dream that you are stumbling around and groping your way about in a dark room or building this is an omen that you do not have enough information about a person, place, or thing to make a clear decision. If you find the light switch, you will meet with success after acquiring understanding. A lost article will be found if you dream you were walking in the darkness.

Insects

Insects in a dream always represent obstacles that you must overcome to reach your goals, if you manage to exterminate them or they are not bothersome to you then you will meet your obstacles with strength, and be able to overcome them. Insects also represent excessive worry over certain things, meditate to find out what they might mean to you by using all the symbols in your dream for reference.

Two Weeks Ago Today

2010-09-17T17:46:00.000-04:00

Drew and I woke up and headed to breakfast some 13 miles outside of Tallahassee. As I was driving to what was very close to the Georgia state line, I thought about the one time I drove out this far (and not cross into GA). It was for the very first champagne sip y'all have heard me rant and rave about.

Spring 2003, blah, blah, blah, you know the deal. White Boy Wasted before Gucci, yada, yada, yada. What really struck me was how long a drive Kitty and I had to make DRUNK. Yo, what the hell did we think we were doing? Not only were we driving from Bumbafcuk, but it was dark with barely any lighting and WE WERE DRUNK! Man, I was feeling that drive in broad daylight after a good night's sleep! It was only by the Grace of God did we and other party patrons made it home without any incident. Now if there were subsequent incidents that popped up... say 9 months later as a result of the aforementioned debauchery, that's on y'all!!

So we did breakfast. Blackberry grits are THEE best I've ever had! No more savory grits for me! I'm all about the sweet! Drew got a lobster omlette with a champagne cream sauce and I got a grit + crab cake with crawfish and company all on top of garlic french bread. The bread was great but I only had two bites. I try to limit my white carb intake. I've discovered I don't digest it well.

After brekky and the long drive back, I think we took a nap. Then we hit the road for Panama City Beach which depending on who you talk to, could take anywhere from 45min to 1.5 hours.

It took us 2.5 hours. Why? The way we were told to take was the 'one lane highway thru the backwoods of North Florida' way! The 'rebel flags and black nor jews are not welcome' way! Ugh, don't get stuck behind a slow moving truck or car... you know how much gas I burned speeding up to pass cars?? Not a fun thing to do. Then when we finally made it into a town that looks like Daytona's big sister who went off to college and got a little polish, it was just in time for traffic. Greeeeeat. So I'm stuck in traffic, I'm late even though I left well in advance, and guess what? We miss our turn. Well, I didn't miss the turn. My navigator missed it. You have know idea how many times we drove up and down the bride connecting Panama City and Panama City Beach... not my idea of fun. ESPECIALLY since his GPS ALWAYS flucks up.

We finally made it in time for the rehearsal and dinner. That went well; for me and Steph. We didn't talk to the other 3 maids the whole time. It was kind of the tone for the whole wedding weekend. Family kept to family. Steph and I talked, the other maids (cousins) talked. weird dynamic.

So on Thursday, I figured out I want a simple ceremony with food, family, and friends. On Friday, Steph and I discussed how everyone involved in the wedding should be friends. I can't imagine having a bridal party where the maids don't talk, don't know eachother, haven't spoken and don't speak. If y'all know me, I speak to everyone. But if I don't get as much as a head nod in passing ESPECIALLY AFTER I SPEAK...

So class, let's review!

Simple.

Friends.

Class dismissed!

One Week Ago

2010-09-09T19:01:00.003-04:00

One week ago today, my brother got "married". In front of family and friends, my aunt, uncle, and I showered JR and her family with gifts straight from Ghana. Yards of fine cloths, scarves, jewelry, gin, etc. When all was said and done, my uncle said some things and placed JR's hand in my brother's. It was finished! If we were back home, that would be the wedding and the reception would begin.

As I get older, I look more to the traditions of my family. I was so excited to be a part of the Ghanian ceremony! I was very excited to see my family and JR's family participate in this joyous event. If you knew the headache that went into just Thursday, the minute it started, you would've breathed a sigh of relief along with me. Leaving Tally on time (her fam is in Micosukee), caravanning with family that was in town, prepping gifts and speeches... and on and on! My dad was thisclose to canceling it b/c most of our family friends wouldn't be in town till the next day. I'm glad he didn't.

Another thing I appreciated on Thursday was the simplicity of the event. Family. Friends. A table for all the gifts and dinner afterwards. That's all. No bouquets and boutonnieres. No mass made dresses and rental shoes. No venue that really has no reason to charge an arm & a leg. Just what's important; family, friends, food. That's how weddings used to be but unfortunately, "we" have gotten away from that. With the advent of wedding reality shows (bachelor/ette, anything on We/Oxygen, Cake _____, etc), I feel we've gotten away from what's important: family, friends, food.

I've been saying it for a long time, but Thursday confirmed for me how simple I want my eventual day to be.

Keepin It Real

2010-08-30T18:52:00.003-04:00

cause that's just what I do!

So this weekend is my brother's wedding and Drew asked me to send him an e-mail of what to pack. I broke it down by the days and nights we would be there.

Long story short, in one of the days, I said "wear something decent, like a solid polo and either madras or seersucker shorts." He said he planned to wear jean shorts and I inadvertently went in on him.

"Drew, you can wear jean shorts whenever you want. Just not this Thursday, Friday, or Saturday. Matter of fact, I'll be nice. You can wear them on the way to NoFla and that's it." He wanted to know why not and I told him, "You can wear a faded tee and jean shorts when you're chilling. But when we're out, no jean shorts.

"Damn, so that's how you see me?"

"Noooooooo...

*damage control on 10*

I just know those are your comfort clothes but I want you to look extra good this weekend. You know I love you in those plaid shorts with your salmon polo..."

*flattery? yes?*

"Hmph."

I can't help that I'm brutally honest when it comes to clothes/style/fashion. If I love you dearly, I would want you to look your best, ESPECIALLY if I'm going to be with you. My parents are almost afraid to ask me how they look cause they know I'll keep it real!

I don't know what my mom had on one time but I told her she looked like she was going on date to a laundromat! How and where I got that imagery from is part of the "humor" in my critique but at the end of the day, it's very acute. It's kind of like when I'm on the phone and I hear noise in the background, I'll ask of some random ass situation. "It sounds like you're playing shuffleboard on your counter with a can of ravioli." is still one of my favorite deductions.

You know what, tho? I get it from my momma. I remember I bout DIED the time my dad had on some adidas tear away pants and a polo sport tee and she said "you look like the guy who follows rappers around, go change."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SHE SAID YOU LOOK LIKE A MALE GROUPIE!

So anyway, this will be the first time a lot of my family members will be meeting Drew and I want him to look his best! Can you fault me for that? *bats eyelashes*

I Do... my way.

2010-08-28T11:36:00.006-04:00

In less than one week, my brother will be a married man! Can you believe that?! I can't! I am so excited for him! I love JR for him; she def makes him a better person. He strives to provide for her. How cute is that?

So since i'm not the MOH, I don't have to make a speech, right? JR said as his sister I do. We're going to see about that!

Yo, when did it become the norm for children to pay for their own weddings? What happened to father of the bride or at least the bride's family taking care of the wedding? We need to bring back those days! I'm not even trying to do it big, I just want to do it my way and I don't want to pay for it! *hmph*

I'm talking about my wedding as if I'm even engaged. Oh well, I like talking about it so I will.

I wanted some shade of green (besides 'sage') but it's supposedly bad luck. I think it's fake bad luck and just Ghanians hating on the color green ("you will not have that nigerian green"). But now that I think about it, green is color that not everyone looks good in; it doesn't matter the shade. I don't want my maids looking sick.

Drew is so on this Vegas tip... "Let's just have a bunch of our friends go out there and we do it! And party afterwards!" I see where he's going with that but Britney.Spears comes to mind when I hear "let's just go out to Vegas for a wedding." He says it's only B.Spears when you've known the person for 3 months and get divorced less than 3 months later. Well, if a fabulous and thought out wedding can be planned out there, why not do the same... where?

MIAMI, BITCH!

did you expect anything less from me?

Again, I just want to have my homies around and we eat, chill, party. And I get married in a pretty dress sometime in between, is that too much to ask? Oh yeah, family can be present... on only one day!

Pre S.

2010-08-20T19:54:00.004-04:00

The post below is not pity party. it was just a stream of consciousness post.

"Where's #371?"

2010-08-20T19:35:00.005-04:00

I just have the most backwards "luck" with things I "speak" into existence. I just KNEW I was moving to DC and teaching there this year. But it's kind of hard to teach when you don't have a classroom or even a school to go to.

I may be jumping to conclusions but let's keep it real; I haven't heard a PEEP from anyone in DC since I posted the "Congrats! You've been hired by DCPS" post on July 29. I take that back. I got an OOO reply from 4 of the 14 principals I e-mailed.

Add this to the list of things I said I was going to do but didn't. I hate this feeling. I feel like I'm all talk and no action. I'm pissed.

Then I try to look at the "bright" side. "Everything happens for a reason," and "It's not on your time but God's time" and all those platitudes you tell yourself to make yourself feel better.

Fuck that shit.

Now I'm on this defeatist attitude like, "Why'd I even bother?"

That's what I've been on since I left DC. Ups and downs; highs and lows. I'm feeling good knowing that everything in due time, then I drive to school and burst into tears in my parking spot. I tell myself, "This is a good time to save hella money" then I think of how I would ignorantly spend money on things that would make me feel better about where I am... again.

At the end of the day, I just wish I never got in the starting blocks.*

*reference to my deep seated fear/hate of running track. although i'm naturally talented in track and field, I HATED the sport b/c of the chance I would not come in first. I would rather not run than not win.

Sittin up in my room...

2010-08-14T10:50:00.000-04:00

I feel like i rushed and didn't make line.

Day 7- Your Best Friend

2010-08-10T19:33:00.005-04:00

I have two best friends.

The oldest one is Andrew. He's been my guy best friend since we met in high school my freshman year (Fall 96). We instantly clicked and the rest is history.

My other BF is Jameil. We met at the Illustrious Hampton University. I don't remember her freshman year but I know we had University 101 Honors. I'm sure she was the loud and obnoxious one reppin Queen City or something like that. Ugh. (lol)

I think we got closer towards the end of freshman year but I know for a fact we really hit it off sophomore year. I don't even know what instance brought us together but we've pretty much been inseparable (as inseparable as people can be living in different states!! LOL) "every" since.

Hmmm, I really want to know now... we never stayed in the same dorms, totally different majors... maybe during one of my trips to the dorm most of the KDY Queens lived in (DuBois Hall), I met her thru a Queen Journ major... that has to be it!

Whatever the case, we had a BLAST sophomore year! We frequented the on campus apartments together (for cool music and movies), ran around campus together (literally. like, it'll be 2:10am and Jam and I would be running around), chased after guys together (we stayed looking for an Expo with Carolina tags! LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and partied together (remember when Amerie's sister stepped on my foot and almost got her behind whooped, calmly?). When I got over my major (Rx), I would sit in her class (also cause I had a crush on her prof) and then we'd do whatever it is sophomore girls do (I really don't remember. Go to small caf for lunch?).

Right before junior year, I ~~was abducted~~ transferred from my Home By the Sea. Jameil and I kept in touch. I think we e-mailed like crazy. Then she introduced me to Blogger and that's how we really kept in touch with eachother's lives. It wasn't until 03-04 do I really remember talking to her on the phone on a regular basis. She was always the level-headed, rational one when I got delusional in my thoughts. I really love her for not being judgmental even though she kind of comes off as being so. Let me explain.

When I was going thru straight and utter foolishness with a guy, Jameil was never that friend who was like, "Oh helllll no! You need to leave him! Why are you still with him!? OMG, are you stupid for staying? He is thee worst!" She would listen to me rationalize foolishness of why he likes me more than his other girl (smh) or even better, come up with the brilliant idea of doing to him what he was doing to me. Then she'd and say something like, "Just don't get hurt. You know it's not like you to do that so why pretend that it is?" Almost like, "If you like, I love it" (even if she really doesn't love it. as long as you're happy...). From reading her recent post abt her mom, I'm sure she got that from her (letting you make your own decisions instead of telling you what to do). Those are my FAVORITE things about Jameil (rationality and objectiveness).

Now the reason why I say she comes off as judgmental is cause she knows what she likes and what she knows what she doesn't like. If you try to get her to see your way, save your breath. Jameil's mind is usually already made up. People may take her having a strong point-of-view as judging their p-o-v but that is totally not the case. She likes what she likes and entitles you to your opinion, take or leave hers.

Jameil and I have many common interests. One of the first ones we shared was InStyle mag. We used to spend hours poring over each page via phone. Utter glee emanated when we were in the same place with our magazines! (we have pics to prove it. word? iPhoto wants to show out now. ::FACE::). We also share a love of fashion. In a split second, we can tell you what's right or wrong with an outfit. we are firm believers in accessories and "less is more"/CocoChanel's "take off one thing" rules.

We have been known to be ~~extra~~ the life of the parties (FB pics to prove it) and we can have fun in a paper bag.

OMG, do you know how awesome that paper bag party will be?! PARTY IN THE BAG! I CAN'T WAIT! AND I KNOW YOU CAN'T EITHER!

I know you just got hyped off an imaginary party in a paper bag. Admit it, for a split second you really wanted to be invited to our Paper Bag Party. It's okay, you knew it would've been all the way live!

So yeah, my BFFL! Drew and Jameil!

Day 6- Your Day

2010-08-09T12:59:00.003-04:00

I don't know what that means.

Like, my day today? or what I considered to be My Day (graduation day so far)? I'm confused. and i'm sure it's not that hard but i just want to know what 'your day' means.

I'm not in a good mood so I don't care to talk about either day. school in PBC starts next tuesday. teachers report to school tomorrow. not.happy. and not a peep from ANY of the 15 principals i contacted in DC. Wait, i got those 4 O.O.O. replies on friday, july 30.

so besides no contact, i spoke with a fellow COE classmate and she tipped me off to something i have to get taken care of but DC failed to mention to me. i'm trying not to get pissed cause i'm sure this is a lesson in patience. Did I ask the Lord for patience? I don't remember. but i do know He doesn't give you what you want, just what you need.

You know what else I'm upset about? I'm upset I am home. I.DON'T.WANT.TO.BE.BACK.ON.A.TWIN.BED.

I.AM.TOO.OLD.FOR.THIS.SHIT.

I.DON'T.MIND.VISITING.I.DON'T.WANT.TO.LIVE.HERE.

and I'll be so pissed if DC takes the 12 weeks it said to process my shit.

and I have to send paperwork to FAMU.

and I don't have that paper i took up there in June.

and moving has my mail all over the place, who knows where that form is.

i'm not happy right now.

on a nother note, my school got a A. i'm sure the principal is patting herself on the back. won't be able to tell her shit. too bad we didn't make ayp. oh well, esol students don't need to learn anyway. who cares about that subgroup.

Day 5- Your Definition of Love

2010-08-07T16:18:00.003-04:00

This one is easy for me.

My def of love is Andrew.

From the time I became cognizant of wanting to find and marry the love of my life, Andrew has been there. I used to treat every guy I dated like he was "The One" (t.o.). I used to think being T.O. meant me being supportive and seeing past B.S. I thought since I liked him and he liked me, we were working thru rough patches and I was just supposed to be patient. All the while, Drew was being my dream guy.

To me, love is respecting one another. There can't be one-way love situations. You love what the person does, stands for, and says. Conversation or thoughts aren't dominated by one side cause there is a level of respect for what the other says.

Love is admiring one another. You wake up in the morning to a smooched face slobberer and it makes you smile. You get ready for a night out and you are still amazed at how good your love looks. But don't forget a donation of 10,000 pencils to an impoverished school in Africa has been made in your name calls for admiration, too. Or together, you buy enough nets for a village to ward off malaria. Admiration of looks, no matter how scary or gorgeous and admiration of actions.

Love is also sacrifice. It can be something as small as skipping a paid rehearsal to spend time with your love. Or big like doing something you just don't want to do, like move back home. Love is also letting your love follow their dreams, even if it means being apart.

Love makes you do some things. But one thing I've learned from all my dealings and then being with Drew, love isn't supposed to hurt. Love feels good. Love feels like what you've been waiting your whole life for. Yeah, there are ups and downs but like that corny behind Luther song, "I rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else"

And you know I have a couple songs to go with LOVE.

How I Know- R Hargrove

I Got You- T Lockhart (just listen to the song, it's the only I could find)

Something About Us- D. Punk

Lady in My Life- M.J.Jackson

Life is Better- Tip feat N. Jones

Where Would I Be- Kin

Groovy Kind of Love- P.Collins (remake)

Day 4- What You Ate Today

2010-08-06T23:25:00.002-04:00

I got up at 555a and started getting ready for my trip back to SoFla. I figured I could eat something once I get to the airport for my 730a flight.

Yeah, no. Security at DCA is foolish. One person for a whole terminal?!? OMG, I was abt to cry cause I thought I was going to miss my plane!! I was ready to be back home; I missed Drew and my family.

Once I got on the plane the only thing I got was cranapple juice. I like it and thought I need to get the cans from the store.

Detroit. I should get something to eat here. Yeah, I don't want quiznos at 930a. *sigh* more juice and this time, I got pretzels.

We land, Drew is on his way, he has arrived. There are three bags in the passenger seat. One from Vicky's PINK (UM 'nalia) , one from Juicy (boyshorts), and the other was a plain brown paper bag. I SQUEAL at the sight of the brown paper bag cause I know it's sushi from my favorite restaurant in Hollywood, Nakorn. Hmmmmmmm! a shrimp tempura roll, two pieces of salmon sashimi and a ginormous tuna roll with tempura flakes and avocado.

HEAVEN in my mouth. So glad Drew thought of feeding me.

We nap, I wake up and want ice cream. Not grocery store ice cream but like coldstone. There's no coldstone nearby so we walk downtown. One place was too expensive, then I decide I want gelato. I get to the gelato place and want ice cream. I meet in the middle and get a chocolate chip gelato.

FAIL. I should've stuck with my usual strawberry & lemon but SOMEONE told me to try something new. Last time I do something like that...

We end up walking to the circle in the middle of the city and getting some lemon icee that was more water than icee. It was alright.

Now I want some more sushi. I'm going to order some from the place that stays open till 1a... hmmmmm, sushi. I would SO have a sushi reception if most of the people who'll be invited to my wedding were cool abt raw fish... oh well!!

Day 3- Your Parents

2010-08-05T15:14:00.005-04:00

My dad loves to tell the story of how they met...

Washington, D.C. 1980, they were at a party my dad's brother was throwing. All the Ghanians in the area were there. My mom had on some red Jordache jeans and my dad was hooked.

That's all I got out of them! If I ask my mom, she just starts rolling her eyes and giggling. So cute!

They were married 3 months after Pops graduated from U.Mass, August 7, 1981 (oooh! anny is this SATURDAY!). Pops passed his pharmacy board exams but wasn't finding work in a racist Boston. Enter Florida. He drove down to Okeechobee, found a job and sent for his new wife and new daughter 9 months later. A year later, we move to a growing West Palm Beach and the rest is history.

My parents are the most loving people I know. Not in a mushy emotional way, just in the simple way of how they would provide any and everything for us. I know that's what all parents are supposed to do but as I get older, I think and thank them everyday for the blessed life I have. I have no worries about anything because I know Ricardo and Lyds will have my back.

Now this is not to say it's been smooth sailing in our household. Mom and I have bumped heads for most of my life. I actually remember thinking she was my evil stepmother when I was younger and I asked Daddy if she was. I wasn't convinced when he said no. The thing with her is that she wants the best for us and becomes almost a zealot for us. She almost loves too hard. She tried too hard to protect and shelter us, especially me. She def got more lax as more children came around. Or maybe SK2 and 3 just weren't taking it from her sooner. Of course high school was THEE worst. She used to come up to school to make sure I wasn't skipping and even chaperoned my junior prom. She was the reason I didn't get homesick NAN NOTTA ONCE when I went off to college. I couldn't wait to leave and be free. Everyone just knew when I went off to school, I'd wile out, but I didn't. That's what I wanted Lyds to realize when I was home. I wanted her to know she did a good job raising me.

Pops has always been the cool parent. Mom was the iron fist and Pops was the velvet glove. But because of his easy going ways (total opposite of his dad), I felt it more rewarding to meet his expectations and make him proud. With mom sometimes, we (Stafelt like she would find something, anything wrong. And if you call her out on it, that became a whole 'nother issue.

Whatever the case, together, they make an awesome parental unit!

Day 2- Your First Love (part 1)

2010-08-03T17:40:00.003-04:00

I don't know how to respond to this one... how many first loves do we have? define first love? I'll go with my first thought to this topic. and then maybe a part 2 for the other thoughts.

My first love... music.

Are you really surprised?

I get it from my parents. I'd like to say more so my dad but come to find out, my mom has a lot of music in her background. She basically grew up in a jazz club. Her grandfather and subsequently her dad, my maternal great/grandfather were in a group called the Jazz Kings (mom's maiden name is Lamptey. It became okay for me to change my major to education because teachers are in my blood). They play the saxes. Mom told me as far back as she can remember, she and her mother would go to gigs. Mom would be so young, she'd sleep under the tables, hidden by the tablecloth. WOOOOOOW, MOM!!! HOW COOL IS THAT?!!? Grandma stopped taking her when she was 6 cause that's when the next baby (Auntie Mavis) came along.

So that's how mom contributed. Pops contributed to my love for music when I was actually around.

A major reason why Saturdays are my favorite day is that was when Pops would put records on the turn table and blast music. All the windows open "for fresh air"; jamming. The whole family (before Mini Me) would be up doing chores to Osibisa or Fela or Bob or Herbie or Isaac or Manu, Brothers Johnson, etc. Stan and I changing pillow cases and folding clothes, mom doing laundry, Pops doing the yard. Oh gosh, I remember the day on MyStace when I heard Soul Mak.ossa and it took me back to 7 years old.

*opens iToons to play song, on repeat*

I got my first turn-table when I was around 5 y.o. It was a Fisher-Price one but it played real records. I remember playing a 'baby records' (45s) like "Iron Lion Zion". Don't remember the song but I remember the title and wondering what Zion was.

So besides being inadvertent avid music listeners, the three of us children took piano lessons (I stopped when I graduated form high school) and the older two learned other instruments (clarinet and tuba for me, baritone and cello for StanKK). I went to art school in middle school for music, became the first girl to play tuba at the SOA and the high school I graduated from. My Senior Superlative was Most Musically Talented. In high school, my side hustle was teaching little kids how to play the piano.

That's it on a literal level.

Music for me is a drug. I can't not have it. It enhances my mood. When I'm elated, MJ puts an extra pep in my step. The days of trifling men and broken hearts got "Brokenhearted" (middle school) "I Can Love You" (high school) and Miseducation (college). LOL, I remember Dani text me one time, "Stop listening to Lauryn! You don't need that right now!" But she helped me! when you listen to a song enough and cried with it on repeat, you get tired of the song and the feeling associated with it. With me, it's like a light switch, "Okay, I'm over it. Wipe my tears, let's rock this." Then I play Tribe or something. LOL

My strongest memories are of course not attached to a place or scent, but to music. Right now, I'm playing Sole Makosa...

I'm seven years old on a Saturday morning, changing pillowcases. Stanley and I are running around trying to find our favorite pillow case, a khaki one with what I now know to be cherry blossoms. It doesn't matter what pillow it's on, we love that pillowcase. I got it this time. Mommy is telling us to come and start folding the clothes she just took out of the dryer. We are folding and watching The Adventures Winnie the Pooh on abc. Daddy's in the front, cutting the grass. Mommy's in the kitchen making pancakes. Big Breakfast today! I want some tea. Mommy makes me some and says I can have it when I finish folding.

Music is also what brought Drew and I together. He's a musician and an audio engineer. We became friends in high school cause we'd go to the practice rooms of the band room and play piano. Plus, we both played low brass so I sat by him. I love going to his shows and I kind of fill my photog need by being the band's photographer.

Oh, music. How I love thee. You are everything right to me in this world.

Day 1- Introduce Yourself

2010-08-03T16:03:00.003-04:00

Let's see if I can do this. Would be nice if I could complete a blog challenge, don't you think?

Well, I'm Adei. Adei means "First Daughter" and it's in the line of names my dad's family uses. It's not really MY name but it's in the first daughter "pool" of names. I could go into the whole thing with Ghanian names but that's s whole 'nother post.

Trying to give you an objective view of myself... I think being the first/oldest daughter has def contributed to my ways. If you're thinking i'm super organized and assertive and take charge, think again. I'm more hippie than alpha male. I'm rarely phased and I now know it's cause I'm the first child.

As the first child, I was coddled. On top of that, mom staying at home gave me an AWESOME foundation for learning so school has always been a breeze. So much so that I skipped a lot and even got bad grades. Not cause I didn't know the material, but b/c I

a) either didn't go to class

b) didn't do the class/homework cause I knew I'd do well on a presentation or test or paper.

Oh yeah, I figured I do well on tests too soon in life.

Another first thing with me is generation. My peeps are from Ghana but I was born and raised here in the US; cool. I grew up Ghanian (but they gipped us out of learning to speak the language). Because of that, I usually feel removed from a lot of the issues I hear regarding race and race relations in America. It's also part of the reason I made sure I went to an HBCU. I wanted a "black experience". Oh, Hampton. ('nother post).

On a lighter note, I trip Jameil out when I try to say colloquialisms or sayings. For example, I may say something like, "What's good for the goose is also good for the rooster" or "Well isn't that calling the pot a kettle!" Yeah, all wrong. Thanks, Mom!

*By the way, my mom still thinks 'Now & Laters' are called 'Now and Afters'

Because I am the first daughter, there's a lot of pressure on me to do what my parents say. Even at 28, I'm still learning how to be independent/assertive. I used to balk at my younger siblings for being so disobedient. But they were just finding their own way sooner than I was. I was used to doing what I was told or being heavily guided. I get nervous with great, massive change, especially if it comes on my own accord.

Right now, I'm in the middle of a move halfway across the country (North-South wise) and I'm nervous as all get out. My peeps weren't cool with it but now my dad is. Mom doesn't know (lol... kinda).

STAY TUNED!

Guess What?

2010-07-31T21:56:00.002-04:00

I've been hired by DCPS!

WOO HOO!!!!!!

Keep praying for me, I need to find a school who is in dire need of a kindergarten teacher!

and I know beggars can't be choosers, but I want a school that's predominantly "minority". Like, 70% black, 20% hispanic, 10% other.

what?

2010-07-23T21:42:00.002-04:00

"I'd like to call up Angela and Danielle to the front... these two ladies are spending their last Sunday with us because one is moving to New York and the other is moving to California! Let's pray for them and wish them all the best!"

*applause all around*

Our Father? Cannon? What ever he is made an announcement similar to that abt 6 weeks ago. I was beaming with pride cause Dani clued me in several weeks before it all happened and I was soooo happy to see it come to be. The other one, *shoulder shrug*. I just "feel" for the liturgical ministry we'll be missing. (sarcasm)

During the peace time of service, one of the ladies I actually like* at church scurried over to me with great concern. Her face was painted with worry as she started to speak, "Angela and Dani are leaving! You're not going anywhere, are you?"

I was touched; smiled to show my appreciation and assured her I wasn't going anywhere. "No, I'm staying right here." She gushed and hugged me. "Good."

The minute I got home, I started applying to school districts in northern virginia and Washington, D.C.

What crossed my mind the split second after I was happy someone was worried I was leaving was, "Why can't I go?" It seemed like everyone was able to go on with their lives but I have to stay where I am? No, I don't have to stay, but it was highly recommended and strongly suggested I keep the "good" thing I have going. It started with my father "putting his foot down" when he found out I was moving out last year. Then at the end of the school year, he was all with the "So things are looking good... you don't need to go anywhere. You have your tenure, why lose that and start over wherever you're going?" etc.

You already know mom was upset I moved out last year. It took me flying to Texas for interviews for her to realize I'm really moving on with my life, 3 years after she persuaded me to come home after graduation. But when I was walking down the street in Arlington, she called me and wished me the best cause she knew it was time for me to grow up. Let's see how she takes my pending move to the DMV... it seems like I always have something up my sleeve when she's gone.

Believe it or not, my brother has not been the most supportive of my ideas to move. I'm sure in his head, he's being concerned but with questions like, "So if you move but don't get a job in DC, how will you pay your car note?" (that was the latest, there were tons more when TX was on the horizon), he makes me feel like I'm a dreamer. Maybe I do come off as a dreamer cause I've been talking a big game abt moving every summer. But people don't know what goes on in my head that prevents me from leaving.

Martina said it best once, "I know you like to keep details to yourself so stop me if I'm asking too many questions...". She's right. I've learned to keep certain things to myself. Why? Cause when I talk abt it, it doesn't seem to happen. Remember all that talk of moving back to Tally for grad school? Yeah, the whole neighborhood knew abt it (I only told Stan who told his friend and the rest his history) and it was hell getting questioned abt why I was still in WPB the following school year. "Not enough students applied so they won't be having that major this year." Then the pseudo sympathetic look...ugh.

Whatever the case, despite the haters and even the lovers who really want what's best for me and think it means staying right here, I have a support group of friends near and dear to my heart who have been praying me up. I'm counting on them and myself to make this the year I do ME. I can't stay here for you. I can't help with Koko, I can't join ECW. I can't do faux long distance, I can't be a club sponsor. I can't live with my parents, I can't do City Place. I'm too big for this big village. I love you, WPB but I love me more.

* regarding the women at my church; I speak to all of them, I tolerate many, I like very few.

A Ga Wedding Story

2010-07-21T13:52:00.003-04:00

My dad made me type this up for my brother's wedding. He wants a handout at the reception where I think they will actually do this... I've seen it once on a Wedding Story YEARS ago and was geeked! I already knew the procedure but it's been a while and the refresher was cool!

The Ga marriage ceremony is where the groom’s family asks the bride’s family for the bride’s hand in marriage in the presence of family, friends, and well wishers. This ceremony as now been adopted by almost all ethnic groups in Ghana and now it is a necessary common rite of marriage for all Ghanaian couples. In Ghana today, some people perform this alone as a marriage ceremony, however most people go on to perform the Western wedding in a church in addition to the traditional marriage ceremony.

Procedure

The ceremony starts with the groom’s family “knocking” (kokooko) on the door of the bride’s family home. The groom’s family is gathered outside the house and waits for permission to enter.

- The groom’s family is given a seat with the groom in the rear of the group.

- The family is offered water to drink.

- The spokesperson of the groom announces his intentions by first asking if they are in the right house. “Is this the house of (bride's name)?”

- The bride’s family responds with, “Yes”.

- A religious official from the bride’s side prays to open the marriage ceremony

- - An elder from the groom’s side prays or pours libation for the same purpose.

The groom’s side presents drinks and presents for the bride and her family.

- The groom’s family poses a question to the bride’s family: “Is your lovely daughter free to be married to our son? She has not been betrothed to anyone, has she?” At this time, the aunties go to the back room where the bride has been and confer with her.

- They ask if she’s ready, explain how momentous the event is, and might even play a little delay tactics to make the groom, “sweat”. When they come from the room, they announce the bride is ready for marriage.

- The DJ begins to play loud, celebratory music

- The same group of women goes back to the room to dress the bride in beautiful attire. They bring her out to her family with music still playing.

- The bride’s family explains what has happened and ask if they can accept the presents on behalf of her.

- A male member of the bride’s family takes the bride hands and places them in the hands of the male leader of the groom’s family.

- He will then tell the groom’s family “we have given our daughter to you, promise to take care of her.” The male will go on to brag about the bride. “She is well fed, well educated, no scars, bumps, or bruises. She’s happy and drop dead gorgeous.”

- The groom’s family accepts the bride and also promises the bride’s family that she is in the right hands, in the right family. At this time, the male can brag about his family and their accomplishments.

- The groom comes from the back of the group and joins hands with his bride. They hug and kiss. They make rounds and greet people as a couple.

- Then the party really begins!

Sounds like a plan to me!

angst

2010-07-14T19:25:00.003-04:00

that's what i'm feeling right now. i'm in that mode where i wish i could just crawl into a black hole and hide till everything bothering me disappears.

can i be that ostrich that sticks its head in the ground? i really, really wanted to do that yesterday.

if i don't see it, it doesn't exist, right? is that way it works? no? can we make it work that way?

i don't know what's up with my psyche. i have issues. my ups and downs (more specifically my downs) are making me take notice.

are my hormones out of whack?

am i that bored that i'm driving myself crazy?

is music really that bad that i actually curse several times a day whenever i hear drake/nikki/alicia/wayne?

i want to go back to being a little girl and having everything taken care of. i don't want to take care of me anymore. i don't want to pay bills, i don't even want to work.

maybe that's what it is. that's where this anxiety is coming from. i don't know where i'll be in a few weeks. will i be in dc? i'm sure i will be but dc is not going to make me 8 years old again. will i be in wpb? i would rather not work than go back to that school.

i have to squeeze in all my doctors appts these last few weeks cause if i do move, i'll be without insurance for a lil minute. not cool, especially since i'm going up north.

man. too much to do and think about. and i'm on vacay. i don't think i need all this time to myself.

i just need a sabbatical.

30's the New 20?

2010-07-10T09:51:00.006-04:00

Why something always got be the new-new? Can't we just appreciate where we are? Maybe even take it back? Why come Jay Zee turned 40 so now it's the new 30? Is 30 where it's at? And when Drew turned 30 the other day, why did a 34 y.o we dined with say, "It's the new 20!"?

Did I miss a memo?

Was 20 the hauteness?

Now don't get me wrong, I'd LOVE to re-live my college days, all 2,555 of them. (Well, not alllll of them.) But when Niko (RJ's new boo) made the aforementioned statement, I was INSTANTLY taken back to 2002.

Okay, I turned 20 in May of 2002 so sophomore year was clearly over. I just gotten word I'd be attending FAMU with my brother who just graduated from Suncoast High. In May of 2002, I got my 2nd tattoo, a star on where I guess would be an ovary. Summer 2002, my family and I drove to Hampton to get my things out of storage. I left a note for Martina and BB on a trunk. I really think we drove back to Florida without a word coming out of my mouth.

Summer 2002, the guy I was dealing with starts to show his ass. We go back and forth via snail mail. (LMMFAO) I don't even remember what was said but I come thisclose to telling him, "That's why you weren't my first like I said you were." But I knew I wouldn't be coming back to HU and I didn't want him talking iSht about me while I wasn't there. He stamps, affirms, and confirms my decision to not make my first person anyone special. I could only imagine how I would've felt if he WAS my first. Someone would've had had to die. And it wasn't going to be me.

Fall 2002, first semester at FAMU... interesting. "Does anyone have class here?" Not taking a class but social class.

One thing I did notice was how openly Greek stuff was here. EVERYTHING was claimed with two colors and two years. I thought that was cool.

I shared a townhouse with two chicks I've known forever but mostly from Suncoast. We had lots of fun. Some trying times of course but more fun like making up dance routines and watching the Best man EVERYDAY. We were also walking distance to campus. I dated a guy who was the equivalent of a Student Leader at Hampton. We went to football games together with Kim and her BF (now husband). Dee marched in the 100.

I went to an Oil Spill with Kitty and fell on the ground a lot. I wasn't drunk, there was just hella liq on the floor. Not cool. I NEVER want to fall at parties and look like "that chick". Kitty got bit in the ass. We got barked at and guerilla-style dry humped. My car got broken into and all my CDs were gone. DEVASTATED. I then decided "I don't like Ques." They weren't like the ones at Hampton. FAMU Ques were beyond nasty and uncouth. and the ones from Florida State were extra hype. I assumed they had to prove themselves cause they're crossed at a PWI. Oh Lord, there's a white one too. He wins the title for Too Hype.

Parties at FAM are called Cosmos, short for Cosmopolitans. No one knew what I was talking about when I said I wanted to go to Cabs, short for Cabarets. Oh well, they were fun either way.

Football games are BEYOND a blast at my new school. OMG, the band is the greatest. and I know a lot of people in the band so I make special requests. It's so cool to know so many people from home. I feel like I can be myself. But in classes where I don't know anyone, I'm seen as the bourgie chick. I think it's cause I intro myself as a transfer from Hampton university. well, that's what I was! I'm torn. I hated the pretentiousness of HU, the "keeping up appearances" the full out accepting of being bourgie. You don't have to be stuck up/stank to have class. People were full of themselves at HU. But then I get to FAM and the ghettoness has me shaking my head at every turn. Where am I? Where do I belong? I didn't make any new friends.

Christmas comes, EVERYONE is home. I love not having to catch US Air to come home. I HATED that airline. My hair is long again.

Spring 2003

I'm still 20. The Student Leader I was dating ships out on Valentine's Day. He's in the reserves. I meet the whole family when we go to St. Pete the week before. Cool, his mom ADORES me.

Classes happen, I have a 3.8 gpa, I'm an education major and I love it. I visit my beloved Hampton for CC's bday in February. OMG, I MISS ALLL MY HOMIES! IT'S SO COOL TO BE AROUND PEOPLE WHO DON'T THINK YOU'RE BOURGIE, BUT NORMAL!!

Basketball games are okay... they're in the gym so I feel a bit claustrophobic. HU played in the convocation center which hosted concerts and other big events. Am I really sitting on wooden bleachers like I'm in highschool? Oh well, the Pep Band is great so I have fun.

It's spring time so probates are happening left and right. Virgil crossed Kappa. Everyone is at his probate but I'm on the phone with SL's WIFEY. Yes, the guy I was dating has a main chick. I call Deanne and she can't understand a word I'm saying cause I'm wailing on the phone. She was also at Virgil's probate. She thought I was dying of pain or something. My heart was breaking as if it was made of poorly made glass. It's a bad time for me. I cut my hair for the 2nd time in my life. I look like a Supreme and I love it.

The end of March brings a wonderful party to my life. The Illustrious Champagne Sip. Kitty and I attend our first one Spring 2003. THEE best party EVER. EVAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR! We get dressed up in ball gowns and drink champagne all night? So there. We had no idea how loose it would get. But loose in a good way, not in a Champagne Sip 2004 way. *whew!*

April comes and goes. Exams and graduation come and go. School's out, "summer" is here. SL is still calling me, trying to make things work. I answer the calls as part of my American duty to boost the morale of our military but the feeling is gone. I'm like a hollow heart when it comes to love at this time. One day he calls while I'm at Kitty's and I start fake crying to make him feel bad. I remember why I was dubbed Ms. Drama freshman year at Hampton. He starts crying. But I don't think he's faking. I end with, "Don't call me anymore! Call Shay! *click*" Then, a guy in her section (french horn) who I had been eyeing on stops by and I get him. My motto for the year? "Fcuk the World, literally."*

So that was 20 for me. If 30 is going to be the 2.0 version of that, I'll pass.

*so even though Kitty and I said we were going to fcuk the world, we didn't. *LMAO* I didn't crush on anyone again till the end of Spring 2004.

Birthday Boy

2010-07-08T08:54:00.003-04:00

If y'all know me, you know I make a big deal out of my birthday. If you know Drew, you know he doesn't.

But, if you REALLY know Drew, you'd know he doesn't MIND if someone makes a big deal out of his birthday.

I learned this little thing abt him last year when I was going crazy trying to find an immersion blender for Jameil. There he was moping and wondering what all the fuss was about. I had to get him right on together and tell him, "I make fuss for people who like fuss. Me and Jameil LOVE are birthdays and we make a big deal out of them! Does Target have an iFone app, find me a blender."

Whatever the case, I decided for his 30th, I'd make a 'fuss' over him.

On Tuesday, I told him, "Take a shower at 1230 and wait for me to pick you up". At 1250, I was in front of his place and we were off. He had no idea where we were going. Once we got to Aventura Mall, I told him, "We're getting married today! Go to Macy's and pic out your ring and get fitted for a suit!" When his face didn't show utter and extreme joy, I told him, "Calm down, we're just picking out your band. I'm going to get it for you." We walked thru Macie's when I "realized" we were in the wrong one. "Aa man, we need to go to Men's Macie's! That's on the other side of the mall, isn't it? Well, let's go!"

I'm dragging him across the mall when we get to the Art of Shaving. *Scrrrrrrrrrrr!* "Just kidding! You're getting a shave and haircut!" He started smiling but then the manager ruined it. "Your appt was for 1pm, it's 115. The barber has another appt and he may have to rush. If he doesn't do a good job, it's cause he has another client coming in."

ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? WHO SAYS THAT!?!?

Drew turned to leave saying, "I don't want a bad rush job." and I make a deal. "OKay, skip the haircut, can you do a good job with the beard trim/shave?" Now it was the barber's turn to get huffy.

"I am a professional. I only do good work. Nothing I do is rushed"

Whatever. let your mgr tell it...

I walked around the area for a little while then went back. Drew's eyes were closed so I sat in the room and watched the barber do his thing. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo coooooool! I was smiling and enjoying the show when my brother decides to call. The t-mobile ringtone shot Drew's eyes open! "Daaaaaaaaaah" I muttered and tip-toed out. I pressed 'ignore' but we already lost that meditative feeling. I call Stanley and he just wanted to know what Kitty and RJ thought of his house. See, I took them there the night before. My brother needed affirmation. So cute.

I walk some more and go back to see Drew is finished. His cheeks are rosy and his beard is SHARP! All the fine creams and lotions and tonics and extracts... grapeseed lily flower blossom, japanese palm frond, eucalyptus thorn mush, I don't know!

We walk the mall and I gave him the seersucker shorts he had been eyeing, then we go to a cool sneaker store, check out arden b and then we're out. I stop by holefoods to get some groceries but their prices were killing me. I couldn't even get down like that, I grab watercress and sage. for the rest, Publix it is.

We get back home and i realize I bought broccoli rabe instead of watercress.

DAAAAAAMN YOU HOLEFOOOOOOODS!!!!!!!!! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!

And oh, it is so bitter! nuffin i could do with that! my shrimp w/o roasted tomatoes or watercress salad was looking more like beans and sage. not awesome. although, i did use sun dried tomatoes... meh. i was still pissed abt the rabe.

(tbc)

I'm Sirius

Happy Saturday

*waves*

The Gays

slightly emo stace

NY in NY

Having a Moment...

Smoove Operator

Randoms

Vanity

Christmas Wish List

Update

Epidemic

The Fine Line

Saturday and Sweatpants

i Miss Him

Some Unholy War

Wait, wha?

Faux Bou

Ice Cold

Church Search

Random Thoughts

The Post-It Note

take time to breathe

Mood

Twits

I Survived!

Rants, Ramblings, Whatever

Things I Know Now

An Educator's Rant

dream weaver

pulchrum est paucorum hominum

l'etranger

united colors

Random Thoughts

New Wave

A Nightmare

Thoughts that Cement Why I May Be Considered a B

hoe, siddown

Surreal/So Real

Paranoid

Terra Hades

My Father is Dressing Me!

Knock and the door shall be opened unto thee

Saturday with Sis

Why Not?

United Stace of America

Day 1 of 29

woe

the dr will see you

thoughts

put on a happy face

the unhealthy way

fin

possible new diggs

"No, you don't understand...

i'm still alive

Christmas Menu

Cray-Cray

Holiday!

Dear Santa

What I Learned from Him (1)

the unspoken rift

Random Thoughts

What am I 'posed to be doing right now?

Tricks or Treats

Randoms

Another Page in K.I.R.

The Un-Fun Side

First Day

Stace, Wake Up!

I Don't Understand

Cheaters

Lord, Lordy, Lord

TMI

Three Weeks Ago Today...

Last Night's Dream

Two Weeks Ago Today

One Week Ago

Keepin It Real

waves